I really grappled with the first noble truth, having seen a baby sea lion in the Galapagos calling out for its mother who would never return, and knowing it would die and there was nothing I could do... I grappled with the misery of being stuck in a human body...
The first noble truth actually summarises all suffering as 'attachment'. The "misery" you experienced was actually your mind's attachment to the experience of the baby seal lion, your mind's wanting the situation of the baby sea lion be different & your mind's view that somehow things could be different.
When I returned to the US, I got a job in a new, smaller city in the south different from any place I have ever lived. I dropped out of regular meditation practice on the day of my interview in April of this year. Within 10 weeks of me moving here in June, I was violently sexually assaulted on a first date. I am still reeling, and there just are no words to describe the terribleness of it all.
This is certainly a terrible & violent experience, which is very important you dispossess & purify yourself of. You are not or related to the violent, deluded & deficient person that performed this act nor in anyway deserving or warranting of this experience.
You must reflect & know very deeply in your heart: "
I am not this violence;
I did not warrant this violence;
I have a heart of love;
love is my nature; etc" and whatever other '
life affirmations' that are required to bring your mind & heart back to wholeness.
You must cleanse your nervous system of this trauma and allow the violence & trauma to have no power over you. Do not allow this spiritually powerless,sad & deficient man to gain power over you.
"
I am not this experience;
this experience is not me;
this is not what I am". "Instead, I am this [good qualities]; my heart is this [good qualities]; I believe this [good beliefs]... ".
I know that it is folly to expect any positive external outcomes as fruits of meditation. But yet, I guess I did. How could something so earth-shatteringly horrible happen to me just at the time that I am striving the hardest to be the best I've ever been in my life?
This world/earth unfortunately has lots of violence within the neurology of life forms, people included. What happened to you is unrelated to you but, instead, related to the mere probabilities of bad luck or sheer chance.
Similarly, the Buddha taught that a (compassionate, loving, harmless, totally safe, fully enlightened & peaceful) Buddha arises in the world by sheer chance & by mere co-incidence; and that to be born into this world with a humane caring conscience is also sheer chance & very rare.
You personally have been born with a humane conscience & attraction to the teachings/path/qualities (Dhamma) of the Buddha. This great fortune & very rare probability is of similar rare probability to what happened to you.
Unwarrranted unjust experiences happen to many people but only a few of these people have the teachings & community of the Buddha as a refuge.
The only silver lining to all of this is that I see just how incredibly strong I've become through my practice. When this first happened to me and I started to sink, I sank only so far until I found a solid resting place of purity and self-awareness that was overwhelming to behold. I struggle to remain in touch with that place in myself, but at least I know all my efforts have not gone to waste.
It makes me very happy & pleased to read your words here. As you yourself already know, your heart is a place of purity, self-awareness & love. This is what you are, this is your unshakable belief & what your heart/mind is. This is the best both you & we all can be.
Love for yourself & honoring what is truly good & right will bring you through this. Always distinguish/separate any pain, fear & memories of the experience from the inherent purity, love & self-awareness that is the true nature of your mind, heart & nervous system. Your efforts have certainly not gone to waste.
In togetherness & community. May you be well, overcome & triumph.
