After Meditation?

[thomas]

What routines do people have for after they sit?

I'm finding that if I soon after have contact with people that my calm is immediatly smashed. I'm torn from my calm contemplative piece of mind in to what feels like a charade of a conversation.

So prefer it if I am alone for quite a while after.

[Morning Dew]

Yes, I asked kindly my wife to let me have half an hour in peace after the sitting because if she immediately start chatting away I too feel I didn't have the chance to let the practice settle in.

It is good to just relax after it.

Your mind will eventualy grow more calm and equanimity will become its strong side, especially when supported by the compassion felt for those drowning in the "charade of a conversation"   

Just keep relaxing into the body, aware of the whole body breathing.

Che

[kidnovice]

What routines do people have for after they sit?

I'm finding that if I soon after have contact with people that my calm is immediatly smashed. I'm torn from my calm contemplative piece of mind in to what feels like a charade of a conversation.

So prefer it if I am alone for quite a while after.

I agree that maintaining mindfulness is most difficult during our interactions with others (this is why we take silent retreats! It gives us the opportunity to really cultivate mindfulness for extended periods of time without interruption.).

However, its extremely important that we learn to mindfully interact. After all, what good is cultivating a calm contemplative mind if it is so fragile that it is lost the moment we run into somebody? Personally, I think the only way to make mindfulness less fragile is to practice using it in different situations.  Its a process full of trial-and-error. You just have to keep trying until you figure out how to keep yourself aware.

So, after my daily meditation, I find it best to just dive-straight-in to whatever life demands. If after sitting, there are solitary activities to do, then I do them (clean the house, wash dishes, take a shower, etc.). But if life demands interacting with others, then I do that, and I see if I can't find ways to be calm and mindful.

Indeed, I would enjoy hearing suggestions on this. Does anyone have any tips or strategies for staying mindful during interactions with others?

With metta,
KN

[meditation_novice]

Hi,
Personnaly I try to be aware of the breath like Webu Sayadaw says. It’s really hard of course but it work. The book The way to ultimate calm: selected discourses of Webu Sayadaw (free on Google book) was really helpful particularly the third chapter : Keep your mind on the spot.

With Metta

[Andrew]

Indeed, I would enjoy hearing suggestions on this. Does anyone have any tips or strategies for staying mindful during interactions with others?

With metta,
KN

You know I'm getting the feeling, it's enough to know, "I'm calm. hmm, now i'm not. Oh, well, just keep breathing" I think anything more than that may well create the feeling that there is another personality we should be. I've tried before to remain in whatever 'insightful state' I'm in, I'm doing it now. It will wear off, and perhaps I will forget. Then tomorrow or tonight, or the next minute perhaps I will laugh and remember. I think a sense of humour goes a long way...why worry? we will shake off this mortal coil and find there was no we and we will be bliss again!!. It's a mystery to me how we are mindful at all. Let alone that there are others as well experiencing it. What we are talking about is mostly incomprehensible, I feel good now, perhaps I won't later.

Why worry? Does worrying about the thief that could break in, stop the thief breaking in?

If I punish myself now, will it make up for all I do wrong tomorrow?

I think you are a very mindful person KN, don't overdo it ("that's a joke kid, get it, a joke!"  -Foghorn Leghorn)


love

andy

[Floor]

Hi,
Personnaly I try to be aware of the breath like Webu Sayadaw says. It’s really hard of course but it work. The book The way to ultimate calm: selected discourses of Webu Sayadaw (free on Google book) was really helpful particularly the third chapter : Keep your mind on the spot.

With Metta

Wonderful!  Webu Sayadaw is top dog (an Arhant).  If you read any of his work it is so obvious…

He didn't give a ton of discourses but regardless they were all the same..

He would make fun of the audience about them all going to hell.. and then proceed to tell them
to keep their attention on their nostrils/breathe at all times
 
He stressed no knowledge is needed. He said “the whole of the tipitaka is right there”.. right below
the nostrils. 

Constant mindfulness is sufficient, entirely in and of itself, for enlightenment.  Nothing else needed.   

No teacher.. no jhana.. no theory.. no ideas..

Indeed, I would enjoy hearing suggestions on this. Does anyone have any tips or strategies for staying mindful during interactions with others?

I like body sensation.. whatever your daily practice use the same object..

The body is so tangible, easy to cling onto. There’s always some feeling or another going on.  And eventually it becomes auto-pilot. You are doing whatever you do on the daily level but you have some attention on the body.

I also like body because I was doing it at all times.. even when I was having fun.

So when I was with my friends… when I was with girls... I wanted to have fun. And I didn’t necessarily want that small
amount of calm that naturally comes from having attention on the breathe.


If you are looking for somewhere to put extra effort into your practice. This is where.


-d

[Vivek]

Does anyone have any tips or strategies for staying mindful during interactions with others?

I too would suggest that observing body sensations would be the way to do it. It is not necessary to be aware of the whole body, since, that would take our entire attention and would not help in the interaction itself. As Goenkaji himself says, whole body awareness all the time, is quite an advanced stage. I reckon it would do good if we keep awareness of whatever sensations we can be aware of, during interactions.

[kidnovice]

I'm really enjoying all the suggestions everyone. I think this is really helpful stuff for all practitioners. I just get back from a bit of socializing, and I couldn't help but reflect on how I try to approach mindfulness.

I too lean more toward mindfulness of bodily sensations. I find it is easier for me to do that while still giving utmost priority to the person with whom I am engaging. Trying to watch my breath is trickier. I find I can sometimes give it TOO much attention, making me not fully present for the other person. (Its similar with driving. I've definitely had some moments with mindfulness of breathing where I've thought "Hmmm, that's nice. But definitely not safe!"). Of course, part of this might just be about practicing it enough that it becomes more effortless.

I noticed tonight that I will usually try to observe bodily sensations, but every now and then, during a brief pause in conversation (etc.) briefly observe the breath.

You know I'm getting the feeling, it's enough to know, "I'm calm. hmm, now i'm not. Oh, well, just keep breathing"

Agreed, Andy. I've definitely been feeling that too. Similarly, I've been feeling like its sometimes enough to simply pay attention to what my intentions are, my feelings, the other person's experience, etc. Just being mindful of the situation feels pretty skillful (as long as its done with kindness or even just curiosity).  I may be stretching the term "mindfulness," but it feels right.

Anyway, thanks for the food for thought! And I welcome any more suggestions.

KN

[Andrew]

Just being mindful of the situation feels pretty skillful (as long as its done with kindness or even just curiosity).  I may be stretching the term "mindfulness," but it feels right.

KN

hi KN,

What else could we really hope for beyond intuitive feeling? The new age calls it 'centered'. I call it a good day.

love

andy

PS Is your avatar name form the matrix movies? I sorta hope it is, I would love to hear your exposition of them!

[Morning Dew]

Indeed, I would enjoy hearing suggestions on this. Does anyone have any tips or strategies for staying mindful during interactions with others?

KN my friend you sure know how to get the fire goin 

I am becoming better at being mindful at work in interactions with my colleagues and customers. I unwillingly sense the chest area. This is the area I usually feel expanding greatly if I get upset. I feel the body breathing and calmness prevails. Feelings of Compassion for the other person also supports calmness.

With my wife is a different story... at times I am mindful at times I am not but I do see all that is happening clearly just fail to calm it at times  but Im getting there.

Yes I agree it all comes to bringing the mind back home to the body    again and again and again

[Andrew]

Deleted. Rambling.

love

andy

[Matthew]

...Indeed, I would enjoy hearing suggestions on this. Does anyone have any tips or strategies for staying mindful during interactions with others?
...

Having established mindfulness, when the other is talking have your mind concentrated on them, look and listen and take it all in. Be mindful of heir facial and body expressions, tone of voice and your reactions. Be aware of a sense of compassion for other. Be aware of your reactions without getting involved. Especially be aware if you are starting to compose a reply before they finished speaking (lost your mindfulness) and mindfully return your attention fully to them. When they have said what they are saying contemplate mindfully their words before mindfully delivering your response.

[thomas]

Those are good tips! I'll try to focus more.

I think the calmness I get from meditation seems so precious that I guard it too heavily. After sitting I'm clinging on to some sort of state of mind, rather than attempting to remain mindfull

...Indeed, I would enjoy hearing suggestions on this. Does anyone have any tips or strategies for staying mindful during interactions with others?
...

Having established mindfulness, when the other is talking have your mind concentrated on them, look and listen and take it all in. Be mindful of heir facial and body expressions, tone of voice and your reactions. Be aware of a sense of compassion for other. Be aware of your reactions without getting involved. Especially be aware if you are starting to compose a reply before they finished speaking (lost your mindfulness) and mindfully return your attention fully to them. When they have said what they are saying contemplate mindfully their words before mindfully delivering your response.

[Morning Dew]

I think the calmness I get from meditation seems so precious that I guard it too heavily. After sitting I'm clinging on to some sort of state of mind, rather than attempting to remain mindfull

I think you are onto some very important insight here   keep at it!
Good man !

Che

[kidnovice]

Having established mindfulness, when the other is talking have your mind concentrated on them, look and listen and take it all in. Be mindful of heir facial and body expressions, tone of voice and your reactions. Be aware of a sense of compassion for other. Be aware of your reactions without getting involved. Especially be aware if you are starting to compose a reply before they finished speaking (lost your mindfulness) and mindfully return your attention fully to them. When they have said what they are saying contemplate mindfully their words before mindfully delivering your response.

Thanks for that, Matthew. It helped to have you confirm this approach for me.

KN

[kidnovice]

PS Is your avatar name form the matrix movies? I sorta hope it is, I would love to hear your exposition of them!

Nope, though I did enjoy the movies! My name is just a little way of reminding myself that the path is long, and I am but a child walking on it. (33 y/o, but still!)   

Metta,
Dylan

[Andrew]

I like it all the same. looks like I'll be writing that article

love

andy

[joy]

...Indeed, I would enjoy hearing suggestions on this. Does anyone have any tips or strategies for staying mindful during interactions with others?
...

Having established mindfulness, when the other is talking have your mind concentrated on them, look and listen and take it all in. Be mindful of heir facial and body expressions, tone of voice and your reactions. Be aware of a sense of compassion for other. Be aware of your reactions without getting involved. Especially be aware if you are starting to compose a reply before they finished speaking (lost your mindfulness) and mindfully return your attention fully to them. When they have said what they are saying contemplate mindfully their words before mindfully delivering your response.

IMHO this is the 'Mantra" of suucessful interactions with others in all situations. Thanks TIB.

[Alexanderjohn]

Having established mindfulness, when the other is talking have your mind concentrated on them, look and listen and take it all in. Be mindful of heir facial and body expressions, tone of voice and your reactions. Be aware of a sense of compassion for other. Be aware of your reactions without getting involved. Especially be aware if you are starting to compose a reply before they finished speaking (lost your mindfulness) and mindfully return your attention fully to them. When they have said what they are saying contemplate mindfully their words before mindfully delivering your response.

For me the most interesting thing is actually seeing what is stopping this from happening, There is very often a block, something that creates that illusion of awkwardness that causes me to glance away breaking mindfulness. With some people this doesn't happen and there is a definitive presence to the interaction with complete ease and unbroken eye contact, mindfulness is then very natural and fluid. It seems to bring great insight into our behaviour to recognise what is causing these breaks in mindfulness. It is only then the "charade of conversation" seems to kick, everything is just a safe pre-rehearsed idea of what should be said rather than real true spontaneous momentary interaction that allows us to see each other as we are.

[thomas]

alexanderjohn - "everything is just a safe pre-rehearsed idea of what should be said rather than real true spontaneous momentary interaction that allows us to see each other as we are."

thats how it feels with a lot of people I talk to

[Gadfly]

I usually go for a long cycle after my sit. Always enjoy the spin afterwards.

[Matthew]

KN

YW ... it seems to work well. That's the guiding light. Most importantly it actually makes you much more effective at truly hearing the other, understanding them - and giving that which it is within your power, and will, to give.

M