Sharing my meditation progress Have few questions

[raushan]

Hi Guys,

I have few questions. I have been practicing meditation now for almost 2 years almost 2 hours a day. Although I observed changes in me overall. But I still struggle with focusing during meditation. I feel from few months my concentration has been degraded than earlier or may be it's the same. My mind still wander like anything. I still feel the fear as earlier whenever I have to give any test.

I listened lot of dharma talks from Joseph Goldstein, Ajahn Brahm and jack kornfield. But these concepts are still alien to me like You are not your thoughts.


Bad habits still attack very strongly. Or, sometimes I am not even aware when I get into my old habit pattern like increasing the use of internet, mobile. Leaving important task and procrastinating with unimportant one like reading some novel or books.

I think I am at the same place for like last 4-5 months. Or, sometimes I wonder whether I have actually changed even. Because I see something positive in me but it doesn't last long I still fall back to the older patterns. Changes are there but it's not consistent.

Sometimes I go through the very painful mental states for very long period like 1-2 months. These painful states involves lot of guilt, regrets, anxiety, self criticism and letharginess. I don't feel like doing anything during these states.
 
Should I improve anything with my practice? 

Thanks
Raushan

[Vivek]

I feel from few months my concentration has been degraded than earlier or may be it's the same.

Raushan, how about trying to stick with Anapana for some time? Maybe that could help.

[oscarabeo]

raushan,

I'm in the same position as you, with my target set at about two hours a day. You've been in the game a lot longer than me, so please forgive me if I am stating the obvious to you.

I have a few strategies for turning a bad sit into a good sit.

1. I keep in mind that a bad sit is still a sit.
2. I remember that some of my best sits started as bad sits. So, I never give up right away.
3. I ask myself "Am I distracted? What is distracting me?"
4. If I am too agitated, I focus on something very small, like the breath going in and out of my nose. Really feeling it as it is.
5. If I still can't focus, I go through a list. "What do I feel? Pulsating? Tingling? Warmth? Coolness? Air? Long breath / short breath? Wetness or dryness? Etc." Going through these sensations helps my mind find novelty, and keep it focused.
6. Then, when I am confident I have my mind fixed on the nose, I move first to the skin on and around the nose, and then on to bigger parts of the body.

The more the mind is focused, the less room there is for distractions.

After having written and re-read this, it feels so generic. Maybe that is the takeaway lesson, for me anyway. That being distracted is part of meditation, and the answer is always the same, to keep trying. If it were easy, I suppose we wouldn't have to practice so much.

I am curious about what other answers you get. Wishing the best to you.

oscarabeo

[BeHereNow]

Hi Raushan,

Pema Chodron has a great story about this, she said that for the first 10 years, she tried so hard to still her busy mind.  10 years later, she had a big realization - she just has a busy mind!  And she has dedicated her life to telling people all about it :-)

All the things you encounter in meditation and in life do not mean that you are doing something "wrong" in your meditation.  Meditation is simply paying attention, making friends with yourself, becoming curious.  So when the mind is busy, we notice that.  When we are feeling distracted and procrastinating, we become curious about it. Even difficult states like sadness and anger can become wonderful ground for mindfulness when we are willing to open up to them.

I would say cultivate loving-kindness for yourself, in both your sits and daily life.  As best you can, return to the present moment, using the breath, the body, or another anchor.  Notice what is arising for you, and let whatever is there be ok.  Allow the present moment to be what it is.

Once we let go of trying to achieve a particular state through our practice, we can finally relax with ourselves and the world and this is a true gift.  You are already enough.

Much metta,
Paula

[raushan]

Thanks Paula. It was great help. I should really include more Loving kindness in my meditation. Also, thanks for reminding to stay in present moment and noticing the arising states.