Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]

[Masauwu]

Hi Dusko,

All i can offer are some reminders from stuff i read about, but i feel it`s better than nothing. No matter where the practitioner is during their journey, how he or she feels or thinks, the answer to all the problems has been invariably to keep practicing. Lack of mood today, Mara visiting with his daughters, road trip, taking a break from practice because it`s ok we are already one with the universe anyway, impressions about clinging or clinging to non-clinging, and a gazillion other reasons i can come up with forever, this is all bullshit. Daily correct practice cannot mean anything else but progress; whether it brings sadness, clarity, confusion, delight or misery and a shitty mood, these are just side effects to be observed.

Does this seem difficult or impossible or even downright bullshit from wannabe cyber monks? Then you are not detaching yourself from the mind circus during your practice and daily life. You can not observe if you are absorbed in it. Sometimes when i find myself too caught up in the madness i use noting practice, it`s a very effective tool for brief periods when i feel i`m too absorbed in what is going on in the mind.

From the progression of your forum posts you seem to cycle through the dukkha nanas and the recent wave of frustration, reactivity and anger might indicate the "reobservation" stage, which is said to be the absolute worst and to make most of the meditators just give up completely; luckily you are not like most of the meditators (and while on the subject, you do not exist). What to do at this horrible stage? The answer has ALWAYS been the same: keep practicing. Your practice causes a series of effects on the road towards the end goal, stop the practice and you lose momentum and will have to re-live a few steps until you complete the lesson.

The previous paragraph might be just utter nonsense, i don`t know, take it with a grain of chili peppers. First because it`s just based on reading and not first hand experience. Second, because you seem to exhibit a vipassana practice progression and not what i would have expected from shamatha; but i think it`s easy to start with one and slip into the other while sitting, so no matter what we set ourselves to do we actually end up doing varying degrees of both.

You`ll be fine.

[Morning Dew]

My practice is going OK now

  Since joining here, I have been a lot more committed.

This is nice to hear
May you awaken this very instant.

Masauwu,
You maybe right. I only know that i feel strong physical pain in my chest for the last few days. Like some big fist is squeezing it.

Thank you for writing.

May you too awaken this very instant

[DerDomi]

Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me
mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine
I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I me mine I
me mine I me mine I me ........

What about The Others??? What about my wife, my sister, my parents, family, friends, people I know, those I dont know, those who suffer ....

Im so obsesed with Myself with Me with Mine with I !!!
[...]
Im a proud wanker!

Hi Mate,

-Have Compassion with yourself. Your thoughts and feelings may be selfish and thats OK. Thats how it goes for most people. Most people are conflicted between trying to be a "good" person and their impulses. That's being human ;-). Ironically, you have to have compassion with yourself before you can have compassion with others (I remember a sociologist talking about studies with proof for that statement). That might be a lesson right there

-Share how your feeling inside with your wife. Let her know, that you would genuinely like to be there for her but at the same time you are driven to be selfish. Maybe she will open up as well and you can connect around this vulnerability.

-Oh, and this: "It is so hard being genuenly nice to people especialy those closest to me" strikes me as well, I think theres a tendency for that in myself as well. Examining that will probably be worth the effort, I could imagine fear sitting below that...

Keep us updated on how things go for you =)
DD

[Morning Dew]

Yes Domi there is Fear underneath all this crap we go through.
Fear of not being good enough.

---

After finishing the short movie "Landing myself to The Dhamma" I went and practiced 2x20min.sitting+1x10min.walking meditation. I discovered a new way of anchoring one self in the NOW. I use a koan-like mantra "Do I allow myself to finish this puzzle I started?" I repeat this and clearly notice when doozing off into the trans-dream-world. There is also this strong and crisp sense of an awakened state; Do I or dont I allow myself to ... Do I or dont I allow (to awaken) ? Smart

I do this sitting and walking, works both ways and still I remain aware of the whole body + all whats happening outside the body. I even asked my self to "try not to be aware" .... i tried hard but simply could not be unaware of the whole body. This will aslo be my mantra in case of Sloth and Torpor, it keeps me awake and aware while trying not to be aware 

At the moment it seems like one day I go up the next day I go down. Please take this into account when replying to my topics.

Thank you all for being there for me
Thank you.

[Matthew]

Yes Domi there is Fear underneath all this crap we go through.
Fear of not being good enough.

---

After finishing the short movie "Landing myself to The Dhamma" I went and practiced 2x20min.sitting+1x10min.walking meditation. I discovered a new way of anchoring one self in the NOW. I use a koan-like mantra "Do I allow myself to finish this puzzle I started?" I repeat this and clearly notice when doozing off into the trans-dream-world. There is also this strong and crisp sense of an awakened state; Do I or dont I allow myself to ... Do I or dont I allow (to awaken) ? Smart

I do this sitting and walking, works both ways and still I remain aware of the whole body + all whats happening outside the body. I even asked my self to "try not to be aware" .... i tried hard but simply could not be unaware of the whole body. This will aslo be my mantra in case of Sloth and Torpor, it keeps me awake and aware while trying not to be aware 

At the moment it seems like one day I go up the next day I go down. Please take this into account when replying to my topics.

Thank you all for being there for me
Thank you.

Dusko,

We love you when you are up and we love you when you are down - this is what kalyana mitra or spiritual friends is all about - and I'm not talking some wishy washy kind of love - instead the kind of love that is defined as 'going beyond oneself in service of the other'. Here that means offering acceptance, patience, equanimity, generosity and, where we have it wisdom - all the things the Dhamma is about.

Much love,

Matthew

[Vivek]

At the moment it seems like one day I go up the next day I go down. Please take this into account when replying to my topics.

All of us go through ups and downs, mate. Everyday, it seems like a challenge. Suffering, and smiling, trying to keep our head high above the waters. But, we are here to support eachother, right? This Sangha is our strength.

[Morning Dew]

Thank you lads
Yes his Sangha offers much

But

It does miss that ... Well we agreed while talking on Skype it misses the feeling of sharing aliveness

I whish to see this Sangha meeting weekly on Skype having Dhamma talks and meditating together also.

I know Matthew is working on this very issue fair play to him bless you me lad
---
I have found a good  Dharma talker on iPhone iTunes iPodcast called Tara Bragh. She resonates with me.

[Matthew]

See this: http://www.vipassanaforum.net/forum/index.php/topic,1679.msg16516/topicseen.html#new

[Morning Dew]

Just went ahead and paid a monthly membership in the local Zen Centre. The same one i went for the Zazen Instructions last year. Going this monday to sit with them.

[Morning Dew]

Just returning back from the zen centre
Felt right to share this practice with others like minded
Will try to go there once a week at least.

We sat 2x25 + 5 min walking
At the end there was a Dharma talk

Yes!

[Andrew]

I like the 2x25 format, I might try that one.

good on ya Bro!

[Morning Dew]

Hi Andy me mate

I'v been practicing 25sit X 10walk X 25sit for approx a week now and it works like charm. Maybe not that good for those practicing Jhana but who cares, at least Mindfulness is being pumped up

Satipattha Sutta does not say sit for an hour but it does say - when standing aware of just standing, when walking aware of just walking, when sitting aware of just sitting, when lying aware of just lying - or something like that.
Practicing Present Time Awareness is crutial. One is to spend as less time in daydreaming as possible.
This is the reason i broke up the practice like this and the reason i started to practice with a Applied Though in form of a Mantra/Koan - "Do I allow myself to take refuge in this present moment".

Since i started practicing like this i remained longer in the presence, but this also brough up some bubbling emotions too well well

Zen uses Koan (applied thought) with great results on mind. It is just to find the right
Koan you can apply your self in an Awake manner, so not to automaticaly repeat the Koan (just words leading to hypnosis).
There must be sense of the whole being trying to understand the Koan, not just the mind. The breathing, the stomach, the head, the leggs, the hands, the innards, the nerves, the outside sounds the inside vibrations, all encompasing the Koan nothing excluded.

The Mind gets lost in daydreaming a little even when practicing Applied Thought but its easier to recollect Mindfulness which stays on the Koan for lonher periods than on the breathing. This is in my experience of course.

I am off now to practice 25x10x25 Koan meditation

[Morning Dew]

The tomatoes are all over the place I need help to eat them all

We have a few apple trees in the summer house and boy did we get many this year we will be making some cider baby

Also we found some Blackberries in the near by forrest. Making jam this very moment yummmeeee

[Morning Dew]

More and more peppers comming along

[Morning Dew]

For those who didnt hear I started a one year study of Agriculture

Here is me learning all day today to drive a tractor and apply all the tools for big boys and gals

NOTE; for some reason the sound is missing hm...

Duskob - 69c5b9b2.mp4

[Andrew]

nice. Certainly feels like the right direction for Dusko.
i spent an hour and a half clearing more space for veggies last night, just felt automatic to do it. harvested the potatoes 3 days ago and got around 10 kg from 3 m2 which was around 16 plants. harvested the lettuce and rocket too, made a nice salad. it is spring now, so plenty to get in the ground over the next few weeks.

[Morning Dew]

Living the Real Simple Life (ABC Nightline)

[Andrew]

The're the people l sent you the link for a while back, beautiful garden, really cool.

[Morning Dew]

Yes its real cool.

One thing to mention. This study im part of is about industrial farming and not self-sufficiency farming. In the whole of Sweden there is only one school teaching self-sufficient farming and its somewhere up north.

What a shame. This tells you alot about the peoples and governments state of mind.

Discust and Misery