Author Topic: Performance Anxiety  (Read 5625 times)

Vegeta

Performance Anxiety
« on: June 10, 2012, 02:10:02 PM »
Hey there everyone, this is my first time posting here on this forum and would like to thank in advance all the help!!

So anyways to my problem,

I am a young healthy male with an excellent physique and diet...I am having problems with performance anxiety and cannot maintain a full erection before sex. I can on my own but when its time to perform i just go limp... Im pretty sure it is psychological and was wondering if meditation will help me control my relaxation and help me with this anxiety?

Ive been trying to do the seiza position (as i cant do any of the other ones without pain to my legs) and was wondering if you guys think it will help me with this problem of mine.

Its pretty embarrassing and I cant imagine talking to anyone about this....

Quardamon

  • Member
    • Teachers were: P.K.K. Mettavihari, Frits Koster, Nel Kliphuis. (In the line of Mahasi Sayadaw)
Re: Performance Anxiety
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2012, 07:30:57 PM »
Hello Vegeta,

Thank you for your trust to come to this forum with a question on sexual intimacy.
You seem to be aware, that this forum is on meditation and not directly on how-to-avoid-embarrassing-situations.

You say that you can have an erection on your own. So the embarrassment comes in the contact with others.
Hello embarrassment. Have a cup of tea.
That would be the attitude of someone who is used to meditate: "Hello embarrassment. Have a cup of tea."
With that attitude, you could even say: "What are you protecting me from?". And have a chat.
(That in itself is not meditation, but it has the same open attitude.)

Also meditation can help you see the little steps that happen when you are together with someone and want to have sexual intercourse. You might find, that you retreat in yourself before the erection weakens. (For instance.) You might find, that you feel very vulnerable with a full erection before someone.
At any rate, the attitude of a kind and gentle interest in what is going on would be helpful, I guess. And that is an attitude the people on this forum train in meditation.

Still, meditation is not best and most easy way to help in issues going on between people. Meditation starts with one person, not with two. (It does touch upon interactions, but much later.)
I remember I once had intercourse with a lady, but was too shy to ask her if she was taking the pill, or whether we should use a condom or something. Mere luck saved us from very nasty consequences. That taught me to have more courage at an other time (with an other lady), and also not to move that fast. (Meditation in itself would not have taught me that.)
When a friendship deepens, sex and sexual intercourse get a different role. I even remember one or two ladies with whom I did not have intercourse because I loved them so much. (I mean: If I had cared less for them than probably I would have slept with them.) Loving the lady I could see, that sexual intercourse was not the proper thing for her or for me in that situation - it would have gone against the trust and friendship.

I hope this helps, and I hope you find your way.

At least, you did "talk" to someone about this.



Vivek

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    • Advaita & U Ba Khin's tradition
Re: Performance Anxiety
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2012, 07:41:19 AM »
Quote
That would be the attitude of someone who is used to meditate: "Hello embarrassment. Have a cup of tea."
Excellent. That explains everything. :)
Let's go beyond this illusion, shall we?

Stefan

  • The Marvellous Omannobazong!!!
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  • love is the key
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Re: Performance Anxiety
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2012, 07:41:34 PM »

I ... was wondering if you guys think it will help me


Yes, meditation will help you. But if you meditate only to maintain an erection it probably won't help.
It's this pressure to be successful that is the problem.
Meditation won't teach to to keep an erection, but it may teach you to get rid of this self-made pressure.
anicca

Delma54

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  • Disappearing
    • Glad the Buddha got enlightened
    • Happily improving the experience
Re: Performance Anxiety
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2012, 03:06:43 AM »
Hi Vedata
Do you think meditation give you some kind of Magic? Try Viagra it works everytime as long as you are excited

Vivek

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  • Member
    • Advaita & U Ba Khin's tradition
Re: Performance Anxiety
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2012, 07:16:30 AM »
Vegeta,
  The very title of the thread "Performance Anxiety" seems to point to the root of your issue. What is it that you are "performing"? For whom, for yourself and/or your mate? Now, I don't know whether your woman is your spouse or significant other, and assuming it is so, rather than trying to perform, how about making the sexual encounter, an occasion for the expression of your love for her? How will that change your desire to connect with her? How will that transform this problem that you are worried about? Just sharing something to think about.

 Meditation for erection may not be something the members in this forum would advice you to pursue. Let meditation be for unfoldment and emancipation. 
Let's go beyond this illusion, shall we?

Vegeta

Re: Performance Anxiety
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2012, 07:51:26 PM »
I think I was misunderstood

I was wondering if meditation will help teach my body how to relax and therefore accept and move forward from this perfomance anxiety... that is what I am trying to do... To control my body to relax

Stefan

  • The Marvellous Omannobazong!!!
  • Member
  • love is the key
    • Vipassana (Goenka), Freestyle, Family, God
Re: Performance Anxiety
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2012, 09:25:54 PM »


I was wondering if meditation will help teach my body how to relax and therefore accept and move forward from this perfomance anxiety... that is what I am trying to do... To control my body to relax


It will help.

 :), Stefan
anicca

 

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