meditation journal

[Follow Your Heart]

starting a meditation journal, i guess it's really just something to keep me grounded in for now - though it's kinda "ego", it's a better gradual transition than the loneliness i feel right now - i feel like i'm so lonely in my life situation right now, so just treating this journal as some support group forum...

goals right now:
generically, i guess right now im trying to maintain... maybe add in some practices like "shamanic breathing", maybe research some other spiritual traditions / techniques later on 'round new year, but now my goal is to up my meditation from 10 to 24 minutes... just gonna journal about how i feel - just some ordinary almost like "therapy / shadow work" journaling haha

alright:
starting with yesterday:
meditated for 20 minutes... did a Do Nothing technique which is the one i've always been using, the one from Shinzen Young, hmm... i feel like it's become almost like routine...? though felt pretty peaceful... like i just sat down then was in peace... idk if thats good or not... i guess in a way i'm "past" that part of my meditation journey, at least with this teachnique where most of the time i jsut sit there going crazy questioning the technique.. haha.. but idk.. i guess ill really tell myself "i'm meditating now", next time i meditate...

peace guys, gonna post later today or nahh probably sometime later this week, ill try to keep as consistent as possible, probably gonna miss a few days or have some quick summaries, but ill try to post about twice a week, and write up my meditation...
love

[raushan]

starting a meditation journal, i guess it's really just something to keep me grounded in for now - though it's kinda "ego", it's a better gradual transition than the loneliness i feel right now - i feel like i'm so lonely in my life situation right now, so just treating this journal as some support group forum...

Good idea.

[Katia]

It is a good idea.  I have a "faith journal" and I include my meditation writeups in that.  Not every time I sit, just when I think there's something to note-- ideas, insights, or even things like "went really well today" or "today was bad; I couldn't concentrate at all and just wanted to get up."  Sometimes it's just a paragraph.  Sometimes it's a page or two.  But it's interesting to go back and re-read it later.

[Follow Your Heart]

hey guys appreciate the (appreciation)? haha
hey Katia,
nice to hear!

update 2:
gonna focus on just the intention, let's see what happens if i say "ok, i am doing meditation now (or i am doing my 'concentration' practice) now, let's see what happens...
as opposed to going cuz i've committed to doing it for life...   :Pahhh god im cocky again...

[Matthew]

Pahhh god im cocky again

Writing this shows that you aren't .. not really. You have insight into the vacuous nature of such attitudes. It's a very good start

[Follow Your Heart]

Update on the last few sessions:

Do Nothing is one of the most enjoyable things possible in life
Feels sometimes like one of the best times in my day, always, infinity potential, infinite possibility, all the models i carry throughout in the day, meaning nothing, cause the present moment makes everything just about relative to it, nothing meaning too much more - really, anything more  :Pthan anything else

Gotta ramp up my time to 24 minutes

[Follow Your Heart]

Meditation update:

this session, vomitted on the floor. was trying to grow and acclimatize to a new norm of eating alot - working out a lot - the whole fitness thing, but noticed a really sneaky and creepy phenomenon:

the thoughts and just center of gravity in general of other people living mith me, people in my family! man, it was like i could feel their inherent biases or limitations of what they thought was possible or not possible in reality, and that just sucked me in, those thoughts just sucked me in, like a vacuum.

perhaps, that's just an indication of just how much more deep meditation i have to do, to develop a baseline level of being present in the face of heavy (really unconscious) limitation and suffering and biases and all this nasty stuff in people all around me.

i mean really in a way i feel like "we" aer all one. like "i" am just (well, compared to at least my 'unconscious' familiy, or mother to be specific) like the head that is, relative to the rest of the body, in a more frontal position, so i guess really part of the job, or the job in essense, is to bring the rest of the body forth, that is to integrate - set clear boundaries and limitations and exposures - but to integrate the rest ofthe body, collective raising of consciousness into more 'Love' or 'unconditional Self - the biggest, least biased, most inclusive self - Love - to love uncondiotionally.'

man, meditation in and of itself is like a field... like beyond some deep spiritual high or insight... i assume... maybe... to develop that baseline presense, that mastery. Mastery. well, more to do, had a good session at the very least today.


**note: sorry in reflection i sound really judgemental here - i guess that reflects (at least a part of "Me" intuits that) i'm still far, far, far away from true spiritual development - i couldn't imagine the buddha or zome zen master sounding like this; i'm just a young student journaling spontaneously in the moment, whatever i feel that moment on the path to mastery in meditation and raising my consciousness
also, i guess if you're still reading this, a question that could have some discussion - and quite frankly i pretty desperately want an answer to (at this moment) is, what is meditation? like just meditation. not self inquiry, not enlightenment, not Love, not any other spiritual insight, jsut meditation, what is that? what are you mastering in that? is 'meditation' something distinct from mindfulness? where there is some sort of definition as an increase in concentration, clarity and equanimity?

love

[raushan]

Seems you have been reading a lot of spiritual garbage. Using all the big words most of those big words will take you away from reality rather than benefit you. Meditation is very simple knowing yourselves.

Before developing oneness (I don't even know what that means) you have to go through your own nasty habits. Your own shortcomings anxiety, fear, shame.

Meditation happens moment to moment. Every moment when you do something, when you talk to someone if you will be aware then you are doing meditation.

The spiritual world outside is 99 percent garbage so don't fall into that trap. You are just 16 so telling you early.

99 percent of teachers out there is fraud. Most of them aren't awake. They may be very popular but they are still frauds. So Be cautious who you are reading and following.

That doesn't mean you should do exactly as I say. Just have your own judgement before doing anything or following anyone.

[Dhamma]

I am not here to judge or run down any particular Buddhist teacher; however, as Raushan has rightly said, the vast majority are frauds or promote false teachings.

I am not sure if all the teachers I listen to are 100% correct, but I use the Buddha's basic teachings to help me decide who I should be listening to.

I particularly like:

Yuttahdhammo Bhikku (Theravada Buddhist monk)
Amy Miller (Tibetan Buddhist nun)
Ajahn Brahm (Theravada Buddhist monk)

There is a really good Zen monk teacher from Japan. He is excellent, though I can't think of his name right now.

There are some controversial teachers who deliver beautiful teachings, but their organization has too much corruption (example: monk/teacher Kelsang Gyatso in the New Kadampa tradition).

Lama Lena is interesting, but not convinced of all of her teachings. Her morality is questionable.


I am familiar with a lot of Buddhist teachers out there, particularly those on youtube.


For those interested in Qigong combined with Mahayana Buddhism, I recommend Mingtong Gu.


Some on here may not agree with what I said. I am fine with that.

Peace and enlightenment.

[raushan]

**note: sorry in reflection i sound really judgemental here - i guess that reflects (at least a part of "Me" intuits that) i'm still far, far, far away from true spiritual development - i couldn't imagine the buddha or zome zen master sounding like this; i'm just a young student journaling spontaneously in the moment, whatever i feel that moment on the path to mastery in meditation and raising my consciousness

love

I think the younger you are the more you are closer to the Buddha or the zen master. The more innocent you are. The less ego and emotional reactions you will have.
The problem is as you'll grow older you will start learning nonsense from adults and you will go away from the Buddha-nature. That's the tragedy for most Human beings.

[dharma bum]

I think the younger you are the more you are closer to the Buddha or the zen master. The more innocent you are. The less ego and emotional reactions you will have.
The problem is as you'll grow older you will start learning nonsense from adults and you will go away from the Buddha-nature. That's the tragedy for most Human beings.

I'm not sure that is true. If you look at children, they show as much of an ego as adults starting from a very early age. In fact, there are good evolutionary reasons for it. Competition for resources is at the heart of survival. Actually, in fact, the surprising thing is that children also show altruistic and empathetic behaviour from a very early age, so it looks like altruistic behaviour also has been important for human evolution.

Not an expert.

[raushan]

I'm not sure that is true. If you look at children, they show as much of an ego as adults starting from a very early age. In fact, there are good evolutionary reasons for it. Competition for resources is at the heart of survival. Actually, in fact, the surprising thing is that children also show altruistic and empathetic behaviour from a very early age, so it looks like altruistic behaviour also has been important for human evolution.

Not an expert.

I mean that's really not entirely accurate that they are close to Buddha. But in general, their minds are less conditioned. They get molded according to the family or society they live in. I do believe that society, family , friends try very hard to program an individual. Family/Parents don't want any bad for their children but if they are conditioned their teachings will be conditioned too. I am not a father so can't really comment much.

[dharma bum]

I mean that's really not entirely accurate that they are close to Buddha. But in general, their minds are less conditioned. They get molded according to the family or society they live in. I do believe that society, family , friends try very hard to program an individual. Family/Parents don't want any bad for their children but if they are conditioned their teachings will be conditioned too. I am not a father so can't really comment much.

That is true. Children learn from imitation and adults reward them for behaviour that pleases them and give negative reinforcement for behaviour that displeases them.

And it's also true that babies are like Zen monks. When they are hungry they cry until they are fed. When they are sleepy, they sleep. When they need to poop they poop. Babies can often seem like wise human beings.

[Matthew]

Meditation update:

...snip...

the thoughts and just center of gravity in general of other people living mith me, people in my family! man, it was like i could feel their inherent biases or limitations of what they thought was possible or not possible in reality, and that just sucked me in, those thoughts just sucked me in, like a vacuum.

perhaps, that's just an indication of just how much more deep meditation i have to do, to develop a baseline level of being present in the face of heavy (really unconscious) limitation and suffering and biases and all this nasty stuff in people all around me.

It is not unusual to become aware of such conditions - and yes, I think you are correct: that it is very present yet full of judgement means there is work to do in establishing baseline levels of calm, tranquillity, non-judgement/equanimity, and compassion ("they know not what they do ...".

...snip...

man, meditation in and of itself is like a field... like beyond some deep spiritual high or insight... i assume... maybe... to develop that baseline presense, that mastery. Mastery. well, more to do, had a good session at the very least today.

Good you had a good session. Mastery may take some time, yet every hour you put into practice on the cushion, and every moment you practice the fruits off the cushion adds up; they all help develop the fruits of practice.

...snip...
 a question that could have some discussion - and quite frankly i pretty desperately want an answer to (at this moment) is, what is meditation? like just meditation. not self inquiry, not enlightenment, not Love, not any other spiritual insight, jsut meditation, what is that? what are you mastering in that? is 'meditation' something distinct from mindfulness? where there is some sort of definition as an increase in concentration, clarity and equanimity?

love

Meditation is lots of things to lots of people. Most here are practicing some form not vastly distinct from the Shamatha-Vipassana instructions linked from the homepage. That's a good place to start. You need to develop calm, from calm comes peace .. tranquillity .. acceptance ... equanimity ... and insight. It's a "bootstrapping process": the more you put in the more you get out in terms of wholesome fruits of practice - and the above qualities work together and grow together.

Fundamentally the forms of meditation practiced by members here are about developing these wholesome and skilful qualities to put them into practice in our day to day lives.

[mobius]

I mean that's really not entirely accurate that they are close to Buddha. But in general, their minds are less conditioned. They get molded according to the family or society they live in. I do believe that society, family , friends try very hard to program an individual. Family/Parents don't want any bad for their children but if they are conditioned their teachings will be conditioned too. I am not a father so can't really comment much.

That is true. Children learn from imitation and adults reward them for behaviour that pleases them and give negative reinforcement for behaviour that displeases them.

And it's also true that babies are like Zen monks. When they are hungry they cry until they are fed. When they are sleepy, they sleep. When they need to poop they poop. Babies can often seem like wise human beings.

I've had this thought a lot as well. I often think; our society today is structured largely around money and other material and non-wholesome goals and by people with all kinds of conflicting goals. In other words; not exactly devised to get us to attain happiness, at least any kind of meaningful or lasting happiness. And we're dealing with so much pain in our society and it's obviously (or seems obvious to me) this is the cause.
An example is most people's work environments. People can't poop or eat or sleep or make friends or do a lot of healthy things they should be doing (or do them *when* they should) because their schedule simply doesn't allow it.
It's times like this when I start considering leaving everything in my life behind and moving to Thailand to become a monk or something. Seems like the obvious simple but incredibly difficult choice.

[Dhamma]

Good post, Mobius.

We're chasing our delusions all the time, thinking they are going to lead to eternal happiness.

Happiness is not external. It's a state of mind.