Author Topic: crying sensation  (Read 5178 times)

DuaneWhite

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crying sensation
« on: October 13, 2011, 02:39:02 PM »
I meditated everyday for 3 hours for a whole year. Towards the end of the year i started to get a crying sensation around my eyes before i would sit. I felt like a better person when i would meditate and would overall present 10x better than when i would skip sitting. I stopped meditating then during the summer because of the reliance on it and took a break.

Now i only meditate 20 minutes a day.
I have a feeling i was getting to the point of releasing a lot of negative energy tho, a stage where a lot of bad emotions would come out, and maybe i shouldve kept at it.

Now that i hardly meditate into comparison to before i let ppls negative comments or jokes get to me, and my pain body goes wild. This might be because of passed experiences in my childhood. Now im contemplating on getting back into the habit but does anyone have advice?

Stefan

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2011, 03:30:02 PM »

I don't make it a rule to sit a certain period. There are times when I sit more, there are other times when I take a break. If there's any advice it is this: go with your feeling about it. From what you tell it seems to me that you could do more sitting now. And when it gets too much you will feel it and go slow again.
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mettajoey

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #2 on: October 13, 2011, 03:59:42 PM »
Duane,
From your description it appears you need to release that negative energy.  I would suggest you meet with someone, whether it be a friend, counselor, priest or just a willing soundboard.  Often just airing thoughts out aloud and out of your head to someone lets you be better able to see if they have validation or not.  You'll then know more clearly how to deal with the feelings that remain.
Metta,
Joey
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Geovicsha

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2011, 06:24:18 AM »
I get a crying sensation when I approach a voidness -- but then I become aware of that crying sensation and, in turn, seem to subconsciously hide it. I'd love to have a full blown cry; I haven't done so in quite a few years.

DuaneWhite

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2014, 01:45:34 AM »
So I've come to the conclusion that this crying sensation I had, was the phenomenon called "The Dark Knight"

Mpgkona

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2014, 02:03:29 AM »
When I took my first meditation retreat, on Day 8 I believe, I had a big crying episode at the end of a group session. It began with a weird tingling sensation in my torso followed by strong heart palpitations. Once the palpitations subsided I had this huge feeling of release in my body and then I began to cry fairly uncontrollably. I enjoyed this feeling and began to seek it out, although it never returned and hasn't since. I believe this was a release of negative energy, and since, unfortunately, I was craving this sensation, it just may never return. I no longer seek it out, nor do I crave it. My feeling now is if it happens it happens. So... my only advice is to not seek this (or any other) sensation out. I would also be careful with labeling things that arise during your practice, lest you may subconsciously begin to crave or have aversion to them.
« Last Edit: January 10, 2014, 02:05:54 AM by Mpgkona »
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

yossarian

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2014, 10:23:27 AM »
I can totally relate and I think it's typically seen as a sign of progress. If you don't mind indulging me, I'll relate my experience.

On Day 7 of my first and only Goenka Vipassana retreat I had a moment that connected for me the relationship between physical sensation and emotional reaction, something which prior to this moment I was completely oblivious to.
 I remember sitting down for that meditation and thinking, "I hope my knee starts hurting so I have something to focus on" while I started the body scanning.  The instruction was if you find an area of the body you can't feel, stay on it for a moment and see if you can get it to "open up". I found a spot on my abdomen that I couldn't get any "tingles" out of. I stayed with it for a while then went on to the next bodypart. After about 3-5 rounds of this I made  extra effort to "go into" the spot or sensitize myself to it and like a flash of lightning I re-experienced my mothers death. Not the visual memory but the physical sensation of vacuous loss that I felt afterward. I immediately started crying and ran out of the meditation hall.
 It was at this moment that I realized why all the kleenex were in the entrance area and why I kept hearing people sniffling and blowing of noses throughout the group sessions (I thought they were getting colds from the close quarters and I had been worried about catching it myself). I estimate at least 50% of the men and even more of the women were crying during the meditations. After talking to the teacher I kinda figured out what I was supposed to do with this and the next couple of days I spent the meditation time going through the physical sensations of all out crying without associating my "self" with it, i.e. the trembling chin, the contracting stomach, the squinting eyes, the furled brow etc were all part of the process and I would try to only "take in" or feel a little bit at a time, otherwise I'd start bawling again. I never got to experience the dissolution of it that Goenka describes and to this day, if I get my mind close to focused at that level, it reacts by running, generating fear or worry or something else to take my mind off it. If I get close I can sometimes feel it "bubbling" under the surface but I haven't been able to access it again on that level, 8 months later.

Mpgkona

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2014, 04:18:51 PM »
At the time I thought it was progress, but now I don't think of meditation in terms of progress. I say it wasn't progress because those last few days of the course opened up a seriously bad can of worms for myself. I now get panic attacks, debilitating ones, which I think is a direct result of something in the technique. No, it has nothing to do with not being able to handle "past traumas." I welcome it actually and have never shied away from things in the past.

A year and a half later I believe the crying episode had something to do with the technique itself, at least for me. For others maybe not, but now much of my time is spent trying to undo the experience of the course, and unlearn what I learned.
When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.

Re: crying sensation
« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2014, 05:05:17 PM »
Are you able to observe yourself during the panic attacks?

panic attacks are usually caused by cycle of fear. i.e., Fear of fear causes fear and thoughts like why now, i am in middle of something very important, etc... which in turn causes more fear. More the cycle rotates more the sensations of the body feel alien to one and if one tries to observe them it again turns the cycle. And to me it used to end me sitting on the floor then laying down on the ground, closing eyes. Some weird sensations all over the body, heavy sweating.......... then i would come back to normal.

Is yours anything similar?   

yossarian

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2014, 05:53:36 PM »
At the time I thought it was progress, but now I don't think of meditation in terms of progress. I say it wasn't progress because those last few days of the course opened up a seriously bad can of worms for myself. I now get panic attacks, debilitating ones, which I think is a direct result of something in the technique. No, it has nothing to do with not being able to handle "past traumas." I welcome it actually and have never shied away from things in the past.

A year and a half later I believe the crying episode had something to do with the technique itself, at least for me. For others maybe not, but now much of my time is spent trying to undo the experience of the course, and unlearn what I learned.

I'm very sorry to hear about your trauma. It sounds like you've taken a very healthy attitude toward it, though. I wish you all the best.

My interpretation, however, is a bit different. From the time I first began meditating with simple anapana+labeling, I clearly remember thinking to myself "why does this feel like vulnerability" meaning the process of trying to feel
something physically had an emotional aspect to it that I didn't really understand at that time. Fast forward to the day of my experience (5 years later) and I still didn't understand it. After my experience I went to he AT (Bruce Stewart, if you've seen Dhamma Brothers) to discuss it with him and he smiled a huge smile and told me this is the dhamma, this is what we're here to do. On the 8th day he even used me as an example to an AT he was training, he brought him over during group meditation and quietly whispered while gesturing to me "this is what vipassana looks like", then I heard him quietly explain that I would occasionally slightly tremble as I would allow myself to "feel" the trauma and then back out again. My awareness of this exchange was of course terrible for my work as I immediately tempted to be convinced of how exceptional I was to be used as an example. Huge distraction!

 I'm studying pharmacy at the moment and when I heard Goenka talk about "biological processes" and "this and that are very scientific" I had to laugh, what does this old Indian guy know about biological processes? But after my experience I suspect there's some truth to it. This recent study reservedly seems to affirm that for me: http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2013/12/30/study-finds-emotions-can-be-mapped-to-the-body

If emotional states can be consistently mapped on the body across people, genders, cultures etc then there is likely some chemical messenger relaying that experience in at least a semi-consistent way.

I don't find the Goenka technique to be especially unique. There are many schools of buddhist meditation that utilize the exact same body scanning technique and approach. Even my Amazon.com Insight meditation workbook that I purchased when I first started included a similar exercise.
The difference of the Goenka technique in my opinion is that its very intense and very severe. His constant emphasis on work pushed me too hard and his insistence that I not have some reaction to my "sankara" left me feeling dissociated. By the time he started on the only end of suffering being the end of existence and that's something we should strive for (i.e. people shouldn't reproduce) I seriously freaked out because that's complete nonsense. Also, there wasn't nearly enough time devoted to Metta practice, at least, not for what I was going through. There were multiple times that I thought I was about have a nervous breakdown while on the cushion, luckily Bruce was very good at bringing me back down to earth and coaching me to not focus so hard and go so deep. He would tell me "you don't have to feel everything". I felt very lucky to have had him there.

I had a similar episode to what you're describing (panic and fear) as soon as I got home. My wife was very concerned about the cult-like nature of the retreat so I decided to google "Goenka cult" and found this:
http://www.atheistfoundation.org.au/forums/showthread.php?t=16830

I also found this post, which really scared the hell out of me:

http://blog.muflax.com/crackpottery/why-you-dont-want-vipassana/

Remember, this was my first day out of retreat and I was hyper sensitive, upon reading these I seriously began to question everything I'd experienced and worried that I may have done permanent damage.

FYI, I'm not saying any of this to try and dissuade you from your opinion. It sounds to me like you need to do whatever you feel is necessary to get to a point where you're ok. I highly encourage stepping away from meditation altogether at least for a while. If you feel like you must meditate, I'd focus on Metta practice. Also exercising, drinking (if you drink) hanging with friends and family should help.
« Last Edit: February 11, 2014, 07:19:03 PM by yossarian »

Re: crying sensation
« Reply #10 on: February 11, 2014, 07:16:20 PM »
Quote
http://www.atheistfoundation.org.au/forums/showthread.php?t=16830

haha That was a nice read from other's point of view. That is why i say dont practice blindly accepting. One day you wake up and cant leave with yourself.  :D

KingMe

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2014, 08:10:47 PM »
Let the cry happen. Let the emotion out. I shed tears nearly everyday during practice.

And this only started to happen after I started therapy with a PTSD specialist, where I was encouraged to get anger and sadness out from childhood, old suppressed emotions. I Feel SOOO much better after tears. I just wish I could let it out all at once and get it over with! :)

Sindyeli

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2014, 07:51:22 PM »
I get weepy regularly too. We always want to have a reason for feelings, and crying can be uncomfortable so we think knowing why will help. I have learnt to just feel the tears, recognize them for what they are, and not try to find a reason. The heart is a moist soft place and it has its mysterious ways of expressing itself. So cry and cry more, it's all just that, crying.

Matthew

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Re: crying sensation
« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2014, 10:14:36 PM »
Usually if there is a need to cry then I cry.

If I interrupt it with words, logic or searching for answers nothing comes.

If I let all the tears out uninterrupted by the end why I was crying is clear.

Sometimes it can be things that happened a long time ago. The earliest memories recovered this way were when I was 51 weeks old.
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