Author Topic: Should me and my wife go to Vipassana (very confused)  (Read 58 times)

helloworld1

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Should me and my wife go to Vipassana (very confused)
« on: December 06, 2018, 05:31:45 AM »
Hi Fellow humans
A brief story about my marriage. My wife and I dated for 1.5 years and got married. After 2 years  of our marriage, she got diagnosed with depression due to some conflicts between me and her and starting taking antidepressants. Some of the problems were from her side and some of the problems were from my side. I tried helping her the best I could by listening to her, being there for her, taking her out, resolving issues etc. but nothing seemed to work. After 1 year (3 years into marriage), she could still make a molehill out of a very small instance/issues in our lives. Initially, I thought it was a phase but when it did not stop, I grew frustrated. I could start identifying even small issues with her that would make me unhappy and reason/argue with her. Ofcourse that dint help. I could see the distance growing between us but nothing I said or did for her mattered. She has forgotten everything good that I did for her and with her and how much I loved her but only remembers the few bad things that happened and continues to relive that. Our relationship is now at a precarious position where anything could make or break it. I have also started seeing a psychologist and am working on my side of the issues and solving them. We have also begun marital counselling. Currently, my wife and I are thinking of going on a vipassana course. Do you think it will help? Will it help us resolve our issues? Or will it lead us to decide that we can no longer live with each other? I love my wife more than anything (even though I have also suffered for the past 3 years - rejections, belittling, anger etc. from her side ) but will it lead to the end of our marriage? Or will it help to fix things? I have heard there are things such as Vipassana Romance (VR) and am a little bit scared about that too? Does Vipassana reduce the love feeling which we currently have (even though we have our conflicts) with each other? Or does it make us appreciate each other more?

Dharmic Tui

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Re: Should me and my wife go to Vipassana (very confused)
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2018, 08:12:25 AM »
Hi helloworld

Sorry to hear of your situation.

If you are wanting to get into Vipassana, it may benefit you, but I wouldn't be viewing it as a fix for your marriage.

I met my wife when I was 17, and we've been together for 23 years. We have had our ups and downs and some tenuous times where we have been distant. What I have learned in conjunction with my practice is to get the best from her, I have to get over myself and my expectations of her. If I want her to speak nicely to me, to be intimate with me and work together with me, then I have to give her my all without reservation.

Through a healthy practice you should be cultivating an appreciation for all you have in life, including each other.

All the best with it. It sounds like you are both willing and capable.

stillpointdancer

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Re: Should me and my wife go to Vipassana (very confused)
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2018, 11:54:38 AM »
Any meditation practice brings about change, vipassana even more so. If the marriage can't take unexpected change, then there may be troubles ahead, as the song goes. Sometimes partners can't cope with such changes as you no longer appear to be the 'you' they have a mental image of you being. Personally I think that mindfulness of breathing and metta bhavana meditations would be of more help if you are determined to go down the meditation route.
“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” Franz Kafka