Author Topic: Journaling Daily Meditations  (Read 6086 times)


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Re: Journaling Daily Meditations
« Reply #25 on: May 03, 2016, 05:42:24 AM »
Your enthusiasm, motivation and determination are commendable and inspiring. I hope journaling may benefit your practice.


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Re: Journaling Daily Meditations
« Reply #26 on: May 05, 2016, 04:37:56 PM »
Your enthusiasm, motivation and determination are commendable and inspiring. I hope journaling may benefit your practice.

Yes it definetly did :-P
to be or not to be - one hardly notices the subtlety


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Re: Journaling Daily Meditations
« Reply #27 on: May 15, 2016, 04:29:00 PM »
I had a strong urge to sit and face eventual inner turmoilt before I go into the day. That girl left yesterday night to Nepal, and we probably won`t see again, and I can sense inner reaction to all that event, especially in my chest area. I can somewhat control, or, influence how attached I get to things through practice, but I can`t control falling into connection which one would call fall in love (atleast a bit). I left a book that I read yesterday at the end of a chapter (which was really fitting the other day and was about meaning in life. Book: Lessons of the dying). Todays chapter was about suffering. It basically told me what I had the urge to do myself already anyway. To understand suffering, to feel it, but not identify with it, and to learn from it. Also aware of the urge to let it pull me down a pit, but only if I`d identify with it too much, which I didn`t do yet and I don`t intent to. Rather, I did just that, feel it, be aware of it, and it`s a sweet pain - I rather have this pain, than not have had this experience, this bond at all. So, life is suffering, but is suffering bad? Who are we to judge suffering, which is inherent to the word, the understandig, but has anyone ever questioned whether it`s bad or good? I think most implications of "life is suffering" are wrong, and hence many conclusions, because they take it as a sad, bad, negative statement. But it`s just that, as it is. You can see life as suffering, and then try to escape from that very life, and hence from suffering, which the desire for nothingness kind of implies, isn`t it? (this is buddhism critic, as well as the desire to erase karma, free from rebirths and hence from suffering, find nibbana etc.). But life is suffering, and it`s pleasure, and it`s more. We are not to judge it and then come to conclusions too early, as I guess I did when reading about life, and suffering. I got a new perspective on suffering today I guess. Also interesting, I had breakfast, not too much, two eggs and 2 slices of toast with green tea, then I ate a banana, after half a banana I felt full, as in, I don`t need any more, but there was half the banana left. I ate it and something interesting happened: I ate more than I needed. The emotion I was feeling, would dull. My capability to feel and sense it clearly and as it is, would decrease. I would feel heavy, dull, I would not feel my suffering, but nor the joy. Just dull. I will take it as a learning experience, and not eat more than I feel I need, even if it means wasting half a banana (or eating it later) - especially when I`m in emotional and mental states that want to be felt and explored. I can still feel it though, and I`m sad today, as a fact - there is sadness. It coloured everything until now - the music feels sad, the food tastes sad, it renders everything according to how I feel. It`s interesting - you could easily get entangled in this. Some would ask, what is meditation? is it observing the breath? and then the bodily sensations? how could one explain to another that meditation seems to be this very lifely experience, and learning from it, without hiding from any one part, nor identifying too much with them. I will observe me being sad today then, with glimpses of bitter tasting moments of happiness. Sounds better than putting on Johnny Cash and singing together "I hurt myself today.. to see.. if I still feel.. buuuääääähhh". :-D

I find this quite beautiful and profound. This too:

In that regard, I`ve come back here, back to obligations and many movements into "should" and "must do`s" in regards to work, study, apartment and stuff like that. And what I noticed, being back home, is a subtle difference. I am happy exactly where I are. I don`t feel there is anything to be added or taken away; what is going to happen will not add to my contentness. I have no need to run -anywhere- at all. Someone called it (funnily I came across that by accident) going from "deficiency awareness" which keeps most people driving for happiness to "being awareness", so you simply are happy (in a broad sense), and nothing to be done will necessarily add to that, and nothing to be not done or be failed at will necessarily take anything away. From a constant searching mode, restlessness, to finding I guess. Rest in being, kind of. I will keep on practicing.

Funnily, one could assume that this would kill all motivation to do anything at all, because, what to pursue, if not for happiness? It`s quite different. The motivation is different now. I am more motivated now than before, because It felt like a burden before - I didn`t feel content, and doing something didn`t necessarily mean that it will grant me contentness - there was still the possibility to fail and waste effort.  I will do things now not because I lack something or I need something out of it, but because I either deem it as 1) necessary (obligations) and do it smilingly, or as 2) interesting and worthwhile, or because it simply excites me to do that, or challenges me, or feels good to do. Whether I do it, or fail to do it, is not as much important. The outcome requires nothing at all - it`s doing for the sake of doing it, more or less. Yes, I`m not perfect yet, it takes constant (which is more or less ingrained through momentum) awareness of the present moment and it`s enoughness, and it`s nothingtobeaddedness, which could be translated as contented equanimity.

Funnily, as I started practicing for the sake of the practice itself after my short stay at the lumbini retreat, and stopped pursuing something out of it - happiness/no suffering, but moreover things like - enlightenment, end of suffering, or even nibbana (which wasn`t my goal at all anyway), or even pursuing the "way of the Buddha" - and with the gained momentum, I see my practice taking on a whole new level making me a in general much happier person. Because doing nothing fulfills me already with enough joy - for the moment. This may be object to change, as my general "unmotivated contentness" is also changing throughout the day - it does - but I`m coming back to it very fast, very often, and not leave it for very long. It`s when I forget that I leave it, which most certainly happens during lots of activity - and then it happens that I try to pull this contentness out of -what I`m doing- instead of out of -what I`m being-, and that is, aware, attentive, equanimous and this results in contentness and joyfulness. I find making much more jokes recently, because I don`t have to take things much serious, do I? Because there is nothing to loose, as I have joy already.

Here I see you coming close to what I consider a key realisation:

"The truth" is you live now and someday you will die. How will we live? Either in acceptance or in denial. For me, meditation is a way of acceptance, to live in truth with every moment, not in denial. Also, maybe truth is not a destination, right?

So what is that realisation? That "truth" is solidified, it is a point in time and space, described from a particular perspective. In that regard it is relative and not absolute. I see in your words that you are realising it is "living in truthfulness" that is (at least as a steppingstone) the destination .... it is living in truthfulness that you are describing when you say, "to live in truth with every moment" - because "every moment" places you, the observer, in the endless flow of time.

It is not "The Truth" that will set you free - it is "living in truthfulness" - and this is constantly evolving as the moment evolves, and the more you can stay in the moment and be open and aware of the inner and outer arising of phenomena the more you will find this natural home of your being-ness: and the joy you have described that comes with it.

This is the fundamental basis of the practice and path, for me, at this stage of it's development. Like you, I sometimes forget. It takes time to come to full fruition.

As regards the benefit of journaling, I see you have discovered how good a "crutch" it can be to establishing yourself in a grounded practice. It helps you remember - and remembering is synonymous with mindfulness: the Pali word "Sati" means both of those things. A journal, like all crutches, has it's time and place on the path.

Thank you for sharing your journey and reflections with this community: You too, "Have a nice day, stick to your practice, and be a happy person :-)" :)


« Last Edit: May 15, 2016, 04:31:16 PM by Matthew »
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