Author Topic: 'What if' and Hot and cold back?  (Read 1867 times)

Swoosh94

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'What if' and Hot and cold back?
« on: May 14, 2014, 11:02:36 PM »
Hello guys, hope every one is well.

I've started looking into meditation about two days ago.

For the past month, I have been suffering with depression/negativity. I always felt like 'why do I feel like this'.

It started when I was in a super market. I had a hot and cold feeling in my lower back and I was very aware of the feeling. Instead of brushing the feeling off, I put it in the negative box and every time I went shopping, I would get the feeling. It went on to thinking other natural things I was doing was weird. Everything I did seemed abnormal to me. All I was asking myself is 'why is this happening' 'How long until it stops'.

This all happened until two days ago. I had an awake feeling where I observed my thoughts as a oppose to following them. I realised it was me all along.

I really want to follow up and get into meditation and all things surrounding it, but my mind is always like 'what if it doesn't work' or 'this is silly, this is just a belief and is not real'. Even when I watch people like eckhart tolle, a part of me is like 'hes just a money maker'

I was wondering if anyone can help me tackle these negative thoughts, I know they're just thoughts but they repeatedly show up.

Also how does one let go? I know letting go of the feeling of my back is my path to freedom...but it is like im forcing to let go.

Thank you

Tobin

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Re: 'What if' and Hot and cold back?
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2014, 12:17:56 AM »
Hello Swoosh,

Doubt is a normal part of the process for a lot of people. Certainly there are a lot of people out there in this field trying to make a quick buck, but there are also many who freely share their experience and knowledge for the greater good.

I suggest looking into downloading some sort of weekly podcast with Dharma talks. You can learn a lot and some of them are really fun. A few that I listen to are from Tara Brach, Pema Chodron and Shinzen Young. Tara is by far my favorite at this point. She has some really funny stories and tries her best to explain in a simple way with examples.

Something you will learn early on is that forcing anything to happen will only strengthen the thing you are trying to let go of. The more we fight ourselves, the stronger we begin to identify with it. You mentioned that you have begun observing your thoughts instead of taking part in them. Very good! You've probably also noticed how easily we get caught up in our thoughts and how quickly we change thoughts without noticing.

We can also do this with feeling/sensation. When you notice the feeling in your back, instead of thinking, "I don't like this, I want it to go away", why not try observing the feeling. Really examine it, follow it, break it down and 'learn' about the sensations.

I am fairly new to this path, but I hope some of this helps you get started. There are many incredibly intelligent people on this forum and I'm sure you will get some insightful answers.

Much Metta. :)
« Last Edit: May 15, 2014, 12:26:19 AM by Tobin »
Regards,
Tobin

Swoosh94

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Re: 'What if' and Hot and cold back?
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2014, 12:25:53 AM »
Thanks for the reply.

Yeah its a slow journey, I guess I was expecting quick results. Its just that even when I think back when I was fairly new to the weird feelings, I try avoid thinking about it as I think it will worsen my condition.

Its like im trying to get somewhere that doesnt exist because im me all along.

I have been dealing with a hot and cold sensation down my back. Whats weird is when I expect this feeling, I never get it and when I dont want it to happen I get it.

Whenever the feeling arises many different thoughts come to mind such as: Am I nervous? Why am i nervous? I dont feel nervous... Maybe its anxiety? Why do i feel like this.

What does it actually feel like to let go?

Tobin

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    • Samatha & Vipassana
    • Curious
Re: 'What if' and Hot and cold back?
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2014, 12:42:47 AM »
Yeah its a slow journey, I guess I was expecting quick results. Its just that even when I think back when I was fairly new to the weird feelings, I try avoid thinking about it as I think it will worsen my condition.

There is definitely no quick results here. :) Avoiding is normal, it's part of our human conditioning. We all have these preconception of what will make us feel better, unfortunately, for the most part, we are wrong. Now that you are aware that you are avoiding, you have the ability to make a change.

Its like im trying to get somewhere that doesnt exist because im me all along.

Another main concept in Buddhism is the concept of no-self. You say that you are who you are, but this is another set of conceptions. We are always changing, moment by moment. There is no self, only what we believe ourselves to be through our past. The stronger you hold onto the idea that 'this is who I am', the more you are limiting yourself and your world.

I have been dealing with a hot and cold sensation down my back. Whats weird is when I expect this feeling, I never get it and when I dont want it to happen I get it.

Just let be what is. You can't control it and you shouldn't have to. The sensations you feel are the truth of the present moment. Try your best to embrace them whether they are pleasant, painful, or neutral.

Whenever the feeling arises many different thoughts come to mind such as: Am I nervous? Why am i nervous? I dont feel nervous... Maybe its anxiety? Why do i feel like this.

I could be wrong, but I think this is the chain of thoughts we are trying to avoid. Instead of trying to conceptualize what is happening to you, you need to live it. Experience the sensations without thought. Follow them through the body, note how they feel, but do not categorize them as 'good' or 'bad'. Through this, you will probably gain more insight into your condition than trying to mentally explain it to yourself.

What does it actually feel like to let go?

I haven't had any experience letting go as of yet, but it's been explained as a huge wave of relief across your body. A huge weight off your being and a fundamental state of joy. Just know that you can't force yourself to let go, it is a process.

Best of luck!
Regards,
Tobin

 

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