My experiences

[Dhamma]

Analysis works against us - it only sets us up for severe Monkey Mind Syndrome.

Let all just be - simple to understand, but hard to apply implement, isn't it?

Go with the flow. Fighting against the current only creates more suffering.

Easier said than done, but we all have the ability to do this. We all give into the strong urge to analyze, ruminate, etc. Do we have to, though?

Let the mind "just be."

Peace and enlightenment.

[Matthew]

So I found one of my state where I am not aware inside I feel so busy so anxious but outside my output is very less. The amount of anxiety I carry sometimes leads to no work at all or the low quality of work. Fear how will you do this, this and this.

Is it really fear of how you will achieve things? If you look deeper you may find that it is fear of how others will perceive how you have done (or not) done things.

But today morning I was aware when I was walking to work and I realized that how it's effecting me. I instantly felt peaceful when i let  go some of my fear.

This is a shift of your sense of self from being externally located (in how others see you - dropping that fear of "not-performing") to being internally located (how you see yourself). This is so important: anxiety and depression are primarily driven by an external locus of self-worth; peace and calm, acceptance, are primarily driven by an internal locus of self-worth.

I think hard work with anxiety produce low quality of work.

This is one hundred percent true Raushan.
 

Also, I think I will stop reading books from now until it's really important. I feel that it adds lot more thoughts in the mind.

It does.

I want less and less thoughts in my head. Every tweet I read, every news article I read, every conversation I have create the stream of thoughts.

Yes!

Brings me back to what I wrote to you a few weeks back:

However below we may feel from others but I guess rather than trusting another's idea and try to imitate it it's best to listen to our own hearts because when I do that I feel peaceful.

That's a wonderful discovery on the path Raushan. You know where to look next for peace. Within.

[raushan]

Thanks Matthew,

Yes I am not sure yet but I guess this fear arises due to the comparison mode.

Yes, When I am in touch with my internal then I feel more peaceful. The thing is now I am at the point where my own intuition is in direct conflict with the outside world. In the society whom we call the successful people their advice or the best selling books advice or the the self help books advice are in conflict with my intuition at many places. And I start to think may be they are right because I am not a popular guy. I start to follow that and I realize it later it's not working for me.

Thanks Matthew, it's beautiful to be reminded to be grounded within with awareness.

[raushan]

Analysis works against us - it only sets us up for severe Monkey Mind Syndrome.

Let all just be - simple to understand, but hard to apply implement, isn't it?

Agree with you on this. Too much analysis can work against us. Trying to improve anything is basically the ego-building. All these things seem very counterintuitive to how everyone advises us.

[Matthew]

...,
Yes I am not sure yet but I guess this fear arises due to the comparison mode.

It does arise due to comparison, so, the thing to know about this:

Yes, When I am in touch with my internal then I feel more peaceful. The thing is now I am at the point where my own intuition is in direct conflict with the outside world. In the society whom we call the successful people their advice or the best selling books advice or the the self help books advice are in conflict with my intuition at many places. And I start to think may be they are right because I am not a popular guy ...

Is that the only person you need to be popular with is yourself. "To thine own self be true". From this acceptance by others flows naturally.

To survive in the world today, you need to accept yourself by becoming at peace with yourself and insightful. Then you put on an act for the rest of the world, while not really giving a second thought to how you are perceived, because by acting with morality, compassion and truthful insight you will be the best you possible.

Much love Raushan. Drop all those toxic ideas of "who you should be" that society pushed into your mind: they do not serve you well.

[raushan]

Is that the only person you need to be popular with is yourself. "To thine own self be true". From this acceptance by others flows naturally.

To survive in the world today, you need to accept yourself by becoming at peace with yourself and insightful. Then you put on an act for the rest of the world, while not really giving a second thought to how you are perceived, because by acting with morality, compassion and truthful insight you will be the best you possible.

Much love Raushan. Drop all those toxic ideas of "who you should be" that society pushed into your mind: they do not serve you well.

Thanks Matthew. I agree with you on all of this. Yes I have lots of ideas that I am carrying that I need to drop. Those are only making me more tense.

[Dhamma]

To survive in the world today, you need to accept yourself by becoming at peace with yourself and insightful. Then you put on an act for the rest of the world, while not really giving a second thought to how you are perceived, because by acting with morality, compassion and truthful insight you will be the best you possible.

Much love Raushan. Drop all those toxic ideas of "who you should be" that society pushed into your mind: they do not serve you well.

Dear Matthew,

Of all the things that I've read coming from you -- this is at the top. That is real Dhamma wisdom. Wow!
This is something I really needed to hear.

Peace and enlightenment.

[Matthew]

Thanks Matthew. I agree with you on all of this. Yes I have lots of ideas that I am carrying that I need to drop. Those are only making me more tense.

It's a process Raushan: one needs to find the equanimity and calm to then investigate these habituated patterns and deconstruct them; what emotions and expectations do they involve or trigger; where did they come from (usually society, culture, and family); what is wholesome?; what is merely a social construct?

Of all the things that I've read coming from you -- this is at the top. That is real Dhamma wisdom. Wow!
This is something I really needed to hear.

Monkeys and typewriters maybe Dhamma ... I've been processing the dharma and typing it here so long it's bound to hit home sometimes 😉

Glad to know you both found this helpful.

[raushan]

Going back to the basics of meditation. Our mind or ego whatever we call is very clever. In the disguise of that I need to progress as fast as possible and multiple other random thoughts I didn't realize I have been creating more thoughts in the mind rather than helping myself.

I will be again ignoring thoughts and return to the breathing. I will also follow what's Matthew shared, the link from accesstoinsight.

'Breathing in long, he discerns, 'I am breathing in long'; or breathing out long, he discerns, 'I am breathing out long.' [2] Or breathing in short, he discerns, 'I am breathing in short'; or breathing out short, he discerns, 'I am breathing out short.'


I have felt very calm and peaceful before while doing the Samatha meditation. Yesterday felt same kind of feeling while doing it.

[Middleway]

Breathing in long “is like this”
Breathing in short “is like this”.

 

[raushan]

Breathing in long “is like this”
Breathing in short “is like this”.

 

  True.

[raushan]

Real meditation is in the day to day life. Sitting 1 hour daily on the cushion does bring continuity in the practice and relaxation for some minutes.

But our life is shaped by our daily day-to-day activities. Each moment how we react. When a colleague says something to us than how our mind reacts. or How we start to get angry when someone disrespects us. How we forget everything and let anger take over.

How we take someone's comments too personally. How we react when we aren't able to solve a problem we are facing. That's when we need to be aware. As J Krishnamurti says that we have to be aware each moment to moment. How our mind works in relation with other people. We need to know every subtle aspect of it then only there is hope to be free. Otherwise, the mind works 24 hours without wasting any time to imprison us.

We need to do the same. It can be one of the most difficult tasks we have done in our life. But I guess there is no choice.

When we start to get serious in the practice we start to see all the old patterns coming up again to derail us. The things that caused so much pain in the past will come out of the blue in the other form and then we need to be aware that are we reacting the same as before. If so then life won't change much in the future.

[Dhamma]

@ Raushan:

You know the truth. You know "intellectually" what it is; in fact, you have a great understanding of it. The problem is, is that we have to apply in everyday life, minute to minute. That's what you are alluding to above: knowing something well, but not being able to practice correctly in everyday life.

Truth is never realized until we know it "deep in our bones."

A Buddhist monk once said (Tibetan): you can understand emptiness intellectually. But until you know it deep in your bones, it's just an idea.


Peace and enlightenment.

[raushan]

Hi Dhamma,

These are more like a notes to myeelf for reminder. Not to tell others what to do. I am definitely at a beginning stage and there is lot to see so I can't really preach others. Right now many of my understanding is intellectual and haven't felt deep into bones.

[Matthew]

Hi Raushan,

Both formal practice and the always mindful approach are beneficial. On the cushion you are really putting yourself under the microscope: developing calm, equanimity, peace, and insight - these fruits of practice are easier to achieve when sat still and anchoring mindfulness in breathing in and out; they become honed.

Off the cushion we truly put them to work in our thoughts, words and actions. We give them power by using them, developing them further.

The 'space' around arisings that calm, peace and equanimity bring allow us to apply insight in daily life: to breathe, relax, feel and understand what is happening, before choosing what to do. In this way we move from being reactive (habitual, not thought through, not insightful) to being responsive (true to reality, thought through, insightful).

So, the two work hand in hand, much like your hands when washing each other: you can't just wash one hand very easily! Try it!

So yes, we learn these wholesome skills both on and off the cushion. It's not one or the other. Both make a difference, though of course, where we can see that difference most clearly is in daily life where we have the mirror of other people and how we affect them with our way of being.

Much metta,

Matthew

[dharma bum]

Work life actually provides a lot of opportunities because we are constantly bombarded with opportunities for insecurities.

One time I was working with a coworker D, who was technically the team leader. Once I objected to something he had done, upon which he came to my desk and started yelling at me, so everybody was made aware of the conflict. My manager T called me in a meeting to find out what had happened. He made it clear that he was on my side and I think he didn't like D. I suggested to T to let it go and that it was not a big deal, to which he agreed. So I started again to work with D and soon forgot about the fight. Another time, in a meeting when somebody questioned D about something, he panicked and shifted the blame to me. After the meeting I said to him "hey you threw me under the bus there" and laughed. At which, he shifted the blame to someone else. Anyway, I just let it go and forgot about it. It didn't bother me very much to tell the truth. But when the time came for the annual review, I put D's name as a reviewer, so I indicated to him that I still trusted him inspite of all our fights.

D is now one of my best friends at work, but I still think he will throw me under the bus if he panics. Anyway, I just wanted to mention that I would have dealt with the situation poorly if I hadn't been meditating all these years. In general, I don't get worked up too much when there are conflicts. Part of it is just age, but a lot of people don't mellow with age. Some people get more and more cranky.

[Dhamma]

Good post, Dharma Bum.  You saved yourself a lot of trouble and agony by not being aggressive and reactive. The reactive mind can get us in so much trouble, leading to unbelievable suffering.

Emptiness is a great concept to help us not give in to the reactive mind. It also is super helpful in dealing with difficult people.

I rarely engage in conflicts these days (only when it's absolutely necessary, or when I truly believe something has to be said). Meditation and Buddhist teachings have shown me the futility and silliness of it all.

A lot of older people certainly don't mellow with age. lol. Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age.

Peace and enlightenment. 

[dharma bum]

Emptiness is a great concept to help us not give in to the reactive mind. It also is super helpful in dealing with difficult people.

Some years ago, I worked for a couple of bad bosses. I still feel haunted by the memories of my days. I feel like I got caught between the two impulses to stand up for myself and let it go so I ended up doing neither.

[Dhamma]

Emptiness is a great concept to help us not give in to the reactive mind. It also is super helpful in dealing with difficult people.

Some years ago, I worked for a couple of bad bosses. I still feel haunted by the memories of my days. I feel like I got caught between the two impulses to stand up for myself and let it go so I ended up doing neither.

I want to offer you compassion, dear dharma bum.

Nothing exists inherently, even our most terrible memories and feelings.

It is comforting to know that my darkest moments are not inherently existing  - and neither are yours.

[Matthew]

Emptiness is a great concept to help us not give in to the reactive mind. It also is super helpful in dealing with difficult people.

Some years ago, I worked for a couple of bad bosses. I still feel haunted by the memories of my days. I feel like I got caught between the two impulses to stand up for myself and let it go so I ended up doing neither.

Emptiness is a great concept. It's entirely different as an experience, a realisation.

[dharma bum]

It is comforting to know that my darkest moments are not inherently existing  - and neither are yours.

It is quite true. Over the course of the years I have come to realize that there is always something haunting me, so there is some darkness in my mind and it is always filled by something or the other. If it was not this, it would be something else.

[raushan]

I am staying aware more than earlier. I literally feel like dead if I am not aware for long time when I suddenly realize it. We lose so much not living the life consciously. There are literally infinte things which can pull us if we aren't conscious.

[Dhamma]

Emptiness is a great concept. It's entirely different as an experience, a realisation.

Absolutely.

[raushan]

I think we create too many believes and rules in our life. And until the very later in life we realize how those rules are preventing us from growing. Its rule can come from culture or family. It's a belief system we borrow from others.

Maybe it's not our fault that we carry those beliefs but we still suffer and pay the price. I sometimes wonder if life really can be beautiful?  A continuous moment of serenity, peace not temporary. Temporary peace I have felt many times it feels good at the moment but it's no use. Because it's not permanent. When it's not permanent we think after a moment of peace we think let's get back to the real world. We think the noise is real life. That's currently most of the people thinking is.

But is it really possible to achieve peace? Absolute freedom from the noise?

[raushan]

It's scary. The mind knows our wounds where they are. And it pokes it when we get too cocky. We can't be heedless at any moment otherwise it brings us back to where we are.

It's almost become a mental habit to blame things on the people and events of the life. But it is never the events and the people in life. It's always from our own mind the conflict arises however false it seems but it's the truth. The anxiety mind creates when we dare to go where the mind is afraid to go.

The identity we create about ourselves is so strong sometimes it's amazing. The identity can be anything. Being lazy is also an identity we create of ourselves. And once we create the identity the mind fights tooth and nail to protect that identity.