Sorry for a very long post but I went to get details correct as possible as I've not yet read about exactly my situation;
I started meditating several weeks ago. I used no specific religious method. I began by sitting cross legged, close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I did this for about 10-15 minutes per day after work (so afternoon/late afternoon) and I believe it helped me relax and calmed me down quite a bit. But nothing sensational was happening. Still I was enjoying it so I continued.
Then after a few weeks I tried a different technique; I kept my eyes open and stared at an object. Within only a minute or two I realized something bizarre was happening! It is always very slow and gradual. But using this method I can on demand bring forth what I can only describe as an altered state of consciousness. It is very difficult (maybe impossible) to describe. My body becomes very still (but not paralyzed) Whatever I'm looking at changes color; and everything in short, looks weird. My breathing becomes noticeably slower/quieter. I think my body temperature also drops a little bit.
I've done this about 5-7 times now. Sometimes I've closed my eyes after this then begins another sensation;
When this happens (again it's very gradual) my arms and legs but also the floor and things around me (whether I'm looking at them or just imagining them with my eyes closed feel like they are growing farther away from me or getting smaller.
Then, the opposite happens and my everything feels like they are very close to me and large.
Another way to put it is it feels like my mind or my mental image is growing smaller or somehow removed from my environment, then bigger and closer to it.
It's also important to note that not only my arms and legs or any actual physical object; but my imagination is effected as well. If I imagine to myself, an apple for instance, it seems too large and unrealistic or too close or too far away from me. I don't seem to have a full control over how I imagine things in my mind at this point.
This feeling grows and becomes more and more intense if I keep meditating. (It vanishes very quickly if I open my eyes and get up).
The further along the more difficult it is to describe. As it gets more powerful it feels overwhelming and scary. The only reason I feel remotely comfortable with this is because I've experienced it several times now and am learning to deal with it, but it still frightens me every time.
As the feeling grows further still it feels like I'm falling or being enveloped into something else. Once it felt like while everything in my mind still felt totally out of whack in size and location, there began an intense pulling sensation mixed with falling and lifting sensation simultaneously. It feels like my body or mind is both sinking and rising up or being pulled apart or stretched by both ends. Usually by this point I have to stop out of fear/discomfort or it's just been so long I decide it's time to stop. (it takes maybe 20 minutes to get to this point). The farthest I went I was filled with both fear but also joyful curiosity.
Now an important aside: this is not the first I've had this sensation (while meditating that is). This very sensation I first had as a very young child. In fact I've had it several times as a child and still have/had it occasionally but not nearly as often as when I was a kid. It starts when I lie down in bed to go to sleep sometimes, it seems to just start happening for no apparent reason. Until I've started meditating, I didn't like this sensation at all and thought it was just some weird optical illusion in my head so I'd always get out of bed and turn the lights on to make it go away.
While I'm not sure if this was the very first time; it happened memorably when I was around 4 or 5 years old; I had the flu and I had a very high fever. So high in fact that my parents took me to the doctor right away but it had lowered by the time we got there so I didn't need to go to the hospital. I don't remember how long I was sick but I can distinctly remember the sensation a few times I think, and having it in bed one particular night (while having a bad fever). I believe I called to my parents in fear; they turned on the lights and it went away but not immediately. I probably tried explaining what I felt but I doubt if they understood or even would remember this. According to them I also slept walked and had severely bad dreams during this sickness. I've never slept walked since that.
Since then this scenario (as I described above) occurs very rarely, maybe once a year or less, seemingly randomly in bed before I go to sleep. Until now, I had no idea what this was or why it was happening. I searched online for it but never found anything useful. I am aware of the ego-dissolution and out of body experiences, which I've read can occasionally happen with meditation. I would not exactly describe this as something like that. Although it could be that I've not taken it far enough to realize that yet.
The sensation is not painful, but it isn't pleasant either. It's both exhilarating and terrifying. I feel like this may "lead" somewhere but I haven't gotten there yet.
Now I've meditated in this way just several times (for about 1 week) and I've noticed a few things:
First, the first few times I was filled with a deep sense of calmness and peace. I've laughed to myself sometimes even though I was scared.
I've also had some weird dreams. It could be a coincidence but I think my dreams have been noticeably different then before (but I haven't remembered any real well yet. I have remembered quite a few of my ordinary dreams from the past).
I woke up one morning with an odd feeling. I can't really describe it; only to say that I felt like I was changing. I thought, maybe this meditation was working but I don't exactly know how. I noticed the same oddness while driving on my way to work but it faded. Random things sort of "poped out" at me, like lights on the dashboard and signs along the road.
Also it may be purely coincidence but I've had several headaches the past few days when I did the most intense meditation. And sometimes, especially after doing the intense meditation my eyes feel weird and I almost have a feeling like I'm afraid I'm going to accidentally slip back into that state without wanting to.
I eased back on the 'intense' meditation however, because twice now I had a disturbing episode. Both while *not* meditating, once when I woke up in the middle of the night, and second while I was at work, minding my own business. Both times were very brief but I had a sudden and intense fear or anxiety so strong I felt like I was losing my mind. And I was afraid I was going to have a nervous breakdown or something. I don't know why it happened, I was not really thinking about anything in particular both times. It wasn't a very articulate emotion with much logical cause. I don't think I've ever had anything like this until now. I've been depressed in the past especially when I was a teenager, but these episodes were different and weird. I feel strange and I've questioned my sanity a few times. But I don't think I have any real serious mental problems, I've never been diagnosed with anything anyway. I'm not sure but I believe I may have had Asperger's Syndrome when I was a child (Because I had almost all the symptoms). I was never treated and I've mostly grown out of them. I'm much more socially able then I was as a teenager.
I don't know what's going on and despite reading that supposedly meditation has no negative effects I feel afraid I might drive myself insane or something. Maybe I'm not ready to handle this strong meditation yet? Or am I doing something wrong? Or is this all just normal and I'm being paranoid or over thinking it?
I read that lack of sleep could be a problem; I get up pretty early for my job and tend to be tired a lot. I don't always get to bed when I should and I always pay for that.
Over thinking, fear and anxiety are big problems of mine for years and it's one of the reasons I started meditating; to improve/get rid of them (if possible). I'm still meditating, but I'm trying to take it very slowly. I don't want to give up. But this is (as I said in my intro post) much more serious and bizarre then I anticipated going in.