ambitious me getting frustrated, meditation to the rescue.

[Siddharth]

Hey guys,
It has been a while since i posted something here.I have sparingly posted at all and that too mostly practise related but today i feel like talking about something not directly related to practise.

 I graduated a few weeks ago from university, had a good job as a quant trader but decided to leave that and pursue something in a highly competitive domain...specifically clearing a competitive exam to get a coveted post in government, from where I can actually serve those who need to be helped the most.

The decision had multiple reasons..
1) I wanted to be in public life.
2) I wanted to at least for some time lead a life of discipline and put all my energy into improving myself (whatever that means)
3) Somehow, what i get easily is not enough and I want to put it aside and work for something greater.
4) I think this is the age where i can let go of some money and work towards designing a life that I want to live..

But now that I am actually putting in the grind, It is mostly about the mental game. A competitive environment can take a toll both on your mental and physical health..and in all that my practise of meditation, I think has been quite helpful

Thinking of the outcome of all this, only makes things depressing. Basically you are generating cravings towards positive result and aversion towards possible negative outcomes.
This makes the natural cycles of some good/productive days and some bad days less bearable...as you associate those days to the outcome..

more and more I am realising the fruits of being in the moment. You can't really learn things with a mind that is anxious..about anything..

Seeing my friends earning money while I am studying hours and hours does create frustrations..but at the end this is the life i chose and if not anything, it is giving me lessons on being equanimous in real time and the hard way..

The journey is long...and possibilities are infinite..but I think my practise which has slowly but impact-fully seeped in my day to day life has made it all better..made me more equipped to deal with challenges.

I ask for your well wishes to walk beautifully...after that..whatever happens, happens