Author Topic: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]  (Read 98553 times)

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #250 on: July 28, 2011, 08:19:15 PM »
There is this off the cushion state of mind, joyfuly calm.

It is like a round disc. Very thin and very reflecting like a metal mirror. When bombarded by thoughts it simply bounces the thoughts away with its elasticity. Just like a trampoline :)

Yet thoughts do not touch it at all ... the mind keeps slight distance from the thought like there is some sort of vacuum inbetween.

Only one side of this reflective and elastic disc-like mind is bombarded by thoughts. The other side is never effected but it is in a shade. Like an underside yet 45 degrees angled kind of.

Even though I practice sitting every second day at the moment I notice this state of mind keeps joy and equanimity for two days flat. Im now to actualy feel the off the cushion levels of joy and equanimity before sitting down again.

There is this investigatory quality of this mind. It is very aware of all taking place and kind of bouncing away irrelevant thoughts, which kind of bring "Mona Lisa smile" onto my face :)

It investigates the off the cushion living and do0esnt rush back onto the cushion. It has no problem go to sit yet waits for the right momentum. There is no rush.

Slight vibration/sensations around the eyes and in within the scull arround the brain as well as palms.

This state is the fruit of The Knowledges of Suffering I feel. Equanimity is its name I would say.

It doesnt feel good nor does it feel bad. It just is.

Mungo

  • Member
    • Shamatha
    • Smiling Politely
Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #251 on: July 29, 2011, 02:31:18 AM »

There is this investigatory quality of this mind. It is very aware of all taking place and kind of bouncing away irrelevant thoughts, which kind of bring "Mona Lisa smile" onto my face :)


Thats a great description. I have found my definition of "cool" has changed drastically. It used to be about popularity and desirability when I was young (which I rebelled against). Its now about everything ( in its "natural" form ) just being as it is as it just "feels cool", not hot, not cold. I wander down the park and look at the clouds, their cool - I see kids playing, thats cool - I see a big dog shite, haha yeah thats cool too. I occasionally catch the eye of a passer by and they smile back and it feels a bit alien sometimes as I am not used to it but hey thats cool - this coolness can rub off onto people.

Unfortunately I am also aware of the slight wobble I get after a few days - the ignorant part that says "hey - this is not normal, you are used to stressing out and this is just too weird, get back and suffer some more because it is much easier" and around we go again for another lap. But on the other hand I notice that the cycle is not so much a circle anymore but a spiral that is getting tighter and converging on equanimity.


It doesnt feel good nor does it feel bad. It just is.


I agree - its cool isnt it.

Keep it free mate.
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #252 on: July 29, 2011, 07:43:11 AM »
Quote
I see a big dog shite, haha yeah thats cool too.

I usualy step into dog dung while walking my dog. But that is cool too  :angel:

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #253 on: August 05, 2011, 08:43:49 AM »
Our dear guests are gone and im back on the cushion again :)
This morning was very interesting to sit. The body was fidgeting all the time, so restless, needs lots of calming. Sensation of a fist holding my stomack. Needs calming. Shallow breathing. Needs letting go through calming.
All in all no matter what we say or think The Posture is all there is to it. No focusing nor concentration can help here IME. Sit to the end no matter how it feels and joy will be the fruit afterwards. Good vs Bad wtf ;D its all the same, just a mind boggling phenomena.

Tomatos and Peppers are tasting good :)


The balcony green house :)


May all beings far and wide be happy, free from harm and suffering

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #254 on: August 06, 2011, 01:31:00 PM »
We plucked red and black currants today. 4 kg will give some tasty cordial yuuummmmmmyyyyy
:)




Nature takes but also gives

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #255 on: August 06, 2011, 01:58:57 PM »
NOTICE:

I have been (and still am) practicing Shamatha for one and a half year daily as described by Matthew on this forum. I can verify now that Im very content with the practice it self. It calmed down the fidgeting mind considerably, and by doing so Insights were gained, followed by a very stormy Dark Night (Knowledges of Suffering) and slowly but surely maturing into Equanimity, and all this was followed by Bliss and Joy (except in the Dark Night that is ;)  )

May the Dhamma flourish for the benefit of all beings :)

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #256 on: August 07, 2011, 09:07:17 AM »
Im noticing my jaw clenching, teet grinding. Some tension is in there.

I saw a black snake outside the summerhouse. I went to piss beside a stone wall and then i noticed a snake looking at me. I moved backwards slowly not to piss me shoes ;D

I see that snake symbolises Anger & Aversion, my favorite state of mind :P

I need some clarity. Maybe The Dhamma can offer it? Will seek for it.

Off to sit

Jeeprs

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #257 on: August 08, 2011, 01:27:13 PM »
I didn't know there were snakes in your part of the world Dusko. We have plenty here, in Australia I mean, although I don't often see one. But I thought they were pretty scarce in Northern Europe.

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #258 on: August 08, 2011, 01:56:17 PM »
I think the are only two species
This is the poisonous viper
http://sv.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huggorm
And this is the one i saw the non-dangerous
http://sv.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snok


Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #259 on: August 08, 2011, 10:26:20 PM »
My life style doesnt suit the Practice at all. This is a big joke!
Im lazy! I eat shit! I drink piss! Im not motivated to anything! Im waiting for someone else to clean my home, my dishes, my dirty laundry! I cant even make my self food rather go and get some fast food instead! And all this is making my body feel heavy and restless. Such body makes an agitated mind! And i sit day in and day out yet piss and shit all over that mind wondering " why isnt this mind silent and calm"  :o
I come to this forum day in and day out in hope for something to happen, in hope to write something, show a new plant or a veg i planted. Day to day life passing with nothing happening.

Something is to be done! Some actual changes made!

There is time and need for silence in solitude. I must do this alone. This cant continue like this anymore. Books, discussions... Bullocks! Nothing but Actualy taking action to make a change counts!!!
 
See you me dear Sangha when i actualy integrate caracter into me livelyhood. The body must be looked after as good as possible. Body action, mind non-action.

Be well ya all.

Che Gonemadbutnecesserytomakeactualchanges

Andrew

  • Member
    • friends tell me things, sometimes I listen.
    • Letting Go.
Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #260 on: August 09, 2011, 02:41:13 AM »
Dusko,

Change what? Everything you talk about is what an aware person is aware of. Ignorant people don't talk like that at all. That is all the change we can hope for. Awareness. The rest is how far we are prepared to have faith in the Path.

I'm aware of massive things that cause me to suffer, notably an intense aversion to 'working for the Man', I felt too that I was just playing, but after a week of 'trying to escape it'  I know it is really about the Path. Hard to explain in words, because they are so feeble, but I have faith it is OK to be where I am. Change is inevitable. Then one day it will end, and all the suffering and angst will be for what?

The idea here isn't change, it is enlightenment. Waking up.

Have you learnt to laugh at yourself yet? Doesn't all of this bring a little grin to your face?

i made myself chuckle yesterday when I wrote down a list of the pros and cons of actually doing some work.  :D

Perhaps you can learn to chuckle at the absurd things you do as well. Sometimes I think you are being very hard on yourself; if you don't give yourself a break, who will?

your dhamma brother

Andrew

getting it done

Jeeprs

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #261 on: August 09, 2011, 03:03:00 AM »
One thing to meditate on - the only way out of what we are in, is to go through it, not away from it.

Ajahn Brahm has a section on the Buddhist Society of Western Australia website where people talk about the stresses and issues that they are dealing with. It is called 'who ordered this truckload of dung?' Always makes me laugh, that. I have this image of a knock on the door, grubby looking guy in a cap saying 'mate got your truckload of shit here, where do you want it?' 'Hey I don't want it, take it somewhere else' 'Sorry boss, order has your name on it....' Dump. Go. Oh well. We're all in it together. That's life.

//PS// I suppose that sounds a bit flippant. It isn't meant like that. We are, all of us, going through a very hectic time. One cannot help but notice that the amount of chaos in the daily news is escalating like crazy at the moment. People looting on the streets in Britian, the world economy in turmoil. None of us is really immune from it, or separate from it. But I hope our commitment to Buddhist meditation does help us to recall that stillness of mind, so that the contagion of fear which is flooding the world doesn't get a foothold in us.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2011, 03:25:26 AM by Jeeprs »

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #262 on: August 09, 2011, 06:28:32 AM »
....

Something is to be done! Some actual changes made!

There is time and need for silence in solitude. I must do this alone. This cant continue like this anymore. Books, discussions... Bullocks! Nothing but Actualy taking action to make a change counts!!!
 
See you me dear Sangha when i actualy integrate caracter into me livelyhood. The body must be looked after as good as possible. Body action, mind non-action.

.....

From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaly%C4%81%E1%B9%87a-mittat%C4%81

Quote
Kalyāṇa-mittatā (Pali; Skt.: -mitratā) is a Buddhist concept of "spiritual friendship" within Buddhist community life, applicable to both monastic and householder relationships. One involved in such a relationship is known as a "good friend," "virtuous friend," "noble friend" or "admirable friend" (kalyāṇa-mitta, -mitra).

Since early Buddhist history, these relationships have involved spiritual teacher-student dyads as well as communal peer groups. In general, such is a supportive relationship based on shared Buddhist ethical values and the pursuit of enlightenment

Quote
In the Pali Canon's Upaddha Sutta (SN 45.2), there is a conversation between the Buddha and his disciple Ananda in which Ananda enthusiastically declares, 'This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie.' The Buddha replies:

    'Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.'

The Buddha elaborates that, through such friendships, one develops each of the path factors through seclusion, dispassion and cessation. Further, the Buddha states that through spiritual friendship with the Buddha himself followers have gained release from suffering.

According to Dr. R.L. Soni, canonical discourses state that "companionship with the wise" leads to the following developmental progression: "listening to good advice, rational faith, noble thoughts, clear thinking, self-control, good conduct, conquest of the hindrances, gaining of wisdom and the consequent liberation."[4]

More broadly, in Itivuttaka 1.17, the Buddha declares:

    'With regard to external factors, I don't envision any other single factor like admirable friendship as doing so much for a monk in training, who has not attained the heart's goal but remains intent on the unsurpassed safety from bondage. A monk who is a friend with admirable people abandons what is unskillful and develops what is skillful.'[5]

In terms of householders, the Buddha provides the following elaboration in the Dighajanu Sutta (AN 8.54):

    'And what is meant by admirable friendship? There is the case where a lay person, in whatever town or village he may dwell, spends time with householders or householders' sons, young or old, who are advanced in virtue. He talks with them, engages them in discussions. He emulates consummate conviction in those who are consummate in conviction, consummate virtue in those who are consummate in virtue, consummate generosity in those who are consummate in generosity, and consummate discernment in those who are consummate in discernment. This is called admirable friendship.
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Quardamon

  • Member
    • Teachers were: P.K.K. Mettavihari, Frits Koster, Nel Kliphuis. (In the line of Mahasi Sayadaw)
Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #263 on: August 09, 2011, 01:31:21 PM »
Hay mate,

Tick tack tick tack   . . .   with such a device tends to be followed by a BOOM.
A BOOM by which what was small is sent into the universe. Definitely something is set free of its stable form by the BOOM.  :angel:
Well   . . .   there might be some chaos , after the BOOM. :-[

You see, it is nice to grow big and to penetrate the reality around us. Sounds cosmic.  8)
But doing that in a split second can play havoc.  >:(
That is not nice and calm at all.

Now that you have no job, you might be able to able to uncover enormous loads of anger, destruction, desire, desire for deliverance, etcetera.

But   . . .    who said this?    . . .   if you tighten the string too much, the tone gets too high.  And when the tone gets too high, that is a warning. There is a paradox in fighting for peace, forcing equanimity, concentrating hard on quiet.
I see the same two connected things is the quiet and regular ticking and the one-time-fixes-all BOOM.

Maybe you need an act of will to stop the ticking device. Do not take your desire for a cosmic deliverance too seriously.
There is no need to detonate if you happen upon something explosive.

How did you fare with the potential job of milking cows?
Do you still hope to find a job, apart from (or before) starting a farm?

I am at a loss as to what to wish you.

Take care.

Quardamon

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #264 on: August 09, 2011, 02:35:20 PM »
"There is the case where a monk, having gone to the wilderness, to the shade of a tree, or to an empty building, sits down folding his legs crosswise, holding his body erect, and setting mindfulness to the fore.[1] Always mindful, he breathes in; mindful he breathes out."

The continuity is ticking and with it this very form we call the self. There is only so much continuity left to realise The Truth there is no time to waste. Ardent my friends Ardent. There must be this feeling of urgency.

"ardent, alert, & mindful — putting aside greed & distress with reference to the world."

I cant take you with me. This path issues only solo tickets.
I will be back when you see me.

May you all be well


Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #265 on: August 09, 2011, 03:40:00 PM »
Of course the work is undertaken alone yet to isolate yourself from friends on the path completely comes from mistaken view. Be well, come back when you are ready to be with Sangha again and don't explode!

The monks went to isolated spots to practice. They always came back together to do alms rounds and discuss issues of Dhamma.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2011, 03:43:28 PM by Matthew »
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Andrew

  • Member
    • friends tell me things, sometimes I listen.
    • Letting Go.
Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #266 on: August 10, 2011, 05:31:50 AM »


"ardent, alert, & mindful — putting aside greed & distress with reference to the world."



Put aside greed and distress, don't generate it! You are strongly wanting to be free from your ego self/world, this is as silly as being free of your feet. Possible I suppose, but to no good end. Let it be. Stay on the Path (the whole 8 factors) and keep going, these things are not sorted out by us wanting to change them, they are sorted by the process of change itself, which the Path is the directing force of..

show me where the dhamma says, "ardently combating his ego self to try and kill it and making himself miserable with self judgement, thus he trains himself" !! It doesn't and you shouldn't.

Stop condemning yourself and imagining that this self judgement is getting you somewhere. How about try something different for a change, here is a suggestion;

1) formulate a question is your mind. Perhaps you might say 'How will I get free?'

2) Say it over in your mind until you can clearly feel the emotion driving it.

3) Now slow it down and contemplate each word very slowly, defining it all on it's own.

i.e.

'How';  It could be a question, or a statement of a process

'will' ; a definite outcome, it isn't grey

'I' a mystery, we feel it but it is still a mystery

'get' an idea of possessing something, perhaps through strong action

'free' another mystery word, free from what? Free form restraint maybe, free from guilt, free from condemnation? free from suffering?

Slow it right down to see if you are actually listening to your own questions, and the emotional answers which you are already generating and which dictate your actions.

In case you are wondering, I was doing this exercise today and it was a real eye opener. words keep buzzing by but the emotion is what we act on. Until we slow the words down and see the power in each one of them.

My question today was "What am I going to do?"  :D I realised I would probably do what I have always done and laughed about it!  :D the path will rise to meet those whose eyes are open.


may the path rise to meet you and the wind be at your back! (Just to remind you of your Dublin days!)

A


 

getting it done

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #267 on: August 10, 2011, 08:40:42 AM »
Andrew - beautifully put mate.

@Dusko - these words are wise. Don't try to kill the ego, let mindfulness dissolve it slowly ... At a rate that doesn't turn you into a bomb waiting to go off.

Much love,

Matthew
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #268 on: August 10, 2011, 02:18:34 PM »
I have no energy left to practice. I feel very empty. Cant make my self practice. I now know how Jeepers felt when this was his issue.
Coincidence or nor but now I remeber me incouraging him to start daily practicing only a month or so ago and he apparently succseeded yet now I deflated :( is there some kind of energy exchange going on here? No? Yes?
It makes me feel that one is not to help anyone (intentionaly) until one actualy awakeness.
I strongly feel there is a strong energy exchange happening between people no matter whether its good or bad.

"Strive diligently for your own salvation" makes sense!

Maybe indirectly helping through sharing your own experience but not directly by telling folk what to do or similar.

I strongly feel that each time I did tell people what to do I would end up exhausted afterwards and this could easily be verified in the sitting practice which shows only what IS.

Investing energy into someone (who is energeticaly weak) from your own reservoar which is almost empty can only lead to total exhaustion.

The Buddha went on helping others once he him self was realised, no?

Yesterday I sat for approx 5 hours (20min sitting 10 walking 20 sitting 10 walking 20 sitting 10 walking meditation etc...)

Today the Effort/Energy disapeared. Energy comes from somewhere.

I must listen to some Dharma talks I feel, I must find a Sangha I can actualy sit with occasionaly too.

I need comforting. I feel Faith and Effort is gone.


Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #269 on: August 10, 2011, 07:41:44 PM »
Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me
mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine
I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I me mine I
me mine I me mine I me ........

What about The Others??? What about my wife, my sister, my parents, family, friends, people I know, those I dont know, those who suffer .... ???

Im so obsesed with Myself with Me with Mine with I !!!

Let me see:
1) loving-kindness - only if forced
2) compassion - only if forced
3) sympathetic joy - only if forced
4) equanimity - vaguely arising

To be nice towards people is soooooo HARD!!!!! Especialy doing thigs for those closest to me. There is this feeling like im to explode from the inside out if I do things fro them. And for that reason I simply avoid making people happy, can you fcucking believe this!!!

Especialy towards my wife ... why oh why cant I simply remove the macho ars h o l e away and be there for her??!! WHY?!
She went with me through so much crap already. Why cant I simply be nice to her. Why cant I say "darling I will wash the dishes and wash the dirty laundrey and vacuum the floor, you go ahaid and relax a bit, go meditate for a while while I prepare the dinner" without getting this feeling like im to explode.
It is so hard being genuenly nice to people especialy those closest to me ...

...

...

I have been sitting on me ars and meditating for year and a half. What did I gain out of it:
I need MY practice
I need to do MY practice
Dont disturb me while Im doing MY practice
I will do a retreat one day
I need meditators around me all the time
These nonmeditators have no clue

WTF!!!

I CANT CHANGE !!! IT IS SO HARD TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE IT IS SO DEGRADING !!! I CANT !!!
WHY IS IT SO FCUCKING HARD???!!!

It is easy to be kind and compassionate when alone in my room.

Why is it so hard to exclude myself and to first take others into account. To care for others first.

Im a proud wanker!

Quardamon

  • Member
    • Teachers were: P.K.K. Mettavihari, Frits Koster, Nel Kliphuis. (In the line of Mahasi Sayadaw)
Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #270 on: August 10, 2011, 09:32:40 PM »
Thank you for telling all this.

It is such an honest outcry.
Reality eaten raw. And spit out in disgust.

I for myself will need time to chew on this and to digest this.

I will drink tea now, and sit for an hour.

Thank you for sharing.

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #271 on: August 10, 2011, 10:04:53 PM »
... will need time to chew on this and to digest this.


Careful my friend. You might get a heartburn.

...

Intent creates a deed.
From a deed springs a habit.
From habit grow the caracter
And from the caracter develops
Karma.

Where the intention goes
Energy flows.

Matthew

  • The Irreverent Buddhist
  • Member
  • Meditation: It's a D.I.Y. project.
    • Buddhism is a practical psychology and philosophy, not a religion.
    • If you cling to view, you must know this limits your potential.
Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #272 on: August 10, 2011, 10:07:51 PM »
Dusko, you have great compassion - it seems you don't recognise it as such. I'm just going to bed on my allotment garden and the phone battery is low so like Quardamon I reflect and say more soon. It would be good to speak on skype when I get home tomorrow if you would like to. Much love, Matthew
~oOo~     Tat Tvam Asi     ~oOo~    How will you make the world a better place today?     ~oOo~    Fabricate Nothing     ~oOo~

Morning Dew

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #273 on: August 10, 2011, 10:20:08 PM »
Im alone in the summer house tomorrow. Will try and sit a mini retreat. Talking on Skype might be a good idea.

Thank you

Jeeprs

Re: Abiding in calm and mindful self-sufficiency [Journal]
« Reply #274 on: August 10, 2011, 10:46:13 PM »
My practice is going OK now but I am also at a different phase of life. After all, I went to my first 'meditation course' 5 years before I got married, and I have been married about 27 years. So these things take time! There were plenty of rough patches during this period, too, I can assure you, including a couple of years where I stopped altogether and completely forgot about it all.

When I wrote about my non-commitment to sitting, it was true, I was very patchy, and I was drinking a bottle of wine with dinner most nights, which really destroys your equanimity. As a result, I was moody and emotional at the time.  Since joining here, I have been a lot more committed. I still don't sit every single day, but I am studying Buddhism, so I read a lot, and that is a kind of meditation in itself. And I have given the alcohol a miss, which really is necessary, for me anyway.

But overall it takes a long while to bring this practice to fruition so don't beat yourself up. You have to learn to be your own friend. And it is important that what else is happening in your world has an effect. If you are having difficulties with right livelihood, this will have its effect.  I have a good occupation now, but I didn't find this career (as technical writer) till I was 50. There were times when I didn't know if it would ever happen. So just hang in there.

 

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