Hey Luscious
As you noticed yourself in gasteria's thread, your experience is universal. This means that there is not a
self that is not advancing and will maybe never advance. Does this make any sense?

There are processes. Using Stefan's analogy of the mountain, once you work through what's bugging you now, you will probably notice you've already travelled quite a bit along your path.
I always wonder what's the emotion behind a thread. The emotion that makes us evaluate whether we're 'doing' this right, whether there is somethiong we need to 'do' better in order to feel better… Becoming aware of these expectations and emotions driving us is as much part of the process of meditation as everything else.
When will I feel like this practice is worth the effort??
I "suspect" that if you meditate 1-1,5 hours a day for 2-3 years that you already know it's worth the effort? But maybe you do this more because you trust in what others have experienced and said/written and less because of what (you think) you have experienced yourself…
The thread also touches on something else important: we all start to meditate with expectations, with a goal in mind. At some point we have to let go, or at least become aware of how these goals and expectations sometimes take us away from simply being open and relaxed in the present moment…
the Buddha is very clear on this matter: the rapture from the jhanas is a reward to keep you motivated on the path
On the other hand intense meditation experiences keep us motivated. I don't know if , how or where the buddha said this, but it makes sense. Experiencing cessation is an important motivator… "Yes, we can!"

Expecting to experience what a monk does, while living a lay life… that's a challenge. Until more and more parts of your life get incorporated into an "eightfold path", a reactive mind is what can be expected al ot of the time. So how do you handle (reacto to) that...
I do agree that 'doing' a retreat might be beneficial... they offer the opportunity to temporarily live as a monk and deepen your practice... But consider yourself going on retreat, expecting to have such an experience of deep stilness... What would happen?
I can barely even count to ten breaths before I am lost again in trivial thoughts.
...
I ... dont feel as though I am having any insight about anything except how my mind refuses to be controlled.
You say "except", as if it was just a minor insight or the one insight that you wish weren't true

But you really should not underestimate these insights that arose from your experience. I think meditation is working just fine
