Hello Raushan,
I have been wanting to reply to this post for a while now. I used to be a pretty serious meditator for a period of 20 months (2 hours every day, shamatha), and at that time I went through similar experiences as you have described.
1. Yes, I was completely off alcohol, marijuana and even masturbation. Even coffee for me was too strong and felt like I am drugged, so did the muscle relaxant that I was prescribed for back pain at an earlier time.
All in all, meditation, once we get the hang of it significantly alters our life. So subtly though, unlike any drug that we only recognize this while interacting with entities - substances or people which we earlier enjoyed, but now seem strange, to say the least.
this brings me to the second point,
2. Socialising has also suffered. Professional relations are just fine, you can talk about anything which has very formal rules like some algorithm, some theory or anything involving logistics like talking to a receptionist, or planning to meet someone at the subway etc.
But it is not the same in case of socialising, or making small talk, or just having a fun conversation..
There is neither issue of confidence nor of competence. The issue that occurred with me was multi-layered. But over time what I could get out of it was this :
A. With meditation, we seem to realise more and more the transient and transactional nature of almost all, if not all relationships. We see(intuitively) that the social interactions where we earlier used to "connect", or "enjoy spending time" with people are actually not real, but constructed by ourselves. It is very difficult to fall in love with one particular person. We just after many complex manoeuvres, end up deciding to place a much higher value to some people than we do to others. It comes from our very deep need for acceptance and security, as much as I understand. but all this veil starts to get away as we start practising seeing things as they are..
B. Another thing which Matthew pointed out somewhere on this Forum and which I find valuable is this: with meditation, we are attacking out ego, trying to dissolve it. In the process, at times the ego like a piece of glass breaks a bit, but the newly broken parts are very sharp and hurtful to self and others. We understand much, but are not kind enough. at least initially. It is like sub-consciously we feel those non-meditating people don't get it.. It happened with me, perhaps still the case..atleast in some degrees..
Metta practise might help here.
3. Not finding meditators in the lives we live in is no surprise. We as a society work increasingly hard to earn less and less with time. Our ancestors did not work this hard for this long. More so, the amount of cerebral load is exceptionally higher today. So people in general do not get time even to stay fit, leave alone dive into something like meditation. I can rant about this on and on and on..but that is not the point. The point is that as we are not monks, we need to make peace with the fact that this is how things are going to be most of the time.
I could not make peace for a long time, ended up giving up meditation and taking up everything and anything that would lead me into a "normal life".
But that is just not possible now, I can't pretend to enjoy what and who I don't. I get misunderstood. A lot. and yet, I have learnt the lessons and concluded that there is a lot to work on within, and that is the only work that I truly value at present.
Currently I am living in a community hostel, and unable to connect with anyone, but I am at peace, and people are mostly at peace with me. They get it. I am not like most in my day to day conduct, but I am mostly kind when I rarely interact with anyone and do not cause irritation or harm.
I understand that I am much younger, less experienced than you and most members here. But this topic is something I feel resonates with my personal experiences.
and Mert's observations about 2 are also seemingly valuable to me. As a student of computer science, I feel present work in AI can take us much further as a race, not just due to the technological advancement, but more due to understanding of cognitive science. We might in time mature as a race in terms of personal and social relationships and institutions.
Re-learning social interaction is something I can work on too.
In my case, I relearned to communicate with people and relationships became uncomplicated and healthier.
Mert, can you tell us more about this process. and resources if possible.
With Metta,
Siddharth
