Author Topic: My experiences  (Read 4024 times)

raushan

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    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
My experiences
« on: June 24, 2021, 12:04:55 AM »
I am thinking to record my meditation-related experiences in this thread. I think it might be useful to others as well as to me. It's a kind of journal. It shouldn't be taken as advice or suggestion or criticism by other users of this forum. Since I am not very clear about my situation. I know I am experiencing things but can't really describe anything with 100 % certainty. So take whatever I write as a grain of salt.

« Last Edit: June 24, 2021, 12:13:43 AM by raushan »
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

Dhamma

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Re: My experiences
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2021, 05:39:11 PM »
I am thinking to record my meditation-related experiences in this thread. I think it might be useful to others as well as to me. It's a kind of journal. It shouldn't be taken as advice or suggestion or criticism by other users of this forum. Since I am not very clear about my situation. I know I am experiencing things but can't really describe anything with 100 % certainty. So take whatever I write as a grain of salt.

I hope you are doing better, dear friend.

I sincerely wish you happiness. :)


It is my deepest wish for all us to fulfill our deepest for happiness.


Peace and enlightenment.
May we see the emptiness of all phenomena

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2021, 01:37:50 AM »
Hi Dhamma,

Thanks for asking. Yes I am doing better. I am back on track. Me too wish you happiness. I hope your meditation practice is going well.
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2021, 01:46:08 AM »
I have been using the meditation in every facet of my life. Earlier my goal was just to do meditation and hopefully I will be happy. But I find if we really have control over our mind we can make our life so much better. Even in day to day life I find I am addicted to so many things.

I have started asking question Why to myself for everything. If I am thinking about past/future I know the intellectual answer that it's no use to do that but still my mind thinks.. So I ask why myself then let my mind find the answer however time it takes. Sometimes I get the answer and it really helps me.

Why shouldn't I procastinate? Why shouldn't I consume suger? Why shouldn't we should get fat? There are scintific answer for everything, there are intellectual answer for everything but when we try to control it based on scientific knowledge it takes lot of will power but I believe all these things naturally to our understanding. We should know how much should we eat? What should we eat?

We have become Robotic society/ Like Automaton takes scientific evidence for smallest of things but starting to realize that's not the best way to live.
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2021, 06:31:13 AM »
I have been reading J Krishnamurti books sometimes. His writings I find wonderful. He often talks about not having any authority in the jouney of realization. He tells to discard everything. Every teaching and every knowledge and look for the truth by yourself. Truth has no patent on it. Every person can discover the truth within themselves if they learn to know how to look for it.

I feel interaction with others or taking any ideas from outside hinder us in our progress rather than aiding it. I am not sure about it because I still read books. Krishnamurti says to not read books at all. He says to read our own books which is mind.
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2021, 09:31:58 PM »
Life has got busy. Started the part-time work. Shifted to Berlin. As that work will require much responsibility. Temporarily staying in a hostel with a shared bed. It's difficult to be mindful in such chaos. I have tended to slack in these few weeks in the meditation department. But internally I realize it would be a huge mistake. Because meditation has saved me in some of the worst places.

Damn, I find it very difficult to be mindful and be fully productive in my work. Although many people say it can be done but I don't know-how. Why can't we be mindful all the time. I can clearly see even when I focus on my work if I am aware I would be wasting so much time thinking unnecessary things.

I don't want to limit my meditation to 1 hour a day because inherently I feel that will do nothing. But at the same time, I can't do anything else.

“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

Dhamma

  • Member
  • May we all fulfill our deepest wish for happiness
    • Vajrayana/Qigong/Theravada
    • Everything is somehow just fine!
Re: My experiences
« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2021, 02:52:54 PM »
Life has got busy. Started the part-time work. Shifted to Berlin. As that work will require much responsibility. Temporarily staying in a hostel with a shared bed. It's difficult to be mindful in such chaos. I have tended to slack in these few weeks in the meditation department. But internally I realize it would be a huge mistake. Because meditation has saved me in some of the worst places.

Damn, I find it very difficult to be mindful and be fully productive in my work. Although many people say it can be done but I don't know-how. Why can't we be mindful all the time. I can clearly see even when I focus on my work if I am aware I would be wasting so much time thinking unnecessary things.

I don't want to limit my meditation to 1 hour a day because inherently I feel that will do nothing. But at the same time, I can't do anything else.


Dear Raushan,


Have you considered doing some Qigong movements?  They can really help to re-balance your emotions so you can meditate once again without such a struggle, and thus see more clearly.

You can do this. You will find the inner strength. You will see clearly.

With love and compassion, and wishes for your enlightenment,
Dhamma
May we see the emptiness of all phenomena

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2021, 04:43:42 PM »
I will see what it is. I don't know what is  Qigong movements. thanks for sharing it.

With Metta
Raushan
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
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  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: My experiences
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2021, 12:23:25 PM »
Hi Raushan,

Glad to hear you have found some work. As you say, the accommodation is temporary, and so that factor will change.

At work I think it is possible to bring mindfulness to the work itself, stopping every thirty or forty minutes to bring it back to body andd breath for a minute or two - this way you can be "in the zone" for working but not fall into habits of poor posture or shallow breathing that are detrimental to your productivity. The other option open to you is 'toilet meditation' which I've written about before - a simple search will lead to that.

It's all about finding the balance for yourself, and what is optimal for your circumstances.

Maybe I'm mistaken yet in your words I hear a seed of self-criticism/self-doubt that I've heard from you in some previous posts. Don't beat up on yourself - you are juggling competing demands on your time and energy and finding balance isn't always simple: we are flawed beings, and doing your best is enough.

Best wishes,

M
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: My experiences
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2021, 12:25:49 PM »
PS I second the idea of movement/meditation in action. Qigong or Hatha yoga are both helpful. As can be a game of football or running.
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Siddharth

  • Member
    • unlearning, relearning and letting go
Re: My experiences
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2021, 05:59:42 PM »
yeah. a couple of years ago I was in a similar situation. my hostel surrounding were not conducive to living a peaceful life and I visited a park to meditate in open and run a couple of miles. I hope you can find rest and comfort in your environment.
And what is good, Phædrus,
And what is not good...
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2021, 09:25:35 AM »
Hi Raushan,

Glad to hear you have found some work. As you say, the accommodation is temporary, and so that factor will change.


Yes soon i will be moving in the apartment.

Quote

At work I think it is possible to bring mindfulness to the work itself, stopping every thirty or forty minutes to bring it back to body andd breath for a minute or two - this way you can be "in the zone" for working but not fall into habits of poor posture or shallow breathing that are detrimental to your productivity. The other option open to you is 'toilet meditation' which I've written about before - a simple search will lead to that.


Yes Matthew you had suggested this me earlier. This time I will actually implement it. I feel I am in some kind of loop and circle. I am kind of at the same place and structure but  it's fine. Work is good for me. But I will try to change the overall structure of my life slowly so that I won't have to depend on a structure.

Quote

It's all about finding the balance for yourself, and what is optimal for your circumstances.

Maybe I'm mistaken yet in your words I hear a seed of self-criticism/self-doubt that I've heard from you in some previous posts. Don't beat up on yourself - you are juggling competing demands on your time and energy and finding balance isn't always simple: we are flawed beings, and doing your best is enough.



That's true. Yes I think various thing is competing for my attention right now. I can't decide which one should take the priority. In turn create some unproductivity.
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2021, 09:28:54 AM »
yeah. a couple of years ago I was in a similar situation. my hostel surrounding were not conducive to living a peaceful life and I visited a park to meditate in open and run a couple of miles. I hope you can find rest and comfort in your environment.

Yes Berlin has lot of parks. I can surely do it. But are you able to be mindful while you work? I guess that's the most important thing for me what I am trying to do. I have tried both ways becoming mindful most of the day and not being mindful all the day I can see how much quality of my life changes just because I am not being aware. Has anyone else noticed it?
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: My experiences
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2021, 12:50:02 PM »
I have tried both ways becoming mindful most of the day and not being mindful all the day I can see how much quality of my life changes just because I am not being aware. Has anyone else noticed it?

I experienced an example of this yesterday. I was helping a friend start building a website for her new business. I'd recommend the host we use here - they aren't the cheapest in the world yet the service is excellent, and I've always found the customer service to be great. We both got a bit excited about working on it and then, when we placed the order for her domain name and hosting, something went wrong.

When I called customer services the guy who answered was not up to their usual standard. He was t talking down to me and saying things I knew were not true. He wouldn't listen. Due to being agitated/excited I was not as mindful as I could have been: usually I can easily resolve such a situation calmly, but it just escalated. In the end I asked for one of the bosses to call. I really let my mind become agitated by it.

When I put down the phone, it took me a few minutes to calm and then I turned to mindfulness, naming the feelings and perceptions that were coming up. Ten minutes later I found my balance again. It is easily done to lose oneself at such times, yet the more practiced the easier it is to come back.

It was all resolved satisfactorily when the head guy called. He was thoughtful and kind, I was at peace: I explained what I needed, and how the other guy had behaved. He did what needed to be done, and refunded our hosting costs for the year, and for my friend, by way of apology.

Generally speaking I try to bring mindfulness to the mundane things in life as much as I can: brushing my teeth, washing the dishes, tidying the house, when conversing with another: all these moments are opportunities to anchor experience in the present.

It's not all about becoming a master meditator on the cushion, often it's these simple things that make a difference for me, in the moment to moment quality of experiencing.
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2021, 09:13:58 PM »

When I put down the phone, it took me a few minutes to calm and then I turned to mindfulness, naming the feelings and perceptions that were coming up. Ten minutes later I found my balance again. It is easily done to lose oneself at such times, yet the more practiced the easier it is to come back.


Yes Matthew that's exactly the kind of experience I had. These small things make a huge difference in life. Especially in my family life, I have seen How much does it help to have the mindfulness to maintain a good relationship. Also if we let our mind reign free it creates a chain of reactions that come later and bite us back.

Quote

Generally speaking I try to bring mindfulness to the mundane things in life as much as I can: brushing my teeth, washing the dishes, tidying the house, when conversing with another: all these moments are opportunities to anchor experience in the present.



Yes, I agree these are the great times to be aware also when I am traveling from one place to another. There are a lot of things that start pulling me but lately, I have been feeling it's best to trust our own guts. However below we may feel from others but I guess rather than trusting another's idea and try to imitate it it's best to listen to our own hearts because when I do that I feel peaceful.
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: My experiences
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2021, 02:41:04 AM »
Quote
However below we may feel from others but I guess rather than trusting another's idea and try to imitate it it's best to listen to our own hearts because when I do that I feel peaceful.

That's a wonderful discovery on the path Raushan. You know where to look next for peace. Within.
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Siddharth

  • Member
    • unlearning, relearning and letting go
Re: My experiences
« Reply #16 on: August 13, 2021, 04:10:35 PM »
following our heart is the best way to learn about ourselves as well. sometimes our thoughts contain vanity and idealism which when we put to practice, we slowly realize were at the very least impractical at our current ability. Sometimes following our heart lead to cognitive dissonance, but ultimately a deeper understanding of who we are and where we stand. This also helps us understand others better and have abstract compassion for the existence..

Other times we may realize the emptyness of many social conventions and opinions and find freedom and peace within... In any case, I am yet to find anything which is more valuable in the long run than understanding of our self and cultivating the ability to live truly in peace..

rn, I am sitting in my room at my house(I live with my parents.) and someone who has in the past caused my psychological trauma but is a relative is visiting. I had feeling of intense hatred, fantasies of letting them know etc.. and suddenly due to my practise of observing sensations, I observed how tense my forehead was, and my jaws..and slowly I was at peace, breathing very calmly as I write this... letting go of what is not important, reacting only in ways that is resonating with long term peace...these are all fruits of identifying the suffering that we carry within and project around us....remaining aware 24x7 was more of a desire than an aim for me  as I became more aware and humble about my current state on the path... at present I do not have such idealistic desires and am content with small "victories", when I am able to see how I am choosing to harm my sense of peace and act in ways which increases my serenity..

reading Camus, Nietzsche, Kafka has also provoked certain observations about how I live my life...if calm and awareness get overwhelming for you, you might also benefit from contemplating on thoughts of people before us..
« Last Edit: August 13, 2021, 04:12:52 PM by Siddharth »
And what is good, Phædrus,
And what is not good...
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #17 on: August 15, 2021, 09:46:45 AM »
following our heart is the best way to learn about ourselves as well. sometimes our thoughts contain vanity and idealism which when we put to practice, we slowly realize were at the very least impractical at our current ability. Sometimes following our heart lead to cognitive dissonance, but ultimately a deeper understanding of who we are and where we stand. This also helps us understand others better and have abstract compassion for the existence..


I agree. Yes there are two types of voice going on in our head. I also wrote a blog post on this. So, this leads to cognitive dissonance. It's not always easy to identify which voice is coming from the heart and which ones are the borrowed from others especially for me.

Quote

Other times we may realize the emptyness of many social conventions and opinions and find freedom and peace within... In any case, I am yet to find anything which is more valuable in the long run than an understanding of our self and cultivating the ability to live truly in peace..


Yes, I agree. Even I am also slowly realizing anything which is costing us our peace isn't worth pursuing.

Quote


rn, I am sitting in my room at my house(I live with my parents.) and someone who has in the past caused my psychological trauma but is a relative is visiting. I had feeling of intense hatred, fantasies of letting them know etc.. and suddenly due to my practise of observing sensations, I observed how tense my forehead was, and my jaws..and slowly I was at peace, breathing very calmly as I write this... letting go of what is not important, reacting only in ways that is resonating with long term peace...these are all fruits of identifying the suffering that we carry within and project around us....remaining aware 24x7 was more of a desire than an aim for me  as I became more aware and humble about my current state on the path... at present I do not have such idealistic desires and am content with small "victories", when I am able to see how I am choosing to harm my sense of peace and act in ways which increases my serenity..


That's a beautiful example of how Meditation helps us. These things save us from harm which we may inflict upon us unknowingly. Keeps our decisions rational. Especially if we can practice it from the moment to moment it will be very helpful. We won't be reacting anymore.
I understand that you are content with your current state of the practice.

Quote

reading Camus, Nietzsche, Kafka has also provoked certain observations about how I live my life...if calm and awareness get overwhelming for you, you might also benefit from contemplating on thoughts of people before us..

Yes, I do read classics from time to time. Currently reading Fyodor Dostoevsky's books. Reading also has a soothing effect on me. I am planning to pick the next Kafka.
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

dharma bum

  • Member
  • Certified Zen Master (second degree black belt)
    • vipassana
Re: My experiences
« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2021, 02:24:33 AM »
Sometimes at work, I listen to youtube videos of some monks. Ajahn Brahm makes me loosen up a bit, take my job less seriously which actually makes me work better. As Matthew mentioned, a good posture while sitting appears to be important for both mental and physical well-being. Taking short breaks in which you do nothing for 5 minutes - just mindfully drink tea/coffee/water/nothing and do nothing else but breathe. For lunch, go away from workplace and have lunch mindfully, or with friends. On stressful days, a mindful lunchtime walk makes a huge difference.

I try to form routines that involve walking away from the desk. For eg. if I need to print something out, I would print it to the farthest printer in the building and then I would walk slowly to the printer. I take the stairs whenever I can. I try to slow down the brain.

These are some of my strategies. Everybody needs to figure out what works for them. Walking works for me because I can be more mindful when walking rather than sitting.

Berlin is a beautiful walkable city. I would have loved to live and work in Berlin as a young person. Enjoy your time Raushan.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2021, 02:27:35 AM by dharma bum »
Mostly ignorant

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2021, 09:25:30 PM »

Yes, I tried today the straight posture. Modified the chair. I actually was more mindful just by changing the posture. But couldn't maintain the posture for long.

Those are some nice tips and tricks. It's nice you're trying to find the time between your work. I guess it's a good sign that we all are actually actively trying to find a way in the busy life to be mindful. It means everyone here has seen the benefit of it.

Quote
Berlin is a beautiful walkable city. I would have loved to live and work in Berlin as a young person. Enjoy your time Raushan.

Yeah agree it's a beautiful city. It has advantage of being a big, metro city but it's not so crowded as Bangalore, Mumbai in India.
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: My experiences
« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2021, 11:20:49 PM »

Yes, I tried today the straight posture. Modified the chair. I actually was more mindful just by changing the posture. But couldn't maintain the posture for long.


It gets better with time 🙂
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #21 on: August 18, 2021, 05:39:54 PM »
A line by Albert Camus.
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

Siddharth

  • Member
    • unlearning, relearning and letting go
Re: My experiences
« Reply #22 on: August 19, 2021, 08:03:19 AM »
A line by Albert Camus.
So relatable and beautiful. I would modify the last line that within me there is something that is never pushed or pressured. It does not push back as well. It simply is. Calm and aware and full of warmth.
And what is good, Phædrus,
And what is not good...
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #23 on: August 19, 2021, 08:56:46 PM »
I would modify the last line that within me there is something that is never pushed or pressured. It does not push back as well. It simply is. Calm and aware and full of warmth.

yes, I agree.
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

raushan

  • Member
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: My experiences
« Reply #24 on: August 25, 2021, 08:59:01 AM »
So I found one of my state where I am not aware inside I feel so busy so anxious but outside my output is very less. The amount of anxiety I carry sometimes leads to no work at all or the low quality of work. Fear how will you do this, this and this.

But today morning I was aware when I was walking to work and I realized that how it's effecting me. I instantly felt peaceful when i let  go some of my fear.
I think hard work with anxiety produce low quality of work.
Also, I think I will stop reading books from now until it's really important. I feel that it adds lot more thoughts in the mind.

I want less and less thoughts in my head. Every tweet I read, every news article I read, every conversation I have create the stream of thoughts.
« Last Edit: August 25, 2021, 09:01:01 AM by raushan »
“The man who knows that he lives in a prison will find a way to break free of it. But the one who believes that he is free while being imprisoned will remain imprisoned forever.”

 

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