Author Topic: Ongoing Struggle  (Read 15069 times)

Matthew

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Re: Ongoing Struggle
« Reply #50 on: January 09, 2011, 03:55:50 AM »
KN: Seconded.

In the Dhamma,

Matthew
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nselkirk

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Re: Ongoing Struggle
« Reply #51 on: January 15, 2011, 02:54:32 PM »
Jeeprs, glad to hear somethings are clearing for you.

I know many meditators (myslef included) that go through cycles where things feel great and one can fall under the illusion we are becoming more 'enlightened' and then we crash and may feel alot of strong unpleasant sensations and we feel we are doing something 'wrong'. Eventually it becomes clear that it's part of the process of meditating and no accurate indicator of progress whatsoever. It sounds like you're having one of those experiences now.

I wholeheartedly agree with dobe's post. When the practice becomes too intense for me I tend to apply myself in mindful activities or hold my mind in a less concentrated way. I think too much intense practice can create too much pressure in a way thats harmful rather than beneficial. Much like trying to force too much water down a small hose, the hose can only take so much at a time, and it needs time to expand.

To me, the application of mindfulness in daily living has been much more profound and important to me than in formal sits. When I started I used to experience large differences between my experience in a sit and my experience in the day around people doing 'wordly' things. Slowly now that particular illusion of duality is fading and bringing the capacities I train in sits into my daily life is the most exciting and empowering reward of my practice.

I don't expect that meditation will ever come easily, and I don't think you should have that expectation either. It probably never will. But it doesnt mean you shouldn't try other things if the discipline so to speak doesn't work for you. The application of mindfulness is about what you do with your mind. The sits are just a method tested overtime that seems to work for alot of people.

You are the best judge of what works for you. I'm sure you don't need me or anyone else to tell you that. But with compassion I suggest you experiment with ways to practice mindfulness, even if its washing the dishes, going for walks, or playing golf. I wish you the best of luck in your progress on your path

Jeeprs

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Re: Ongoing Struggle
« Reply #52 on: January 15, 2011, 08:32:49 PM »
thanks. Very wise and kind advice.

My interpretation of the practice is actually very much in line with what is taught at the SNG retreats and other retreats - practice meditation morning and evening, observe the precepts, abstain from unwholesome actions. Really it is not so hard. But I am starting to understand the dynamic that is going on with me. Whenever I make an effort to commit, and have a number of consecutive meditation sessions, after a week or so certain problematic and unwholesome behaviours appear. Again and again, this convinces me that I cannot go ahead, that I am not suitable for this practice, and so I stop again.  But one thing I have come to understand since starting this post is that there is absolutely no-one else who can solve it.  These are things that I don't want to let go of, even though I know I must. It is a real inner conflict, a battle between self and teaching, but I have nowhere to go, but to go forward with it.

Morning Dew

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Re: Ongoing Struggle
« Reply #53 on: January 16, 2011, 09:32:12 AM »
Quote
I wholeheartedly agree with dobe's post. When the practice becomes too intense for me I tend to apply myself in mindful activities or hold my mind in a less concentrated way. I think too much intense practice can create too much pressure in a way thats harmful rather than beneficial. Much like trying to force too much water down a small hose, the hose can only take so much at a time, and it needs time to expand.


I too agree :) if there is any sort of "effort to achive" it turns into hell. No effort just sitting.

Quote
But one thing I have come to understand since starting this post is that there is absolutely no-one else who can solve it.  These are things that I don't want to let go of, even though I know I must. It is a real inner conflict, a battle between self and teaching, but I have nowhere to go, but to go forward with it.

Hear hear :) you said it my friend. There is no other way but to face it fully and honestly but with as much compassion towards the corrupted self as possible :) you are doing great mate. Keep at it!

Che

Jeeprs

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Re: Ongoing Struggle
« Reply #54 on: March 21, 2011, 02:28:06 AM »
Well I have been a bit more consistent this year, but still finding it very easy to sleep in and not practice. There's nobody around here to give me a kick up the backside, so I will report it here. My intention is to sit twice every day, 6:00am and 6:00pm.  If I am not home from work, I might skip the evening session, but always must make the morning session. That is the commitment I need to make. It is amazing how many excuses the mind can find for not doing it. 'It doesn't matter, it is only one day, you can start again tomorrow....' and so on. Almost every morning, it is the same thing. When I went on retreat, I woke up every day at 5:30 without even having an alarm clock. So this is just plain laziness on my part, there is nothing else to call it.  As I am enrolled in Buddhist Studies for next 2 years, I need to maintain this aspect of the practice for the duration of the course. It is very easy to fritter away the time.

Morning Dew

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Re: Ongoing Struggle
« Reply #55 on: March 21, 2011, 06:18:11 AM »
I dont know if this might help you but I do it this way;

I cant sit as soon out of the bed. I feel too sleepy and need an hour to wake up a bit. I, wash my face with cold water several time, go out for a half an hour walk, have cereal breakfast (nothing heavy) with my vitamins, go and sit for 30, 45, 50 or 60 minutes depending on my mood and time before work BUT I absolutely do end up putting my ars down on that seiza bench EVERY SINGLE MORNING no matter what  ;D

My mind behaves differently (more agitated, restless, wise guy orientated) if I miss the daily morning sitting session.

I do not meditate in the evening, never, and I dont see a bigger difference even when I do. The morning one is the session which brings most fruit into my day :) no matter how restless the session might have been, there is ALWAYS that deep calmness that takes place afterwards which holds almost all day. If I feel a bit too stressed at work I do another short 5 mins WC session and the calmness is continued.

Good man!

Che

Jeeprs

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Re: Ongoing Struggle
« Reply #56 on: March 21, 2011, 06:46:55 AM »
Thanks Che I really appreciate your sharing that. But it is different for everyone. It is something I need to do at that time of day, otherwise it doesn't happen because I am commuting. So here I am just saying it, as otherwise, nobody will ever know if I make the commitment, or keep it, or not. This is one reason for being in the Sangha.