Author Topic: Meditation journal  (Read 32568 times)

Matthew

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #25 on: December 01, 2014, 09:17:19 AM »
Hi alpha wolf,

A couple of reflections:

I have been practicing 20 minutes a day for over a year now. However my meditation practice hasnt improved much, I think. Which is why I thought I would start journaling. I was initially meditation before going to bed, but I recently started doing it when I get up in the morning. 

Probably the greatest benefit you can gain is from doing more than 1 x 20 minutes per day. I would suggest one longer session to start with: go to 30 minutes or 40 minutes as a minimum. I suspect this one change will lead to greater understanding of meditation. I'm sorry I didn't pick up on this earlier. If you can do that and then add a second sitting you'll really leverage the whole process.

Thank you betty and Alex. Sometimes its really frustrating not knowing whether I am improving or not. I guess the goal of daily practice is to improve your focus. But then trying to improve your focus itself causes problems in improving. I am still trying to grapple with this duality. I dont usually judge my meditation when I am meditating, but tend to write down and judge how my meditation went, after the fact.

The goals of daily practice are wider than improving focus/concentration and are all inter-related:

Learning to relax
Becoming more aware of mind and body and how they work (particularly regarding habitual modes)
Seeing clearly that which you cling to or have an aversion to: and working to develop understanding and equanimity
Seeing the rise and fall of things: thoughts, sensations: getting to know them and their impermanence

And the macro-goal is to live a better, more content life where you are more deeply connected to yourself, others and the world around you through progressive deconstruction of the false self. This is why morality comes before meditation.

Also whats the best time to meditate? I originally did it at night. But I would feel sleepy. Now I do it first thing in the morning. That also makes me sleepy sometimes. I have a feeling the best time will probably be during the afternoon, assuming everything else remains constant.

I find that a morning routine of wake, stretch in bed, stretch after rising, shower, sit works well. The shower makes sure you are awake; the stretching (especially in bed) loosens your body. Any time during the day you can make time for meditation will work but soon after meals is not the best time as sleepiness is often induced. Neither is too near bedtime which may induce either sleepiness or inability to sleep. Therefore I suggest evening meditation be undertaken about an hour or more after supper and the same before bedtime.

Kindly,

Matthew
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alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #26 on: December 07, 2014, 11:22:42 PM »
Thank you all for your replies. Matthew, I increased my daily meditation time to 30 min. It has helped a lot I think. I will increase it further. For now, I think I will keep the meditation journal, because it helps me get feedback from you guys, and helps me look at what I am doing. Meditation this week was good, probably because, I had less stress from work. But not sure.

12/1/2014
Meditation was calming. Was partially watching the breath and partially watching my thoughts. A good session I would say.

Started doing 30 min meditation from here on.

12/2/2014
Did a 30 min meditation. Strict posture. A lot of times I break posture, today I didn't. I got really calm towards the end of the 30 min, but by that time, the meditation was close to over. Overall 5-10 min of concentration. It seemed very short though. Didn't feel like 30 min, not sure whether that's good or not.

12/3/2014
Meditation was good. Had around 5 mins of the deep mindfulness, the kind where you feel like you are floating. I tried coming back to that state and was able to comeback to it for a few times, but it didn't last long. However, I was pretty mindful of my thoughts. I didn't have long stretches where I would completely get distracted. Even when I did have thoughts I was aware of the thoughts rising and could get back to the breath. I have been following a protocol I saw somebody posted here where I do a bodyscan at the start and then start focussing on the breath and then start focussing simultaneously on thoughts and breath. Like Matthew suggested I tried focussing 50% on breath and the rest on thoughts and other sensations.

12/4/2014
Good meditation. Lots of distractions because of presence of other people which made it a bit difficult to meditate but I was very aware of thoughts arising. I didn't catch the thoughts when they were arising as some people can do. Neither could I watch them arise. Most of the time it was after 20-30 secs of distraction. I tried investigating how the thought is arising.

12/5/2014
Meditation was good, but I had a lot of distracting thoughts about thugs that are going to happen and past events. I repeatedly came back to my breath, bit most times, I didn't stay there for a long time.

12/6/2014
Good meditation. I started with relaxation and then went into breath based meditation, then to breath and thought and then purely thought based meditation. I find thought based meditation to be most effective in being less distracted and have less of a monkey mind. I did get on thought trails a number of times but I came back quickly. Sometimes I would see the thoughts arise, and wouldn't get on the thought trail, but sometimes the thoughts would seem perfectly normal. That's when I would get on the thought trail. I guess when I think the thoughts are perfectly normal that's when I am not paying attention. I also found a weird anger against getting distracted by thoughts. I think it was causing more problems, so after I realized that I tried to bring myself back to observing thoughts gently and compassionately. I was in a bit of a noisy environment, with lots of talking and potential triggers but I had one of the good meditation sittings. Thanks Matthew for gm suggesting that I increase the session length. I increased it to 30 minutes. I will increase it gradually to 45, then maybe 1 hr or twice a day. I do have a very schedule so it's always a balance between getting stuff done and caring and listening to my mind.

12/7/2014
It seems like I have to gradually cultivate the meditative state. First 15 mins were very distracted. The next 5 minutes I was in a very distracted state. After those 5 mins, I was going in and out of a deep state.   In the last 5 min, I somehow got lost in a thought trail and never got back to the deep state of awareness. I think I have to start each meditation by reminding myself over and over again that the only thought that is ok to have is awareness. I sort of have these thoughts that I think are ok, sub consciously, to have during a meditation. This "ok thoughts" tend to lead to other thoughts and I end up completely lost. Some of these "ok thoughts" that I have are "thinking about the correct state of meditation", "what I should be doing during the meditation". The problem with these "ok thoughts" is that I think they are perfectly ok to have during a meditation so when they arise, I am not aware of them and when I have them it seems part of the meditative state. So I don't try to get my mind back to awareness. As a result these "ok thoughts" completely lead my meditation astray.

alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #27 on: December 07, 2014, 11:23:51 PM »
I think your mind very agitated.

Do this meditation:
Breathing in I calm my mind, breathing out I calm my mind.

If possible stop working on concentration for few weeks.


I am not doing a concentration based meditation, right now. I do mainly mindfulness of breath and thoughts. I will try couple your suggestion to my practice.

Thank you.

alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #28 on: December 15, 2014, 05:29:38 AM »
12/8/2014
Good meditation overall. I had moments where I was distracted but I was able to get back to my breath pretty quickly. I started with relaxation, transitioned to breath and then to breath and thoughts and then mainly thoughts. I didn't get too caught up in the thoughts and tried to just watch them. During the meditation there would be times when I was not fully aware, when thoughts would creep in and take me away, but I would usually return in 20-30 min. I used always miss the bells, because I was always caught up in the moment and would just wait for the final bell. I think I have actually started enjoying the process and actually want to keep in the same meditative state. Which is good. I think I am progressing a bit at a time. Thanks for all your comments.

12/9/2014
Meditation was ok, but not as good as yesterday. It started out with me very distracted and then I settled down and had a few good minutes.

12/10/2014
Mind was very distracted. Don't know what changed. But it was jus running crazy. I had a few moments of calm and then it would be off again. I am doing this early in the morning, maybe my mind is not that alert. But I am not that sleepy either.

12/11/2014
Meditation was better than yesterday. I did get distracted but brought myself back to the breath by reminding myself to focus on the breath.

12/12/2014
Meditation was ok. I am improving but very slowly. I have a tendency to be very distracted, so I guess it will take longer to calm down compared to others.

12/13/2014
Meditation was ok, similar to yesterday. A bit more distracted than yesterday.

Overall I was more distracted than the week before.

Matthew

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #29 on: December 15, 2014, 09:49:14 PM »
Quote
Meditation was ok, similar to yesterday. A bit more distracted than yesterday.

Overall I was more distracted than the week before.

Anything happen that could have lead to this?
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alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #30 on: December 16, 2014, 05:24:28 PM »
Hii Matthew,

Thanks for your response. I went back and looked at my detailed journal, there was not anything special that happened. I have a lot of work-related stress and a lot of changes going on in my life. Unfortunately there is no way around it. Today I tried observing my thoughts and keeping mental notes as much as possible. I do have a lot of thoughts going on regarding past events, future events and random construction of events.

I will try to keep detailed notes of my thoughts and daily life to see whether there is any correlation. Do you think that would help?

The goals you mentioned for meditation in a previous post are very helpful. I will try to follow those more closely, instead of trying to improve focus/concentration. I am in general more distracted than others, so I expect the process to take longer. I am also going do 45 min from next week.

Matthew

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #31 on: December 16, 2014, 06:32:38 PM »
Hi alpha_wolf,

I have found keeping a journal to be very useful but also, to be honest, I struggle to keep it up. I think this is because of stresses in daily life and "hangover-stresses" that go back a long way in this lifetime: it's a work in progress and perhaps it always will be.

The meditation journey has been a slow one for me too - with ups and downs and cul-de-sacs and missed opportunities, yet equanimity towards all of this is of utmost importance: I made a promise never to use meditation to beat myself up.

It's good to know you have found some help from the words I offered you.

Kindest regards,

Matthew
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alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #32 on: December 22, 2014, 01:49:59 AM »
From Matthew's advice, I decided to change the goals of my meditation to

Becoming more aware of mind and body and how they work (particularly regarding habitual modes)
Seeing clearly that which you cling to or have an aversion to: and working to develop understanding and equanimity
Seeing the rise and fall of things: thoughts, sensations: getting to know them and their impermanence

I think I have to alter the way I write about my experience, because I do beat myself up about not being perfect at meditation, and it affect it subconsciously when I am meditating. I will try not to judge my meditation, even when I write about it, but write from a point of view of experiencing it as is.

12/14/2014
forgot to journal

12/15/2014
Ok meditation. Very distracted. And sleepy. Lots of life changes going on and thoughts revolve around those changes.

12/16/2014
Observed the play of my mind, without attaching to thoughts. My mind really jumps around quite a bit. From past events, to planning future events to construction of new random events.

12/17/2014
Started observing thoughts instead today. My mind really has a lot of thoughts. I labelled the thoughts using the note-taking approach. It helped me be aware of the thoughts. It didn't necessarily reduce the number of thoughts. But I have different goals now. It's just to be aware of the thoughts in my head rather than clearing out the thoughts. I broke posture three times, maynot be a good idea.

12/18/2014
It was a good session. I tried the noting technique. Was mindful of thoughts. Initially was trying to come up with three words later tried one word noting.

12/19/2014
Good meditation. A lot distracting thoughts, but I started using the noting technique, and the thoughts would go away quickly. The thoughts would last 2-3 secs or so, but would keep coming back over and over. I did get distracted once for a while towards the end. Its weird that for me, I am most focused at the start of the meditation and more distracted towards the end, in terms of how many thoughts are going through my head.

12/20/2014
forgot to journal

12/21/2014
Distracted a bit, but brought myself to noting my thoughts repeatedly, using the noting technique. That is all I am trying to do these days. Also started reading the "mindfulness in plain english" book. reading that helps me remind myself what meditation is about. When I am just meditating regularly, I tend to forget what meditation is about, and what I should be doing.

Starting using techniques in this thread: http://www.vipassanaforum.net/forum/index.php/topic,1505.0.html.

I will read these gradually and implement it. I enjoy watching my thoughts, than my breath.



alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #33 on: December 29, 2014, 05:35:07 AM »
12/22/2014
45 min meditation. Mindfulness of thought. Lots of thoughts, primarily around two or three events that have happened in my life. I didn't try to stop the thoughts. I just noted them and let them be.

12/23/2014
Meditation was good, even though my mind was all over the place. 45 mins of meditation is really hard. Overall I can see some patterns in my thoughts. I was breaking posture quite a bit. I have been trying to have my butt a bit higher than my knee. Maybe that is not correct.

12/24/2014
45 min meditation. It was good. But it's longer than I am used to. So I get antsy towards the end. When you guys sit do you feel discomfort? Maybe the way I am sitting is not the best? I tend to break posture sometimes, especially towards the end. The labeling method works great.

12/25/2014
Meditation was good and calming. Had some problems in posture. Will try using the lotus posture. After I get used to the 45 min sit time. I was distracted but calmly recognized the thoughts and brought it back to the thought process by noting the thought and the breath.

12/26/2014
Decent meditation for 45 minutes. Very calm and relaxed. Monkey mind did happen sporadically. Most of the time when my mind deviated I noted it and brought is back to the blankness. A few times maybe 3-5 times, I got distracted for 2-5 minutes, before realizing it.

12/27/2014
Decent meditation. I was more aware of my thoughts in the beginning than towards the end. My mind tends to get tired of repeatedly noting my thoughts I think. Also I have been noticing that even though I think I am not judging or angry at myself, when I notice a thought, that is not completely true. I have this tinge on anger, and I can sense more of it when I read someone doing meditation well on the forums. I want to be like that so much and it creeps into the meditation as well. It's not very obvious, but I can sense that is one of the things that is still holding me back from relaxing fully. For example when I have a stretch of deep mindfulness for 5 min or so, I have a sense of satisfaction, which invariably cause me to be less mindful later on.

12/28/2014
Very calm meditation. Started off with monkey mind, then steadied for 5 minutes, then had a period of monkey mind again. Mind did go off on tangents, but I would notice and try to come up with one word to describe the thought. That would stop the thought. Towards the end, I just sort of mentally kept telling myself to relax. It was not easy, because my butt was hurting, my back was hurting, but I was determined to not let those distractions hurt my meditation. Had a couple of minutes of absolute mindfulness towards the end, even thought I was in a bit of pain.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2014, 05:37:21 AM by alpha_wolf »

Matthew

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #34 on: January 02, 2015, 05:32:05 AM »
Seems that as you get used to longer sitting it's getting to be a smother ride. Getting antsy is totally normal when you lengthen your meditation. Knees lower than hips/pelvis is good for posture - helps tilt the pelvis forward and supports the lumbar spine - you may wish to adjust height a little - weight on bum, knees as stabilisers - too much weight on your knees will cause pain and worsen posture.

With noting remember that is a transitional practice - once you notice without noting it's time to drop it. Maybe that's behind some of the anger - or the contents of what's coming up. Regarding the content this sounds like unresolved stuff from the past - don't chase it or chase it away but give it space to be and welcome it with equanimity: it will reveal itself in it's own good time.

All in all it sounds as though the longer sit is doing you well.

Kindly, Matthew
« Last Edit: January 02, 2015, 05:37:20 AM by Matthew »
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alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #35 on: January 05, 2015, 02:47:37 AM »
12/29/2014
Forgot to journal

12/30/2014
Good meditation. 45 min didn't seem that long I was sort of forcing myself to focus before, and I was almost a bit scared to meditate for 46 min. I decided to relax instead this time.

12/31/2014

Forgot to journal

1/1/2015
Taking a break from very deep meditation. For some reason I had good meditation for the past few days, but the 45 min meditation is overwhelming me a bit. Almost like I am scared of the long meditation, and I have an anxiety surrounding the meditation. So I backed off a bit, and let my mind drift off, so I just get used to the time.

1/2/2015
Hungry and sleepy. Tried lotus position. Legs seems to fall asleep and go numb after a while.

1/3/2015
Moderately good meditation. Started meditation in half lotus, so have some associated backpain, legs going numb etc. So keep switching around legs. I have this anxiety that crops up and wants the meditation to stop. I guess I am not that used to 45 min of sitting still.

1/4/2015
Ok, meditation. Focusing on posture and being able to sit for 45 mins. I was sleepy towards the end. My legs would go numb so I would switch frequently. Also my back starts hurting after a while. Because of these my mind would drift off, but I would bring it back.

Not a very good week for meditation I guess. The 45 min meditation is helping, but I switched some stuff around. I started doing the meditation in early morning, also with half-lotus position. Before I was doing it randomly through out the day, and I guess I am more alert in the middle of the day. The half lotus position resulted in more backpain. I am normally very healthy, and have a strong back, but I guess not strong enough to sustain 45 min of meditation. Also I have sudden swollen fingers. All these combined are affecting my meditation. But I will continue with the noting practice. I am sure this will pass in time. I am taking it a bit easy, because I was pushing too hard with the noting practice. While it did help a lot, I started developing anxiety around the practice.

I will continue and I am sure it will pass.

alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #36 on: January 05, 2015, 02:55:10 AM »
Hii Matthew,

Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I read there as well that noting is a transitional practice. I intend to stop that when I can notice without noting. But I dont know how to know that I am noticing without noting. I guess time will tell.

I also started moving into lotus position and half-lotus. Havent sat like that in a while, so my legs hurt and go numb. I have to read up more on this particular type of sitting, but do people who do full-lotus/half-lotus, typically use a cushion to prop their butt up? I know about the seiza chair and the zafu cushion. Maybe I should get those?

Matthew

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #37 on: January 05, 2015, 08:45:12 PM »
I sit half or full lotus with a zafu or a Gomden depending on the state of my back (I do have severe back problems). Try folding a heavy blanket and sitting on that before you splash out cash ...
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alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #38 on: January 12, 2015, 02:55:48 AM »
1/5/2015
Forgot to journal

1/6/2015
I was calm but had some thoughts which I noticed using the noting practice. Some of the thoughts took a bit long to notice and stop. I had some back pain and numbness in my legs. As per Matthews and goofalix's suggestion I mindfully noticed theming moved into a more comfortable position. I also sat on a thick blanket with not-intertwined fingers. So I had some fatigue in the back but not much. I didn't try to strain my back too much, so I kept it in a comfortably straight and relaxed position.
Thank you Matthew and goofalix for the suggestion.

1/7/2015
At the start of the meditation, I was scatter brained. I have a few situations going on, which keep coming back to my mind and is like a black hole. The anger and emotions around those situations draws my mind into it repeatedly. By repeated noting, I was able to calm my mind down a lot. Backpain was not that significant. I didn't try to strain myself too much for a staring spine. Used blankets below my butt. Legs would go numb, sometimes I would instinctively change position, then realize what I did. So I would revert back to the previous position and change positions mindfully. I had a good 5-10 minutes of surprisingly relaxed state towards the end but it was ahortlived because the meditation. Ended quickly. At the end of the meditation was much calmer than at the beginning of the meditation.

1/8/2015
Monkey mind in the beginning then it settled down towards the end. It's surprising how long it takes for my mind to settle down. Had a good meditation towards the end for 5-10 minutes. Backpain and numbness in legs have decreased. Did slouch a bit.

1/9/2015
Lots of thoughts but I would notice and bring it back to the breath. Repeatedly did that for the entire duration. Not much backache, legs are lot getting that numb anymore.

1/10/2015
Ok meditation. Noting practice is good. I have to put in a bit more mental effort and not relax so much. I think I am becoming way too relaxed and at that point my mind starts wandering.

1/11/2015
Ok meditation. Did meditation before breakfast. Low blood sugar might be causing me to become a bit sleepy. A few time my mind would become distracted for a long while. But most of the time I would be back quickly.

Thanks Matthew for the suggestion. Sitting on a blanket has helped a lot. On the main page " Shamatha/Calm abiding instructions and notes." , you wrote that the ideal time is before breakfast. Is there a reason for that? I tried that a few times, its seems because of low blood sugar or something, I drift off quite a lot. I am not exactly sleepy, but mostlly like hungry and it seems like my brain slows down. I do stretch, take a shower etc before meditation.

Matthew

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #39 on: January 12, 2015, 03:09:09 AM »
Do it after breakfast then :) I suggest wake, stretch (in bed - like a cat when they wake before you are fighting gravity), stretch (out of bed), shower, then sit because the stretching loosens everything up, the shower wakes you up, and the mind hasn't had time to start running .... but if the hunger is an issue either after breakfast or just eat something small like an oat bar then sit and then eat properly ....

Glad the other tips helped. Your back will strengthen over time - swimming helps.
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alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #40 on: January 19, 2015, 04:18:26 AM »
1/12/2015
No hunger, not much back ache. But I might be slouching a bit. I have to do the noting practice and put more effort into it.

1/13/2015
Ok session. I would start the noting process but then after some time my mind would drift off. Would come back and start the noting process. Would note a number of thoughts and then there would be a thought that  I wouldn't catch. That thought usually would lead me to get off track and on thought trails I guess I have to be very aware and mindful even with the noting practice.

1/14/2015
Overall good meditation. Mind would get distracted, I would bring it back over and over again. I didn't judge it as bad not good. Just kept going.

1/15/2015
Very sleepy. Not sure why.

1/16/2015
Ok meditation. Went in and out of deep meditation. Gradually getting used to morning meditation. I am not the most alert in the morning which is why I think I don't have deeper meditation in the mornings. Had better meditation towards the end, but then it finished.

1/17/2015
Overall good meditation. Good posture, deep breathing. Gradually my mind calmed down. Had 5-10 mins of good meditation towards the end.

1/18/2015
Monkey mind in the beginning. Some thoughts but I brought my attention to the breath. 45 min seemed to pass by so quickly. Not sure whether that's a good sign or not.

alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #41 on: January 19, 2015, 04:20:03 AM »
Yeah, I started having breakfast, cold shower, stretching, and water. It's better than not doing breakfasts before.

alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #42 on: January 25, 2015, 08:45:14 PM »
1/19/2015
I feel I am improving. My mind is pretty calm and chatter less. But I can't be sure. 45 min just goes by like that. That could be due to two reasons 1) I am in a state of awareness and as a result I don't feel time 2) my mind is way too distracted and I don't feel time. I don't think it's 2, there are thoughts but not too much. I can say that in my daily life my thoughts have become more precise and clear.

1/20/2015
Ok meditation. Have thoughts, recognize and label thoughts, stop thought train, have another thought chain, recognize and label thoughts, stop thought chain. Rinse and repeat. Slouched a bit.

1/21/2015
Good meditation. My mind become more caught up in thoughts the longer I meditate it seems. When I sit my mind is fresh, and I usually have a calm mind. However towards the end, it tends to get more caught up in thought trains.

1/22/2015
Forgot to meditate. Very busy day.

1/23/2015
Good meditation. Less and less of judgement. But mind still runs around. It will be a while before it calms down.

1/24/2015
Posture was good. I did go off on a tangent for long periods of time. I also am realizing that writing this journal and posting it online has a weird effect on me. When I am distracted for a long time during the meditation, I feel bad that others are going to judge me because my progress is slow. I may also need to remind myself over and over again about the goals of meditation. When I just keep meditating, day in and day out, without reviewing the goals, I tend to forget what I should be doing and the goals of meditation.

1/25/2015
Mind would get distracted. I would notice and bring it back to the breathe. Rinse and repeat. Judgement about mediation has decreased.

Regular meditation, first thing in the morning. Since my sleep schedule has improved, I dont feel drowsy or sleepy.

Alex

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #43 on: January 26, 2015, 11:18:47 AM »
1/24/2015
I also am realizing that writing this journal and posting it online has a weird effect on me. When I am distracted for a long time during the meditation, I feel bad that others are going to judge me because my progress is slow.

This is so heartwarmingly funny!
I have a great deal of respect for what you're doing, alpha wolf. This respect is not based on judgements of progress (allthough my mind might produce that kind of judgements as well) but on knowing what it takes to swim against the stream. Kudos.

;)

Matthew

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #44 on: January 27, 2015, 05:52:36 PM »
1/24/2015
I also am realizing that writing this journal and posting it online has a weird effect on me. When I am distracted for a long time during the meditation, I feel bad that others are going to judge me because my progress is slow.

This is so heartwarmingly funny!
I have a great deal of respect for what you're doing, alpha wolf. This respect is not based on judgements of progress (allthough my mind might produce that kind of judgements as well) but on knowing what it takes to swim against the stream. Kudos.

;)


I'll second that.
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #45 on: February 01, 2015, 11:43:39 PM »
Thanks all for the encouragement. Meditation has definitely increased my awareness. Before I dont I think I would have been aware of this thought, instead I would have this unexplained anxiety and would probably have quit.

1/26/2015
Focusing on breath, had a few minutes of pure bliss. All judgement stopped and it was pure bliss. Then suddenly I realized that I was having this moment of pure bliss and I was back to judging and that moment was gone.

1/27/2015
Good meditation overall. Noting practice and mindfulness of breath.

1/28/2015
Returned to breath over and over again. Lots of thoughts, but I was aware of the thoughts arising.

1/29/2015
Good meditation. Some thoughts. 15 mins. Very busy day so short meditation. Was supposed to do 30 min later in the day, but forgot.

1/30/2015
Forgot to meditate

1/31/2015
Forgot to meditation

2/1/2015
good meditation. Back started hurting a bit, because I havent been sitting for two days. 30 min.

alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #46 on: February 09, 2015, 05:39:12 PM »
2/2/2015
Good meditation. better in the beginning but became a bit distracted towards the end. I am not sure, but I think of death a lot these days. I always have, I guess I have become more aware of it.

2/3/2015
Surprisingly good meditation. Was trying diaphragmatic breathing, which kept my mind busy. Towards the end went back to normal breathing and had 5-10 minutes of full awareness of thought, breath and feelings. At the very end, mind got distracted again, for a few min.

2/4/2015
Mind is way too distracted to settle down. Have some situations going on.

2/5/2015
I was very mindful in the beginning. The situations kept interfering with my thoughts. I started noting my thoughts again and realized that I need to be continuously noting thoughts. Any break causes me to get distracted for long periods of time.

2/6/2015
Focus on your breath more. Come back to breath more frequently. Be more present.

2/7/2015
forgot to journal

2/8/2015
Meditation was good mind is pretty distracted.

Looking for a 1 day retreat around my area.

alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #47 on: February 16, 2015, 07:38:18 PM »
2/9/2015
Trying to observe breath. Diaphragmatic breathing. Hunched over a few times. One major distraction towards the end. I tried resisting for a while, because there was only 5 min left but it was too much so I gave in.

2/10/2015
Repeatedly brought attention to breath. Along with noting.

2/11/2015
Meditation seems to be at the same place day in and day out. Focus on breath, would get distracted for a few min, bring back to breath. Repeat over and over again. Am not forcing myself to focus.

2/12/2015
Not sure what's going on. sleepy. time went by very quickly.

2/13/2015
Mind was initially distracted, then calmed down the last 15 min or so were good. I realized that if time seems to fly by it's probably because I was distracted the whole time. I have quite a bit of fluctuation in my practice.

2/14/2015
Good meditation. Had two episodes of pretty deep non-judgemental meditation, interspersed with periods of monkey mind.

2/15/2015
Forgot to journal

Meditation seems to be stagnating, yet again.

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #48 on: February 16, 2015, 09:16:22 PM »
It goes through phases, like most things in life.

Any luck finding the one day retreat?
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

alpha_wolf

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Re: Meditation journal
« Reply #49 on: February 22, 2015, 06:57:16 PM »
Hii Matthew,

Yeah, I think that is true. I also found that eating a bit of sugar/glucose such as a banana makes me much more awake. My breakfast mainly consists of slow digest carbs and protein, which maybe which maybe the reason why I am not that awake in the morning.

And yeah, I just contacted a few other meditators the week before in my area to find out recommendations of 1/3 day retreats. Its a bit expensive but I am going to do one in march, if everything goes according to plan.

I think I tend to forget the purpose of meditation/goals of meditation when I practice day in and day out. I read the "mindfulness in plain english" book every two weeks or so, partially to overcome that. Another experienced meditator told me that I could use some guided meditation tapes to help me in this regard. He suggested audio tapes by Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein. Do you think guided meditation is helpful?

2/16/2015
Ok meditation. I feel I am regressing.

2/17/2015
I reminded myself over and over again to focus on my breath. I have found if I don't do that I start spinning wheels. Also towards the end I started doing detailed noting which went well. But it's intense amd requires deep concentration and I can't sustain that long.

2/18/2015
Ok. Meditation.

2/19/2015
Forgot to journal

2/20/2015
Forgot to journal

2/21/2015
Non-judgemental meditation. Was good towards the end. I am seeing an effect of my diet in the morning to my meditation. It seems like if I eat a little bit of sugary stuff, I am more alert. Today I are a banana before the meditation, and I was more alert. Also I slept around an hour more compared to 6 hrs or so that I get each day.

2/22/2015
15 min meditation. Ok meditation. Practicing the noting practice, come back to breath and moment by moment noting.

 

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