Author Topic: Procrastination ...  (Read 930 times)

Matthew

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Procrastination ...
« on: April 20, 2021, 08:38:53 PM »
Procrastination is a bastard. I've been paralysed by it for a week. I think it's to have a rest from going through the grief.

I can always have that fight tomorrow, so says procrastination  :D

What do you find helps if you hit the wall of "why do now what you can put off until tomorrow"?
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Middleway

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2021, 09:22:37 PM »
I say to myself that I will do this one small thing (relating to the task I am procrastinating) and get started. Before I know, I find myself in the middle of it enjoying working on it.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Thanisaro85

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2021, 02:42:00 AM »
I went thru 3 weeks of agony and i sort of give up on myself momentarily,  is this procrastination as well? Living in betrayal whole of my bloody life.....ah...hatred arises...
A Mind Unshaken, when touches by worldy matter, sorrowless, secure and dustless, this is the ultimate great blessing~ Mangala Sutta

Matthew

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2021, 01:15:19 PM »
Thanks guys. I needed a break from dealing with the grief that was arising, yet I'm not giving myself a hard time about it. At the same time I can still pick myself up and do the dishes, go for a walk, etc.
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raushan

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2021, 11:59:34 PM »
I guess the better question would be why do we procrastinate? As we know there is cause and effect relationship. I try investigating it unsuccessfully. But I am sure we can reach that state where we won't be bothered at all by procrastination.

It's all very confusing. I feel laziness can arise for a genuine reason and also just for an imaginary reason. It's important to discern when it is what.

Matthew

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #5 on: April 23, 2021, 01:33:15 PM »
I guess the better question would be why do we procrastinate?

A very good question. In this immediate circumstance my answer is that I needed to control the flow of grief that felt overwhelming. I've achieved that now. I can play some more with it.

Quote
As we know there is cause and effect relationship. I try investigating it unsuccessfully. But I am sure we can reach that state where we won't be bothered at all by procrastination.

Yes! I'm reading about Adlerian philosophy/psychotherapy at the moment, and have found one of Adler's central tenets to be very empowering. It somewhat turns the cause and effect relationship on its head compared to how we usually view it.

The attitude is that any behaviour we engage in is to meet a current goal we have chosen (perhaps not consciously). So, being depressed and staying at home, for example, may achieve the goal of not risking social rejection or awkwardness.

That doesn't deny the past, as the past is a conditioning aspect of the present (in this case it might condition the fear of rejection), yet it does bring focus into the present as the locus of where we can take action; where we can choose to be different, whenever we want..

This choosing to be different is simply a matter of seeing how current goals help or hinder us; and then changing the goal to one which is more beneficial (wholesome).

Quote
It's all very confusing. I feel laziness can arise for a genuine reason and also just for an imaginary reason. It's important to discern when it is what.

It is confusing. With this current book I'm reading I am gaining a new and different perspective, another lens to look at things with. I find it quite profound. Too long I've defined myself by conditioned past - and that has become a prison. I feels as if someone has given me a key ...

The book is "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi. It can be downloaded as a PDF from here at no cost.
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raushan

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2021, 03:20:10 AM »
Hi Matthew,

I have also started reading this book. Yeah, it's really giving a different perspective. And I can't refute what is written there. It's a different way to think. Thanks for sharing this book.

Raushan

Matthew

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #7 on: June 26, 2021, 10:28:18 PM »
The floodgates to grief were opened in me over the last week. My next door neighbour, and very dear friend, is dead.  We lived next door for five years, and knew each other for a while before that coincidence occurred. Two or three times a week we would meet at home for coffee and talk about life, politics, music, the path, and much more. He was not Buddhist, more Pagan, yet he was a gentle, kind, compassionate, and thoughtful man. I will miss him greatly.

Two friends and I broke into his house and found him, dead in his bed. It was a shock. I had raised the alarm as he hadn't got back to me in two days. It was very shocking. He had passed rigor mortis and his body was grey and starting to bloat a little.

I could barely touch the grief when we found him last Thursday. I cried a bit. As the shock has worn off, which has taken over a week, I find myself crying a lot and my stomach in a knot.

Non-attachment. Non-self. Blah blah blah .. it's easy, until it is not.

Everything will be OK: impermanence is a lived reality; "This too shall pass".

Very sad, yet please no condolences. Has anyone else been grieving recently? How do you cope? I went numb for a week ..
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

raushan

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2021, 03:27:14 AM »
Hi Matthew,

What I will write maybe you don't want to hear it right now or maybe it's not the best way to put it but I will say it.

I will say I think We humans are kind but Life/Nature is ruthless. If we don't understand the way of nature we will suffer. Now it's clear he was your friend You can't suddenly detach yourself from it. So this pain will take its due course.

But recently In my inner exploration what I have realized any time I am suffering there is only one thing to do look inside myself and ask what I am not seeing. What belief or thought I am holding which is making me suffer. The real peace you will get when your own mind will understand the situation as it is. Other person word gives us the few moments of peace but it's very temporary and often false. My experiences are or suffering may not as grave as yours but I believe the same principle can be applied.

Instead of going with the motion of griefs and emotions try to come with face to face and see it is for what it is.

If you feel some kind of talk therapy will be helpful to you then maybe you should seek it. I guess that can be really helpful.

I haven't faced such kind of grieving recently with God grace. My family members and close friends are fine. So it may not be the best answer for your situation. But this is the best I could think of.

Sorry for your loss.

raushan

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    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2021, 09:58:33 AM »


Non-attachment. Non-self. Blah blah blah .. it's easy, until it is not.

Everything will be OK: impermanence is a lived reality; "This too shall pass".


Also the problem with these statements are that these are truths but only for those who have realized it. It's truth for Buddhas not for us. So, living life based on a fabricated concept of which we have no understanding of will be a grave mistake. Same goes for the concept of rebirth and all.

That's why I have developed slight disdain for Goenka and many other Buddhist Organization. I feel it's very wrong to preach of which a person has no personal experience of.

Before seeing the truth of non self we have to see many immediate problems and truths like in your case grieving. If we haven't resolved our acute issues how can we jump to the non self.

Also from my little experience whatever I experienced from my practice that truth when finally we realize is vastly different from what one may have imagined. It's so different that we almost want to go our old self. We get depressed and we want to have our old self back. Over the years seeing people I have realized that people are cunning and they are very good in hiding from someone else and from themselves. We trick ourselves all the time. We do some stupid shit and we call it middleway path. We distort the truth based on our conveneience.

Like non attachment for example I am no way non-attached but I see sometimes the glimpse what it may be. I don't know why I see just the glimpse.
But I will say, we are attached becuaes we want to be attached. When we say detachment then we have to be detach with everything good and bad, Pain and pleasure everything simultaneously otherwise it won't work. That's how our mind works. But most of us want to be detached with the suffering. We don't want suffering, when it come knowcking to the door but we are fully involve when there is happiness.

A non attached person might be a billionaire or next day he lose everything it shouldn't change even a little bit of that person mental states. That's the true non attachment.

It's easier said than done. Most people who practice menditation even they won't want that if they look truly look deep into their subconscious mind.

Even the person who have meditated for very long might still be playing the game. That's the truth.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2021, 10:10:20 AM by raushan »

Middleway

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2021, 11:51:23 AM »
Has anyone else been grieving recently? How do you cope? I went numb for a week ..

This pandemic took it’s toll on my family and relations too. Three of my relatives passed away. Two of my brothers and their entire families got infected but recovered. All through this time, I kept on watching my mind and saw how I was grasping that is resulting in my suffering. I could not help myself not grasping each bad news but what I found was that the recovery was quick. The wisdom kicked in faster each time and suffering was short lived.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Alex

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #11 on: June 27, 2021, 02:08:21 PM »
Has anyone else been grieving recently? How do you cope? I went numb for a week ..

I find myself working with (childhood) grief and sadness a lot. Well, old and present feelings combined I guess.

I have a tendency to hypo-react... shutting down, withdrawing. Often I assisted myself to go numb, in a number of ways unfortunately.

When the feelings themselves are subdued, I often stay with the physical sensations, for me it’s often a heaviness, all-round, or more locally in front chest area. Staying with that, I gradually come to clearer sense of what's going on, and to a clearer expression.

Aside the obvious “being aware” while going through the feelings moment to moment, and continuing normal self-care and activities as best I can, I’ve learned ways to recognize the pain and the sadness (this seems the most important part for me, the recognizing and experiental knowing what's going on). And expression... to selected people close to me (other people's presence helpes me greatly), in my journal, in “authentic movement”. Sometimes an image arises, then I draw it, add some words and I hang it on my “issues wall” (a wall were I hang quotes or images that speak to the issues that I’m currently working with).
It's a process of coming and going.

Laurent

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2021, 09:43:13 AM »
My cat died three months ago.
It might not sound like a cat, but it was a very friendly companion
with whom I lived almost every day of my life for 6 years.
So that's a big void.

What I notice is that I am only sad when I think about it.
It is deeply connected with thoughts. Think about the past.
On the one hand I can let go of these thoughts easily, but there are many
triggers linked to the place of life.
In addition, I have always found that the grief of losing a loved one
is a painful feeling, but a noble one. Through meditation it would be
probably possible to skip it, but I don't really want to.
I also find that there is something about grief that uplifts rather than degrades.
I find it a wonderful feeling. It would be difficult for me to abandon it.
This is arguably one of the deepest attachments in our human condition:
consider that the pain we feel must be felt; no way
to escape it because that would be a proof of inhumanity.

Matthew

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Re: Procrastination ...
« Reply #13 on: July 01, 2021, 11:39:39 AM »
Thanks all. There's much to reflect on in your words. I am applying mindfulness to the process. There is much going on, including triggering underlying grief that has not been processed before. I stay with the emotion without getting caught in it now.
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~