Meditation Discussion Forum

Vipassana Meditation Forum => Meditation, Practice And The Path => Topic started by: raushan on June 24, 2021, 12:04:55 AM

Title: My experiences
Post by: raushan on June 24, 2021, 12:04:55 AM
I am thinking to record my meditation-related experiences in this thread. I think it might be useful to others as well as to me. It's a kind of journal. It shouldn't be taken as advice or suggestion or criticism by other users of this forum. Since I am not very clear about my situation. I know I am experiencing things but can't really describe anything with 100 % certainty. So take whatever I write as a grain of salt.

Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on June 24, 2021, 05:39:11 PM
I am thinking to record my meditation-related experiences in this thread. I think it might be useful to others as well as to me. It's a kind of journal. It shouldn't be taken as advice or suggestion or criticism by other users of this forum. Since I am not very clear about my situation. I know I am experiencing things but can't really describe anything with 100 % certainty. So take whatever I write as a grain of salt.

I hope you are doing better, dear friend.

I sincerely wish you happiness. :)


It is my deepest wish for all us to fulfill our deepest for happiness.


Peace and enlightenment.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on June 25, 2021, 01:37:50 AM
Hi Dhamma,

Thanks for asking. Yes I am doing better. I am back on track. Me too wish you happiness. I hope your meditation practice is going well.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on June 25, 2021, 01:46:08 AM
I have been using the meditation in every facet of my life. Earlier my goal was just to do meditation and hopefully I will be happy. But I find if we really have control over our mind we can make our life so much better. Even in day to day life I find I am addicted to so many things.

I have started asking question Why to myself for everything. If I am thinking about past/future I know the intellectual answer that it's no use to do that but still my mind thinks.. So I ask why myself then let my mind find the answer however time it takes. Sometimes I get the answer and it really helps me.

Why shouldn't I procastinate? Why shouldn't I consume suger? Why shouldn't we should get fat? There are scintific answer for everything, there are intellectual answer for everything but when we try to control it based on scientific knowledge it takes lot of will power but I believe all these things naturally to our understanding. We should know how much should we eat? What should we eat?

We have become Robotic society/ Like Automaton takes scientific evidence for smallest of things but starting to realize that's not the best way to live.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on July 16, 2021, 06:31:13 AM
I have been reading J Krishnamurti books sometimes. His writings I find wonderful. He often talks about not having any authority in the jouney of realization. He tells to discard everything. Every teaching and every knowledge and look for the truth by yourself. Truth has no patent on it. Every person can discover the truth within themselves if they learn to know how to look for it.

I feel interaction with others or taking any ideas from outside hinder us in our progress rather than aiding it. I am not sure about it because I still read books. Krishnamurti says to not read books at all. He says to read our own books which is mind.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 07, 2021, 09:31:58 PM
Life has got busy. Started the part-time work. Shifted to Berlin. As that work will require much responsibility. Temporarily staying in a hostel with a shared bed. It's difficult to be mindful in such chaos. I have tended to slack in these few weeks in the meditation department. But internally I realize it would be a huge mistake. Because meditation has saved me in some of the worst places.

Damn, I find it very difficult to be mindful and be fully productive in my work. Although many people say it can be done but I don't know-how. Why can't we be mindful all the time. I can clearly see even when I focus on my work if I am aware I would be wasting so much time thinking unnecessary things.

I don't want to limit my meditation to 1 hour a day because inherently I feel that will do nothing. But at the same time, I can't do anything else.

Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on August 08, 2021, 02:52:54 PM
Life has got busy. Started the part-time work. Shifted to Berlin. As that work will require much responsibility. Temporarily staying in a hostel with a shared bed. It's difficult to be mindful in such chaos. I have tended to slack in these few weeks in the meditation department. But internally I realize it would be a huge mistake. Because meditation has saved me in some of the worst places.

Damn, I find it very difficult to be mindful and be fully productive in my work. Although many people say it can be done but I don't know-how. Why can't we be mindful all the time. I can clearly see even when I focus on my work if I am aware I would be wasting so much time thinking unnecessary things.

I don't want to limit my meditation to 1 hour a day because inherently I feel that will do nothing. But at the same time, I can't do anything else.


Dear Raushan,


Have you considered doing some Qigong movements?  They can really help to re-balance your emotions so you can meditate once again without such a struggle, and thus see more clearly.

You can do this. You will find the inner strength. You will see clearly.

With love and compassion, and wishes for your enlightenment,
Dhamma
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 09, 2021, 04:43:42 PM
I will see what it is. I don't know what is  Qigong movements. thanks for sharing it.

With Metta
Raushan
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on August 10, 2021, 12:23:25 PM
Hi Raushan,

Glad to hear you have found some work. As you say, the accommodation is temporary, and so that factor will change.

At work I think it is possible to bring mindfulness to the work itself, stopping every thirty or forty minutes to bring it back to body andd breath for a minute or two - this way you can be "in the zone" for working but not fall into habits of poor posture or shallow breathing that are detrimental to your productivity. The other option open to you is 'toilet meditation' which I've written about before - a simple search will lead to that.

It's all about finding the balance for yourself, and what is optimal for your circumstances.

Maybe I'm mistaken yet in your words I hear a seed of self-criticism/self-doubt that I've heard from you in some previous posts. Don't beat up on yourself - you are juggling competing demands on your time and energy and finding balance isn't always simple: we are flawed beings, and doing your best is enough.

Best wishes,

M
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on August 10, 2021, 12:25:49 PM
PS I second the idea of movement/meditation in action. Qigong or Hatha yoga are both helpful. As can be a game of football or running.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Siddharth on August 10, 2021, 05:59:42 PM
yeah. a couple of years ago I was in a similar situation. my hostel surrounding were not conducive to living a peaceful life and I visited a park to meditate in open and run a couple of miles. I hope you can find rest and comfort in your environment.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 11, 2021, 09:25:35 AM
Hi Raushan,

Glad to hear you have found some work. As you say, the accommodation is temporary, and so that factor will change.


Yes soon i will be moving in the apartment.

Quote

At work I think it is possible to bring mindfulness to the work itself, stopping every thirty or forty minutes to bring it back to body andd breath for a minute or two - this way you can be "in the zone" for working but not fall into habits of poor posture or shallow breathing that are detrimental to your productivity. The other option open to you is 'toilet meditation' which I've written about before - a simple search will lead to that.


Yes Matthew you had suggested this me earlier. This time I will actually implement it. I feel I am in some kind of loop and circle. I am kind of at the same place and structure but  it's fine. Work is good for me. But I will try to change the overall structure of my life slowly so that I won't have to depend on a structure.

Quote

It's all about finding the balance for yourself, and what is optimal for your circumstances.

Maybe I'm mistaken yet in your words I hear a seed of self-criticism/self-doubt that I've heard from you in some previous posts. Don't beat up on yourself - you are juggling competing demands on your time and energy and finding balance isn't always simple: we are flawed beings, and doing your best is enough.



That's true. Yes I think various thing is competing for my attention right now. I can't decide which one should take the priority. In turn create some unproductivity.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 11, 2021, 09:28:54 AM
yeah. a couple of years ago I was in a similar situation. my hostel surrounding were not conducive to living a peaceful life and I visited a park to meditate in open and run a couple of miles. I hope you can find rest and comfort in your environment.

Yes Berlin has lot of parks. I can surely do it. But are you able to be mindful while you work? I guess that's the most important thing for me what I am trying to do. I have tried both ways becoming mindful most of the day and not being mindful all the day I can see how much quality of my life changes just because I am not being aware. Has anyone else noticed it?
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on August 11, 2021, 12:50:02 PM
I have tried both ways becoming mindful most of the day and not being mindful all the day I can see how much quality of my life changes just because I am not being aware. Has anyone else noticed it?

I experienced an example of this yesterday. I was helping a friend start building a website for her new business. I'd recommend the host we use here - they aren't the cheapest in the world yet the service is excellent, and I've always found the customer service to be great. We both got a bit excited about working on it and then, when we placed the order for her domain name and hosting, something went wrong.

When I called customer services the guy who answered was not up to their usual standard. He was t talking down to me and saying things I knew were not true. He wouldn't listen. Due to being agitated/excited I was not as mindful as I could have been: usually I can easily resolve such a situation calmly, but it just escalated. In the end I asked for one of the bosses to call. I really let my mind become agitated by it.

When I put down the phone, it took me a few minutes to calm and then I turned to mindfulness, naming the feelings and perceptions that were coming up. Ten minutes later I found my balance again. It is easily done to lose oneself at such times, yet the more practiced the easier it is to come back.

It was all resolved satisfactorily when the head guy called. He was thoughtful and kind, I was at peace: I explained what I needed, and how the other guy had behaved. He did what needed to be done, and refunded our hosting costs for the year, and for my friend, by way of apology.

Generally speaking I try to bring mindfulness to the mundane things in life as much as I can: brushing my teeth, washing the dishes, tidying the house, when conversing with another: all these moments are opportunities to anchor experience in the present.

It's not all about becoming a master meditator on the cushion, often it's these simple things that make a difference for me, in the moment to moment quality of experiencing.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 12, 2021, 09:13:58 PM

When I put down the phone, it took me a few minutes to calm and then I turned to mindfulness, naming the feelings and perceptions that were coming up. Ten minutes later I found my balance again. It is easily done to lose oneself at such times, yet the more practiced the easier it is to come back.


Yes Matthew that's exactly the kind of experience I had. These small things make a huge difference in life. Especially in my family life, I have seen How much does it help to have the mindfulness to maintain a good relationship. Also if we let our mind reign free it creates a chain of reactions that come later and bite us back.

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Generally speaking I try to bring mindfulness to the mundane things in life as much as I can: brushing my teeth, washing the dishes, tidying the house, when conversing with another: all these moments are opportunities to anchor experience in the present.



Yes, I agree these are the great times to be aware also when I am traveling from one place to another. There are a lot of things that start pulling me but lately, I have been feeling it's best to trust our own guts. However below we may feel from others but I guess rather than trusting another's idea and try to imitate it it's best to listen to our own hearts because when I do that I feel peaceful.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on August 13, 2021, 02:41:04 AM
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However below we may feel from others but I guess rather than trusting another's idea and try to imitate it it's best to listen to our own hearts because when I do that I feel peaceful.

That's a wonderful discovery on the path Raushan. You know where to look next for peace. Within.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Siddharth on August 13, 2021, 04:10:35 PM
following our heart is the best way to learn about ourselves as well. sometimes our thoughts contain vanity and idealism which when we put to practice, we slowly realize were at the very least impractical at our current ability. Sometimes following our heart lead to cognitive dissonance, but ultimately a deeper understanding of who we are and where we stand. This also helps us understand others better and have abstract compassion for the existence..

Other times we may realize the emptyness of many social conventions and opinions and find freedom and peace within... In any case, I am yet to find anything which is more valuable in the long run than understanding of our self and cultivating the ability to live truly in peace..

rn, I am sitting in my room at my house(I live with my parents.) and someone who has in the past caused my psychological trauma but is a relative is visiting. I had feeling of intense hatred, fantasies of letting them know etc.. and suddenly due to my practise of observing sensations, I observed how tense my forehead was, and my jaws..and slowly I was at peace, breathing very calmly as I write this... letting go of what is not important, reacting only in ways that is resonating with long term peace...these are all fruits of identifying the suffering that we carry within and project around us....remaining aware 24x7 was more of a desire than an aim for me  as I became more aware and humble about my current state on the path... at present I do not have such idealistic desires and am content with small "victories", when I am able to see how I am choosing to harm my sense of peace and act in ways which increases my serenity..

reading Camus, Nietzsche, Kafka has also provoked certain observations about how I live my life...if calm and awareness get overwhelming for you, you might also benefit from contemplating on thoughts of people before us..
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 15, 2021, 09:46:45 AM
following our heart is the best way to learn about ourselves as well. sometimes our thoughts contain vanity and idealism which when we put to practice, we slowly realize were at the very least impractical at our current ability. Sometimes following our heart lead to cognitive dissonance, but ultimately a deeper understanding of who we are and where we stand. This also helps us understand others better and have abstract compassion for the existence..


I agree. Yes there are two types of voice going on in our head. I also wrote a blog post on this. So, this leads to cognitive dissonance. It's not always easy to identify which voice is coming from the heart and which ones are the borrowed from others especially for me.

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Other times we may realize the emptyness of many social conventions and opinions and find freedom and peace within... In any case, I am yet to find anything which is more valuable in the long run than an understanding of our self and cultivating the ability to live truly in peace..


Yes, I agree. Even I am also slowly realizing anything which is costing us our peace isn't worth pursuing.

Quote


rn, I am sitting in my room at my house(I live with my parents.) and someone who has in the past caused my psychological trauma but is a relative is visiting. I had feeling of intense hatred, fantasies of letting them know etc.. and suddenly due to my practise of observing sensations, I observed how tense my forehead was, and my jaws..and slowly I was at peace, breathing very calmly as I write this... letting go of what is not important, reacting only in ways that is resonating with long term peace...these are all fruits of identifying the suffering that we carry within and project around us....remaining aware 24x7 was more of a desire than an aim for me  as I became more aware and humble about my current state on the path... at present I do not have such idealistic desires and am content with small "victories", when I am able to see how I am choosing to harm my sense of peace and act in ways which increases my serenity..


That's a beautiful example of how Meditation helps us. These things save us from harm which we may inflict upon us unknowingly. Keeps our decisions rational. Especially if we can practice it from the moment to moment it will be very helpful. We won't be reacting anymore.
I understand that you are content with your current state of the practice.

Quote

reading Camus, Nietzsche, Kafka has also provoked certain observations about how I live my life...if calm and awareness get overwhelming for you, you might also benefit from contemplating on thoughts of people before us..

Yes, I do read classics from time to time. Currently reading Fyodor Dostoevsky's books. Reading also has a soothing effect on me. I am planning to pick the next Kafka.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: dharma bum on August 16, 2021, 02:24:33 AM
Sometimes at work, I listen to youtube videos of some monks. Ajahn Brahm makes me loosen up a bit, take my job less seriously which actually makes me work better. As Matthew mentioned, a good posture while sitting appears to be important for both mental and physical well-being. Taking short breaks in which you do nothing for 5 minutes - just mindfully drink tea/coffee/water/nothing and do nothing else but breathe. For lunch, go away from workplace and have lunch mindfully, or with friends. On stressful days, a mindful lunchtime walk makes a huge difference.

I try to form routines that involve walking away from the desk. For eg. if I need to print something out, I would print it to the farthest printer in the building and then I would walk slowly to the printer. I take the stairs whenever I can. I try to slow down the brain.

These are some of my strategies. Everybody needs to figure out what works for them. Walking works for me because I can be more mindful when walking rather than sitting.

Berlin is a beautiful walkable city. I would have loved to live and work in Berlin as a young person. Enjoy your time Raushan.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 16, 2021, 09:25:30 PM

Yes, I tried today the straight posture. Modified the chair. I actually was more mindful just by changing the posture. But couldn't maintain the posture for long.

Those are some nice tips and tricks. It's nice you're trying to find the time between your work. I guess it's a good sign that we all are actually actively trying to find a way in the busy life to be mindful. It means everyone here has seen the benefit of it.

Quote
Berlin is a beautiful walkable city. I would have loved to live and work in Berlin as a young person. Enjoy your time Raushan.

Yeah agree it's a beautiful city. It has advantage of being a big, metro city but it's not so crowded as Bangalore, Mumbai in India.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on August 16, 2021, 11:20:49 PM

Yes, I tried today the straight posture. Modified the chair. I actually was more mindful just by changing the posture. But couldn't maintain the posture for long.


It gets better with time 🙂
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 18, 2021, 05:39:54 PM
A line by Albert Camus.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Siddharth on August 19, 2021, 08:03:19 AM
A line by Albert Camus.
So relatable and beautiful. I would modify the last line that within me there is something that is never pushed or pressured. It does not push back as well. It simply is. Calm and aware and full of warmth.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 19, 2021, 08:56:46 PM
I would modify the last line that within me there is something that is never pushed or pressured. It does not push back as well. It simply is. Calm and aware and full of warmth.

yes, I agree.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 25, 2021, 08:59:01 AM
So I found one of my state where I am not aware inside I feel so busy so anxious but outside my output is very less. The amount of anxiety I carry sometimes leads to no work at all or the low quality of work. Fear how will you do this, this and this.

But today morning I was aware when I was walking to work and I realized that how it's effecting me. I instantly felt peaceful when i let  go some of my fear.
I think hard work with anxiety produce low quality of work.
Also, I think I will stop reading books from now until it's really important. I feel that it adds lot more thoughts in the mind.

I want less and less thoughts in my head. Every tweet I read, every news article I read, every conversation I have create the stream of thoughts.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on August 25, 2021, 04:15:53 PM
Analysis works against us - it only sets us up for severe Monkey Mind Syndrome. :)

Let all just be - simple to understand, but hard to apply implement, isn't it?

Go with the flow. Fighting against the current only creates more suffering.

Easier said than done, but we all have the ability to do this. We all give into the strong urge to analyze, ruminate, etc. Do we have to, though?

Let the mind "just be."

Peace and enlightenment. :)
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on August 26, 2021, 10:54:04 PM
So I found one of my state where I am not aware inside I feel so busy so anxious but outside my output is very less. The amount of anxiety I carry sometimes leads to no work at all or the low quality of work. Fear how will you do this, this and this.

Is it really fear of how you will achieve things? If you look deeper you may find that it is fear of how others will perceive how you have done (or not) done things.

Quote
But today morning I was aware when I was walking to work and I realized that how it's effecting me. I instantly felt peaceful when i let  go some of my fear.

This is a shift of your sense of self from being externally located (in how others see you - dropping that fear of "not-performing") to being internally located (how you see yourself). This is so important: anxiety and depression are primarily driven by an external locus of self-worth; peace and calm, acceptance, are primarily driven by an internal locus of self-worth.

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I think hard work with anxiety produce low quality of work.

This is one hundred percent true Raushan.
 
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Also, I think I will stop reading books from now until it's really important. I feel that it adds lot more thoughts in the mind.

It does.

Quote
I want less and less thoughts in my head. Every tweet I read, every news article I read, every conversation I have create the stream of thoughts.

Yes!

Brings me back to what I wrote to you a few weeks back:

Quote
However below we may feel from others but I guess rather than trusting another's idea and try to imitate it it's best to listen to our own hearts because when I do that I feel peaceful.

That's a wonderful discovery on the path Raushan. You know where to look next for peace. Within.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 27, 2021, 04:11:46 PM
Thanks Matthew,

Yes I am not sure yet but I guess this fear arises due to the comparison mode.

Yes, When I am in touch with my internal then I feel more peaceful. The thing is now I am at the point where my own intuition is in direct conflict with the outside world. In the society whom we call the successful people their advice or the best selling books advice or the the self help books advice are in conflict with my intuition at many places. And I start to think may be they are right because I am not a popular guy. I start to follow that and I realize it later it's not working for me.

Thanks Matthew, it's beautiful to be reminded to be grounded within with awareness.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 27, 2021, 06:54:54 PM
Analysis works against us - it only sets us up for severe Monkey Mind Syndrome. :)

Let all just be - simple to understand, but hard to apply implement, isn't it?



Agree with you on this. Too much analysis can work against us. Trying to improve anything is basically the ego-building. All these things seem very counterintuitive to how everyone advises us.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on August 27, 2021, 07:04:21 PM
...,
Yes I am not sure yet but I guess this fear arises due to the comparison mode.

It does arise due to comparison, so, the thing to know about this:

Quote
Yes, When I am in touch with my internal then I feel more peaceful. The thing is now I am at the point where my own intuition is in direct conflict with the outside world. In the society whom we call the successful people their advice or the best selling books advice or the the self help books advice are in conflict with my intuition at many places. And I start to think may be they are right because I am not a popular guy ...

Is that the only person you need to be popular with is yourself. "To thine own self be true". From this acceptance by others flows naturally.

To survive in the world today, you need to accept yourself by becoming at peace with yourself and insightful. Then you put on an act for the rest of the world, while not really giving a second thought to how you are perceived, because by acting with morality, compassion and truthful insight you will be the best you possible.

Much love Raushan. Drop all those toxic ideas of "who you should be" that society pushed into your mind: they do not serve you well.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on August 29, 2021, 12:22:23 AM

Is that the only person you need to be popular with is yourself. "To thine own self be true". From this acceptance by others flows naturally.

To survive in the world today, you need to accept yourself by becoming at peace with yourself and insightful. Then you put on an act for the rest of the world, while not really giving a second thought to how you are perceived, because by acting with morality, compassion and truthful insight you will be the best you possible.

Much love Raushan. Drop all those toxic ideas of "who you should be" that society pushed into your mind: they do not serve you well.


Thanks Matthew. I agree with you on all of this. Yes I have lots of ideas that I am carrying that I need to drop. Those are only making me more tense.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on September 03, 2021, 04:41:43 PM
To survive in the world today, you need to accept yourself by becoming at peace with yourself and insightful. Then you put on an act for the rest of the world, while not really giving a second thought to how you are perceived, because by acting with morality, compassion and truthful insight you will be the best you possible.

Much love Raushan. Drop all those toxic ideas of "who you should be" that society pushed into your mind: they do not serve you well.

Dear Matthew,

Of all the things that I've read coming from you -- this is at the top. That is real Dhamma wisdom. Wow!
This is something I really needed to hear.

Peace and enlightenment.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on September 07, 2021, 12:10:19 PM
Thanks Matthew. I agree with you on all of this. Yes I have lots of ideas that I am carrying that I need to drop. Those are only making me more tense.

It's a process Raushan: one needs to find the equanimity and calm to then investigate these habituated patterns and deconstruct them; what emotions and expectations do they involve or trigger; where did they come from (usually society, culture, and family); what is wholesome?; what is merely a social construct?

Of all the things that I've read coming from you -- this is at the top. That is real Dhamma wisdom. Wow!
This is something I really needed to hear.

Monkeys and typewriters maybe Dhamma ... I've been processing the dharma and typing it here so long it's bound to hit home sometimes 😉

Glad to know you both found this helpful.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on September 12, 2021, 08:52:24 AM
Going back to the basics of meditation. Our mind or ego whatever we call is very clever. In the disguise of that I need to progress as fast as possible and multiple other random thoughts I didn't realize I have been creating more thoughts in the mind rather than helping myself.

I will be again ignoring thoughts and return to the breathing. I will also follow what's Matthew shared, the link from accesstoinsight.

'Breathing in long, he discerns, 'I am breathing in long'; or breathing out long, he discerns, 'I am breathing out long.' [2] Or breathing in short, he discerns, 'I am breathing in short'; or breathing out short, he discerns, 'I am breathing out short.'


I have felt very calm and peaceful before while doing the Samatha meditation. Yesterday felt same kind of feeling while doing it.

Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Middleway on September 12, 2021, 03:42:31 PM
Breathing in long “is like this”
Breathing in short “is like this”.

 ;)
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on September 13, 2021, 09:47:56 AM
Breathing in long “is like this”
Breathing in short “is like this”.

 ;)

 :D :D True.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on October 09, 2021, 10:23:16 AM
Real meditation is in the day to day life. Sitting 1 hour daily on the cushion does bring continuity in the practice and relaxation for some minutes.

But our life is shaped by our daily day-to-day activities. Each moment how we react. When a colleague says something to us than how our mind reacts. or How we start to get angry when someone disrespects us. How we forget everything and let anger take over.

How we take someone's comments too personally. How we react when we aren't able to solve a problem we are facing. That's when we need to be aware. As J Krishnamurti says that we have to be aware each moment to moment. How our mind works in relation with other people. We need to know every subtle aspect of it then only there is hope to be free. Otherwise, the mind works 24 hours without wasting any time to imprison us.

We need to do the same. It can be one of the most difficult tasks we have done in our life. But I guess there is no choice.

When we start to get serious in the practice we start to see all the old patterns coming up again to derail us. The things that caused so much pain in the past will come out of the blue in the other form and then we need to be aware that are we reacting the same as before. If so then life won't change much in the future.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on October 09, 2021, 02:38:19 PM
@ Raushan:

You know the truth. You know "intellectually" what it is; in fact, you have a great understanding of it. The problem is, is that we have to apply in everyday life, minute to minute. That's what you are alluding to above: knowing something well, but not being able to practice correctly in everyday life.

Truth is never realized until we know it "deep in our bones."

A Buddhist monk once said (Tibetan): you can understand emptiness intellectually. But until you know it deep in your bones, it's just an idea.


Peace and enlightenment. :)
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on October 09, 2021, 03:30:44 PM
Hi Dhamma,

These are more like a notes to myeelf for reminder. Not to tell others what to do. I am definitely at a beginning stage and there is lot to see so I can't really preach others. Right now many of my understanding is intellectual and haven't felt deep into bones.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on October 10, 2021, 02:53:09 AM
Hi Raushan,

Both formal practice and the always mindful approach are beneficial. On the cushion you are really putting yourself under the microscope: developing calm, equanimity, peace, and insight - these fruits of practice are easier to achieve when sat still and anchoring mindfulness in breathing in and out; they become honed.

Off the cushion we truly put them to work in our thoughts, words and actions. We give them power by using them, developing them further.

The 'space' around arisings that calm, peace and equanimity bring allow us to apply insight in daily life: to breathe, relax, feel and understand what is happening, before choosing what to do. In this way we move from being reactive (habitual, not thought through, not insightful) to being responsive (true to reality, thought through, insightful).

So, the two work hand in hand, much like your hands when washing each other: you can't just wash one hand very easily! Try it!

So yes, we learn these wholesome skills both on and off the cushion. It's not one or the other. Both make a difference, though of course, where we can see that difference most clearly is in daily life where we have the mirror of other people and how we affect them with our way of being.

Much metta,

Matthew
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: dharma bum on October 10, 2021, 02:57:06 PM
Work life actually provides a lot of opportunities because we are constantly bombarded with opportunities for insecurities.

One time I was working with a coworker D, who was technically the team leader. Once I objected to something he had done, upon which he came to my desk and started yelling at me, so everybody was made aware of the conflict. My manager T called me in a meeting to find out what had happened. He made it clear that he was on my side and I think he didn't like D. I suggested to T to let it go and that it was not a big deal, to which he agreed. So I started again to work with D and soon forgot about the fight. Another time, in a meeting when somebody questioned D about something, he panicked and shifted the blame to me. After the meeting I said to him "hey you threw me under the bus there" and laughed. At which, he shifted the blame to someone else. Anyway, I just let it go and forgot about it. It didn't bother me very much to tell the truth. But when the time came for the annual review, I put D's name as a reviewer, so I indicated to him that I still trusted him inspite of all our fights.

D is now one of my best friends at work, but I still think he will throw me under the bus if he panics. Anyway, I just wanted to mention that I would have dealt with the situation poorly if I hadn't been meditating all these years. In general, I don't get worked up too much when there are conflicts. Part of it is just age, but a lot of people don't mellow with age. Some people get more and more cranky.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on October 10, 2021, 04:09:44 PM
Good post, Dharma Bum.  You saved yourself a lot of trouble and agony by not being aggressive and reactive. The reactive mind can get us in so much trouble, leading to unbelievable suffering.

Emptiness is a great concept to help us not give in to the reactive mind. It also is super helpful in dealing with difficult people.

I rarely engage in conflicts these days (only when it's absolutely necessary, or when I truly believe something has to be said). Meditation and Buddhist teachings have shown me the futility and silliness of it all.

A lot of older people certainly don't mellow with age. lol. Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age.

Peace and enlightenment.  :)
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: dharma bum on October 13, 2021, 03:57:03 PM
Quote
Emptiness is a great concept to help us not give in to the reactive mind. It also is super helpful in dealing with difficult people.

Some years ago, I worked for a couple of bad bosses. I still feel haunted by the memories of my days. I feel like I got caught between the two impulses to stand up for myself and let it go so I ended up doing neither.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on October 13, 2021, 09:51:02 PM
Quote
Emptiness is a great concept to help us not give in to the reactive mind. It also is super helpful in dealing with difficult people.

Some years ago, I worked for a couple of bad bosses. I still feel haunted by the memories of my days. I feel like I got caught between the two impulses to stand up for myself and let it go so I ended up doing neither.

I want to offer you compassion, dear dharma bum.

Nothing exists inherently, even our most terrible memories and feelings.

It is comforting to know that my darkest moments are not inherently existing  - and neither are yours.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on October 13, 2021, 11:22:58 PM
Quote
Emptiness is a great concept to help us not give in to the reactive mind. It also is super helpful in dealing with difficult people.

Some years ago, I worked for a couple of bad bosses. I still feel haunted by the memories of my days. I feel like I got caught between the two impulses to stand up for myself and let it go so I ended up doing neither.


Emptiness is a great concept. It's entirely different as an experience, a realisation.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: dharma bum on October 14, 2021, 02:28:52 AM
Quote
It is comforting to know that my darkest moments are not inherently existing  - and neither are yours.

It is quite true. Over the course of the years I have come to realize that there is always something haunting me, so there is some darkness in my mind and it is always filled by something or the other. If it was not this, it would be something else.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on October 14, 2021, 01:58:57 PM
I am staying aware more than earlier. I literally feel like dead if I am not aware for long time when I suddenly realize it. We lose so much not living the life consciously. There are literally infinte things which can pull us if we aren't conscious.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on October 14, 2021, 10:31:23 PM
Emptiness is a great concept. It's entirely different as an experience, a realisation.


Absolutely.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on October 18, 2021, 03:24:56 PM
I think we create too many believes and rules in our life. And until the very later in life we realize how those rules are preventing us from growing. Its rule can come from culture or family. It's a belief system we borrow from others.

Maybe it's not our fault that we carry those beliefs but we still suffer and pay the price. I sometimes wonder if life really can be beautiful?  A continuous moment of serenity, peace not temporary. Temporary peace I have felt many times it feels good at the moment but it's no use. Because it's not permanent. When it's not permanent we think after a moment of peace we think let's get back to the real world. We think the noise is real life. That's currently most of the people thinking is.

But is it really possible to achieve peace? Absolute freedom from the noise?
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on October 21, 2021, 09:23:57 AM
It's scary. The mind knows our wounds where they are. And it pokes it when we get too cocky. We can't be heedless at any moment otherwise it brings us back to where we are.

It's almost become a mental habit to blame things on the people and events of the life. But it is never the events and the people in life. It's always from our own mind the conflict arises however false it seems but it's the truth. The anxiety mind creates when we dare to go where the mind is afraid to go.

The identity we create about ourselves is so strong sometimes it's amazing. The identity can be anything. Being lazy is also an identity we create of ourselves. And once we create the identity the mind fights tooth and nail to protect that identity.





Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on November 30, 2021, 03:44:18 PM
One thing I see is very funny in the modern world. There are people whose sole job is to create content. It may be on YouTube or Twitter or on a blog. In fact, they are rich also by using these mediums. Some of them write on meditation, Buddism, Stoicism, Self Improvement. There are so many. They have so many followers. They produce content consistently even if they are absolute garbage.

They write anything which doesn't make sense. But most of the people are sure stupid and Idiot there is no doubt about that. Otherwise, that kind of writer or Youtubers would never have gotten famous.

There are so many popular Ted talks with absolutely no value. In fact, if someone tries to follow these their life will become absolutely hell. I have been the victim of these things. Only people who are getting benefits from these are the people who are producing the content. He knows he will write any garbage and people will consume it.

They have no original idea or creativity. They read a bunch of books, biographies other nice books, and make a video. I have been seeing this idea at many places on the internet that in the modern world there are so many contents to consume. We have to be faster. There are literally so many books and contents and the podcast. But are they worth consuming? Even if they are on the bestseller list.

SO many information on everything. People are writing a whole research papers on courage and all those nonsense.

Essential information, the core information is always limited. It's always very little. All those extra information is just noise and the garbage.

I have to admit I do feel jealous of them when I see they have made money by just creating the garbage. But still, I abhor imitating them.

The only way to verify things of value which are in Science and Technology. There you can't throw the random bullshit.


Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on November 30, 2021, 06:27:29 PM
We're living in a "Plastic Fantastic" society: image over substance is the rule, whether that be content makers, corporations or governments. Society is full of lies and charlatans at every level.

This includes the fake plastic prophets of New Age awakening: grifters who, as you point out, read a few books, do a bit of hatha yoga, then start creaming it in with the gullible

I can understand a fleeting jealously at their outward 'success' yet the reality is that are running away from the emptiness inside of them, because it's frightening to swim against the tide and embrace it.

The most important information about reality is accessed through taking charge of your mind, deconditioning it from previous experience, developing insight, and seeing things as they really are.

Science is attractive in its method and supposed certainty, yet it's just another story. Ask any scientist who is honest and they'll tell you science doesn't have any definitive answers to any of the big questions about life. Not one. Physics? Utterly incomplete science. Consciousness? They don't have a clue. They have some maps, and some of these maps help us with technological solutions on the relative level, but on the absolute level science has no answers. Not only that, but it denies any validity to inner experience - and that is the teacher on the path.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on November 30, 2021, 10:24:25 PM
We're living in a "Plastic Fantastic" society: image over substance is the rule, whether that be content makers, corporations or governments. Society is full of lies and charlatans at every level.

This includes the fake plastic prophets of New Age awakening: grifters who, as you point out, read a few books, do a bit of hatha yoga, then start creaming it in with the gullible

I can understand a fleeting jealously at their outward 'success' yet the reality is that are running away from the emptiness inside of them, because it's frightening to swim against the tide and embrace it.

The most important information about reality is accessed through taking charge of your mind, deconditioning it from previous experience, developing insight, and seeing things as they really are.


Completely agree with you with whatever you said above.

Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Monica on December 08, 2021, 01:23:20 AM

The most important information about reality is accessed through taking charge of your mind, deconditioning it from previous experience, developing insight, and seeing things as they really are.


This, and another comment about how little information is relevant, made in the first post in this thread, resonated with me.

I used to "buy" a lot of the empty content. I used to believe that listening to another talk, or reading another meditation book, or sometimes buying the book, to read someday, would take me closer to enlightenment. I am learning now that the desire to possess these things, regardless of the excuse I pin to them, is just another manifestation of my attachment. I am now working on letting these things go. I used to feel exhausted and overwhelmed by my "to-do" list or my reading list. It feels good to know I don't have to have a reading list, and I don't have to take another course.

Sill working on it, however. I am a work in progress.

Blessings to all.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on December 08, 2021, 11:39:03 PM
Hi Monica,

I guess this is a great milestone to realize that reading more books and watching all the videos and content is more of a hindrance in the path. We find truth when we realize we don't know anything. Accumulating knowledge prevents us from finding the truth.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on December 08, 2021, 11:59:36 PM
Hi Monica,

I guess this is a great milestone to realize that reading more books and watching all the videos and content is more of a hindrance in the path. We find truth when we realize we don't know anything. Accumulating knowledge prevents us from finding the truth.


I sort of agree, dear friend.

A Qingong Master once said that it's what you know from discovery - not what you can put into words, or learn from others. That said, it is still important to learn and study to put you on the right path, but it's what you discover that ultimately frees you.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: raushan on December 09, 2021, 11:58:55 PM
Yes i agree. Sometimes pointers are helpful.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Matthew on December 10, 2021, 12:15:59 AM
I used to "buy" a lot of the empty content. I used to believe that listening to another talk, or reading another meditation book, or sometimes buying the book, to read someday, would take me closer to enlightenment. I am learning now that the desire to possess these things, regardless of the excuse I pin to them, is just another manifestation of my attachment.

There's a balance to be struck between hearing or reading the Dhamma, and understanding it personally through experience and practice: embodiment of the truths in the teachings.

There's benefit in hearing/reading the Dhamma up to the point where you have to explore it personally and verify the truth through your own experience.

There's little point filling your head with more and more ideas without verifying them through personal experience - if you follow the path intellectually yet not experientially then you risk building yet another layer of ego around 'ideas of Dhamma' rather than stripping away layers of ego through putting Dhamma into practice: on and off the cushion.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: TahManifester on December 13, 2021, 06:04:01 PM
Hi everyone.

So, in my experiences, I have found that (despite popular belief) you don't have to close your eyes to achieve deep meditation. I have been able to achieve very deep meditations with my eyes open, using focus points. The points of focus can be different things (dots, a symbol, a candle flame, etc). It just has to be stationary and non-distracting.

During these meditation sessions, I have felt renewed, clear, awakened, my eyesight seems to temporarily improve, I get an intense sensation in the pineal gland area of my head, and so on. It has been very effective for me to do it that way.
Title: Re: My experiences
Post by: Dhamma on December 15, 2021, 05:32:50 PM
Hi everyone.

So, in my experiences, I have found that (despite popular belief) you don't have to close your eyes to achieve deep meditation. I have been able to achieve very deep meditations with my eyes open, using focus points. The points of focus can be different things (dots, a symbol, a candle flame, etc). It just has to be stationary and non-distracting.

During these meditation sessions, I have felt renewed, clear, awakened, my eyesight seems to temporarily improve, I get an intense sensation in the pineal gland area of my head, and so on. It has been very effective for me to do it that way.

Dear TahManifester,

Meditation can certainly be done keeping your eyes open. In the Zen tradition, they always have their eyes at least half-open.  In the other Buddhist traditions, they sometimes focus on candle flames, colors, ,etc, just as you said above. There are other yogic schools that also do meditation with eyes open.


Peace and enlightenment, dear friend. :)