Author Topic: Dealing with Anger.  (Read 292 times)

mobius

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    • vipassana
Dealing with Anger.
« on: October 22, 2020, 02:24:18 AM »
Can't remember if I already made a topic like this in the past, though I'm sure there are others; but I have specific issues I'd like to discuss. Apologies if so.

I believe anger may be somewhat genetic as in my case both my father and grandfather (on other side of the family) had anger issues. Generally short tempers with things like 'if you throw something in the trash can and it missed you feel like punching the wall' idiotic things like that.
But I don't know if that's true; if it's really something you "inherit" or not. If so; can I still combat it in the same way? Is this something I will have with me my whole life? Or can meditation truly "uproot" the 'seed' of the anger so it dissipates or disappears entirely?
Btw when I say this I don't mean "I'll never get angry again"; I realize that's a silly notion. I'm just talking about this propensity to get overly angry at very trivial matters.

I also noticed, fascinatingly enough that when tired I am much more irritable than normal so this also often clues me into when I need sleep and didn't know it.
"Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away."
-Hakuin Ekaku

"I have seen a heap of trouble in my life, and most of it has never come to pass" - Mark Twain

Thanisaro85

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  • When thoughts, sensations, feelings arise,know it
    • Reverend father Jaran, Pramote. Theravada
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Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2020, 01:48:29 AM »
I think that temperamental is generic too.

My "consistent" practises only started few years back, and did change the method a few times, so i can't conclude whether it can uproot anger or irritation, perhap i had yet to rewire my brain successfuly. I am that type of person that can tear half the house down when my cooking burnt.😅😥  I want to do the cooking quick so that all the dishes can serve hot or warm, but i forgot i am not Ramsey.

Further, I do realise that after i took milk, some diary product or spicy foods, my irritations level will be double.

I think, mindfulness of my mind and body the moment i woke up, give me better control of my anger. No, it does not do away, i am not peaceful, but at least it does not elevate the irritation. Everyday i woke up, the first thing i do is to observe my mood, angry, worry, sad or anxious, i try to figure how to avoid certain thing, avoid certain people as much as possible, and keep reminding myself, all these will pass.

I had reached countless calm states in sittings, but so far i do not see myself able to become a peaceful person "yet". As i did mention before, sometimes we are so used to this temperamental, how determined are we to have a change? It became a personality.

Regards.

A Mind Unshaken, when touches by worldy matter, sorrowless, secure and dustless, this is the ultimate great blessing~ Mangala Sutta

milco

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  • Closer each day
Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2020, 08:59:39 AM »
Speaking personally, I think meditation definitely helps with anger. It may not be a 'silver bullet' but I think it dampens down the impulsivity - the reactive aspect of anger which you mention. I feel I have become generally calmer, more sanguine and rational since I started meditating. I don't react as much, both in terms of to other people and frustration with myself ('missing the bin' as you say in your post).

Alcohol, tiredness and stress can disrupt this pattern, it needs daily work and it can go awry sometimes, but I think in general terms meditation has been a real help.

stillpointdancer

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Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2020, 11:23:04 AM »
Anger management is one of the reasons people gave when we asked why they came to the Buddhist centre I used to go to. Works for me too.
“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” Franz Kafka

Matthew

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Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2020, 10:43:06 PM »
mobius,

Where does anger arise from? It is habitual, subconscious, reactive, and based in craving or ignorance.

Meditation addresses every negative aspect of these patterns and confusions. Yes it can transform anger.

You ask if it is genetic. Like many things it probably has a genetic component, yet also like many things, such a genetic component needs to be "turned on" by environmental factors. You cannot change your genes, yet you can change environmental factors: especially your own reactions and responses. I would be less concerned about your fear that you have a genetic disposition, and pay more heed to the factors you can change.

As you have identified, regular good sleep is one of these. That also helps with concentration, mood in general, the strength of your immune system, study and work performance, amongst other things. A good sleep routine is advisable for all of us.

Kindly,

Matthew
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

dharma bum

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Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2020, 02:43:36 AM »
yes, sleep is key for me too. If I get enough sleep, nothing makes me angry. As the Dalai Lama says, sleep is the best meditation.
Mostly ignorant

Whoami

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Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2020, 03:49:53 PM »
 what i know from my experiences:

I have had alot of anger, so much that i have woken up in the middle of the night because i punched the Wall while i was asleep. But that was a long time ago and i was addicted to amphetamines.

I have walked the Walk brother. I have been in therapy, hypnosis, drugs and so on.

Now here is my insights that i can share with you:

Anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that anger is always a reaction to an emotion that occured before it. In 99% of the cases, its different forms of sadness (dissapointment, feelings of being judged and so on). The situation triggers a thought process in your mind that creates these primary feelings and as a following reaction after that, the anger comes.

This means that you have to identify what thoughts you are triggering before you get angry. Once you know them (write the whole scenario in a timelapse on paper is good), you can see them and do what you want with them. You can rationally debate them, question if they are true or not and so on. Think about the situation that triggered you and try to see what goes through your mind. Meditation can help at this stage too.

I advice you to do this to become more aware, because this Will help you identify what you are actually feeling/what you actually are angry at.

 and once you have become aware of what your thoughts and emotions that are triggering your anger, you can become conscious of if you in reality actually, for example feel emotions of sadness.

And how to let sadness out? Become aware and accept it and meditate.

It has worked for me.

dharma bum

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Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2020, 01:06:40 AM »
Anger aligned with old grudges, perceived wrongs etc is the hardest thing to deal with for me in meditative practice. The brain just goes round and round with the same thought. This is especially hard at night in a state of half-sleep, when I cant just go for a walk and walk it off. And my mind is not awake enough to deal with this angry thought. The thing that has the best chance of working for me is to be mindful that this angry thought has occured many many times to me and there is nothing new about it. I try to relax my body, rather than calm myself down. This works sometimes in quickly calming down.
Mostly ignorant

Dhamma

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Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2020, 01:17:10 AM »
what i know from my experiences:

I have had alot of anger, so much that i have woken up in the middle of the night because i punched the Wall while i was asleep. But that was a long time ago and i was addicted to amphetamines.

I have walked the Walk brother. I have been in therapy, hypnosis, drugs and so on.

Now here is my insights that i can share with you:

Anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that anger is always a reaction to an emotion that occured before it. In 99% of the cases, its different forms of sadness (dissapointment, feelings of being judged and so on). The situation triggers a thought process in your mind that creates these primary feelings and as a following reaction after that, the anger comes.

This means that you have to identify what thoughts you are triggering before you get angry. Once you know them (write the whole scenario in a timelapse on paper is good), you can see them and do what you want with them. You can rationally debate them, question if they are true or not and so on. Think about the situation that triggered you and try to see what goes through your mind. Meditation can help at this stage too.

I advice you to do this to become more aware, because this Will help you identify what you are actually feeling/what you actually are angry at.

 and once you have become aware of what your thoughts and emotions that are triggering your anger, you can become conscious of if you in reality actually, for example feel emotions of sadness.

And how to let sadness out? Become aware and accept it and meditate.

It has worked for me.


That is beautiful, dear friend.  What you are saying is so very true. You break it all down and see how the thoughts lead to the reactive mind. It's all a vicious cycle. 

May you fulfill your deepest wish for happiness.

Peace and enlightenment.
You are already Buddha

May we see clearly the emptiness of all phenomena

Dhamma

  • Member
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    • Zen/Tibetan/Theravada
Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Reply #9 on: October 27, 2020, 01:49:02 AM »
I think that temperamental is generic too.

My "consistent" practises only started few years back, and did change the method a few times, so i can't conclude whether it can uproot anger or irritation, perhap i had yet to rewire my brain successfuly. I am that type of person that can tear half the house down when my cooking burnt.😅😥  I want to do the cooking quick so that all the dishes can serve hot or warm, but i forgot i am not Ramsey.

Further, I do realise that after i took milk, some diary product or spicy foods, my irritations level will be double.

I think, mindfulness of my mind and body the moment i woke up, give me better control of my anger. No, it does not do away, i am not peaceful, but at least it does not elevate the irritation. Everyday i woke up, the first thing i do is to observe my mood, angry, worry, sad or anxious, i try to figure how to avoid certain thing, avoid certain people as much as possible, and keep reminding myself, all these will pass.

I had reached countless calm states in sittings, but so far i do not see myself able to become a peaceful person "yet". As i did mention before, sometimes we are so used to this temperamental, how determined are we to have a change? It became a personality.

Regards.


I deal with social anxiety every day, which leads to anger at times.

You will become a peaceful person if you persist on the Path. You must know ultimate reality "deep in your bones* (Tibetan Buddhist nun once said this in her talk). How true that is! We can know something intellectually, but do we know it deep in our bones? That is the big question.

You, like me, get caught up in delusions when angry. You aren't being able to see through them for what they really are. The reactive mind is too strong, allowing the domino effect to occur (one thing knocks down another, etc.).

Please stay faithful to the beautiful path laid out to us by the Holy Buddha. I promise with you with all my heart that there is full liberation ahead.

Much love to you in the Dhamma

 :)
« Last Edit: October 27, 2020, 02:14:59 AM by Dhamma »
You are already Buddha

May we see clearly the emptiness of all phenomena

 

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