Author Topic: Any tips for high stress situations or for when uve done it wrong for a while...  (Read 987 times)

dharma bum

  • Member
  • Certified Zen Master (second degree black belt)
    • vipassana
I think we dont really respond to others. We mostly respond to stuff in our own heads that are triggered randomly by others.
Mostly ignorant

Alex

  • Member
This is rhetorical I am guessing - though perhaps worth expanding upon a little. A key outcome of following the path is a reduction in reactivity and an increase in responsiveness: less habituated/conditioned doing, and more being in the now. Being in the now naturally leads to responses which are mindful and compassionate: they take in the others' truth more clearly, rather than your conditioned interpretation of it.
 

Yes, rhetorical, but definitely worth expanding. This is how we stay out of destructive interactions. And how you can co-create a true (at least deeply felt) sense of connection, belonging, safety.

Somewhere in the middle? Or perhaps separation is all an illusion ... I'll let you know if I ever open the final door beyond all confusion ;)

Hehe… please do! ;) I seem to be less concerned with this final goal the last few years. Might shift again some day though.

Alex

  • Member
I think we dont really respond to others. We mostly respond to stuff in our own heads that are triggered randomly by others.

So what happens if we become more and more conscious of this and learn to stay out of this conditioned and automatic reactions to what is triggered? What becomes possible then?

On the receiving end, I can sense the difference between someone who is present with what I’m saying, and someone who gets caught up in what is triggered. (This in return triggered very vulnerable feelings inside of me, so I would pull back or blame, creating destructive patterns. This gradually changed.)

I also clearly remember the first time being “truly” heard by another human being. And actually also the first time that someone was truly present with my body (physical therapist by the way not to give you ideas ;))
Maybe feeling truly heard or felt is more accurate. Something in me was probably able to open as well, and able to feel it.

Siddharth

  • Member
    • unlearning, relearning and letting go
I think we need conversations as one can encounter in the movie: my dinner with andre.
That is what art was supposed to be!
And what is good, Phædrus,
And what is not good...
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?

dharma bum

  • Member
  • Certified Zen Master (second degree black belt)
    • vipassana
Quote
So what happens if we become more and more conscious of this and learn to stay out of this conditioned and automatic reactions to what is triggered? What becomes possible then?

On the receiving end, I can sense the difference between someone who is present with what I’m saying, and someone who gets caught up in what is triggered. (This in return triggered very vulnerable feelings inside of me, so I would pull back or blame, creating destructive patterns. This gradually changed.)

I think detachment towards praise and criticism is a big deal in Buddhism. A couple of years ago, I used to be on FB and tried to cultivate detachment towards Likes etc. But I don't think it worked - I am very happy to have abandoned that battle.
Mostly ignorant

Siddharth

  • Member
    • unlearning, relearning and letting go
I think detachment towards praise and criticism is a big deal in Buddhism. A couple of years ago, I used to be on FB and tried to cultivate detachment towards Likes etc. But I don't think it worked - I am very happy to have abandoned that battle.

interesting that you tried to develop detachment towards likes. I always saw detachment as a natural outcome of understanding. So while I notice detachment towards a lot of things in me naturally, It is mostly because of something like this : I realize I am craving something, and I realize how I am suffering, and the craving automatically fizzles out, as it is clearly self harming.. this happens very fast, and only sometimes.
I guess for me detachment, however much has developed has been due to the fundamental understanding that I am suffering, by seeing exactly how. This also brings realisation that people around me are also suffering, and that reduces the weight I give to their actions(It rarely makes sense to take their actions personally) + I have developed a little more compassion in general.

all this sounds fancy, but happens only sometimes. plenty of attachment in me currently.

What did you consciously try to do in order to cultivate detachment towards fb likes, when you were on fb ?

regards,
Siddharth
And what is good, Phædrus,
And what is not good...
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?

dharma bum

  • Member
  • Certified Zen Master (second degree black belt)
    • vipassana
Quote
What did you consciously try to do in order to cultivate detachment towards fb likes, when you were on fb ?

I reminded myself that Likes and the absence of Likes have a certain effect on me and that they don't really matter.

An extension of this is at work. Certain meetings on say Wednesdays have a certain effect on me, say, they fill me with dread. Then if I remind myself before the meeting that the meeting has this effect on me for the past several months and the feeling is transitory and passes a couple of hours after the meeting. Then the strength of the negative feeling lessens.

I remind myself that there have been thousands of moments of stress over my lifetime and they come and go.
Mostly ignorant

Alex

  • Member
Quote from: Geeta Iyengar (yoga teacher)
It is the practice that brings the secrets to you. No teacher can give you the secrets.

This comes from another tradition (yoga), but the message is crystal clear. Tips and teachers can help along the way, but it's practice that cultivates the good stuff. D.I.Y. ;)

dharma bum

  • Member
  • Certified Zen Master (second degree black belt)
    • vipassana
Quote
This comes from another tradition (yoga), but the message is crystal clear. Tips and teachers can help along the way, but it's practice that cultivates the good stuff. D.I.Y

This is quite true in very simple ways.

For example, all the teachers say you have to "let go" or "not grasp". But what does that mean?

"Be detached" - I understand what it means to be detached, but what is the process of being detached? How do I make myself be detached.

So what you do is try things out and then check. This works and that works, but it takes a long time. And then it stops working. Then you try something else. We can have the world's best teachers, but it is no good if you don't do the work yourself.

The converse is also true. You can have the world's worst teachers, but still make progress. :)
Mostly ignorant

Username


Siddharth

  • Member
    • unlearning, relearning and letting go
:D

please elaborate more if you are interested in having discussions on this forum, username. At this point there is zero tolerance for any passive aggressive behavior. the onus is on you to participate in a healthy way.
And what is good, Phædrus,
And what is not good...
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • KISS: Keep it simple stupid.
    • Getting nowhere slowly and enjoying every moment.
What Siddharth wrote.

Do you wish to learn something about yourself and the world? Do you have anything to say aside from passive aggressive waffle?
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Username

Id just like to say that everyone knows who you really are, there are many like you. Narcissists.

We know the cold reality, you at your PC with multiple accounts, being angry and sad. 

We see that you, we dont see the illusion you try to give us of a great person (fictional and time will show you that) Or of a troll that tricked you (Your way of getting out of your great person image which is obviously false which is why you need the troll fake persona get out of it in the 1st place)

WE ALL KNOW. WE ARE NOT FOOLED.

yet another small damaged boy

Bye to the good ones that helped me, ive left  this forum now,  take care bros :)
« Last Edit: March 30, 2021, 05:35:31 PM by Username »

raushan

  • Member
  • from India
    • S. N. Goenka switched to Samatha Forest Tradition
We wish you well Username. May you be happy and peaceful.

Metta from All.

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • KISS: Keep it simple stupid.
    • Getting nowhere slowly and enjoying every moment.
Id just like to say that everyone knows who you really are ...

I'd like to ask what on earth you are going on about, but you have been banned, not before time (and not by me). I have never had multiple accounts on this forum, or anywhere.

Your delusion has been clear from your posting for some time. I hope you find the right help out there.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2021, 10:23:12 PM by Matthew »
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

 

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