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Okay, so your response was about the past as you say, about the 3 doors I had opened this week. I opened a new thread, and you were talking about the past.
Trying to open three doors in a week shows there is no real stable view to your practice. You are shopping in the supermarket. You have raised new issues three times in this week. That is not about "the past" - it is a sign of your present and ongoing state of mind which - as you have admitted - is a "mess".
If I start a conversation in the present can you tackle it in the present, if at all, and not bring feelings from the past into it.
You can not have a conversation "in the present". By the time anyone reads your response they are reading "the past". By the time you are aware of your thoughts you are dealing with "the past".
There is no bad feeling in me towards you. I have found your aggressive comments and attacking style unpleasant but it is not an unpleasantness that affects the way I deal with you. If I seem hard it is because you don't hear gentle.
You make a number of assumptions about me which I want to tackle here :
> thinking that I do not stick to a practice : At the moment I am doing roughly 1.5hrs x 3 of Goenka Vipassana every day ... there is very little variation with it.
> the time I spend on the internet : Well you know I am doing about 4-5 hrs of meditation as a householder ... it's not bad is it. Why criticise ? And yes, I spend time on the internet mostly listening to masters or reading sutras.
This is my life Matthew so you can understand :
4.5 hrs of Goenka Vipassana a day
Other time listening to masters or reading sutras, occasional movie
Exercise Mon/Wed/Fri
There it is.
Sorry you are doing so much Goenka Vipassana and getting so few fruits in terms of stability of mind, inability to drop your clinging and craving and a peaceful attitude. Not going to go over old ground, yet I have explained before why Goenka Vipassana is not, in my opinion, a beneficial form of practice. Your experience adds to my body of knowledge regarding Goenka's regime.
Regarding the use of the internet, as we know it has lead you to three new ways of thinking about things this week. Do you not recognise this as a form a of craving for being? Do you not recognise there is a compulsive element to this? If you do not see these things then your Vipassana practice really needs to be questioned. Vipassana does mean "seeing things as they are".
Some questions for you :
> why do you criticise how I practice and how I live ?
It is not working for you. Your posts here show that clearly. But actually there was not a great deal of criticism in my replies. You read what you want to read into them quite clearly.
> why do you choose to judge me ?
Am I judging you or am I seeing things as they are? - Is there evidence you are confused and I am trying to offer a helping hand? You are the one who described your situation as "I am dealing with the mess inside me all day long, every second I see the mess ..."
> why do you choose to tell me what the path is or isn't ?
Because you are suffering.
> why do you choose to telll me "I make it up as you go along" ?
That is not what I said. Please don't misquote me. Read it again - as I said you read what you want to read into them.
You said that you have no bad feeling ? But these things you do ... are bad feelings. Isn't it ?
You have clearly experienced negative feelings towards me for some time. Your posts have become increasingly aggressive (not just in this thread). I am not experiencing negative feelings towards you. It is unpleasant to be attacked repeatedly yet your suffering is the source of this. I feel compassion for the situation you are in. I have been as confused as you in the past. This is not a judgement, this is based on your description of your mind as "a mess" and your posting behaviour.
Sometimes you are judging. You make assumptions. You ignore questions and talk from the past.
Sometimes it is necessary to have an understanding of the situation someone is in. What you perceive as assumptions are based on the evidence of your posts. I have not ignored any of your questions here. I have already covered the issue of what you perceive as "the past" - your behaviour is ongoing and consistent.
Surely you will not like this post. I am sorry for your suffering. It is yours, coming from your mind, your confusion, your "mess", your assumptions.
Seeing things as they are is the antidote.