JB,
I disagree with those who have said there is no point trying to understand a sensation. From personal experience I can tell you this is a) very important and b) where a lot of meditators practice fails.
You mention that you have always been anxious and I am supposing this is something that was triggered at a early age in you, please let me know if this is incorrect? If you want to discuss anything private feel free to PM me.
With regards to the physical issues, you
do not seem over-occupied with them from where I stand. They may be quite important and directly linked with the anxiety issues you are having. The doctors are unlikely to be able to recognise the complexity of what is going on, depending on what is going on ! - this is much more likely to be the issue than you being "too much of a worrier" - or whatever.
Doctors do not know everything. In fact there is quite little they do know on the whole. In some areas they know almost nothing. Trauma in the body at a young age and it's manifestations in adult life falls squarely in this category and most of the work in this area by medical professionals is completely misdirected at worst and not much better at best.
Would you please try a couple of experiments and let me know your findings?
1) Gently rotate your head to look to one side, return, rest, and then to the centre, rest, to the the other side, rest, back to centre. Repeat a good few times starting in both directions and try everything a few times to become mindful of the sensations.
Notice if there is any difference in sensation. Notice if you "lead" with your eyes when looking to the side or if the eyes follow your head - or if there is a difference between the two sides. Notice if you use the same muscles in your neck both sides - or not. Feel for the
Sternocleidomastoid muscle in your neck particularly - both the clavicular and sternal attachments - see if there is any imbalance in these muscle groups or any others in your neck/upper chest/upper back that you can identify.
(You could start practicing the following technique when moving: if you are going to turn your head OR body to the right, first move the right eyes in that direction, let the head follow your eyes, bring your neck round and so on. If you are turning to the left, first move the left eyes ... etc)
2) Can you fully arch your back? Particularly behind the bottom of the rib cage around the Lumbar-Thoracic junction at L1 (top lumbar vertebrae) and T12 (lowest chest/thoracic vertebrae). If you can or can not arch your back behind this area where the diaphragm is I would be interested to know. Also a little higher in the middle of the Thoracic spine, around T3- 7 how is your flexibility and ability to arch?
You may have to actually feel your spine as you arch your back to know if you are successfully arching right behind the diaphragm or if there is a little section of your back that does not arch.
3) Legs. Please could you stand on each leg in turn with the other leg raised up so the thigh is horizontal pointing in front of you. Get someone to push straight down hard on each leg as you resist and estimate if the force required to press down/resist is equal, different or hard to tell between your two legs.
4) Feet - walk a little and pay attention to where you carry your bodyweight on each foot, how that weight is transfered to the hips and pelvis - and pay attention to differences. Also stand on each foot with the other leg raised slightly up in the air and try to see if you can push down with the big toe into the ground (the foot you are standing on). Is there any difference here between your two feet?
Welcome to the forums. You can PM me the results of all the above if you wish to try them or post it in here, as you choose.
Kind regards,
Matthew