Buzz in head after Goenka's retreat

[Matthew]

... I believe Matthew is not engaging you for a couple of reasons: whatever he has to say is already in the forum posts, and two, this is not a Goenka forum. Also, this thread is beginning to stray from its original purpose.

Your belief is correct.

[BioSpirit]

Thanks all for the explanations. I feel more relaxed understanding what is happening. After four months, I'm still with the buzz in the head. Really sounds like static frequency, however, much louder, and constantly. It all started on the fourth day, after receiving vipassana. I felt my heart speed up, as if on the verge of a panic attack. I had to leave because I was very scared and with some paranoias related to brainwashing. After this day, some feelings I had in the past came back to the surface, such as depression, anxiety and panic attacks. I'm living with lots of headache, high blood pressure and difficulty to relax. I am constantly tired, and sometimes my head feels like is going to explode. When I wake up, it seem like I did not fell asleep. Only when I meditate with a relaxing music, I can empty a little bit the mind. It seems that opened a door where all my past suffering came at my mind all together. Now I need to close it. I signed up again for the 10-days Vipassana course, I think it's time to try again, this time with a better understanding of what could happen, and with a greater commitment to stay until the end.

[redalert]

I wish you much success in your next retreat Biospirit.

When the storms come as they always do, don't be afraid to discuss with your teacher methods to cope with the storms. This could involve using a chair, a backjack, taking a nap, or even a nice warm shower.

Be kind to the self, and don't push to hard, try to find a balance during the course. I find the first 5 days very difficult, it's not until day 6 that I start getting into the groove and settling into the retreat environment.

much metta,
red

[Matthew]

.... It seems that opened a door where all my past suffering came at my mind all together. Now I need to close it. I signed up again for the 10-days Vipassana course, I think it's time to try again, this time with a better understanding of what could happen, and with a greater commitment to stay until the end.

BioSpirit,

Far from needing to "close that door" you need to open it - gently, giving yourself a relaxed, calm yet awake chance to deal with what is behind that door.

Another Goenka course will not do this - and if you are honest about your troubles in your application to the Goenka course any AT *should* reject your application.

You don't need "brain surgery", you need to learn how to love yourself and this is not something that can be achieved with the ten day pressure-cooker approach.

It would be wise to explore other options.

Kindly,

Matthew

[Masauwu]

       I think everyone debating this point both here and in past topics does it with good intentions, but sometimes a harsh tone is used and it does not benefit the people who are just starting out and trying to understand what's going on. Like many teachers out there, Mr. Goenka is using a particular interpretation and adaptation of the suttas, and his approach works for some and doesn't work for others.

       People come from various backgrounds, each with their own mix of mental landscape, and many try meditation in a rough period of their lives when they are quite vulnerable. If things are rushed without proper understanding and a solid grounding foundation, they are basically pilots taking off in a rocket without even reading the manual, there are many things that can go wrong. In this context, i think it would help a lot to:
a) look for a teacher that cultivates a "samatha+vipassana" approach (the gradual calming way towards insight described in the suttas);
b) only attend intensive retreats if they provide a good experienced teacher that will see you in person once a day to discuss your issues - or - if you are already experienced yourself and have a decent understanding of the territory (you know what the outcome of a particular practice is, what needs to be done when things are rough etc.).

[Matthew]

At this point the conversation became unwholesome and off topic. I have split the remaining posts to a new topic here: Another Silly Argument About Goenka

If anyone has anything further to add related to Biospirit's post please do, let's keep the silly stuff out of the way.

Kindly,

Matthew

[BioSpirit]

Yes Matthew you were right. They did not accepted me for another course at the moment...

[Matthew]

biospirit,

I trust and hope you will not become disheartened by this news.. As I wrote before exploring other approaches and avenues might benefit you. Masauwu wrote eloquently about possible meditative approach and the kind of retreat and teacher that could work. I would also suggest exploring psychotherapy - the kind of reaction you had is often related to unprocessed historical events and the psychological and physical sequela of them. It's impossible to know what hides behind the curtain but the signs are a gentle approach that does not stress you out will be a successful approach.

Kind regards,

Matthew

       ... Goenka is using a particular interpretation and adaptation of the suttas, and his approach works for some and doesn't work for others.

       People come from various backgrounds, each with their own mix of mental landscape, and many try meditation in a rough period of their lives when they are quite vulnerable. If things are rushed without proper understanding and a solid grounding foundation, they are basically pilots taking off in a rocket without even reading the manual, there are many things that can go wrong. In this context, i think it would help a lot to:
a) look for a teacher that cultivates a "samatha+vipassana" approach (the gradual calming way towards insight described in the suttas);
b) only attend intensive retreats if they provide a good experienced teacher that will see you in person once a day to discuss your issues - or - if you are already experienced yourself and have a decent understanding of the territory (you know what the outcome of a particular practice is, what needs to be done when things are rough etc.).

[Peakay]

Biospirit,

Have you had any relief from this. I too am suffering from something similar after I had a similar experience.

It has been 4 months for me as well at this point and I don't know what to do anymore.

[BioSpirit]

5 months after the retreat, the symptoms disappeared. I was very stressed, unhappy and depressed, so I took vacation and lots of massage. I also changed my meditation, using mantras. I did not participated from any other vipassana retreat since then. But one year after the retreat, all the symptoms came back again. It started subtly, and now is getting worst exactly like last time. I don't know if its cyclic but I'm really hoping that soon it disappears again.