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tombaxers,

You have been through a painful process due to some confusion of the school you went to. Anapana was never taught by the Buddha as nose meditation - it is a forced practice and probably why you ended up stuck in your head. It works for some but not many.

Try an experiment. On the home page is an instruction for Calm Abiding meditation. It is based in a balance of effort and relaxation. I think it would be better suited to you. That you crave to get back to the sensation you had is not a healthy attitude to practice. I'd suggest you try the Calm Abiding practice for a couple of weeks and see how you get on. Don't chase or cling to anything. Just be with what is, build your ability to concentrate without force, gain peace and insight in a less forced manner.

Or go back and hurt yourself more. It's your call.

Matthew
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Meditation, Practice And The Path / Re: Right livelihood as a coal miner
« Last post by Matthew on Today at 01:11:15 AM »
Solar and wind are cheaper than fossil fuels. All fossil fuels have huge subsidy. New energy storage methods combined with these, and distributed rather than centralised, grids, will provide an inherently resilient non polluting power supply. If we are to avoid catastrophic climate change the world needs to make these changes in short order. Nuclear may provide some base load, but distributed networks of green power are essential.
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I can't agree with this. Apart from anything else sexual desire is essential for procreation and is bound up with the greatest human feelings of love, passion and attachment.

As with any urge or desire it can cause conflicted and unwanted outcomes; there is no doubt sexual desire can be used and abused. But to say that sexual desire is 'only a hindrance and a source of great suffering' seems very simplistic to me.
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Dear friend,

When you understand ultimate reality and the emptiness of all phenomena, it only makes sense. All sensual pleasures (food, status, money, sex, etc.) are empty of inherent existence.  It isn't wrong to enjoy a nice meal, but, ultimately, clinging for it/wanting a nice meal only creates greater suffering. It's not that sex with your lover is wrong, but the "need" for it only creates more and more yearning and need to to take part in the activity.

Clinging is why we suffer. We cling, simply-speaking.

Many Buddhists are not at a stage where they see clearly enough to see through all sensual pleasures,-  and that is fine.  It is important that if you engage in sexual activity, that it be at least more moral (no cheating, non-violent, etc.). No one is judging anyone.

I, for example, see that I have a strong attachment to certain types of food, etc. This is causing me suffering. I cling.

May we all see sensual pleasures for what they are in their rawest nature.

Peace and enlightenment.
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Meditation, Practice And The Path / Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Last post by stillpointdancer on October 23, 2020, 11:23:04 AM »
Anger management is one of the reasons people gave when we asked why they came to the Buddhist centre I used to go to. Works for me too.
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Sexual desire is only a hindrance and a source of great suffering.


I can't agree with this. Apart from anything else sexual desire is essential for procreation and is bound up with the greatest human feelings of love, passion and attachment.

As with any urge or desire it can cause conflicted and unwanted outcomes; there is no doubt sexual desire can be used and abused. But to say that sexual desire is 'only a hindrance and a source of great suffering' seems very simplistic to me.
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Meditation, Practice And The Path / Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Last post by milco on October 23, 2020, 08:59:39 AM »
Speaking personally, I think meditation definitely helps with anger. It may not be a 'silver bullet' but I think it dampens down the impulsivity - the reactive aspect of anger which you mention. I feel I have become generally calmer, more sanguine and rational since I started meditating. I don't react as much, both in terms of to other people and frustration with myself ('missing the bin' as you say in your post).

Alcohol, tiredness and stress can disrupt this pattern, it needs daily work and it can go awry sometimes, but I think in general terms meditation has been a real help.
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Meditation, Practice And The Path / Re: Dealing with Anger.
« Last post by Thanisaro85 on October 23, 2020, 01:48:29 AM »
I think that temperamental is generic too.

My "consistent" practises only started few years back, and did change the method a few times, so i can't conclude whether it can uproot anger or irritation, perhap i had yet to rewire my brain successfuly. I am that type of person that can tear half the house down when my cooking burnt.😅😥  I want to do the cooking quick so that all the dishes can serve hot or warm, but i forgot i am not Ramsey.

Further, I do realise that after i took milk, some diary product or spicy foods, my irritations level will be double.

I think, mindfulness of my mind and body the moment i woke up, give me better control of my anger. No, it does not do away, i am not peaceful, but at least it does not elevate the irritation. Everyday i woke up, the first thing i do is to observe my mood, angry, worry, sad or anxious, i try to figure how to avoid certain thing, avoid certain people as much as possible, and keep reminding myself, all these will pass.

I had reached countless calm states in sittings, but so far i do not see myself able to become a peaceful person "yet". As i did mention before, sometimes we are so used to this temperamental, how determined are we to have a change? It became a personality.

Regards.

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Sexual thoughts are pleasurable to us. In the Buddhist term, we crave these thoughts. The more you feed the craving the more these thoughts will occur. In our generation, I have seen porn and masturbation has become a major cause of sexual cravings. It's true for men as well as for women. So, if you're doing any of that then maybe you should discontinue it.

Also, the tv shows, sitcoms, rom-com, movies all these sources portray hookup, sexual count, sexual adventure as normal behavior but it's not. There is the psychological implication of doing hook ups. People go into depression because of it. Every sexual partner leaves a karmic imprint on the body and mind.

We think that we moved on. We forgot. But our body and subconscious mind don't.

Sorry for the little rant. But I just wanted to say that these sources directly/indirectly affect our thought process but it's not right. Avoid these if possible.

You are being aware of your thoughts and asked on the forum about it that already shows that you are aware or conscious of it. So it's progress for you.

I would say each time you become aware of these fantasies and not act on it, it's intensity will become weaker and weaker. You can also forcefully interrupt these fantasies and think about something else (do some activity may be reading a book). It will be a gradual process.

Buddha's 5 precepts are not strict rules, it's for your own benefit. Also, Buddha didn't say that breaking precept is sin. It's just there is a consequence of every action. It's cause and effect.
Your meditation will become stronger if you follow it. I would say don't do anything for which you have to lie to your partner. Because lying is also breaking one of the precepts.

I m not sure about the verbal part but physically I would say yes.

But all the above are my personal analysis based on what I experienced or read. You can filter whatever doesn't seem right to you. I may be wrong also.



Metta
Raushan



Sexual desire is only a hindrance and a source of great suffering. The Buddha only wanted us to see sensual pleasures for what they really are: empty of all inherent existence.  There is nothing to be ashamed of for being sexual, or having sexual thoughts, however. No one is sinful or dirty. We cannot control our silly minds.

Sexual morality is very, very important. We live in a hypersexualized world with many sexual defilements (how tragic!). We're all only making things harder for ourselves as a society in the end.

Please see sexual desire for what it is. It comes and goes, and comes and goes....it's a vicious cycle.

If celibacy is not possible, I recommend:

No cheating if you're married
No multiple sexual partners
No viewing porn at all (very difficult for young single men, I know)

Limit your sexual activities to:

infrequent sexual contact with partner/spouse
infrequent masturbation (single men)

But do not feel dirty or ashamed if you fail. It's ok. You're just not seeing clearly. But please avoid cheating and having multiple partners, as well as pornography. It's only for your own good.

Peace and enlightenment.
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Sexual thoughts are pleasurable to us. In the Buddhist term, we crave these thoughts. The more you feed the craving the more these thoughts will occur. In our generation, I have seen porn and masturbation has become a major cause of sexual cravings. It's true for men as well as for women. So, if you're doing any of that then maybe you should discontinue it.

Also, the tv shows, sitcoms, rom-com, movies all these sources portray hookup, sexual count, sexual adventure as normal behavior but it's not. There is the psychological implication of doing hook ups. People go into depression because of it. Every sexual partner leaves a karmic imprint on the body and mind.

We think that we moved on. We forgot. But our body and subconscious mind don't.

Sorry for the little rant. But I just wanted to say that these sources directly/indirectly affect our thought process but it's not right. Avoid these if possible.

You are being aware of your thoughts and asked on the forum about it that already shows that you are aware or conscious of it. So it's progress for you.

I would say each time you become aware of these fantasies and not act on it, it's intensity will become weaker and weaker. You can also forcefully interrupt these fantasies and think about something else (do some activity may be reading a book). It will be a gradual process.

Buddha's 5 precepts are not strict rules, it's for your own benefit. Also, Buddha didn't say that breaking precept is sin. It's just there is a consequence of every action. It's cause and effect.
Your meditation will become stronger if you follow it. I would say don't do anything for which you have to lie to your partner. Because lying is also breaking one of the precepts.

I m not sure about the verbal part but physically I would say yes.

But all the above are my personal analysis based on what I experienced or read. You can filter whatever doesn't seem right to you. I may be wrong also.



Metta
Raushan
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Meditation, Practice And The Path / Dealing with Anger.
« Last post by mobius on October 22, 2020, 02:24:18 AM »
Can't remember if I already made a topic like this in the past, though I'm sure there are others; but I have specific issues I'd like to discuss. Apologies if so.

I believe anger may be somewhat genetic as in my case both my father and grandfather (on other side of the family) had anger issues. Generally short tempers with things like 'if you throw something in the trash can and it missed you feel like punching the wall' idiotic things like that.
But I don't know if that's true; if it's really something you "inherit" or not. If so; can I still combat it in the same way? Is this something I will have with me my whole life? Or can meditation truly "uproot" the 'seed' of the anger so it dissipates or disappears entirely?
Btw when I say this I don't mean "I'll never get angry again"; I realize that's a silly notion. I'm just talking about this propensity to get overly angry at very trivial matters.

I also noticed, fascinatingly enough that when tired I am much more irritable than normal so this also often clues me into when I need sleep and didn't know it.
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