Author Topic: Grandparents facing death - I cannot find time to meditate  (Read 187 times)

Chaska

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Grandparents facing death - I cannot find time to meditate
« on: June 20, 2019, 03:59:08 PM »
Dear kind community,
I am looking for your advice.
I am going through a difficult period at the moment. My grandfather is going to die he is complaining and he says he want to leave this world. He is Christian and I don’t really know how to help him. Also while staying all day with him I can’t find time to meditate because he always fall asleep for few minutes and then wake up to ask me for help. It is frustrating and in the same time it’s kind of a service but I can still feel pain and sadness and anger because I don’t find the time to meditate properly during my day to observe the pain.
How do you do when you can’t find the time to meditate because of your responsibilities toward others ? And how do you help your closed ones who are not practicing Vipassana to leave this world with peace? 
Thanks and metta my friends
My life is a stepping stone for something bigger

Matthew

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Re: Grandparents facing death - I cannot find time to meditate
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2019, 06:07:38 PM »
Dear Chaska,

It can be difficult helping someone who is dying. They may become irritable and also frequently sleep then wake requesting help - as you have described.

The thing that is perhaps most important is to be present and mindful: present for him when he is awake, present for yourself all the time. Be aware of the frustrations without identifying with them, acknowledge the frustration yet don't let it become what you are.

You will help your grandfather by being present and mindful as you will come to know intimately his moods and needs: you can help him transition out of this life in the greatest comfort possible. You will help yourself by being present and mindful because this being present can be your meditation - meditation is not something done only on the cushion (that's only practice, now you are doing the real thing).

Be kind and compassionate and present and mindful - for your grandfather, and for yourself. Death is scary for most people - having a family member or loved one present and mindful is the greatest comfort and gift.

May he pass peacefully and as painlessly as possible.

Kind regards,

Matthew
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

stillpointdancer

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Re: Grandparents facing death - I cannot find time to meditate
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2019, 11:13:09 AM »
Dear kind community,
I am looking for your advice.
I am going through a difficult period at the moment. My grandfather is going to die he is complaining and he says he want to leave this world. He is Christian and I don’t really know how to help him. Also while staying all day with him I can’t find time to meditate because he always fall asleep for few minutes and then wake up to ask me for help. It is frustrating and in the same time it’s kind of a service but I can still feel pain and sadness and anger because I don’t find the time to meditate properly during my day to observe the pain.
How do you do when you can’t find the time to meditate because of your responsibilities toward others ? And how do you help your closed ones who are not practicing Vipassana to leave this world with peace? 
Thanks and metta my friends

Matthew makes a lot of sense, as usual. Does it matter if you don't meditate for a while? Perhaps you can change meditation to mindfulness practice off the mat, so you can at least be there for your grandfather. He probably doesn't want to leave the world peacefully, but kicking and screaming, which is ok if that's what he wants to do. Meditation is best carried out in the quiet time of our lives, when we can give it the attention it needs. At other times we carry on being mindful of what is happening and of what we are thinking and doing.
“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” Franz Kafka

Thanisaro85

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Re: Grandparents facing death - I cannot find time to meditate
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2019, 05:38:14 AM »


Could you get a chair and meditate beside your grandpa? While he is awake you can help him with what he need, while he is sleeping you can meditate sitting beside him, just like witnessing the flower withered, human body will break up soon and life is gone...so are you and me.

Everytime you manage to go into calmness, after you come out of meditation, wish your grandpa free from agony and suffering, wish him to be happy.
Buddhist call it radiation of loving kindess. The power of thought after a peaceful meditation, generate the most effective loving kindness.

May your grandpa pass peacefully.
A Mind Unshaken, when touches by worldy matter, sorrowless, secure and dustless, this is the ultimate great blessing~ Mangala Sutta

Nicky

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Re: Grandparents facing death - I cannot find time to meditate
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2019, 03:27:21 AM »
He is Christian ...  And how do you help your closed ones who are not practicing Vipassana to leave this world with peace?

Hello Chaska

It appears you are distraught & your question is not logical because "Vipassana" means to meditate upon impermanence. Obviously, you are not meditating upon the impermanence of your grandfather's life.

As for your grandfather, he is a Christian. As a Buddhist, you are forbidden to convert him (unless he himself asks you about the Dhamma and requests a teaching). Instead, your grandfather should think about Jesus when he is dying.

Best wishes

Chaska

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Re: Grandparents facing death - I cannot find time to meditate
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2019, 04:44:26 PM »
Thanks to all of you for your advice.
It helps me to see that meditating in “real life” (not on my cushion) is already mindfulness. Also reminding myself the impermanence and anicca while observing sensations also helped.
Then the point on Jesus is interesting, i will then reassure him and talk to him about the love of Jesus instead of trying to help him teaching him anapana (thanks for that).
Thanks for your wishes for my grandpa. Metta to you all
My life is a stepping stone for something bigger