what are couples like?

[kamika]

If two people were really good at vipassana meditation.
and they were married, or a couple, would the only reason for their being together be because two heads are better than one?

i want a partner very much, to share experiences with, a good vipassana student, who i am very harmonious with.

but at the same time i want to be able to be happy just being alone.
sometimes i wish i could just rest my head against someone's shoulder.
hold hands etc.

maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.
I'll continue my practice, I'm going to do another 10 vipassana course.
we'll see where my mind is by then.

does any one else here have a strong desire to find some one else to share their experiences with?

[Stefan]

I found her. 

She does not practice Vipassana (allthough she is highly interested because she sees the results), still I can rest my head on her shoulder. I can share my experiences, because we don't try to prove things to each other, but we listen with love. Her understanding comes from her love, not from practicing the same technique that I chose. She probably knows more about Metta than most of us in this forum, without even knowing the word.

So: my advise would be - don't search a Vipassana-student (cos that's a brain-thing to do), but keep your heart open to find the right partner - whatever she or he practices.

@ being happy by just being alone: I understand what you mean, but since we all are connected, "being alone" is an illusion.

And from a friend I know a horrible mistake: if you do a 10day-course, then don't try to find your partner there. This would lead to suffering.

With Metta, Stefan

[kamika]

yeah i notice when my craving comes back when i haven't meditated for a day, and i just think about how my concentration changes from day to day and rather than beating myself up for not having meditated, i just think "the brain was less concentrated today, this too will also change."

I'm going into the great unknown tomorrow (that unknown being san luis obispo) where i will attempt to sell kites at the beach, and i will attempt to find this girl who i met at the vipassana center and became good friends with, i dropped her off at san luis obispo, and she doesn't reply to her email that often, but she replied last night and said that she wants to see me again.
But i think the whole living in my car alone thing will be beneficial and add to my concentration.
right now I'm living with my parents and it's more difficult to find time to meditate.

good night.

[Stefan]

Best of luck to you! With Metta in your heart everything will turn out fine, no matter what happens. 

Love is the key!

Yours, Stefan

[Matthew]

Being part of a couple is leading a very different life to dedicating oneself to Dhamma. A married life can be a Dhammic life however one is creating strong bonds of attachment which can withhold one's progress on the path - even if one is a dedicated practitioner. However, there were examples of lay householders who reached the goal, "had done that which had to be done" as the Buddha said.

Aim high. Go for the girl and enlightenment. Just remember not to get attached to either of them. This involves maintaining the meditative state at all times through the day in all activities.



Matthew

[VipassanaXYZ]

If two people were really good at vipassana meditation.
and they were married, or a couple, would the only reason for their being together be because two heads are better than one?

Their values should match. Vipassana gives them a common ground, but it in itself is a very long path. How much the couples have developed in their common understanding of:

Generosity (dana)
Moral conduct (sila)
Renunciation (nekkhamma)
Wisdom (paññā)
Energy (viriya)
Patience (khanti)
Truthfulness (sacca)
Determination (adhitthana)
Loving-kindness (metta)
Equanimity (upekkha)


You see?

i want a partner very much, to share experiences with, a good vipassana student, who i am very harmonious with.

but at the same time i want to be able to be happy just being alone.
sometimes i wish i could just rest my head against someone's shoulder.
hold hands etc.

maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic.

No you arent a romantic

Dhamma is for householders, householders should practice dhamma. It is good to have family (to be committed), to earn wealth, to practise virtue (commitment) and to give dana (donation). It is good to support yourself and others on the path.

I'll continue my practice, I'm going to do another 10 vipassana course.
we'll see where my mind is by then.

does any one else here have a strong desire to find some one else to share their experiences with?

Everyone has this desire.

 
Mangal Sutta (for householders)
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/khp/khp.5.nara.html

[chin]

I have been married for 15 years. We were deeply in love for the first 10. Then many life circumstances led to both of our deep emotional insecurities coming to the surface. We began to hate each other. Sex was terrible and always made both of us more angry at each other. After 3 years of that misery, I was led to do my first 10-day Goenka course and to seek couples therapy. She also did a 10-day Goenka course (a year before me actually), but decided to not practice because she doesn't seem to find it helpful.

After more than 2 years of healing, now we no longer relate to each other as husband and wife, or even as a romantic couple, but have discovered a much deeper bond that unites us. We have learnt to see and accept each other as we are. We don't have sex or share any physical affection because it brings up very difficult emotions in her (so no keeping head on her shoulder or holding hands, and that does bother me sometimes). It's different from any traditional "couples" relationship. But my practice of Vipassana and Metta has helped me view her more kindly. She still struggles with depression. We share a deeply loving and caring bond and are both grateful for having each other in our lives.

[VipassanaXYZ]

Brave Chin, you are facing the tide, not running away.

You have shown true strength.