meditation and sexual drive

[RusskiPower]

When I was just back from my first Vipassana camp sometime last century, I met that old Taiwanese gentleman. I told him I was practising Vipassana. "Ah, Nei-guan! Watch out, it reduces your sex drive!" he quipped. Well, who the heck are you to tell me that, I could have said. But this particular gentleman of 76 was still actively engaging with his lovely wife of 72, so he knew a thing or two about the topic. He was a martial arts practitioner (still is) and that probably was the reason of his surprising prowess.

Last few months I have been diligent in daily meditation like never before. And somehow I have started noticing that while I am getting so much more balanced, focused and wise (yeah right! ) I have also become cooler and calmer when it comes to sex. I'm 35, healthy, a dedicated gymfit swimmer on a very balanced diet, not  stressed in the least and very happy about my life.  Physically there is nothing wrong with me but I can definitely see that my mojo is kind of shrinking.

Anybody else been through this before? 

[Samsara Addict]

Been there Russki Power, as have many others. I remember reading a tongue in cheek article in a Vipassana magazine a few years ago about this. It was written by the female partners of meditators. They were complaining that the passion had gone out of their relationships. I don't have an explanation or a solution for it but I can sympathise.

Onward and upward (maybe a bad choice of words!)

Del

[RusskiPower]

So, del, is it just a phase? Just a sankara that needs to be meditated out? 

[Samsara Addict]

I guess it might be. My practice has never been consistent enough to find out. I've also had the opposite problem, while on retreat all I could think about was sex. If it ain't one thing its another. I wonder if the others might be able to shed some light on this?

[Matthew]

As you reduce the habitual ways of thinking about yourself, the world and other objects in it (including people) through meditation there are many side effects.

You are engaged in a practice of reducing habit and attachment. Sex has a lot to do with both. Our thoughts about sex have a lot to do with both.  It is no surprise that your sex drive may diminish but what is also likely is that when you have sex, you are more present, more aware of yourself and the other, more compassionate and more deeply engaged with the act.

Less sex but better sex? Now that can't be too much of a loss eh?

In the Dhamma,

Matthew

[one.love]

After reading this i sort of smiled in an ironic sort of way. I am hoping to use meditation as a manner to reduce my sex drive to focus on my life and the direction i want to channel my energy. I am in no way un-satisfied i just feel i would benefit alot more from an addition to concentration from lack of sexual diversions.

[greenhorn]

Sri Ravi Shankar says that sex turns your partner into an OBJECT, the object of your pleasure. Something to think about. I used to believe that as long as you have sex in a faithful and loving relationship sex would be 'making love'. Here I am, though, one year and a half of being married reaching the conclusion that sex is sex afterall, and am more and more inclined to agree with R Shankar.

[anicca]

As you reduce the habitual ways of thinking about yourself, the world and other objects in it (including people) through meditation there are many side effects.

You are engaged in a practice of reducing habit and attachment. Sex has a lot to do with both. Our thoughts about sex have a lot to do with both.  It is no surprise that your sex drive may diminish but what is also likely is that when you have sex, you are more present, more aware of yourself and the other, more compassionate and more deeply engaged with the act.

Less sex but better sex? Now that can't be too much of a loss eh?

In the Dhamma,

Matthew

I agree with the sentiment of your post wholeheartedly. My partner and I have both been practising Vipassana for many years and have both done a number of retreats (both together and apart). We have a loving, intimate relationship that is very sexually fulfilling because its not based on craving and addiction.

[nostroaccount]

I think I am quite satisfied that my sexual drive is going down..
But once in a while it does go high....old sankharas...
Hope i can kill all someday!!

Guys....your are nearly half way thru the day you make your sexual passion ZERO....

That I am sure is a blissful state!!

[kamika]

Now i have a little question about this.

i have no problem with the no masturbation for 10 days.

but after it's over, i feel like there is too much of a build of in my prostate, So i have to relieve all the build up or else i feel like it won't be too healthy.

isn't that how cancer develops? they've done scientific research that say that men who masturbate more frequently have a much lower chance of getting prostate cancer.

I'm pretty sure i could keep a balanced view of the whole thing.

Now lets say you find yourself in a situation, where a girl who you're really attracted to wants to have sex with you, and you have a condom, and you're like...

(okay, if i have sex with this girl, she's just going to build up an attachment, and if i say no, she'll be really upset.)

So do i just explain to her? Okay, but just to let you know, I'm traveling all the time, and i don't want you to build too much of an attachment to what we do tonight.

that's why i wish i had a girlfriend who was a good vipassana meditator.

I'm a virgin any way.

I've always thought of sex as a health issue, a natural bodily function.

However, if i become enlightened, all i wont have enough time for sex, and i the desire to have sex wont come up, therefor i wont have a build up of semen in my prostate. I'm guessing.

either way, I'm looking forward to fine future.

[frepi]

Sexual drive is a naked girl driving a Ferrari...

[Matthew]

either way, I'm looking forward to fine future.

That is a good way of making sure you are not present now !

[greenhorn]

but after it's over, i feel like there is too much of a build of in my prostate, So i have to relieve all the build up or else i feel like it won't be too healthy.

 

Dear Kamika,

  According to Ayurveda (the ancient Indian medicine), it takes 40 days for the body to build the reproductive tissue. In addition, the sperm or the fluid released by the Bartholin's glands in women during sex, is the core of the immune system. Reckless, random sex, or even masturbation can totally deplete your immune system. I would say wait till you meet a partner, and even then, make sure you don;t overdo it. If for nothing else than health issues. Besides, sex within two loving partners is much more fulfilling and meaningful than masturbation.

Monica

[mattkingnz]

sounds like you are becomming more high tone..you wont lose the `drive`..the drive will move into something more creative...thats a great state to be in ..ur on the way up.. imagine if that drive went into your focus while meditating...wooh ... god knows what might happen!!

[DarkNightOfNoSoul]

Hi all, I realise this is an old thread, but I'm curious about this - do those of you who have maintained a regular, long-term meditation practice experience a drop in sex drive? (I'm directing this question mainly to males, as it seems most females don't seem to have such maddeningly strong urges.) I've been kind of hoping I'd eventually lose interest in sex, or maybe sublimate the energy into other things, but no sign of that yet! Any tips? I'm celibate these days and have no more interest in relationships or one-night stands, and could really do without intrusive thoughts of hot chicks while I'm trying to meditate. I've never gone for more than 10 days (retreats) without some sort of, ahem, sexual activity, and I've found the longer I abstain, the stronger the urge gets. Does the libido eventually subside when you cease all sexual activity for long enough?

[Renze]

Hi DarkNightOfNoSoul,

I'm currently in a 90-day 'NoFap'-challenge, I'm at day 15. There is some (pseudo)science behind this that after 90-days your brain will have reset from porn/masturbation 'addiction'. I currently feel very strong sexual urges, so I'm kinda skeptical about it. I hope to complete the challenge and tell you about my experiences. The website that inspired me to try this is www.yourbrainonporn.com It's all pseudoscience IMO, but I somehow felt triggered to experience it for myself.

[redalert]

I've read that lust is one of the final fetters to fall away, after the stage of non-returner. Try marriage or kids to eliminate sex drive.

[siddharthgode]

Hi all, I realise this is an old thread, but I'm curious about this - do those of you who have maintained a regular, long-term meditation practice experience a drop in sex drive? (I'm directing this question mainly to males, as it seems most females don't seem to have such maddeningly strong urges.)

NO. if i have to compare the present with past then i dont see any decrease in urges all thought they are much under control, the urge itself might have increased with age. I inquired with assistant teacher in a course and he said they are the deep rooted and are very difficult to remove for a very very advanced mediator.

[Stefan]

Men! Don't be afraid to have less sex. It doesn't mean that you are no men anymore.

You are engaged in a practice of reducing habit and attachment. Sex has a lot to do with both. Our thoughts about sex have a lot to do with both.  It is no surprise that your sex drive may diminish but what is also likely is that when you have sex, you are more present, more aware of yourself and the other, more compassionate and more deeply engaged with the act.

Less sex but better sex? Now that can't be too much of a loss eh?

*sign*

one of the main craving-aversion-topics in human life is sex. So, changes in your craving-aversion-patterns will naturally affect your sexlife. Compulsive patterns fade and therefore the manic need of the ego to have sex all the time.

[Stefan]

Hi all, I realise this is an old thread, but I'm curious about this - do those of you who have maintained a regular, long-term meditation practice experience a drop in sex drive? (I'm directing this question mainly to males, as it seems most females don't seem to have such maddeningly strong urges.) I've been kind of hoping I'd eventually lose interest in sex, or maybe sublimate the energy into other things, but no sign of that yet! Any tips? I'm celibate these days and have no more interest in relationships or one-night stands, and could really do without intrusive thoughts of hot chicks while I'm trying to meditate. I've never gone for more than 10 days (retreats) without some sort of, ahem, sexual activity, and I've found the longer I abstain, the stronger the urge gets. Does the libido eventually subside when you cease all sexual activity for long enough?

... better not crave for not craving for sex ...

(actually this was going to be a long answer, but after reading it through only this sentence survived)

[DarkNightOfNoSoul]

Hi DarkNightOfNoSoul,

I'm currently in a 90-day 'NoFap'-challenge, I'm at day 15. There is some (pseudo)science behind this that after 90-days your brain will have reset from porn/masturbation 'addiction'. I currently feel very strong sexual urges, so I'm kinda skeptical about it. I hope to complete the challenge and tell you about my experiences. The website that inspired me to try this is www.yourbrainonporn.com It's all pseudoscience IMO, but I somehow felt triggered to experience it for myself.

Brilliant! 90 days, phew. Maybe the drive will peak at some point then start to drop off. Surely it would have to, or you'd just explode. For me, after abstaining for a week or so, the urges start to manifest in dreams. Argh.

I'll have a good look at that website when I have a chance - on the surface I agree with what they say about sensitisation of reward pathways.

Do keep us updated on your reboot!

[DarkNightOfNoSoul]

I've read that lust is one of the final fetters to fall away, after the stage of non-returner. Try marriage or kids to eliminate sex drive.

I did find that long-term relationships seemed to help - but the lust didn't go away, it was just redirected to other females!

NO. if i have to compare the present with past then i dont see any decrease in urges all thought they are much under control, the urge itself might have increased with age. I inquired with assistant teacher in a course and he said they are the deep rooted and are very difficult to remove for a very very advanced mediator.

Damn! Yes I seem to remember hearing some story about the Buddha on the night of his enlightenment, finally finding the strength to resist all the temptresses Mara sent his way.

[DarkNightOfNoSoul]

... better not crave for not craving for sex ...

(actually this was going to be a long answer, but after reading it through only this sentence survived)

Ugh, good point. And now we also must be careful that we don't crave for not craving for not craving for sex.

[Stefan]

And now we also must be careful that we don't crave for not craving for not craving for sex.

exactly. there's no end to it ...

that's the thing about this kind of meditation ...  you don't "kind of hope it ceases", but you observe it calmly. Observe the urge, and if you can't resist, then observe the joy, go with the flow and observe. Because you cannot hope it away. On the contrary. The hope/ wish/ craving is binding you to the habit of creating "hot chicks" in your mind. It doesn't matter wether you hope for hot chicks or wether you hope for the hot chicks to cease. If you want to get rid of a coin, you have to get rid of both sides ...

Sexuality is part of your body. It will not cease, neither will your arm cease.  Observe your arm, observe your sex, calmly, equanimously, go with the breath ect pp

 

[dimeo]

I have also become cooler and calmer when it comes to sex.

That's not a bad thing!  Stamina and the ability to be patient can be good for sex.  Calmness and giving are important aspects of loving kindness.
We're somehow taught this idea that orgasm is the end all be all focus in sex.  The topic of "Tantric sex" discusses this further although likely much of the info posted online is not necessarily authentic & traditional teachings?  Mantak Chia has published a few books based on Chinese Chi Kung meditations related to sexual energies.