My first 10 days Vipassana course

[ivana]

Hi everybody
First of all I thank you for the website. I will try to do a summary of my experience as it could be helpful to others. Of course I will have a lot questions as well. If somebody would like to complain about my English I can write it in Czech.

I visited Vipassana course in Kerala, Chenganur. I arrived 20th December, I was not sure to stay there I might be a little fussy about standard of living. ( I changed my mind, we really do not need a lot for our life.) We gave our precious property to management. (I thought sometimes during meditation they might gone with my passport and credit card and they let us meditate). Meditation started and my problem was my jet lag. I came from the UK. I do not suggest to do. I sleep in the Uk really opposite time. We were wake up by bell what was for me as terrible dream.

Regarding my meditation. I can not sit at floor so I had a chair what I really recognize something helpful. I know how to sit with straight spin and with feet on the floor. If I sit on the floor after I can not move. My meditation was very hardwork. I had sometimes in my mind that I am fed up of observing that I want to give up despite I want to meditate. I told my teacher he explained that we have a different layers of my mind and I do not want to meditate as well. I have to confirm. I have to push my self to start to meditate. I am not a person who is going to meditate with smile and it was torture for me sometimes. I have to confirm that I feel that during my meditation I am a master of my mind but if I want really in my life it is to control my mind. I think I will sort it by practise, practise, practise. .............................. practise.

Notice, we had a noble silence without any contact with other. I enjoyed the simple life. I did: sleeping, eating, visiting toilet, washing myself and clothes, meditating, talking with my teacher. Sometimes I felt as I am in the movie Samsara tp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAoqFmwDav8


Regarding technique.
1. Moving my eyes
I find that I am moving by my eyes, I find a thread here so I will try rid off it.
2. I have to think always which part I will continue. I do not remember it.
Could you be so kind as let me know what is your order of chunks of body?
Top of head, scalp, forhead midle part of face including years, chin and mouth, left shoulder in two parts, upper arm in two parts, elbow, down arm in two parts, wrist, palm, other site of palm, fingers, after same for right site, rigth shoulder in two parts, upper arm in two parts, elbow, down arm in two parts, wrist, palm, other site of palm, fingers, neck, my back in three part, throat, oposite of back in three part, my left tight in two parts, my knee, my calm in two parts, my ankles, my heal, my sole, oposite of my sole, fingers, after same for right site, my right tight in two parts, my knee, my calm in two parts, my ankles, my heal, my sole, oposite of my sole, fingers.
When I start from bottom I start my fingers of my right leg, going up, my fingers of left leg, going up, opposite of my back, my back, fingers of right hand, going up, fingers of left hand, going up. face, scalp, and top of my head.
3. Sleeping
I slept during meditation sometimes. I started to have my breath deeper and after I slept. I had sometimes microsleeping, my head jumped down.
4. Long time without meditation
Sometimes I recognize that I think about my problems for long time. Sometimes I thought it was important to think about it. It could be something as very important for me.
5. I understand sensation on surface of my body but inside?
To be honest I am not sure about how to go deep in my body. Should I try to feel my bone, my kidney?
6. Free flow
I am not sure about it, sometimes I can feel it. But should I try to do regulary? How long takes free flow? It is for me 0.3 sec.

I thank you for your any comment.

[chintan]

Your English is quite good Ivana. Your experiences of the 10 day retreat are similar to a lot of us. Personally for me the physical discomfort went away after 4 days and after that sitting for 1 hour was much easier..  Being at the retreat it was fairly easy to meditate and the challenge is to continue doing it when alone and without the support of a large group.

Hope that the discomfort goes away and you start having fun in your practice soon.

With Metta

[nelcalb]

Hi Ivana,

I just came but from my 4th retreat. My first one was similar to yours.

As an advice, have in mind that the purpose of the practice is to develop Concentration and Ecuanimity, not feeling free flow.

Sensations (gross or subtle or nice or painful or free flow or no sensation) are just a tool to develop Concentration and Ecuanimity.

Don't try to feel free flow or worry if it doesnt happens. Just observe whatever sensation with ecuanimity and train your mind to be focused on what it's doing, concentrated.

Metta!!!

Nelson

[ivana]

Thanks Nelcab and Maun
Now what I need is a discipline to meditate regulary.
Ivana

[Matthew]

...

Regarding my meditation. I can not sit at floor so I had a chair what I really recognize something helpful. I know how to sit with straight spin and with feet on the floor. If I sit on the floor after I can not move. My meditation was very hardwork. I had sometimes in my mind that I am fed up of observing that I want to give up despite I want to meditate.

...

When that feeling arises put your attention on all of it's physical and mental qualities.

[Morning Dew]

Hope that the discomfort goes away and you start having fun in your practice soon.

I sure hope this not to be the case since this very discomfort is your ticket out of the conditioned existense. Not desiering the discomfort nor rejecting it, nor wanting to get rid of it nor having fun with your practice. The practice is nothing to have fun about and hanging in it, or building your daily life around it separating your self again into fractions.

Be aware of the rigid self. Wanting to create a habbit. Comfortable habbit.

Yes, sure, sit but try to do it softly, not loosing the feeling with the off cushion actual life. Be aware of the restless self wanting to meditate, wanting not to meditate, wanting and rejecting.

Dont be afraid to walk between the ideas of being a meditator and the ignorant self. Both are the same.

If it happens that you JUST CANT "meditate" try and sit on your chair and with a gentle smile on you face observe just that "that you just cant meditate". To meditate is just an idea. Observe this very condition and of course relax your body. Only like this will the condition disipate into an actual insight.

Forgett about meditation rituals and just observe all that you are at any given time and while being aware of it relax the body gently with each in and out breath. You will soon realise that you can do it any time of off the cushion.

No, I am not saying stop with the sitting practice, far from it. Sitting sure recharges all the batteries needed to observe the self of off the cushion.

Friendly

[ivana]

Sitting sure recharges all the batteries needed to observe the self of off the cushion.

Thanks Che, I think you wrote why I do meditation.
I hope all is ok with you.
Take care

[ivana]

When that feeling arises put your attention on all of it's physical and mental qualities.

I thank you for your reply, to be honest  I do not understand. I had the morning same feeling went I should go out of bed to meditate. I hated all, my life, people, meditation. My teacher told me that 5 minutes of deep breathing is helpful. I did it. After I meditated lying in bed for 15 minutes and after I really went to meditate properly to my meditation chair.

By the way I start to think that I want to teach people to meditate as well.

[Vivek]

Hey, Ivana. So you came to Chengannur, that place is awesome! I hope the heat did not bother you much.
Kudos for completing your first 10-day, albeit you had difficulties. I am sure you'd be in much better shape as you continue your practice. All the best!

[Morning Dew]

Sitting sure recharges all the batteries needed to observe the self of off the cushion.

Thanks Che, I think you wrote why I do meditation.

No! I wrote about the possibilitie of the ego self taking over the sitting practice by being rigid and goal orintated. This is the expected path and you will not be able to recognise what im telling you at the moment until you get this insight yourself.
So, please forgett what i just said and take Vivek's view;

I am sure you'd be in much better shape as you continue your practice.

I am great thanks for asking
Friendly

[Vivek]

Like your new avatar pic, Che

[Matthew]

When that feeling arises put your attention on all of it's physical and mental qualities.

I thank you for your reply, to be honest  I do not understand. I had the morning same feeling went I should go out of bed to meditate. I hated all, my life, people, meditation. My teacher told me that 5 minutes of deep breathing is helpful. I did it. After I meditated lying in bed for 15 minutes and after I really went to meditate properly to my meditation chair.

By the way I start to think that I want to teach people to meditate as well.

Ivana,

Meditation is firstly the art of placing your attention on something. When that feeling arises you can place your attention on it and see what happens. Examine it. This is insight at work.

If you want to teach that is a strong motivation to practice well. If it is to be it is to be.

Warmly,

Matthew

[Morning Dew]

Like your new avatar pic, Che

I knew you would 
Tell me this and tell me more;

Status: Trying hard to let all things take their natural course.

Why are you trying hard mate? Isn't meditation about a much softer aproach. Natural Course is just an idea. Let go of it  There is no such thing as Natural Course, there just Is what Is. Concepts are rubbish. I take my rubbish out on thursdays 

Friendly

[ivana]

So, please forgett what i just said and take Vivek's view;

Thanks Che.I will take Vivek's view.

[ivana]

Ivana,

Meditation is firstly the art of placing your attention on something. When that feeling arises you can place your attention on it and see what happens. Examine it. This is insight at work.

If you want to teach that is a strong motivation to practice well. If it is to be it is to be.

Warmly,

Matthew[/font]

Thanks Matthew, I will try observe all,
By the way I agree that to want to teach is motivation to practice well.
Take care
Ivana

[ivana]

Like your new avatar pic, Che

I knew you would 
Tell me this and tell me more;

Status: Trying hard to let all things take their natural course.

Why are you trying hard mate? Isn't meditation about a much softer aproach. Natural Course is just an idea. Let go of it  There is no such thing as Natural Course, there just Is what Is. Concepts are rubbish. I take my rubbish out on thursdays 

Friendly

I would like to have an avatar and I can not upload.

[Jeeprs]

Hi Ivana - go to Profile>Forum Profile Information.

You will find the ability to select or upload an avatar there.

If you upload one, be sure to set it to the appropriate filesize and type (.gif, .jpg) first.

[ivana]

Hi Ivana - go to Profile>Forum Profile Information.

You will find the ability to select or upload an avatar there.

If you upload one, be sure to set it to the appropriate filesize and type (.gif, .jpg) first.

Thanks. I did it but I was not succesful.

[kidnovice]

I notice this thread is leaning strongly toward the value of equanimity, which is a wonderful thing.  However, I think it's worth remembering that equanimity isn't the only part of the practice. There is also joy, kindness, and yes, compassion. Those states are of immeasurable value, and shouldn't be pushed aside while cultivating equanimity.

Sometimes, it is an act of compassion to shift one's posture, or to wish that someone else be free from pain. But sometimes, it is an act of compassion to refuse to budge.   We have to know ourselves.

I also think it is important to remember that constantly sitting with discomfort is unsustainable. If you hate your meditation, it will be nothing more than an act of repression. And if thats how it always is, you will eventually quit. Period.

So, be kind to yourself, and find ways for your meditation practice to be comfortable and fun. Especially, early in your practice. Train your mind to love to meditate. Develop some concentration. Or just enjoy sitting. Then, once you have that foundation, challenge yourself to face pain, and transform your relationship to it.

Just don't overdo it. You don't do anyone any favors to spend an hour stewing in agony. Instead, you want to reach a point where even as great pains are stabbing your body, your awareness feels so comfortable and good that you'd simply rather not move. It's a worthwhile trade!

But first you need to discover the comfort and joy that comes with stillness. Until then, there isn't much point in being still.

With much metta,
KN

[Matthew]

I would like to have an avatar and I can not upload.

If you are uploading to the site it's a 65 x 65 pixel limit. You can link to an offsite pic that is larger and the forum will resize it for you.

[ivana]

I would like to have an avatar and I can not upload.

If you are uploading to the site it's a 65 x 65 pixel limit. You can link to an offsite pic that is larger and the forum will resize it for you.

I managed to have my friend as my avatar. Good 20 years boy from Kerala

[Vivek]

Why are you trying hard mate? Isn't meditation about a much softer aproach. Natural Course is just an idea. Let go of it   There is no such thing as Natural Course, there just Is what Is. Concepts are rubbish. I take my rubbish out on thursdays

Sure, brother. Working on it, since, Matthew had earlier pointed it out.