Author Topic: I don't have to change myself. All I need to do is to be mindful.  (Read 2430 times)

gasteria

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I don't have to change myself. All I need to do is to be mindful.
« on: September 01, 2015, 01:32:48 AM »
I am probably saying nothing new. Just discovered it for myself.  I used to criticize myself for everything I did, did not do, thought and did not think. I could go on and on with my character flaws. So I was looking all my life for tools to change myself and maybe, finally achieve some piece of mind.

After a year of meditating I came to shocking conclusion. I DON'T NEED TO CHANGE MYSELF. I am OK the way I am. There is nothing wrong with me. I still have emotional distress, I am upset, I worry, I feel scared and have whole range of other human reactions to different situations. But all I need to do is to acknowledge it and let it happen. This is the way I am, this is my emotional makeup and there is nothing I can do about it. That allows me to have an emotions but I don't have judgment about it. It just "IS". I also started to apply it to other people. I assume that other people have little control over their emotions and sometimes behavior and that it their emotional makeup. Nothing else. They are not stupid, or mean or whatever. They are part of my environment and affect me the way they do.   

I read somewhere that the first step for change is to acknowledge it. Maybe I will change or I will not. Maybe it will give me serenity, or maybe not. It is the way it is and I can only observe it.

I could say that by not judging myself, I am already peaceful even in the midst of feeling angry, fearful, or guilty because I can distant my awareness from what I feel. I just experience it like I experience cold, heat, hunger or pain. I could not judge myself for being hungry. Why should I judge myself for being angry?

I hope I don't simplify reality of my existence that way. I just try to make it neutral instead of being sucked into it.


Matthew

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Re: I don't have to change myself. All I need to do is to be mindful.
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2015, 12:24:34 PM »
Examining/being aware of things changes them .. ask a quantum physicist! You made a big step here into acceptance but as awareness grows you will change .. in fact you already are .. you just proved it with the above post :D
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

pini85

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Re: I don't have to change myself. All I need to do is to be mindful.
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2015, 04:08:27 PM »
I've been meditating for a year as well... But I don't see it yet. I have strong emotions. I try not to attach myself to those feelings, but just to observe them. That I get. But how can you say, for example, if you are not intelligent or if you are angry. It is you, no? Yiu didn't go to school, read books and watch TV all day. That is why you are not intelligent. You let your anger arise, you behave like an animal. You have a high ego so you get angry etc. So it is actually you need to change still.
I guess  not intelligent enough to understand this. Haha  ;D

gasteria

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Re: I don't have to change myself. All I need to do is to be mindful.
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2015, 10:41:13 PM »
Hi pini85

I am not in the position to give any advise.

But let me ask you, what measuring stick you are using to say that somebody is not intelligent enough. This is a pure judgment. The person in not intelligent in comparison to whom? Is there anything in nature that set the standards for level of intelligence, proper personality, or range of feelings? We are created certain way and we have no control over this. All we can do is acknowledge it and accept. If I have high ego that is something to acknowledge and see what happens. Usually it occurs in the form of fear of rejection, pride, or other social fear. I just make note of it and DO NOT tell myself to get rid of it.
 
I am not saying that when I am angry I should let my behavior be out of control. I am saying that I don't need to control and judge my feelings. The more I suppress my feelings the more they come out of control and the more painful my life is. Because I keep fighting loosing battle with something that I have not business to change. 



 

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