Hi sangha,
I thought that instead of continuing to post in 'that other thread', it would be better to expound my insight in a more general topic. I don't think I could get the thread subject any more 'safe' for those not interested, not ready or otherwise over it.

(that's not a dig, just me taking the valid opinions of others into account)
OK, leaving out the story, I'll summarise the insight.
1) The concept of
sex drive being a purely physical thing may well be false. Perhaps humanity has been going through it's collective teenage years in this regard, or maybe just me.

I have been ignorant of the possibility that sex isn't really one of our 'needs' but rather a 'want' we cultivate in our imagination. I use 'maybe', 'perhaps' and 'possibility' because it is very early days for me putting this into practice.
It would be a shame if it's only because I'm 35 that I have finally been able to 'hear' this. I would like to think that between this insight and mindfulness, humanity could move beyond it's current 'animalistic' preoccupation with sex. This post could save the world...hahaha

...hmm maybe not...

. If indeed
aging is the only thing that brings freedom from sexual preoccupation, then truly, bring on extinction, cause I'm over the pain this has caused me and others. Hey, I allow myself some nihilism now and then...

2) lovemaking and orgasm are two separate things, it is better to approach the former without having the later as a goal..It is even better again to deliberately not orgasm, but rather leave your energy and brain chemistry
invigorated, not depleted. This is something talked about in ancient Qigong texts. It is beneficial to marriage to not have orgasm as the goal of lovemaking, but rather an optional extra. Stay in the moment, don't look forward at all. Besides, so many times 'climax' is an anti-climax, why put yourself through that? You don't actually
need it. When the day comes and both are ready, then go for it.
3) because of point one, and with the strength of mind cultivated in point two, 'private release' is perhaps neither necessary or beneficial in marriage. I keep saying in marriage, as that's what this new idea for me is being tested in (see below). I'm stating it more like a hypothesis because at the moment I can't say it's that much more that this.
For the record and the scientists among us; I was married at 21 and have had only 1 partner before that ( though
in my mind the whole world has been my unsuspecting harem

). I tell you this so, if need be, you can easily dismiss this post and get on with things without any offence or confusion. I share it because I can. Tomorrow's post may well be about me dealing with my forum addiction....

It is early days for me, but already my wife and I are more relaxed in daily life, mainly because I'm more relaxed and not looking to sex for fulfilment. It really would not have sunk in if it wasn't for
shamatha sitting morning and night, which is the reason I'm sharing this at all.
Sounds like a Testimonial doesn't it? I nearly deleted it twice...
love
andy