High Powered Meditation Experience (like DMT?) Question!!!???

[Opiumwalls]

I recently participated in the 10 Day S. N. Goenka  Vipassana mediation course.
It was for me as it was for many, difficult and bountiful.
The meditation mostly has had large blind areas in my chest and back,
with some 'good' sessions and some completely unfocused blind sessions.

Currently I'm 21,  but  i have lived a instant pleasure, movie-music-sex-weed lifestyle since 14.
but have been developing the free-thinking flowerchild kind of buzz since then,
moving towards psychedelics and sarongs since then. big interest in LSD, Shrooms and DMT.
I havent done DMT but am very experienced in the others.

So after this course, I was exhausted but blown away, and have been continuing daily sessions since then
and its only been 4 days (the 14th day is over) hahaha.
After Vipassana i returned to my hometown and spent a night back in my childhood room.
Alone, stoned and listening to music, i experienced sudden anxiety, guilt and fear.
i have experienced anxiety before, but usually its fine, this room i used to smoke out every single night,
and never let my parents or anyone know, i smoked by myself and watched TV daily before bed.
The anxiety increased to the point of experiencing knifes slicing through my genitals (this isnt new either).
After Vipassana i have been on a different mental wavelength and became aware objectively of my anxiety,
so i decide to psychoanalyze myself and figure out WHY the guilt and fear arose.
my brain goes into overdrive (another by-product of weedsmoking is a heavily analyzing brain, dissecting movies for 6 years).
i am tearing through every possible reason, finding the TINIEST loopholes in each theory to find a TRUE answer.
faster and faster my brain goes, nearly overiding the anxiety but still floating on it.

i decide to meditate , this time to calm myself down, usually i am already calm entering the meditation, so this is new.
slowly, time passes, i begin to feel sensations... i continue, battling my speeding fast brain for its capacity.
eventually it becomes the most aware meditation ive had, so concise and powerful, flowing with speed.
during vipassana if my most aware meditation was 100%, this was beyond 1000%.
so i keep increasing the speed, feeling more and more, penetrating WITHIN my skin for the first time...
i could feel my fingernails, my bones, my tongue... everything was pure electric flame.
i could direct,without anxiety or anything, steady in myself.
my curiosity must have peaked somewhere and i decided to locate my brain... and find my pineal gland.
the Pineal glad is known to be the third eye, so i burrow my consciousness into my temples... and dont find it.
i shift my consciousness around a bit, further back and down until a glimmer of light glints inside me...
by this point my body is scanning top to bottom in literally NO TIME. so fast
my atoms are shooting across the universe in a single moment. i remain equanimous.
i realise i am on the precipice of my pineal gland...

exactly the moment i am pushing into this thing, my bedside heater clicks loudy and my body tenses.
immaculate energy flows out and radiates through my body and outside too...
the energy so fine, more like sunlight than  the prickly sensation i feel during meditations.
tears begin rolling down my cheeks and i am floating through some ether, some nirvana.
how long i am here, i know not.
i keep ascending, like a fish in a net of light, something is pulling my rapidly towards the surface.
what is this surface i feel... im about to break through!!!
i feel fear spread through my shoulder and chest... whats on the other side, will i ever come back???
my consciousness dims like a lightbulb in an earthquake... rippling... i decide to let it go.
the step past the next gate seems unfathomable and i fear i will never return.

slowly i come back into myself... and cry... for hours... i cry in pure awe....


this was incredible, not good or bad, but incredible... i have a feeling it was my speeding thoughts
probably arising as a sankara release from childhood 'trauma' in the same atmosphere.
making my brain so focused and powerful, that my meditation (which i nearly couldnt focus for)
became so sensitive. i think when i hit my pineal gland, i inadvertantly may have released DMT into my system.
the white light, the awe, the love and connection....

Has anyone else had experiences like this, where consciousness is pure???

Do you think this anxiety was a sankara brought out by vipassana???

Has anyone else contacted their pineal gland during vipassana???

peace, love.

[Dharmic Tui]

Hi Opiumwalls,

It's hard to say if I've had an experience like yours. I can relate to a lot of what you typed there, however I have not married it up to mental imagery like you are describing.

In terms of the anxiety, the more I have practiced the more I am aware of the anxiety in most people, myself included. I think through the course of a life you're going to get some bruises, or near misses, and they leave imprints on a person, guiding their emotions, thoughts and behaviours. But yes, practice is going to be capable of exposing anxieties.

In terms of my pineal gland, this is not something I have made contact with.

You're doing well, keep at it.