Effect of Sex on Meditation

[haghighat]

Hello everyone!

I have a general question on the effect of sex on meditation and would like to know your experiences.

I am meditating for around 1 year. I am currently married and have regular sexual relationship with my wife. However, I have noticed that sex has such an adverse effect on my meditation. Essentially, after each sex, my energy is very low and I have a dramatic decrease in conciousness power.

To explain better, currently, I am adopting, of course with some effort, my meditation in my daily practices and try to do things as consciously as possible,e.g., during walking, reading, working, typing, taking with other people, etc. Normally, I feel that I have enough conscious power to be aware of all these activities and try to be in Here-Now all the time.

Unfortunately, after each sex, I feel a dramatic decrease in my awareness. I obviously see that the thought pattern becomes more active and dominant and I am not 100 percent aware of all of them. So, there are moments that I lose awareness for couple of seconds and then come back. It is of course a very interesting phonomenon in itself: I feel momoment of full awareness with unconscious intervals in between, like day light mixed with night darkness.

With my limited knowledge, I know that different spiritual groups and teachers have totally different ideas about sex: some are in favor of sex in a **normal** leval and some fully disagree with it.
Of course, I am not in favor of forced celibacy since I am sure it creates more mental problems but it seems to me that, at least with my experience, in a long run one should smoothly drop the sex otherwise the lack of energy will be an obstacle in the spiritual path.


I would like to know what you think about this. Is there any specific method to compensate the lack of energy caused by sex or what is the general approach you are applying?

thank you very much. 

[Kamma]

Interesting topic
I'm no expert, also not male, but maybe it's worth looking into the whole tantra thing, like orgasm without ejaculation. Could sex in itself become meditation?

[Middleway]

To explain better, currently, I am adopting, of course with some effort, my meditation in my daily practices and try to do things as consciously as possible,e.g., during walking, reading, working, typing, taking with other people, etc. Normally, I feel that I have enough conscious power to be aware of all these activities and try to be in Here-Now all the time.

Are you adopting same diligence while having sex as well? When you take a break from being aware from moment to moment, that break will have certain momentum. It will take some time before you get back to being aware again. Try to have sex with full awareness like you are doing various other activities.

I may have to warn you that you will lose interest in having sex if you watch it with full awareness. Sex is a habit. It is a evolutionary habit. As with other habits, it also has momentum. If you suppress it or indulge in it, you will add to its momentum. Just watch your habit (without interfering) with full awareness. You will soon transcend it.

Hope this helps.

Middleway   

[stillpointdancer]

Hello everyone!

I have a general question on the effect of sex on meditation and would like to know your experiences.

I am meditating for around 1 year. I am currently married and have regular sexual relationship with my wife. However, I have noticed that sex has such an adverse effect on my meditation. Essentially, after each sex, my energy is very low and I have a dramatic decrease in conciousness power.

To explain better, currently, I am adopting, of course with some effort, my meditation in my daily practices and try to do things as consciously as possible,e.g., during walking, reading, working, typing, taking with other people, etc. Normally, I feel that I have enough conscious power to be aware of all these activities and try to be in Here-Now all the time.

Unfortunately, after each sex, I feel a dramatic decrease in my awareness. I obviously see that the thought pattern becomes more active and dominant and I am not 100 percent aware of all of them. So, there are moments that I lose awareness for couple of seconds and then come back. It is of course a very interesting phonomenon in itself: I feel momoment of full awareness with unconscious intervals in between, like day light mixed with night darkness.

With my limited knowledge, I know that different spiritual groups and teachers have totally different ideas about sex: some are in favor of sex in a **normal** leval and some fully disagree with it.
Of course, I am not in favor of forced celibacy since I am sure it creates more mental problems but it seems to me that, at least with my experience, in a long run one should smoothly drop the sex otherwise the lack of energy will be an obstacle in the spiritual path.
I would like to know what you think about this. Is there any specific method to compensate the lack of energy caused by sex or what is the general approach you are applying?
thank you very much.

Some people use the energy generated by not having sex to empower their spiritual lives. Personally I think that the challenge is to develop a spiritual practice while following a 'normal' life, but everybody is different so it's up to people as individuals to follow the path as best they can.

[haghighat]

Hi,

To be honest, I try to watch sex with fill awreness but I am not still 100% successful.

This reminds me, somehow, of my initial days of meditation where I wanted to watch the pain equnimously but I was not 100% successful and in the middle I yielded to the pain and reacted to the sensation and tried to run away from it. A have a similar experience here when I observe sex in awareness. I can clearly see energy movement and how it comes to a climax ...

And, I fully agree with you: observing everything in full awareness, one feels no pain but as well no pleasure.


However, it is still a big question for me how to get rid of this loss of energy caused by sex and is there any healthy way.

To explain better, currently, I am adopting, of course with some effort, my meditation in my daily practices and try to do things as consciously as possible,e.g., during walking, reading, working, typing, taking with other people, etc. Normally, I feel that I have enough conscious power to be aware of all these activities and try to be in Here-Now all the time.

Are you adopting same diligence while having sex as well? When you take a break from being aware from moment to moment, that break will have certain momentum. It will take some time before you get back to being aware again. Try to have sex with full awareness like you are doing various other activities.

I may have to warn you that you will lose interest in having sex if you watch it with full awareness. Sex is a habit. It is a evolutionary habit. As with other habits, it also has momentum. If you suppress it or indulge in it, you will add to its momentum. Just watch your habit (without interfering) with full awareness. You will soon transcend it.

Hope this helps.

Middleway

[haghighat]

I also fully agree with you. I don't want to drop sex and want to have it at a moderate level.

But as I mentioned, my main question is why there is so much loss in energy after sex and if this is ok for spiritual progress. And, if there is any way to compensate this loss in a helthy way.

Hello everyone!

I have a general question on the effect of sex on meditation and would like to know your experiences.

I am meditating for around 1 year. I am currently married and have regular sexual relationship with my wife. However, I have noticed that sex has such an adverse effect on my meditation. Essentially, after each sex, my energy is very low and I have a dramatic decrease in conciousness power.

To explain better, currently, I am adopting, of course with some effort, my meditation in my daily practices and try to do things as consciously as possible,e.g., during walking, reading, working, typing, taking with other people, etc. Normally, I feel that I have enough conscious power to be aware of all these activities and try to be in Here-Now all the time.

Unfortunately, after each sex, I feel a dramatic decrease in my awareness. I obviously see that the thought pattern becomes more active and dominant and I am not 100 percent aware of all of them. So, there are moments that I lose awareness for couple of seconds and then come back. It is of course a very interesting phonomenon in itself: I feel momoment of full awareness with unconscious intervals in between, like day light mixed with night darkness.

With my limited knowledge, I know that different spiritual groups and teachers have totally different ideas about sex: some are in favor of sex in a **normal** leval and some fully disagree with it.
Of course, I am not in favor of forced celibacy since I am sure it creates more mental problems but it seems to me that, at least with my experience, in a long run one should smoothly drop the sex otherwise the lack of energy will be an obstacle in the spiritual path.
I would like to know what you think about this. Is there any specific method to compensate the lack of energy caused by sex or what is the general approach you are applying?
thank you very much.

Some people use the energy generated by not having sex to empower their spiritual lives. Personally I think that the challenge is to develop a spiritual practice while following a 'normal' life, but everybody is different so it's up to people as individuals to follow the path as best they can.

[stillpointdancer]

I also fully agree with you. I don't want to drop sex and want to have it at a moderate level.

But as I mentioned, my main question is why there is so much loss in energy after sex and if this is ok for spiritual progress. And, if there is any way to compensate this loss in a helthy way.

Sex is a different type of energy circulating in the body. It is both hormonal and mental in origin, the drive to procreate being very strong. After sex the hormone levels drop as do the associated 'highs' such as oxytocin and endorphins, as the body clears them out of the system. Therefore the energy loss after sex is caused by the body breaking down the chemical rush of sex.

Spiritual highs are somewhat different, although certain tantric practices may also utilise such hormonal strategies. It's much more difficult to 'come down' from highs encountered during meditation and other spiritual practices, but in the end I'm not sure that cultivating spiritual energy is that helpful either. I've spent months on end bursting with such stuff but found it to be more distracting than anything. I'm not saying it's not worth cultivating for when you need it. In fact it appears spontaneously even if you are not trying to cultivate it. However eventually you recognise it as a distraction, and you find you don't need it any more.

Instead of spiritual energy, recognising the path as something that works is all I need.
 

[tbarron]

A couple of questions occur to me.

• Do you exercise? If so, how do you feel after a workout? Does exercise deplete your energy for a time so you have to rest? If so, how does that feel different from the energy depletion that results from sex?
• How do you feel after a long day of stressful activity like being at work and dealing with other people? Does that reduce your energy? If so, how does that feel different from how you feel after sex?

Maybe having sex just requires a certain amount of energy and afterwards you need some time to rest. I notice that my meditation sessions tend to feel better and be more productive in the morning or early in the day when I'm well rested while afternoon and evening sessions, when I'm more fatigued, usually involve more drowsiness and distraction.

[king2163]

I am doing the meditation since one and half year. I can't do more than 15-20 minutes due to lack of time. Changes what I feel is

1-  sex life has been changed from compulsive to conscious action. It is no longer compulsion for me.

2- My food habit is changed. Instead of oily food, I am more inclined to fruits.

Now I can sense what is right for me and act accordingly.

[Matthew]

But as I mentioned, my main question is why there is so much loss in energy after sex and if this is ok for spiritual progress.

The act of sex takes energy, the production of secretions takes energy. Maybe have an extra snack before sex?

"Spiritual progress" is often a very confused idea. It sets you up for goal seeking, measuring and comparing - and these things are contrary to the teachings of the Buddha.

What matters is that you are growing compassion through awareness, and based in acting and living with a good moral/ethical foundation.

There is nothing inherently contradictory between a healthy sex life with your partner and living a wholesome life. It's all about finding the right balance and being honest with yourself.

[haghighat]

Thanks for the reply.

You have indeed pointed out a good point. Now that I am thinking about it, I should say that in all these activities, I defintely feel the tiredness/lack of energy in body but with sex I also feel a lack of mental energy. I clearly see that after sex my awareness drops down but after a workout although I am tired I remain fully aware of it ....

So, I still see a difference between sex and other actvities ....

A couple of questions occur to me.

• Do you exercise? If so, how do you feel after a workout? Does exercise deplete your energy for a time so you have to rest? If so, how does that feel different from the energy depletion that results from sex?
• How do you feel after a long day of stressful activity like being at work and dealing with other people? Does that reduce your energy? If so, how does that feel different from how you feel after sex?

Maybe having sex just requires a certain amount of energy and afterwards you need some time to rest. I notice that my meditation sessions tend to feel better and be more productive in the morning or early in the day when I'm well rested while afternoon and evening sessions, when I'm more fatigued, usually involve more drowsiness and distraction.

[haghighat]

I fully agree with you and I am not also seeking any goals; I try to stay always in the momemnt (Here and Now) and not look for any goals for sure.

However, to do this, one definitely needs to develop sifficient awareness power and that's exactly why I posted this question since I clearly feel that after any sex I have a dramatic decrease in my awareness and it takes 1 or 2 days before I get back to my normal state.

However, I am not sure maybe this is what is happening to me and maybe other people have other experiences ....

But as I mentioned, my main question is why there is so much loss in energy after sex and if this is ok for spiritual progress.

The act of sex takes energy, the production of secretions takes energy. Maybe have an extra snack before sex?

"Spiritual progress" is often a very confused idea. It sets you up for goal seeking, measuring and comparing - and these things are contrary to the teachings of the Buddha.

What matters is that you are growing compassion through awareness, and based in acting and living with a good moral/ethical foundation.

There is nothing inherently contradictory between a healthy sex life with your partner and living a wholesome life. It's all about finding the right balance and being honest with yourself.

[tbarron]

Thanks for the reply.

You have indeed pointed out a good point. Now that I am thinking about it, I should say that in all these activities, I defintely feel the tiredness/lack of energy in body but with sex I also feel a lack of mental energy. I clearly see that after sex my awareness drops down but after a workout although I am tired I remain fully aware of it ....

So, I still see a difference between sex and other actvities ....

So what I hear you saying is that exercise reduces your physical energy but not your mental energy, and sex depletes both.

Is there anything else that depletes both kinds of energy like sex does? You didn't say anything about work or dealing with the stresses of life. Those sorts of things certainly take a toll on my mental and physical energy. How is it for you?