Author Topic: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights  (Read 1635 times)

Chaska

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    • Vipassana as taught by S.N. Goenka
Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« on: August 19, 2020, 03:39:29 PM »
Dear Dhamma community
This forum helped me so much in various time of my life
Right now I need some of your insights

I bought a dog 2 months ago because of a urge in emotion (I was about to have a burn out from my work as a psychiatrist) I wanted to have someone who would love me and be nice to me. This was totally selfish and impulsive.
This dog is still with me and my husband. It’s about 3h of my time per day. As I meditate 2h and workout 1h and eat 3h.. sounds like I have no more time for my clients and my work. I have so much aversion toward the dog because he is “stealing my precious time”. First I did not want to admit this ugly truth but it’s my feeling. I have no more freedom. I feel trapped.
In my metta at night I do say sorry and send good vibes to him. but I really want to give him back to the seller or toa nice family that will be able to take good care of him.

My husband is very upset as he started to be attached to the dog he said “you wanted this dog and now you don’t want the responsibility of it” he is right. Although I am not sure I should force myself everyday to try to love this dog, and I think the right decision is to say him goodbye (even tho I will be sad as for sure after 2 months of hard work we get attached to this being).

Any kind of thoughts or advice will help.

I know my volition just gave me bad fruits now. I am just a bit lost about it.
Should I work with that bad decision for the next 15 years and deal with the aversion
Or should I take action admit my error and change the future?

Metta
My life is a stepping stone for something bigger

Middleway

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Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2020, 12:55:37 AM »
Is it a puppy? If so, keep it. Although it may be lot of work at the beginning, the work load will go down as it gets older. It will be worth it. Ask your husband to pitch in if he is not doing so already. This situation will certainly not last for next 15 years. It will work itself out.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Thanisaro85

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Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2020, 02:03:49 AM »


Any kind of thoughts or advice will help.



If your husband is OK with parting with the dog, then might be a good idea to give it back to the owner or anyone else who have the time/love for the dog. It's a unhealthy relationship. 2 months is not too long a time and the puppy still have chance to adapt to a new family before missing you all too much. Best to those who are already retired, make sure you take times to choose a good family before giving it to them.

Perhap you know yourself better whether you could tolerate the puppy for another 10, 15 years or can stop adversion to the puppy totally?  Whatever it is, the important point is make sure the dog is showered with love, be it with you or the new family. With this right thought, there is "no harm" in the process.

Regards

A Mind Unshaken, when touches by worldy matter, sorrowless, secure and dustless, this is the ultimate great blessing~ Mangala Sutta

Chaska

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    • Vipassana as taught by S.N. Goenka
Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2020, 01:12:08 PM »


Any kind of thoughts or advice will help.



If your husband is OK with parting with the dog, then might be a good idea to give it back to the owner or anyone else who have the time/love for the dog. It's a unhealthy relationship. 2 months is not too long a time and the puppy still have chance to adapt to a new family before missing you all too much. Best to those who are already retired, make sure you take times to choose a good family before giving it to them.

Perhap you know yourself better whether you could tolerate the puppy for another 10, 15 years or can stop adversion to the puppy totally?  Whatever it is, the important point is make sure the dog is showered with love, be it with you or the new family. With this right thought, there is "no harm" in the process.

Regards


Thanks a lot of your kind words
And thanks to @Middleway as well

I did the exercice to project myself in the future. I can see me with the dog.
I think it’s the context right now that creates that aversion toward the dog. It’s a rough process to go through but I will do my best to observe and hopefully as any other impurities in the mind it will fade

With metta

My life is a stepping stone for something bigger

dharma bum

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Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2020, 03:38:57 PM »
I would try to do some some sort of mindful meditation during the time spent to look after the dog. It might actually be a good opportunity.
Mostly ignorant

Middleway

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Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2020, 05:07:07 PM »
Another point to consider is by giving away the dog, you might be right back to where you were before you went and got the dog.

Our life most of the time goes in circles. When we get a brief respite from that, we feel that freedom and long for it to last. The new freedom becomes another circle.

To break this habit, we should observe intently from moment to moment. Life’s little things we miss.

When I started wearing hearing aids, I found life’s little things again, I began hearing the sound of the wind going through the leaves, I began to hear the squirrels, I began to hear the birds chirping again, I began to hear my foot steps again while I walk. All this immensely added to the quality of my life.

Observing little things is the purpose of life. There is nothing more to it.

Our incessant thoughts and inner dialogue suppresses the rest of the senses. This is the main cause of missing out on lifes’s little things.

Go take the dog for an early morning walk and pay attention to the life’s little things.

Enjoy life again!
Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

dharma bum

  • Member
  • Certified Zen Master (second degree black belt)
    • vipassana
Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2020, 03:20:36 AM »
Quote
Another point to consider is by giving away the dog, you might be right back to where you were before you went and got the dog.

Our life most of the time goes in circles. When we get a brief respite from that, we feel that freedom and long for it to last. The new freedom becomes another circle.

To break this habit, we should observe intently from moment to moment. Life’s little things we miss.

When I started wearing hearing aids, I found life’s little things again, I began hearing the sound of the wind going through the leaves, I began to hear the squirrels, I began to hear the birds chirping again, I began to hear my foot steps again while I walk. All this immensely added to the quality of my life.

Observing little things is the purpose of life. There is nothing more to it.

Our incessant thoughts and inner dialogue suppresses the rest of the senses. This is the main cause of missing out on lifes’s little things.

Go take the dog for an early morning walk and pay attention to the life’s little things.

Enjoy life again!

I enjoyed what Middleway said and agree heartily.

There's always something bothering us. If it wasn't the dog, it would be something else - maybe the husband/wife, or the kid, or the boss. But there's always the birds singing, the blue skies, beautiful white clouds, the warm/hot sun, the breeze in our faces, the trees dancing in the wind, maybe the early morning cup of tea. Life can be oppressive, but the small things in between our thoughts are precious.
Mostly ignorant

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
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Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2020, 09:08:53 PM »
Chaska,

How is it going? Did you lose the dog?

Matthew
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Dharmic Tui

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Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2020, 09:33:19 PM »
Like a lot of life, you get out of a dog what you put in.

Get up 45 mins earlier and take the dog for a half hour walk every morning. It'll tire the dog out, and give you a fresh, kinetic start to your day.

Do that for 3 months and let us know how you get on.

Chaska

  • Member
  • Practicing vipassana meditation 🧘🏼‍♀️
    • Vipassana as taught by S.N. Goenka
Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2021, 08:38:16 PM »
Chaska,

How is it going? Did you lose the dog?

Matthew

Hello Matthew and all Dhamma brothers here

The dog is still with me and my fiancé.
I have just been back from another 10 days retreat and the feeling of aversion was very strong. Right now, after a steady practice at home and some adaptation to normal life after the retreat, I feel more balance.

I know if I could I would bring the dog back but now it’s different, I know I am learning something out of it. On some ways thanks to the dog I did not choose to have a kid. Which is something I would probably have truly regret. Because these decisions for me, where made out of craving, a craving to have someone, not being alone, to fit in the society, to please some external person.. which is all ego related actions. The fruits that come are not pleasant to eat.

But after a while I try to see it differently. I learn to adapt myself, to observe my anger, my guilt etc. It’s a long journey.

So the short answer would be the dog is in our family and his part of the family, but my heart is still learning to accept him and to let go.
My life is a stepping stone for something bigger

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: Dog 🐕 issue and Vipassana insights
« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2021, 10:47:32 PM »
Good to hear from you Chaska. It's good to see that you continue to explore the nature of mind and how it affects our perceptions and habituated reactions to the world.

Thanks for updating us.

Much metta,

Matthew
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

 

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