Author Topic: irritation/aversion not felt before  (Read 277 times)

mobius

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irritation/aversion not felt before
« on: December 09, 2020, 03:12:03 AM »
Couldn't think of a good way to title this thread...

At my job I work near a person who has a very irritating laugh and this person laughs constantly; just about every time he talks he laughs. He's actually a nice person and pretty jovial but I've realized of late he's not as wise or as jovial a person I once thought; but still a decent human being, and honestly better than a lot of other people I work near. What compounds the problem, I believe, is I work near at least one other person who is much less jovial and very irritating for a number of reasons and the laughing person is often getting mocked by other people who laugh in a purposely irritating way, then he laughs back in retaliation. This ends up happening over and over, every single day so every day has become just a non-stop circus. Someways I feel like I'm working in a carnival with a bunch of clowns. I feel the need to put on headphones and listen to loud music just to drown out the sound.

I'm well aware of how quickly irritation/anger fades away when you do not feed it. Indeed; as I'm writing this it seems not nearly as bad as while it is going on.

But here's the real dilemma: while this had been going on for a long time now, years in fact; I've only begun to notice myself getting very irritated by all this recently, in the past few weeks. I'm not sure if it's getting worse; which it may be. Or if it's because the person I work next to talked about this to me recently (saying something along the lines of; these people are driving me crazy with this), so he's influenced my behavior? Or if I had been irritated but suppressed it and now I noticed it better than before. Or if it's something else?

If I didn't allow myself to get irritated before; why is it happening now?

Maybe the answer lies in something else related I've noticed;
The other irritating person I mentioned; they bothered me, or I allowed them to bother me for a long time, now that all this is happening; that person still bothers me but not as much. Obviously(?) my "attention" is being taken away from that irritation to this new one. ??

What should I do to calm myself and practice/ how can I let go of this irritation?
« Last Edit: December 09, 2020, 03:13:36 AM by mobius »
"Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away."
-Hakuin Ekaku

"I have seen a heap of trouble in my life, and most of it has never come to pass" - Mark Twain

dharma bum

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Re: irritation/aversion not felt before
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2020, 02:11:59 AM »
using earphones to drown out the noise works for me.

When I am in the company of small children who sometimes whine or cry over something trivial and I get irritated. Sometimes I ask myself why exactly am I irritated. I can't come up with a good answer. It is just some sound that my brain processes and finds irritating. When I think of the noise as just some random sound, it (sometimes) stops bothering me.
Mostly ignorant

Thanisaro85

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Re: irritation/aversion not felt before
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2020, 03:21:06 PM »


What should I do to calm myself and practice/ how can I let go of this irritation?

There are 2 ways in this practise.

One is guard your mind. If you pay attention to your mind and body the moment you wake up and all day long. This irritation don't have much chances to arise. Because the mind is busy attending to itself, it has no chance to get angry with external things. One have to be vigilant on this, not that easy but better way.

The 2nd is to allow things to happen, but quickly catch the aversion feeling and know that it is just sound which in buddhism sense, no point holding to it, and it will pass. This is not a preferred  way becos most of the time, before we are aware, we were already burning with fume, and sometimes we are not even aware until a few hrs later ;)

Our minds are still meddling with worldy matter, judgement and forgot why are we in the practise. Busy finding other ways to overcome this situation,going a big round but forgetting to watch the mind.



A Mind Unshaken, when touches by worldy matter, sorrowless, secure and dustless, this is the ultimate great blessing~ Mangala Sutta

Alex

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Re: irritation/aversion not felt before
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2020, 02:34:13 PM »
Maybe by repeatedly drowning out the sound, you've not allowed yourself to feel this irritation. And now, this colleague has made you more aware that it irritates you, has made it more real, and you can't simply drown it out anymore..

If mindfulness is strong, and irritation disappears as soon as you 'catch' it, then fine.
If not, you can aim for calm or letting go. And you might also allow the irritation to be there, to let you feel it, the felt sense in the body, the thoughts and images that appear, what reactions or tendencies come up. Really getting to know this experience of irritation. And maybe later also reflect on the meaning.

It may be interesting... And maybe then did you choose an excellent title!  ;)

Dhamma

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Re: irritation/aversion not felt before
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2020, 06:48:10 PM »
All I can say dear friend is that I can totally relate. I get easily irritated by people because I have very bad social anxiety, although I am not a shy person.

I think Thanisaro85 gave good advice, although it can be difficult to get immediate relief, as the mind needs to be trained over time.

I almost lost my mind with a neighbor couple several years ago. They were demons from hell. They played sick mind games.  But the situation came to end, like all situations do (impermanence of all phenomena).  I know there is no such thing as an enemy, as we all know that enemies don't exist inherently in ultimate reality.

Best advice: what Thanisarro said; put headphones on, but without "attachment" to them; see the emptiness in "enemy" or "disliked" person; see the emptiness in the annoying traits/sounds;  know that all phenomena are products of causes and conditions. It's all impermanent somehow, too. I know it sounds ridiculous but try watch your mind as best as possible. I know the feeling you're experiencing as I am human like you. It's terrifying, and sometimes you think you are going to lose control. The mind is so, so powerful. We are slaves to it.
 
I cannot be around people who talk politics. I clear the room immediately.

This world is so polluted with noise. It's hard to see past all the noise. It's why retreats deep in the forest are so important.

I know every day what it feels like to "feel stuck."  But with a clearer mind, there is hope. I promise. :)
« Last Edit: December 12, 2020, 06:50:20 PM by Dhamma »
You are already Buddha

May we see clearly the emptiness of all phenomena

mobius

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Re: irritation/aversion not felt before
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2020, 02:13:41 AM »
Thank you, friends.

I can add that in the past week I've already noticed that just being more mindful during the episodes when annoyance/irritation arises doesn't always make it less so; but it passes much more quickly or has less power.

I think these scenarios I've described have gotten worse lately (due to various things likely, political news and related issues have some of my co-workers in a literal frenzy. It's kind of sad to watch). So I'm thinking that I haven't been (at least too badly) influenced by another co-worker or that I'm noticing something that I didn't before.

I don't mind talk of politics if it's done in a polite and respectful way. [yes, believe it or not I believe that is possible :P ] What irritates me I guess is the constant repetition and irritations and moaning of people. Maybe I'm seeing my own irritation reflected in others, coming back to haunt me? Maybe that's why it bothers me so?

I feel I should add that I think another part of the problem may be I need to learn how to engage with people more wisely too. I've always been socially awkward and a loner. Ironically since I started meditating; which is (or can be) a solitary practice; I've gotten more comfortable around people and feel the need to be more inviting and be with people.  :) I still get nervous and not very mindful when in social situations; so it's something I need to work on.
"Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away."
-Hakuin Ekaku

"I have seen a heap of trouble in my life, and most of it has never come to pass" - Mark Twain

Alex

  • Member
Re: irritation/aversion not felt before
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2020, 07:55:41 PM »
Maybe I'm seeing my own irritation reflected in others

That makes a lot of sense to me.
Maybe the irritation has something to do with feeling disconnected when they talk like that or feeling that they are unable or unwilling to hear your perspective?

I feel I should add that I think another part of the problem may be I need to learn how to engage with people more wisely too. I've always been socially awkward and a loner. Ironically since I started meditating; which is (or can be) a solitary practice; I've gotten more comfortable around people and feel the need to be more inviting and be with people.  :) I still get nervous and not very mindful when in social situations; so it's something I need to work on.

Do you know Insight Dialogue? Might be interesting to look at...

 ;)

 

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