300hours of vipassana to cleanse after sexual interaction with woman

[Phil94]

Hi everyone,
curious to hear your opinions on this experience I had in my last 12 months, I'll try to write it down in compact somehow. It's all my point of view ofcourse.
somehow we are this concious focus point that can move anywhere. I made my 10 day and 3day vipassana in september and december 2019. Afterwards I've been praticing continuesly. In September 2020 I started a yoga teacher training. I've always been more of the intrinsic person and so I was basically simply going inwards during the lectures and absorbing everything, if that makes sense. At the end of that year I started my burnout in my normal job which I quit in june 2020. So there is this woman in this yoga course and she is basically projecting things on people looking at them, she later explained that she wanted to crack me regarding sex, shes intense regarding that. She had sex with lots of men however she has borderline and 4 psychotherapys, took pills, panic attacks, eating issues to name a few.

starting from jan to june my burnout took place, I would drink alcohol in the morning in order to simply autowork without thinking, I would take ice cold showers and did extensive sports.

In may we met for acro yoga 4 days and had intense sex, afterwards I went back into my normal life and counldn't handle a thing, it was going back into another world. During these 4 days (April) I was focusing on my heart area and we had eyes contact for ages and I was sort of taking in everything of her soul as well as her heart and we had intense sex. I have not had sex 2 years before that.
We wouldnt see each other for 2 weeks because I wanted a cut since I was so overwhelmed. The we met again for one weekend and again I cut the contact for 2 weeks, I didnt understand what was going on. It was so absurd. After that we went on vacation for 6 weeks together. It went completly nuts, I'm grateful for this experience but basically we had sex one day and I was completely DONE for the next days, I wouldn't be able to speak, I'd panic, I'd not talk for a whole day.

After that we have not had contact for 2 months, in these months I basically isolated my self from almost everyone except my mum since she does a lot of energetic work. I meditated for hours and hours, had the craziest dreams about snakes, I started feeling my medians and trying to sort my life back. Now I'm at the sea since one week and things come up which I know are from her past. I accept them and let the emotions flow but just 2 hours ago I was crying my eyes out and saying to my self "I dont want to hate my self anymore".

I was always the most positive person ever. Also things happened when I e.g. on vacation said I would want to get a certrain tattoo, a line from my neck to the right ring finger and she was like, thats what I wanted to do too!!

me and my mom started to work up all my relationships to my friends and people I had contact with the last months since I did that sort of focusing more often. One friend of mine later told me, he has burn out every few weeks, he just accepts it and gets a break and the continues..

So my questions.
Anyone with experience regarding memory transfer during sex and these experiences coming up during vipassana?
I managed to handle her soul basically, things that came up like "why am I here" What am I here for" and I went into a dialog in order to fix it and it worked out.
I'm wondering if these questions were still there to her before and I solved them for her or if it was just for me.

I'm thankful for every comment on this, I'm also trying to talk to her to figure things out.

[Quardamon]

Thank you for your impressive and open post, Phil94.
At this moment I cannot go into this, since I had a bit of alcohol on this New Years' Eve, and I am not used to alcohol. I will just mention one thing. It is something that happened to me when I was in a 10-day retreat where everyone had her own separate room. We would only gather for meals, three times a day, and for lectures in the evenings. After a few days, my body would start shaking when I entered the common room for a meal.
In an individual talk, the teacher told me, to name that experience as "contact, contact". (Naming was crucial in the technique he taught, Sayadaw school vipassana. His name was Mettaviharee.) That helped a lot.
That was the only moment that I was taught to name the contact with other people.

And,oh, there was a time that I had listend to a talk of a Tibetan monk, Geshe Lonchong Lhungdup, if I remember well. For me, it was the only time I heard him. A lady there told me, that she came weekly, and that she was very impressed with this monk. She told that after an evening-talk from him, she could not sleep all night. She saw that as something positive and impressive. Two days later I saw Mettaviharee, at his weekly meditation course. He made a remark then about "some monks who cannot keep their energy with them". I felt that he said that for me, and that he was pointing at the Tibetan monk.
I hope to tell you more about my experience with mingling with others at an other time. (That will not be half as strong as what you tell.)
Good New Year's Eve, and Hapy NewYear!

[Quardamon]

Hello again. So you ask: "Anyone with experience regarding memory transfer during sex    . . .    ?"
Well, my wife and I had an experience that might be comparable. It takes a bit of explanation first, so let me tell you. We were both in a small group of white European people that regarded themselves "pipe carriers". "Pipe" is to be understood here as a peace pipe, like of the American Indians of the plains in the USA. There is a symbolism of the bowl  and the stem of the pipe as being female and male. For a ritual smoking of the pipe you put them together, and at the end of the ritual smoking, you seperate them again and put them away. That is the explanation. My wife and I had two instances that while having sex, we together were a peace pipe that was used in a ritual at that moment. Which means: we were used to pray that the people may live.
In this case you see is, that the experience we had, had a landing place in the rituals that we did with the group, and in the teachings that we had had from two or three medicine men. It was holy and impressive, it was also safe. In fact it felt quite logical to visit that place, since I was the leader of that small pipe carrier group.
So, this was not memory transfer, but it was coming together in a different mind space. A place that had borders of its own, and that was safe for us. Whether that is comparable or not, I do not know.

[Quardamon]

You know, Phil94, your post fascinates me. As my fascination is what comes to the fore, time and again, I will tell you why it fascinates me. Maybe that helps you, maybe that helps others on this forum to understand why I react for the third time now.

What I see as theme in you post is: boundaries.
That fascinates me, I suppose, because in my meditations and in my life I see the dopping of borders a a theme. In my meditations dropping the difference between pleasant and unpleasant experiences, for instance. It took me years to learn not to care whether I experienced certain emotions of myself or of a brother of mine (or others, sometimes). At the same time, I did care to stay clear, focused, and to name what was going on.
One of my teachers told me, that vipassana meditation has the effect of becoming more sensitive. I believe, that sexual intercourse can also have the effect of lowering fences.

A different theme that I see is: the place that you come to, to be safe.
In my life, I used to only cross borders if I felt that I would come into a safe place after crossing that frontier. For me, that was so in learning how to handle sex, but also in learning how to meditate, or in learning how to pray. I took time to choose my teachers carefully.
In your story, it is clear that you come to a safe place afterward, in a seperate act: by turning to your mother, and by not seeing the lady for weeks or months.

I take a pause now from what I am writing, and make a remark in between:
Hopefully you are aware of how my tone of writing effects you. I for my part do my best to understand the place that you are in. And the way I am wording it, and the way I am seeing your place, might effect you. So it is proper to sense within yourself, if you are safe.
This was the intermezzo.

So,what I see in your story is a lot of crossing boundaries. And it sounds like that lady is not the proper person to teach you how to respect and honour the fact that there are boundaries. And what are safe ways to cross them. And to point out where is a safe place to be, for that matter. (Even the trainers of this teachers course seem not to care.)

I hope it is not too much, but I want to mention one last thing that fascinates me.
You write: " Now I'm at the sea since one week and things come up which I know are from her past. I accept them and let the emotions flow but just 2 hours ago I was crying my eyes out and saying to my self "I dont want to hate my self anymore". "
I suppose that the sentence that you quote is in fact a sentence of hers - a sentece form her past, or a sentence from her present.
It fascinates me, because it is so much stronger than what I experienced myself. Also, it seems, that she has the ability to push such experiences away and have others digest them.    . . .      But now I am coming on a slippery terrain, a terrain where mistrust and fear live. I do not want to be there.    . . .   
So, let me say, it is proper to know about what you are digesting, if it is of your own person, or of the person of someone else, or a collective thing. And if it is of the present, or it is of the past. Each is possible, in my opinion.

Peace be with you.

Quardamon.