Meditation. How I see it.

[Matthew]

Now I think that when I was a child I decided to stop breathing to stop emotional pain. Of course, nobody can stop breathing but I developed blockage in my sinus. I hope I am right about it.

Trust yourself: children find amazing ways to cope that become problematic when we become older.

[bomega]

I need to share with you this.

I read half way the book "Radical Acceptance". The technic was so appealing to me that I decided to give it a try. I started meditating today and focused on the problem that has been hunting me all my life. Fear of rejection. There are some people in my environment that trigger this fear more than others. So I started focusing how I would feel approaching one person that I am afraid most. I began to develop huge tension in my upper jaw and the throat. Moments later I started hyperventilating like I was about to suffocate. Eventually it subsided and the tension went up to my sinus. It felt rock solid. I kept breathing and eventually it soften up and the energy started flowing through my sinus.

Ever since I was a child I had sinus problem. I am always sneezing and have hard time breathing through my nose.  I have been treated for sinus infection and sinus allergy. Nothing ever helped. I just learned to live with it. Now I think that when I was a child I decided to stop breathing to stop emotional pain. Of course, nobody can stop breathing but I developed blockage in my sinus. I hope I am right about it.

After an energy started flowing through the sinus I felt very peaceful. Usually I look at the clock whether time is up. Today I was sitting for two hours and if I wasn't too hungry and needed to eat something I would keep sitting and enjoying this peace and what Tara Brach calls spaciousness. I am sure that other painful issues will come up and I will need to go through the process all over again. But I obtained this tool that I can always utilize.

I highly recommend the book. Different things help different people. This book is something that I have been always looking for. Based on this book  finally I am beginning to grasp the concept of Vipassana.  Purpose of scanning the body, impermanence of everything, relationship between body and mind, and seeing the truth of everything we experience in order to be liberated.

Bomega, I cannot thank you enough.

I'm really glad this suggestion helped you. Tara Brach is truly gifted at communicating what is needed to release psychological blockages and empower you on your path. I'm sure as you continue to practice you will continue to develop your embodied awareness and be able to be at peace with your present moment. Good luck.