Author Topic: Restart my meditation  (Read 4514 times)

ramelec

  • Member
    • NEWBIE Mindfullness of Breath
Restart my meditation
« on: January 07, 2012, 08:06:34 AM »
Hallo everyone

I restarted my Samantha meditation daily and I am wondering why my anxiety feelings does not crop up during meditation. It only happens only during off cushion / during the day . Is it because the ego is playing mind tricks?

Morning Dew

Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2012, 10:25:34 AM »
Hi Jeffrey and fair play to you for resuming your practice. Good, good man.

I will try and offer you this little wisdom I have;

Our minds are indeed culturally conditioned and are trying to avoid suffering through Desire and Aversion.

Instead of looking at your "ego" as something which is tricking "you", try to only be aware of the sensations in the body and emotions/feelings accompanying the notion of a "anxious tricky ego".

For example try noting/being aware of:
pleasant or unpleasant stiffness in the chest, unpleasant or pleasant coldness in feet, unpleasant or pleasant heavy breathing in lungs, pleasant or unpleasant vibrations under the skin, pleasant or unpleasant thoughts, etc ... just notice without JUDGING it :) and even if you end up judging it notice/be aware of pleasant or unpleasant judging thoughts :)

Once you notice/clearly comprehand any pleasant or unpleasant senssations, thoughts or emotions/feelings, calm it into the body with each in and outbreath and once it is calmed down (passed away) return to the mindfulness of breathing.

Was this helpful Jeffrey? If not I or someone else will try to explain better.

chintan

  • Maun
  • Member
    • Vipassana - Goenka
Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2012, 06:35:36 PM »
Hi Ramelec,

Since you said you are restarting it means you had been practicing before also. Its natural for anxiety to reduce while doing Samatha or any form of meditation. If you said your anxiety increases then there could be some investigaation.

Maybe I am not able to understand your question.

ramelec

  • Member
    • NEWBIE Mindfullness of Breath
Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2012, 03:17:57 AM »
Hello chintan

My mistake was on medication n I did not practise for few months. But when I stop the medication my negative feeling start creeping. I don't want to be on medication but will actively practice meditation. No use to think bout the past.

Now I just restarted my meditstion recently, I find i can calm myself in meditation. It just that the negative feeling hooked to me habitually on n off during the day.

It was hard for my wife n family since they all care a lot about me. 
« Last Edit: January 08, 2012, 03:23:15 AM by ramelec »

ramelec

  • Member
    • NEWBIE Mindfullness of Breath
Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2012, 02:50:32 AM »
I have been getting some vivid dreams when I sleep after my meditation practise. It
Seems I m really aware what is going on. Last two days even i cry in the sleep which woke me up . 

Wonder why? Anyone has this kind of experience?

Morning Dew

Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2012, 07:47:57 AM »
Quote
Now I just restarted my meditstion recently, I find i can calm myself in meditation. It just that the negative feeling hooked to me habitually on n off during the day.

Hi Jeffrey.

So you stopped with SSRI medication recently, right? Did you find medication impeding your meditation in any way? How many mg of medication did you take per day? I take 20 mg of Citalopram and I find medication helping tremendously with meditation. There is so much clarity in my practice since I started with SSRI's.

Jeffrey do you feel like telling us what kind of "negative feelings" do you feel on and off during the day?

May you be happpy

ramelec

  • Member
    • NEWBIE Mindfullness of Breath
Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2012, 07:55:32 AM »
I stopped SSRi for more than 2 months...and nothing to do with the withdrawal effect (from my opinion and my therapist  ;D)

I have been practising regularly, I get very calm into the meditation (to the stage very minimal thoughts and feeling - something like emptiness).

I just get anxious occasionally during the day (off cushion) but interesting thing is that the last 2 days I get very vivid dream (like when I was taking SSRi). Has this vivid dream to do with increase serotonin in meditation  ;)

Morning Dew

Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2012, 08:20:37 AM »
I just get anxious occasionally during the day (off cushion) but interesting thing is that the last 2 days I get very vivid dream (like when I was taking SSRi). Has this vivid dream to do with increase serotonin in meditation  ;)

I am not sure and I dont think anyone here is that well versed in brain science concerning Serotonin. Thanks to meditating we become more sensitive to the body-mind feeling all sorts of sensation, hearing all sorts of subtle sound which others around us do not hear, vivid dreams, crying alot, feeling restless, blissful etc ...

I cried alot in connection with how much suffering there is in this world especially how many kids die of hunger every day.
This is the beggining of the realisation of the First Noble Truth ; "Life is Suffering" :)

When you get into the negative feelings do you get absorbed in them or do you find it easy to come back to the breath and calm the negativity with the mindfulness of breathing?
It is a part of the training in meditation to learn to Abandon Unwholesome states of mind and Develop Wholesome instead.

This was part of the training I never got into. Doing only calm-abiding is not enough on its own. Calm abiding is the strong base holding the actual practice of Seeing Things As They Realy Are also known as Vipassana.
There is also the practice of abandoning the unwholesome states by replacing them with wholesome states. The First and the Last Training in Morality.

Quote
I get very calm into the meditation (to the stage very minimal thoughts and feeling - something like emptiness).

Do you practice with closed eyes or do you keep them a bit open?
Does this emptiness feels like a dark space?
When it happens what happens with the breathing?
Can you try next time to only be mindful of that emptiness and see what happens.
Does the emptiness feeling last long or does it disapear after a few minutes?

Lots of questions :)


ramelec

  • Member
    • NEWBIE Mindfullness of Breath
Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2012, 08:38:24 AM »
When you get into the negative feelings do you get absorbed in them or do you find it easy to come back to the breath and calm the negativity with the mindfulness of breathing?
It is a part of the training in meditation to learn to Abandon Unwholesome states of mind and Develop Wholesome instead.

I can come back to the breath and calm the negativity.

There is also the practice of abandoning the unwholesome states by replacing them with wholesome states. The First and the Last Training in Morality.

Do I need to add this into my practise? How  :D

Do you practice with closed eyes or do you keep them a bit open?
Closed eyes but occasionally slight open when i start feeling sleepy.

Does this emptiness feels like a dark space?
When it happens what happens with the breathing?
It is like I am so relax that it's kind of I don't feel my body and I can hear the breathing..does it mean i zzz... ;D

Can you try next time to only be mindful of that emptiness and see what happens.
Does the emptiness feeling last long or does it disapear after a few minutes?

Please elaborate?

Lots of questions :)
[/quote]

Morning Dew

Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2012, 12:47:21 PM »
Quote
Do I need to add this into my practise?

I dont think you need it since you are able to calm negative/unwholesome feelings with breathing;
Quote
I can come back to the breath and calm the negativity.

Hacking Vedana is a good way to abandon unwholesome states and replace it with wholesome;
http://thehamiltonproject.blogspot.com/2011/09/yogi-experiment-hacking-vedana.html?m=1

I personally have a few Aces up the sleeve for different states of mind.
If the mind is calm and unwholesome arise it is enough to recollect a moment from the past which was joyful, and swap the negative feeling for the joyful one.
If mind is super calm breathing alone does this trick.
If the mind is agitated I think of Buddha-Dhamma-Sangha and pleasant wholesome feelings arise.
If the mind is super agitated I use mantra or counting the breath to keep mindfulness alive.

Whatever you do build it on the calm-abiding base. You first build a concrete base and then the rest of the house on top of that.

May you be happy

ramelec

  • Member
    • NEWBIE Mindfullness of Breath
Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #10 on: January 12, 2012, 02:26:34 AM »
Sometimes when I am so calm, it feels (i think i am on the verge of sleeping). I read somewhere you did locked the eyeball..how do you do that?

Morning Dew

Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #11 on: January 12, 2012, 08:33:55 AM »
I did not lock the eyeball :)
Because I meditate with eyes closed, the eyeballs usually move a lot, so I still the eyeballs and keep the eye-consciousness in the eyeballs or just behind them, without force but gently. If I force I get pain in the eyeballs. From that point of eye-ball-stilling-awareness I feel the body breathing, so I do not follow the breathing up and down the body with eye-consciousness but feel it instead.

When you get sleepy try to be aware of the sleepiness, investigate it for a while, feel if its pleasant or not, cold or warm, soft or hard, dark or light, what kind of bodily sensations do you feel while being sleepy like vibrations, humming in the ears, etc ... you can as well start scanning the body from top of your head down to the feet (Goenka practitioners might help you with this) which is very much work to do and keeps one engaged and less sleepy. Some practitioners stare at a lit candle for 10-15 minutes and then meditate afterwards, this removes the sleepiness;
http://thehamiltonproject.blogspot.com/2010/12/nicks-current-candle-flame-kasina.html

May you be happy

Morning Dew

Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #12 on: January 12, 2012, 11:28:57 AM »
There is also the practice of abandoning the unwholesome states by replacing them with wholesome states. The First and the Last Training in Morality.

Do I need to add this into my practise? How  :D

[/quote]

Here is a lovely elaboration on this subject;
Quote
Ah! If I reflect right, sort my thoughts, catch them right when they come up and purify my thinking step by step by adding more good thoughts, chastising bad thoughts, gradually changing my thinking towards the wholesome and good, I act like  the doorkeeper in the Buddha’s simile of sati. This doorkeeper promotes sense restraint. And sense restraint means I will not fall for unwholesome qualities of my mind which could break my sila which in due course would destroy my mental energy break up my concentration and destroy my efforts in building up wisdom. You translate sati as memory and sampajaññā as awareness. In the above steps of progression it fits in nicely, as memory is essential after listening to the Dhamma to remember and continously go over the “thoughts of the Dhamma” in this form of contemplative meditation. What was the simile of sati as the doorkeeper again?

[The Buddha:] …”Similarly, o monks, just when there is a doorkeeper of a royal border-town, who is wise, smart, intelligent and who blocks those who he does not know and lets those proceed who he does know and who thus protects those inside and wards off those outside. In the same way, o monks, a noble disciple is remembering, is equipped with the highest carefulness and remembers things done a long time ago, spoken a long time ago, remembers in accordance. With memory as the doorkeeper, o monks, the noble disciple rejects the unwholesome and cultivates the wholesome. He rejects that which is with blemish and cultivates what is free of blemish, he always keeps himself pure.

‘‘Seyyathāpi, bhikkhave, rañño paccantime nagare dovāriko hoti paṇḍito byatto medhāvī aññātānaṃ nivāretā ñātānaṃ pavesetā abbhantarānaṃ guttiyā bāhirānaṃ paṭighātāya. Evamevaṃ kho, bhikkhave, ariyasāvako satimā hoti paramena satinepakkena samannāgato cirakatampi cirabhāsitampi saritā anussaritā. Satidovāriko, bhikkhave, ariyasāvako akusalaṃ pajahati, kusalaṃ bhāveti; sāvajjaṃ pajahati, anavajjaṃ bhāveti; suddhaṃ attānaṃ pariharati. => AN, 10. Nagaropamasutta

The whole article is HERE

Try and read the whole article. Its a gem :)

Be happy

ramelec

  • Member
    • NEWBIE Mindfullness of Breath
Re: Restart my meditation
« Reply #13 on: January 13, 2012, 02:32:20 AM »
Thanks for the inspiration.

Be well my friend.

 

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