Need help after leaving vipassana

[MikeF]

Hello,
I just left early from a 3-day Vipassana sitting. I sat for 2 days, and given that it has been 3 years since my initial 10-day sit, I was doing quite well, except that my mind was distracted by an upcoming move to another city, and I also had in my mind that I wanted to celebrate my birthday with my friends on saturday night (my birthday being on sunday, the end of the course). I convinced myself that 3 days wasn't enough anyway and that it wasn't doing much for me (which is a complete fabrication that I told myself). Essentially, I let my desire to play take over and I left. With 1 more day to go. Once on the road I realized my mistake, and now I feel completely depressed and angry at myself for not finishing the course (a common theme in my life is getting distracted by fun, to a point where it's out of balance). I don't know what to turn to, so I thought i would see if anybody here has any advise or direction for any literature, videos, etc. to help calm myself down.  I'm definitely doing the complete opposite of remaining equanimous.
Many thanks,
Mike

[siddharthgode]

what happened is happened.. forget past... if u can then run to another 3 day course now, run

[redalert]

This is very common, you are not alone with this situation. We all get excited before a retreat and we think of how nice and peaceful it will be and then when it begins and all we have is the silence and sitting, our thoughts can create much trouble for us.

This is what is happening to you right now, your thoughts are causing you this difficulties, don't give them importance. Just observe them with any accompanying sensations and work on developing equiminity towards them. Sometimes you will be overwhelmed as what happened in the retreat and sometimes you will have success.

When you are overwhelmed do not generate any negativity towards this, this will take you in the opposite direction, simply start again, little by little our equiminity will strengthen.

If it is available to you try dhamma service instead of sitting a retreat, you can volunteer for as many or little days you can spare. The sitting is less intense but the experience is equally valuable.

Much metta to you 

[Vivek]

Mike, the guilt is getting the most of you right now. There is no need to be so depressed. This is not the end of the road. It's a long path and there are many more courses to go to, isn't it? Resolve strongly when you go for the next one. For now, don't be so hard on yourself. Continue you daily practice.

[Dharmic Tui]

Everyone else has already hit the nail on the head, but forget about all the measuring and comparing about whether I sat for this length of time, or gave up early, or got lost in thought, etc etc. Just sit when you can for as long as you can and rest in whatever comes.

[MikeF]

Thank you all for your advice.  I appreciate it very much.
Yes it's definitely the guilt that's mostly getting me.
I will do my best to try and let go.
Mike

[Falkov]

Code: [Select]

I will do my best to try and let go.
Yoda said, " do or do not- no try!"