Author Topic: What is "love"?  (Read 3716 times)

PreviousViking

What is "love"?
« on: March 08, 2012, 07:22:27 AM »
My ego (my mind) had almost driven me insane in the past because I didn't have enough love in my life. Now I have a good wife that gives me a lot of love, but I'm finding love is not constant. I'm not constantly around her, and occasionally we have an argument.

Just like everything in this universe, love seems to be temporary as well. So why does our ego/mind want it so much? Our ego is constantly hungry for it, but it is never satisfied. But I have never understood what "love" is. I mean, could you define it? Sometimes it seems like nothing more then an invention that was imagined up. You can't reach out and touch it.

I believe I have had an epiphany. I believe love is the currency of the ego.

What is currency? If you hold a dollar bill, it is just a piece of paper. If you look at the numbers in your bank account, they represent only something that is imaginary. Yet people are constantly hungry for more, and are never satisfied with the amount they have. There is no such thing as having enough.

The ego constantly wants more. Look what those constant drives have created. For a long time I have looked at large business buildings and thought to myself, "all of that was created for a reason that is imaginary."

But my topic today is what love is. Why do people like to cook wonderful meals? Why do people like to paint beautiful artwork? They may make a living doing it later, but why do they like to do it in the first place? I think it is so people will appreciate them. I think that love is their motivation. Where would we be without love? I've always wanted to start a family, but now that I have a wife the reason has changed. I find I want to make a better living and have kids for her happiness. I'm much more motivated to do these things now.

Maybe love only exists to motivate us. To be a drive. Just like money. The currency of the mind.

Does this sound true? I am excited to hear everyone's feedback. Is my understanding expanding, or am I completely off the mark?

Andrew

  • Member
    • friends tell me things, sometimes I listen.
    • Letting Go.
Re: What is "love"?
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2012, 07:27:17 AM »
What is 'ego' in your epiphany?
getting it done

Quardamon

  • Member
    • Teachers were: P.K.K. Mettavihari, Frits Koster, Nel Kliphuis. (In the line of Mahasi Sayadaw)
Re: What is "love"?
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2012, 11:14:56 AM »
Hi Previous Viking,

   . . .   
So, where to connect?
I mean, between you and me - we hardly know one another.
What would be a more or less stable thing in Previous Viking to connect to? (Compare the situation that one wants to pull a car. Or build a safety belt into a car.)

I find this finding-a-stable-point-to-connect-to important. Let me illustrate:
You write: "My ego (my mind) had almost driven me insane in the past because I didn't have enough love in my life."
And you write: "I believe I have had an epiphany. I believe love is the currency of the ego"
If I combine that, with the best of intentions from my part, I come to:
"My ego had almost driven me insane in the past, because I did not have enough currency of the ego."
That makes sense.

We live in a surrounding. We need to interact - that is human. We need to eat, and breathe, and love. Even if it is possible to have the experience of doing without breath, or without ego - those are temporary moments. Moments, that can let themselves be felt like a touch of eternity, but they pass by, and we need to cook our food again. And yes, we need love. And we need currency. We need to exchange love. Like any mammal.

I see it as a basic art of living, to like the things that you need to do anyway.
(I wish I was doing this better when it comes to housekeeping.)

wishing you the very best,

Quardamon

PreviousViking

Re: What is "love"?
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2012, 08:32:24 PM »
I'm sorry Quardamon, but I'm not understanding you. Am I suppose to connect something?

Sorry about my own vagueness, guys. I am referring to something specifically when I say "ego". Here is an article that I read a few years ago that turned my world upside-down http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm

Quardamon

  • Member
    • Teachers were: P.K.K. Mettavihari, Frits Koster, Nel Kliphuis. (In the line of Mahasi Sayadaw)
Re: What is "love"?
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2012, 09:13:36 PM »
With connecting, I meant me understanding you. Understanding in such a way, that I can say something useful. I am going to sleep now, but will read the article or speech of Osho an other time. It is useful, that you clarified what idea you use of "ego".

rob

Re: What is "love"?
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2012, 10:28:46 PM »
Love is validation. As a child, you are motivated to be "good" by fear of your parents removing their love (don't read that too literally). Scolding you, grounding you, spanking you, correcting you harshly, or the infamous mother line, "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed".

We often hear that the first heartbreak is the worst. This is usually at or around the teenage years. It's no coincidence that this is also the first time in a person's life where they really start to set out on their own and develop a "self" independent of their parents. If your first girlfriend dumps you for the captain of the football team, then, to you, no one will love the self that you've built at that point. Next stop, gym!

We measure our value against others by their/our ability to attract and retain love. Ability to make money is value. Ability to pick up attractive girls at the bar is value. Ability to be admired for a skill or trait or talent is value. Ability to look like high-value figures, such as celebrities and models, is also value.

But relationship-style love says, "Here's a person who I have assigned value to, and who values me back. Who I am must be at least 'ok' if this valuable person approves of it".

It allows your ego to slow down its incessant quest to establish and project value to the world, because now you have validation beyond selfishness. Your boss values you because you make him money, and that may feel good. Your coach values you because you've got a slapshot that could take the space station out of orbit, and that may feel good too.

But you're looking for "someone who will love me for me!".

It's about validation and finding a counterbalance that does not threaten your ego.

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: What is "love"?
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2012, 10:10:47 PM »
Love is the work you do to go beyond yourself in the service of others.
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

 

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