Beginner´s issues

[focusing]

I am new to the forum, so hello everybody! My English is not that good, but i will try my best..

So first of all, before I ask you some questions, I would like to give you some informations about me and my experience in meditating.

I am 25 years old and I have a muscle decreasing desease. Since about 12 years i am reliant on a wheelchair. I reached to meditation, probably like many others, through personal problems or expressed in pathologic terms: through social anxiety. Now i am meditating for 2 weeks. Since 2 years ago i started a therapy, which is based on somatic experiencing. Therefore I have some experience in feeling and contemplating my sensations. I guess this social anxiety results from traumatic experiences. I feel kind of uncomplete and i lost faith in my body, life and myself.

My issues with meditating:

Do you recommend to do anything before and after the meditation? Like a small ritual, that you know „ok now I start meditating“.. Or making notes after the meditation?

I also feel cramps, convulsions and tremors while meditating (I am pretty sure, that they have a psychosomatic character.. its like electricity or a „negative“ energy flows through my whole body..). Sometimes they start to get really strong while meditating. They also attack me, when my anxiety is increasing. On the other hand i think they also induced through my muscle desease, because muscle fasciculation/termoring is a symptom of this desease. I am not sure how to handle them. Shall i ignore/contemplate them? Maybe I shouldnt take them to serious? (this is pretty hard, because they are so strong, expecially when i am sitting.. probably i will have a deeper look to nickis thread..)

It´s very hard for me to adopt this „contemplative-attitude“ to everyday life and not to react to things, which are happening around me. A simple example: there is a girl in a night club or wherever and shes looking at you pretty often.. I have the feeling, that i must do something.. (probably this issue will solve itself with greater equanimity and so on.. right? hm...)

Another problem is revaling to my breath.
When i am breathing, i have sometimes the feeling that Iidont get enough air (it feels a bit like a kind of pressure „under“ the solar plexus), but when I am taking a deep breath it always throws me out of meditation. So sometimes I am just ignoring or contemplating this pressure-feeling and I am trying not to change anything (not to take a deep breath), but that doesn´t work always. I also ask myself (trying not to do that while meditating ) where this breathing-problems result from, because sometimes i also have them in my everyday life. One idea was, that they maybe result from my emotions and thoughts.. that they disturb my balance of breathing.

Is it „dangerous“ to meditate to often? I am meditating about 3 times a day: in the morning, afternoon and evening. Sometimes i think it´s kind of dangerous, because I forget other things in life and i am just dealing with my myself and my „problems“ (i am kind of stucked in my studies). This leads me also to my next point. You say that there should be no aim in meditating or you shouldn´t force something. But i or maybe a part of me wants to change things or maybe i should say to change my perspective on things. I want to trust my body again.. I want to be complete again.. These are my goals and my motivations to meditate. I am not happy with my life and i see in meditating a way to be happy (happy in a sense to be okay..).

Ok that are a lot of questions.. maybe i shouldnt even ask. I guess you cant give me a answer and somehow i trust myself that the answers will come themself to me, when i am just patient and open enough. Anyway..

[focusing]

Ah i forgot one question: what is with music? Sometimes i am meditating to a lama´s chant.. Maybe it is a problem, because i know this music already for about 10 years and it affords sometimes emotions inside of me (my father used to meditate to this)

[redalert]

Do you recommend to do anything before and after the meditation? Like a small ritual, that you know „ok now I start meditating“.. Or making notes after the meditation?

I don't do anything ritualistic myself other than at times lighting some incense, but I do that because I simply like the smell. Mostly, I just set the timer, sit down and begin. When my meditation is complete I do 5-10 mins of metta meditation, if I am in a good frame of mind( not experiencing any negativity). This involves sharing my merits with others, basically allowing all the positive vibrations to exit my body to be shared by all.

I also feel cramps, convulsions and tremors while meditating (I am pretty sure, that they have a psychosomatic character.. its like electricity or a „negative“ energy flows through my whole body..). Sometimes they start to get really strong while meditating. They also attack me, when my anxiety is increasing. On the other hand i think they also induced through my muscle desease, because muscle fasciculation/termoring is a symptom of this desease. I am not sure how to handle them. Shall i ignore/contemplate them? Maybe I shouldnt take them to serious? (this is pretty hard, because they are so strong, expecially when i am sitting.. probably i will have a deeper look to nickis thread..)

Focus your attention on this energy flow, see if you can see its changing nature. When I am also seated for long periods of time these sensations become gross and painful, they seem to solidify and can be overpowering. If you can manage to keep a balanced mind and simply observe this flow of energy as it solidifies and not add any mental misery on top of this it will eventually break apart and and begin to vibrate at a higher frequency. These higher frequency sensations are quite pleasant and do not tend to overpower us. Just be mindful not to crave these higher frequency vibrations because they to are impermanent and are subject to change. When they do we can become depressed and lose the balance of our minds again. This will lead to more suffering.

I also mix up the way I meditate at times if I have been doing alot of seated meditation I lye on my back to relax and experience some subtler sensations for a change. When you begin to feel anxious and if you can remain aware you will notice how these anxious thoughts multiply the sensation you are experiencing. This is mental suffering, this is the suffering we can liberate from. You need to learn to practice with balance, sometimes we push with strong determination and sometimes we give ourselves a break. Through this effort we will come to find a balance.

It´s very hard for me to adopt this „contemplative-attitude“ to everyday life and not to react to things, which are happening around me. A simple example: there is a girl in a night club or wherever and shes looking at you pretty often.. I have the feeling, that i must do something.. (probably this issue will solve itself with greater equanimity and so on.. right? hm...)

Yes, this is why we practice in our secluded meditation environment. My practice is learning to remain equanimous to bodily sensations at the deepest level of the mind. What I am noticing is the way I treat these sensations in meditation practice is changing the way that I deal with people on the outside. When I began meditating I always pushed the painful sensations away and tried to hang on to the pleasant ones. Now I have begun to like my pain and the pleasant is not as exciting as in the past, this change in reaction to these sensations is remaining with me in my day to day dealings with others.

Another problem is revaling to my breath.
When i am breathing, i have sometimes the feeling that Iidont get enough air (it feels a bit like a kind of pressure „under“ the solar plexus), but when I am taking a deep breath it always throws me out of meditation. So sometimes I am just ignoring or contemplating this pressure-feeling and I am trying not to change anything (not to take a deep breath), but that doesn´t work always. I also ask myself (trying not to do that while meditating ) where this breathing-problems result from, because sometimes i also have them in my everyday life. One idea was, that they maybe result from my emotions and thoughts.. that they disturb my balance of breathing.

Any time we lose the balance of our mind our breath changes from natural relaxed breathing to forced faster paced breathing. When this happens just be aware and try to return to the natural breath, if it is a long breath just be aware if it is short just be aware. As you relax and your concentration improves see if you can narrow down the area of awareness of the breath. This will sharpen the mind.

Is it „dangerous“ to meditate to often? I am meditating about 3 times a day: in the morning, afternoon and evening. Sometimes i think it´s kind of dangerous, because I forget other things in life and i am just dealing with my myself and my „problems“ (i am kind of stucked in my studies). This leads me also to my next point. You say that there should be no aim in meditating or you shouldn´t force something. But i or maybe a part of me wants to change things or maybe i should say to change my perspective on things. I want to trust my body again.. I want to be complete again.. These are my goals and my motivations to meditate. I am not happy with my life and i see in meditating a way to be happy (happy in a sense to be okay..).

We have to take care of our daily responsibilities, our jobs, studies, meal preparations etc... but if these are met then don't worry about over meditating, if you practice a balance in life will eventually prevail. Meditate to come out of all your suffering, not just one part.

And when I meditate I do not listen to any music, I try to work in as quiet an environment as I can. Chanting can have the effect of calming the mind, which can have benifit, but your mind will tend to focus on the chanting and not on your meditation object.

[dimeo]

What I find I enjoy along with practising meditation are following teachings from a great teacher, be it from a book or recording or at a retreat. There are many excellent guided meditations and teachings available online.  For example check out Rinpoche Tenzin Wangyal here:

http://www.youtube.com/user/ligmincha/videos


You might enjoy "Finding Refuge Within" or "Turning Pain Into the Path" or "Awakening the Luminous Mind".  His teachings have been a source of great comfort to me lately.


Accepting 'things as they are' is not easy to do sometimes.  Aversion to things we don't like and attraction to things we wish to have is typical of humans.  It's also a large source of our own unhappiness.   We often cause this unhappiness in ourselves and others as we keep struggling to make ourselves feel happy.

Becoming aware of our unhappiness and dissatisfaction with 'the way things are' is important.  Look directly ("nakedly") at it as you meditate.  As you sit meditating, this thought can eventually seem empty.   You may find in it's place a spaciousness within.  That space can become a comfort and a refuge.   

At times you may experience bliss or other wonderful feelings.   But it comes and goes.  You may meditate at other times and notice sensations that are unpleasant.  But consider how the sky is always clear regardless of how the clouds come and go.  Meditations on impermanence help with accepting how things change.

Keep at it.  Keep sharing on the forums!