Author Topic: Stop being "right" - and start being ...  (Read 402 times)

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Staff
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • KISS: Keep it simple stupid.
    • Getting nowhere slowly and enjoying every moment.
Stop being "right" - and start being ...
« on: April 26, 2018, 08:32:54 PM »
One of the most harmful habits and one of the hardest habits to break is the habit of being right all the time. By being right one sets the other up to be wrong, one instigates conflict from the outset. This way one is always at loggerheads with someone about something. Others who like to be right all the time will spot the challenge you pose and will rise to it time and time again.

It it a good place to start meditation practice "in action". Spot the moments when "being right" arises. Spot the ensuing thought patterns as they manifest and solidify into the sure knowledge you are right. Spot what follows: there is a rise of tension and even anger as you prepare for battle. Your body runs on stress when you are right all the time.

Using a meditation like this one slowly becomes more and more aware of these patterns, or habits of thinking that lead to negative emotions, actions and words. By becoming more aware or awake one recognises earlier the signs of trouble and stands guard against the mistaken attitude and then by chipping away at the habit with this awareness, you one day find you no longer need to be right. Instead being is itself a pleasure and a joy.

~ Written 15th November 2006
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Neon

  • Member
  • Who are you?
    • Newbie
Re: Stop being "right" - and start being ...
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2018, 01:03:17 PM »
I totally agree with you. While I don't do a lot of sitting with eyes closed, this mindfulness of our thinking, watching thoughts arise, and open-mindedness to any possibility, is right at the heart of my practice. I didn't actually know what open-mindedness was until I looked into meditation. To me it was being open minded about everything I was curious about, except where I was already right! LOL It's so engrained, I'm sure I still do it! Also, I know it's off topic, but seeing how much arises are addictions and analysing this, why they exist and exert control.
Oh and one more thing, seeing these processes in others, like our post office lady who notices something wrong with your package or the amount paid as often as possible and puffs her chest out and says, "no - it's wrong!" and when I smile and take the package back and gently say, "It's ok, I'll deal with that", she looks like someone took the wind out of her so bad, it's like someone punched her. Do you know what I mean?

stillpointdancer

  • stillpointdancer
  • Member
  • Retired teacher, deepening understanding of Dharma
    • Insight meditation
    • Exploring the results of 30 years of meditating
Re: Stop being "right" - and start being ...
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2018, 10:08:19 AM »

Oh and one more thing, seeing these processes in others, like our post office lady who notices something wrong with your package or the amount paid as often as possible and puffs her chest out and says, "no - it's wrong!" and when I smile and take the package back and gently say, "It's ok, I'll deal with that", she looks like someone took the wind out of her so bad, it's like someone punched her. Do you know what I mean?
Maybe you should have done some mindful ranting and raving  ;)
“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” Franz Kafka

Siddharth

  • Member
    • unlearning, relearning and letting go
Re: Stop being "right" - and start being ...
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2018, 02:31:42 PM »
hey Matthew!
What you said resonated with me. We should be wise in choosing our fights (as trying to be right, a lot of times, end up becoming a psychological/egoistical fight) 
I want to talk about the last line though.

~ Written 15th November 2006

Sometimes when i read things that i wrote, it seems that i was so wise in the moment when i was writing it. As if it was written by someone else..someone much ahead on the path. At times going back to what i wrote, I get a feeling of completely missing things that i wrote while "in action".If only we could act based on the complete extent of experiences and micro-realisations/observations we make. Though overall i have been writing and journaling for as long as i can remember, and I feel it has helped me immensely, still I feel I am much wiser on paper than in real life.

And what is good, Phædrus,
And what is not good...
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?

Blake32

  • Member
  • Who are you?
    • Vipassana
Re: Stop being "right" - and start being ...
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2018, 12:01:49 PM »
What if I am actually ALWAYS RIGHT? Lol. I need to work on this myself. It is a big problem of mine. I will try to be more mindful of it now after reading this. It does lead to a lot of unecessary pain. Even if I am right lol ;)

dharma bum

  • Member
  • Certified Zen Master (second degree black belt)
    • vipassana
Re: Stop being "right" - and start being ...
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2018, 06:37:10 PM »
when i was younger, i used to spend a lot of time convincing people on the internet that they were wrong. now i've become better at avoiding arguments on the internet and outside too. it is harder to get rid of arguments inside my own head.
Mostly ignorant

Dharmic Tui

  • Member
  • Something
    • Some Theravada, some secular
Re: Stop being "right" - and start being ...
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2018, 11:58:10 AM »
In a crude sense, you need to tell yourself to shut the fcuk up and stop trying to understand anything.

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Staff
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • KISS: Keep it simple stupid.
    • Getting nowhere slowly and enjoying every moment.
Re: Stop being "right" - and start being ...
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2018, 01:51:47 PM »
...
I want to talk about the last line though.

~ Written 15th November 2006

Sometimes when i read things that i wrote, it seems that i was so wise in the moment when i was writing it. As if it was written by someone else..someone much ahead on the path. At times going back to what i wrote, I get a feeling of completely missing things that i wrote while "in action".If only we could act based on the complete extent of experiences and micro-realisations/observations we make. Though overall i have been writing and journaling for as long as i can remember, and I feel it has helped me immensely, still I feel I am much wiser on paper than in real life.

Hey Siddharth,

Thanks for your reply. We live in a much more complex world than people did when the Buddha was giving his teachings. There are so many things the ego can attach to that did not even exist back then, plus a shit-load of social programming to break. It is no surprise to me that our awareness ebbs and flows, comes and goes, like a rising and falling tide. In one moment we may be completely aware of a deep insight, then wham! ego jumps up and draws our attention away, to career, to social standing, to something we have been ruminating about ... it could be anything.

I've written before about standing "on the precipice", aware of the commitment needed to fully take on board the "letting go" of ego and all it's manifestations in order to dive deep into the Dhamma. I see these themes as very much related. To swim against the tide in this modern world is one hell of a leap, a leap nicely described by DT:

In a crude sense, you need to tell yourself to shut the fcuk up and stop trying to understand anything.

True understanding arises when you let go of all egoistic understanding. Until and unless you can do this then the ebb and flow of wisdom will be one manfestation of living in the modern world and trying to live the Dhamma.

Be well,

Matthew
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Siddharth

  • Member
    • unlearning, relearning and letting go
Re: Stop being "right" - and start being ...
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2018, 07:09:36 AM »
True understanding arises when you let go of all egoistic understanding.

This is something I needed to hear at this point of time. It sobered me up a bit and gave perspective about what i have been doing lately.

Lately, I have been too cerebral about things in general and almost trying to argue with anyone I can get hold of about anything that I can argue. It perhaps has to do with big changes and uncertainties that I am facing in life right now.

Hope I can be of some help someday to this community too,
Siddharth
And what is good, Phædrus,
And what is not good...
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?