Fear of not reaching to destination

[raushan]

I sometimes get into the fearful mode that what I am doing will never lead me to ultimate arrival. Although I can see I have improved but I start having doubts in the mind. I watch sometimes Sadhguru videos. I have actually done his 1 program, Continued for 9-10 months. It was very helpful. I get into comparison mode that current isn't working the same way as the other meditation. Also when I speak with people practicing other traditions it creates doubt in my mind.

Also, I don't act the way I want myself to act in day to day life. Could you guys please throw some advice on how to get out of this doubt? This doubt become too strong sometimes.

I feel like I am transitioning between two states of mind for a few months both are at the extreme not reaching the middle-way. Please ask for clarification if required.

[raushan]

It's like I am clearly able to see the things I am doing is not correct. But I am not trying to correct it. It's like I don't want to correct it. But that makes me more fearful.

[Matthew]

Although I can see I have improved but I start having doubts in the mind.

..

I feel like I am transitioning between two states of mind for a few months both are at the extreme not reaching the middle-way. Please ask for clarification if required.

Doubt arises: we examine the nature and arising of the doubt to defeat it. Moving between extremes won't lead to a middle path.

I sometimes get into the fearful mode that what I am doing will never lead me to ultimate arrival.

You seem to be clinging to the future and to an imagined version of self in this future. It doesn't exist: a projection based in thinking, founded in mind, forged in mind. A projection borne of mistaken identity with projection of a future "you" and mistaken identity with process as solid fact.

Perhaps it is more helpful to continually bring yourself back to the present, to how you are manifesting wholesome and unwholesome qualities moment to moment in your daily life. How mindful are you when making food, doing the dishes ... washing your hands, reading a book?

Also, I don't act the way I want myself to act in day to day life.

See above!

if I have misunderstood please clarify.

In peace,

Matthew

[raushan]

Also, I don't act the way I want myself to act in day to day life.

See above!

if I have misunderstood please clarify.

Hi Matthew,

My question was in the context that, suppose if we tell our mind that we want to wake up at 6 in the morning. Why we can't do that as soon as we decide that? Why we have to go through multiple failures to form this habit? Why there are certain thoughts which have a strong grip and even after multiple tries it's difficult to overcome them?

[Matthew]

My question was in the context that, suppose if we tell our mind that we want to wake up at 6 in the morning. Why we can't do that as soon as we decide that? Why we have to go through multiple failures to form this habit? Why there are certain thoughts which have a strong grip and even after multiple tries it's difficult to overcome them?

Raushan,

The simple answer to this is that the synaptic firing patterns in the neurons in our brains are strengthened by use and weakened by absence of use. These are neurochemical and physical patterning that lay behind thought and action.

Attempting to change anything takes time and repetition: it is as true regarding changing the mind as, for example, building a regime of fitness training for the body. We have to work consistently to overcome the old patterns of neurochemistry and physical arrangement of synaptic processes and to "reprogram" the mind, both in regards to mental and physical goals.

The brain gets hard-wired over time and with repetition, yet this process and the wiring can be changed, with consistent effort to not engage in those things we wish to diminish the power of, and to engage more in those things we wish to enhance the power of.

It works on all levels: with meditation, generation of compassion, changing thinking habits, physical habits, social habits. With all these things one is engaging in reprogramming the neural/chemical networks of the mind, and during the reprogramming there is much "resistance" experienced, simply because those old patterns that we wish to change have strong connections and affinity at the beginning of the process, whilst the new patterns we wish to embody have weak connections and affinity at the beginning of the process.

It is simply a matter of applying oneself consistently to deny any further strengthening of the old habits, and applying oneself consistently to grow the new connections that will facilitate the new patterns/habits we seek to establish.

It's not rocket science, it is, as Goenka says, "brain surgery" - of a kind.

The keys are to be compassionate towards yourself, equanimous towards "success" or "failure", whilst striving diligently to make the changes we wish to make. Development of calm, concentration and insight (Shamatha, Samadhi and Vpassana) all help to make these changes speedier and easier. That's why we practice developing such qualities, so that we can become masters of the mind and not it's slave.

I hope that helps,

Matthew

[Middleway]

Raushan,

I suggest you listen to the following Dhamma talk by Ajahn Chah. It is the most comprehensive talk I heard to date discussing the path from start to finish.

The Collected Teachings of Ajahn Chah - Audiobook | Part 3 – Ch56 – The Path To Peace on Podbean, check it out!

This will clarify all your doubts. Listen to it a few times.

In the Dhamma,

Middleway

[raushan]

Hi Middleway,

Thanks for sharing it. I listened to it once. I could relate to a few things. Will again listen later.

In Peace,

Raushan

[Dhamma]

Raushan,

Zen Buddhism talks a lot about why goals are ultimately ego-based. Goals feed the ego. Quit trying so hard (another Zen teaching). Learn to be more in the present. Perhaps do more walking meditation. Just be!

Even wanting reasons why we practice and do what we do as Buddhist is ego-based. Our minds will never let us rest, as no reason will ever satisfy us.

Just be and all will be clear.

Wishing you enlightenment.

[raushan]

Raushan,

Zen Buddhism talks a lot about why goals are ultimately ego-based. Goals feed the ego. Quit trying so hard (another Zen teaching). Learn to be more in the present. Perhaps do more walking meditation. Just be!

Even wanting reasons why we practice and do what we do as Buddhist is ego-based. Our minds will never let us rest, as no reason will ever satisfy us.

Just be and all will be clear.

Wishing you enlightenment.

True, I need to be more present in day to day life.

Thanks
Raushan

[Middleway]

Raushan,

Zen Buddhism talks a lot about why goals are ultimately ego-based. Goals feed the ego. Quit trying so hard (another Zen teaching). Learn to be more in the present. Perhaps do more walking meditation. Just be!

Even wanting reasons why we practice and do what we do as Buddhist is ego-based. Our minds will never let us rest, as no reason will ever satisfy us.

Just be and all will be clear.

Wishing you enlightenment.

Hey Dhamma,

What do you mean when you say “be in the present”? Where else can we be? I can be angry only now, I can be happy only now, I can be day dreaming only now. What exactly do you mean when you say stay in the present?

Also, you ask to “just be”. I can be either happy, greedy, joyful, frustrated, jealous, dull or excited. Do you mean I cannot have these feelings or thoughts? If I am these right now and “want” to “just be”, am I setting myself a goal?

Please can you elaborate what you mean by “staying in the present” or “just be”.

You are wishing Raushan enlightenment. Are you not setting him up for a goal when you do that?

Thanks in advance.

Middleway

[Dhamma]

Raushan,

Zen Buddhism talks a lot about why goals are ultimately ego-based. Goals feed the ego. Quit trying so hard (another Zen teaching). Learn to be more in the present. Perhaps do more walking meditation. Just be!

Even wanting reasons why we practice and do what we do as Buddhist is ego-based. Our minds will never let us rest, as no reason will ever satisfy us.

Just be and all will be clear.

Wishing you enlightenment.

Hey Dhamma,

What do you mean when you say “be in the present”? Where else can we be? I can be angry only now, I can be happy only now, I can be day dreaming only now. What exactly do you mean when you say stay in the present?

Also, you ask to “just be”. I can be either happy, greedy, joyful, frustrated, jealous, dull or excited. Do you mean I cannot have these feelings or thoughts? If I am these right now and “want” to “just be”, am I setting myself a goal?

Please can you elaborate what you mean by “staying in the present” or “just be”.

You are wishing Raushan enlightenment. Are you not setting him up for a goal when you do that?

Thanks in advance.

Middleway

The past and future are not real - only the present is.  May our minds remain more in the present.  We spend a lot of time in the past and the future. Sit with whatever is at the moment, whether it be a sensation, thought, etc., and then acknowledge it and gently let go.


Goals are not inherently wrong, but they are ego-based, and cause suffering. They also project us into the future, which is not even real. When we are focused on goals too much, we cannot be present.

I wish enlightenment in the sense that we may all see more clearly in the present moment; that we may awaken to the present moment and stop living in the past and future, neither of which are even real.

I am simply passing on what I learned from Zen teachers.

I have a serious issue with ego delusion, so I do not like to give too much personal advice. I prefer to share what I learned from Buddhist teachers.

Peace and enlightenment.

[Middleway]

Thanks for this Dhamma. One more question. I am presently deluded by my ego. Therefore, I don’t see things clearly as they are. So, I want to remove my ego delusion. Is practicing to remove my ego delusion not a goal?

Thanks again,

Middleway

[dharma bum]

I'm probably wrong (because I'm not especially knowledgeable) but I think the way Zen practisioners get around the problem is to say that we're already enlightened and there is therefore no need to seek enlightenment.

[Middleway]

Either we are seeking enlightenment or seeking to end our suffering. Both may be one and the same goal. We are lost and moved away from our true nature which is unconditioned mind or original mind. This original mind is our home. We lost our way. Now we need to find our way back home.

So we watch the mind, investigate this delusion that is obstructing our way home. We try and figure out where the root of the delusion is. We seek to cut the root of that delusion that is in the way. So we practice. We put in effort. We watch.

[raushan]

I personally find to be aware of our suffering is the preferred way to go. If our mind is not peaceful if some thought is going on them mostly we are suffering. So I tend to be aware in my day-to-day activities.  There is always something that tries to create anxiety or sorrow in our minds. Nobody likes to live in anxiety or fear or doubt or anger. These are the elements we deal with everyday most of the time. We can apply what we learn from sitting practice there to solve those problems. I guess that will itself lead us deeper and deeper.

I feel the stronger we realize in our mind the first noble truth that "There is suffering", the more determined we become to end the suffering. This realization of the first noble truth itself is difficult to come.

Once we realize that there is suffering then we should meditate upon there is the cause of suffering that will lead us to the root cause of suffering(why anxiety arises, why anger arises). I guess reaching the second noble truth itself is a big milestone. I am not even close to the second noble truth.

I may be wrong but that's how I interpreted it.

[raushan]

I would say Buddhism is very much goal-oriented. There are clearly defined destinations. We need to develop the right concentration to know the full extent of dukkha. If we don't have the right concentration and right awareness we will miss how we are suffering. Once we see the dukkha we will see the cause of the dukkha then we develop Prajñā (wisdom). Once we develop the Prajñā. Then we develop the right understanding then we can see the noble eight file path. I believe without Prajñā it's not possible to know the eightfold path correctly. Once we follow the eight-fold path it may lead us to the destination probably. At that time probably We have to let go of the desire for enlightenment.

So these are just how I find it should be but don't clearly know. Maybe as I will walk the path I will develop more understanding. Correct me if I am wrong anywhere.

[Middleway]

Hi Raushan,

Yes, Buddha emphasized on ending of suffering rather than attaining enlightenment. Noble eightfold path is geared towards ending of the suffering.

Ajahn Chah in his talk I referenced previously very clearly outlined the path. He addressed correct way to practice, he addressed shamatha / vipassana, he pin pointed the original mind and explained what to do to get there. I did not come across any other teaching that is simple, direct and comprehensive (in the sense of start to finish). Brilliant teaching!

Listen to this talk once in a while. When the mind is there, it will pick up the subtleties in the talk. This will greatly deepen your practice and understanding.

In the Dhamma,

Middleway

[Dhamma]

Thanks for this Dhamma. One more question. I am presently deluded by my ego. Therefore, I don’t see things clearly as they are. So, I want to remove my ego delusion. Is practicing to remove my ego delusion not a goal?

Thanks again,

Middleway

Always being focused heavily on a goal is frowned upon, no matter what school of Buddhism you turn to.

In Zen, you don't strive for enlightenment - you awaken to it.  Sure, you practice and practice (zazen), but you don't dwell on reaching a destination, as there is no destination. Enlightenment is every moment of awakening.

I'm no Zen expert, but this is what my Soto Zen teacher would say.

By the way, I don't identify as Theravada, Zen or  Tibetan. I take from all three.

[raushan]

Have to read zen probably. Yeah I agree it approaches differently by seeing some koans. dharma bum which country are you from?

[Matthew]

Always being focused heavily on a goal is frowned upon, no matter what school of Buddhism you turn to.

No it isn't. the dying words of the Buddha were "strive diligently for your own salvation". That is a goal. Clinging to a goal is frowned upon, yet this frowning upon is clinging to aversion.

Third noble truth: "there is a way our of suffering", fourth "that way is the path". That is a goal and method.

Goals are inherent in Buddhism.

The problem is that most people incorporate them into their ego, instead of dissolving ego: this is why some schools try to use methods that pretend there is no goal, such as in Zen. However, no-goal is also a goal.

This is the Gordian knot of Buddhism that Middleway pointed to:

One more question. I am presently deluded by my ego. Therefore, I don’t see things clearly as they are. So, I want to remove my ego delusion. Is practicing to remove my ego delusion not a goal?

We make a decision with ego to work on reducing then cutting the influence of ego.

[dharma bum]

I read this somewhere - it is like you set your GPS to your destination for a long journey, but you don't check every 10 minutes if you are going in the right direction. Maybe more appropriately for the Buddha's time, you set your destination to the North star, so you are going in the right direction without trying to go in an absolutely straight line.

If the Buddha were to suddenly appear today, I think he would be pretty mystified by Zen. raushan, i'm from the same country as you.

[raushan]

raushan, i'm from the same country as you.

Oh, nice to know. Did you learn the zen meditation in India?

[dharma bum]

Raushan I don't do Zen meditation but because I tend to read a lot, I have all sorts of useless incomplete information in my head.

This is a fun book to read
https://www.amazon.com/Empty-Mirror-Experiences-Japanese-Monastery-ebook/dp/B00K9O53RC

[raushan]

Thanks for the recommendation. Your bio says the certified zen master. So I thought you have learned it from some monastery.

[dharma bum]

just a joke Raushan. I am only an idiot, not a Zen master.