No feeling

[BigIdiotSmallGenius]

Hi guys, new to the forum. Brief background came across meditation years ago during my teens and it saved me going down the path of becoming a criminal. I always use meditation as a reset button to unplug and recover from work etc. Anyway, I've joined this forum to learn more and take things more seriously.


Anyway, I've always had an issue of feeling emotions. What I think I have sounds exactly like alexithymia, except I am not autistic and I am very good at reading other peoples emotions and mental states. I used to be able to feel when I was young, but at age 16 my heart suddenly felt like a rock. I couldn't feel affective empathy nor can I feel my own emotions. I am immune to fear but have an addiction to stimulation, my addiction to entertainment, self-pleasure needs addressing which is why I am trying to take Vipassana more seriously.

I have heard there are 4 basic realities one could meditate on, body, feeling, mind and mental states. I am thoroughly aware of body(I exercise a lot) and mental states and meditate regularly to command the mind. I have never had a rising of emotion yet.

I'd be really grateful if anyone has any insight to this? Thank you for your attention

[stillpointdancer]

Anyway, I've always had an issue of feeling emotions. What I think I have sounds exactly like alexithymia, except I am not autistic and I am very good at reading other peoples emotions and mental states. I used to be able to feel when I was young, but at age 16 my heart suddenly felt like a rock. I couldn't feel affective empathy nor can I feel my own emotions. I am immune to fear but have an addiction to stimulation, my addiction to entertainment, self-pleasure needs addressing which is why I am trying to take Vipassana more seriously.

I have heard there are 4 basic realities one could meditate on, body, feeling, mind and mental states. I am thoroughly aware of body(I exercise a lot) and mental states and meditate regularly to command the mind. I have never had a rising of emotion yet.

This sounds a little contradictory, so I need to ask a few questions. I don't understand how you could be addicted to stimulation if you can't feel emotions? If you feel a need for speed, as it were, isn't that feeling? Do you get hurt if people insult you or belittle you or reject you? Maybe a way into meditating about feelings is to explore different definitions and how they might apply in your everyday life.

Maybe start with something like what happens when someone punches you in the face. What is it that arises in the next instant? Is it pain, anger, or what? What about the next few seconds. Do you feel anger, or do you turn the other cheek, or what? I'm not trying to trivialise things but give you a way in to what sounds like a real problem for you.

[Laurent]

Hello and welcome,

It is not necessary to feel emotions to meditate. You just have to consider reality you experiment. Actually, Satipatthana Sutta which you seem to refer, advise mindfulness to four aspects : body (kaya), sensations (vedana), mind (citta) and what is called "dhamma"- this last one may be read in various means. To some people, the word"dhamma" refers to the teaching while for some others, it is about mental contents (correlation between both being possible).
So, there is not really meditations about emotions. Emotions like anger, joy and others are rather productions with both citta and vedana.

Regards.

[BigIdiotSmallGenius]

Thank you for your replies. Stillpointdancer, you are a friking idiot, google alexthymia u retard.

[Nicky]

at age 16 my heart suddenly felt like a rock. I couldn't feel affective empathy nor can I feel my own emotions. I am immune to fear but have an addiction to stimulation, my addiction to entertainment, self-pleasure needs addressing which is why I am trying to take Vipassana more seriously.

Addiction to stimulation will certain be a hindrance to feeling more subtle emotions. This is why drug addicts, for example, use the pleasure of drugs to block out deeper emotions. If you do solitude meditation retreat, without any entertainment or sensuality, your mind might start to gradually "peel away" the layers of emotion (despite its tendency towards alexithymia).

I have heard there are 4 basic realities one could meditate on, body, feeling, mind and mental states. I am thoroughly aware of body (I exercise a lot) and mental states and meditate regularly to command the mind. I have never had a rising of emotion yet.

The body refers to the "breathing" while sitting still, standing or gently walking (rather than when running or exercising). The feelings are feelings occurring in relation to the body. "Mind" is mental states; such as greed, hatred, confusion; or their absence. The 4th is "Truth" rather than the common mistranslation of "mental states". These four things are progressively more subtle. Therefore, it is the 1st, namely, knowing the breathing, that is given priority.

Thank you for your replies. Stillpointdancer, you are a friking idiot, google alexthymia u retard.

Stillpointdancer means well. He posts on many forums and is generally a nice guy.

Regards 

[stillpointdancer]

Stillpointdancer means well. He posts on many forums and is generally a nice guy.

Regards 

I mean well, but any advice can go ill, as the elves say (according to Tolkien).

[tbarron]

Thank you for your replies. Stillpointdancer, you are a friking idiot, google alexthymia u retard.

This sounds like anger to me. Not being aware of feelings doesn't mean they aren't happening. You're asking us how to get in touch with them. It looks to me like here's one staring you in the face.

If you thought SPD was mistaken and you didn't feel some anger when you were responding to him, it would have sounded like, "Thanks for your response, StillPointDancer, but it doesn't make sense to me. Can you say it a different way? Do you understand the idea of alexithymia?" It would not have involved insults or name-calling.

If you feel inclined to make the same kind of response to this message, consider that what's going on at that moment might be anger or frustration and see if you can find it.

[stillpointdancer]

Actually, as a retired teacher I taught many who were on the autistic spectrum and made an intensive study when I had to spend a year with two contradictory autistic children and the only help I got was from a checklist 'expert' who told me how to deal with them without getting to know them as individuals. Googling terms is only helpful as a starting point. What is really needed is to get to know the individual to understand how they are thinking. On a forum such as this asking questions is the only way to get some kind of shared understanding.

To go back to the children, one was ok with some of the suggestions made by the expert when I implemented them, but the other would get very aggressive and start throwing things. I had to come up with other strategies once I got to know the individual concerned.  If you would like to continue the discussion, that's fine. One skill I tried to learn as a teacher was when to step in and offer help and when not to.

[mobius]

You people's humility here is pretty wonderful, and demonstrates, as I see it, the power and usefulness of this way of life. Frequently I doubt whether meditation is really good for me or not or whether any of this is worth it. I feel like I get reminded of the benefits when I read posts like these.

[jackofalltrades]

I think meditation does have positive effect if you really get dedicated into it. I used to be a heavy smoker who smoked no less than 2 packs of cigarettes a day and I even bought an electric cigarette roller to roll cigarettes myself. But after I started meditation, I got some change and smoke less. Though there is a long way to go, things are getting better.