Author Topic: A wall, then a break through :)  (Read 442 times)

Blake32

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A wall, then a break through :)
« on: April 22, 2018, 02:15:45 AM »
I have been meditating 1-3 hours per day for about 8 weeks. At first I had a lot of euporia after meditating and was overcome with a new hope for life. Perhaps some of this was imagination and beginner luck. The past 4-5 days I havent noticed any benefits but I kept going anyway because I believe in vipassana. Yesterday I meditated 3-4 hours total in an attempt to have a break through. While i noticed my meditation itself was having noticable positive changes, i felt my mood following meditating wasn't so great. I made poor decisions last night and again today and felt myself slipping into a spiritual and emotional downward spiral filled with hopelessness. I thought "how could this be possible after I just meditated 4 hours in half a day?" I felt tension and misery arising as it had before starting meditation. A few hours ago I meditated for 30 minutes and felt both transformed and awakened. I realized how much control and mental clarity I had yesterday that I hadnt appreciated and instead was too absorbed in seeking bliss. I do not feel blissful at all now but simply feeling calm and balanced is FAR greater than the chaos I had forgotten until my recent reencounterment. I love these spiritually uplifting moments that remind me why I cannot stop seeking a greater spiritual fulfillment from life.
Please feel free to share advice or how you can relate to where I am at.  ;D

Alex

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Re: A wall, then a break through :)
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2018, 09:59:18 PM »
Quote from: Mingyur Rinpoche
The expectations that your bring to your meditation are often the greatest obstacles you will encounter.

Blake32

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Re: A wall, then a break through :)
« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2018, 10:29:32 PM »
Quote from: Mingyur Rinpoche
The expectations that your bring to your meditation are often the greatest obstacles you will encounter.
I thought of this after I made my post. Ultimately my goal is to have a better life but when I have bad feelings it is certainly hard to not desire instant gratification. Now when I meditate and do not notice any immediate results I do not view it as a failure. I believe changes are happening whether I can identify them or not. I try to judge my progress by my equanimity during meditation and even afterwards. I have limited experience meditating in the half lotus without back support. Im starting to feel like its becoming as deep and as focused as laying down. I still feel pain in my legs but I feel equanimity towards it now rather than it being a distraction. Im truly amazed how different my meditation is week after week. Today my binaural beat app timer turned off after 30 minutes. I immediately restarted it for 30 minutes. Then again for 30 minutes. Ive never meditated 90 minutes straight and felt great about it but I recognize that I felt some bliss and sought out more rather than having equanimity. Equanimity towards pain seems much easier than towards bliss
« Last Edit: April 25, 2018, 10:35:41 PM by Blake32 »

oscarabeo

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Re: A wall, then a break through :)
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2018, 03:35:34 PM »
This all reminds me of the old zen story. Paraphrasing, a man asks a monk,

"If I meditate two hours a day, how long will it take me to get enlightened."

Monk: "10 years."

"What about if I meditate four hours a day?"

"20 years."

For reasons unrelated to this story, I give myself a limit of two hours a day, and spend my meditation time trying to make those hours count. I feel like if I allow myself more time than that, I tend to waste the time I have -- if I zone out, my brain tells me (dubiously) that I can always "make up for it" later.

Matthew

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Re: A wall, then a break through :)
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2018, 09:41:10 PM »
You are trying too hard. Learn to relax - it is the opposite of stress and essential for good meditation. You sound stressed.
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

VipassanaXYZ

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Re: A wall, then a break through :)
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2018, 05:14:10 PM »


What you have done well is to develop investigation. Observing what happened in itself will help you progress :) So, well done!

Remember to stay equanimous. Problem begins when we start celebrating euphoria, then misery is bound to follow.

Pleasant or unpleasant, you already know, are not our criteria.


Work a few minutes on the breath and then come back to sensations, move part by part, steady and calm, aware and soft.

When it is time to move to daily work,  step out of meditation gently, do a little bit of metta practise. Take a moment and wish well for yourself, all beings, all those on the path of meditation, and then get back to work.

Doubt, confusion, elation - all is emotional spectrum, stay calm through it all, not craving for pleasant and not aversion to unpleasant.
Be mindful of your good qualities, virtues, reflect often on the good qualities you wish would come to you, mindful of inferior qualities you have protected yourself from, mindful of inferior qualities you wish to overcome!

https://www.audiodharma.org/series/1/talk/1796/

« Last Edit: September 06, 2018, 05:16:15 PM by VipassanaXYZ »