Persistent ringing in ears after vipassana

[maocat7]

Just wanted to update.  It has been two months and my ears are still ringing loudly after vipassana.  I guess there is not anyone else who this has happened to that I can find.  Expert doctor did not find hearing loss and says that ringing or tinnitus is considered permanent after six weeks.  She said it is probably the result of a change in the neurology of the brain, I didn't go into an elaborate explanations as to how and where I got it.  I am not writing this to necessarily deter people from Goneka or vipassana, but as a testament to how meditation can bring out very real changes in the mind for both good and bad.  I've stopped meditation all together now as it has brought too much confusion and angst.  I'm going to have to learn to deal with this ailment in a different way.  I just wanted to write so others who are not experienced like me can be mindful of what they are embarking on and not enter something blindly the way I did. 

[Matthew]

maocat,

You could benefit from doing simple breathing meditation as I have described elsewhere. Goenka's method is not one I am in agreement with. Meditation needs to be a relaxed yet awake and aware state of mind that you develop through touching it in practice. Pressure cooker retreats do not aid this.

It seems most likely that in the pressure cooker you touched on something you were not ready to touch on and this distraction started to keep you safe. Having unleashed the genie I do not suggest you try putting it back in the bottle, just give it space through a practice which is gentle and profound to wear itself out.

Medications to deal with the symptoms and consequences may not help in the long term other than leading to dependency. Sit and be aware of all your body as you breathe and relax all your body and mind. Be gentle with yourself - which Goenka retreats are not.

Matthew

[maocat7]

Matthew,

Thanks for your post.  Yes, I have derived some benefit from simple breathing exercises and meditation you have mentioned. I agree that the ringing was my mind's way of getting me out of there, now if I could just get it to "turn off."  So strange such an annoying response could come something I intended to bring clarity.  My mind must have hated it so much to do this to me. 

[Vivek]

maocat, please check your PMs. I have sent one.

[rideforever]

Hello.  I am sorry for your distress, it seems quite frightening.

There was a time when I had just been swimming and in the changing room I felt something 'go' in my back ... and after that I had terrible pain in my back.  I thought I had ruptured something permanently and wouldn't be able to walk properly.  It lasted for some weeks.  There was a lot of anger in my back and that's what happened.

Can I suggest that you look at being very compassionate to yourself being in such a difficult position, allow yourself to cry about being in a tough place.

And I hope you will feel better.

[tinnitus]

Hi maocat,
I just want to say that I just completed a Vipassana course in Italy and developed a persistant tinnitus on day 7. The tinnitus wasn't as bad as some extremely intense sensations of pressure that developed all over my face and made sleeping absolute hell. It was the largest test of equanimity I've ever been through. I had the feeling I might be able to live with the tinnitus, but the neuralgia symptoms were terrifying. Unfortunately, the teacher didn't think I should stop, and I didn't have anywhere to go, so I stayed 'til the end. All, I can say is that after all I have been through in life, including several near-death experiences, residing in war zones, and staffing emergency rooms all night, those days at the mountain retreat were probably the most difficult thing I have ever been through. There's no one to tell you not to push yourself harder, there's no disclaimer, nobody warns that vipassana should be treated with severe respect, because you can injure yourself. In the end, I think I pushed myself too hard and I broke something.

I'm a medical student, so all of this was very new to me. To me, there was nothing in my experience to suggest that pain or oddities in the bodyscanning are sankara. That's what the teacher says, but if he didn't say it it's not what I would have come up with on my own. As Goenka says, don't buy it if you don't experience it personally.

So as soon as I got back to Germany where I live, I went to Ear Nose Throat specialist. She found no apparent pathologies and concluded what I had already suspected by then. The symptoms of pressure and pain on the face were consistent with stress-related reversible nerve damage. If you go through a sustained period of stress, the tight muscles on your neck and face will eventually compress the nerves there causing symptoms. I am so grateful that one week later, after relaxing as much as possible, those symptoms mostly vanished.

However, the tinnitus still persists. Periods of extreme stress are actually often cause binaural tinnitus. I can probably learn to be equanimous with it. Hell, I just feel lucky to be alive. Yet, it really wasn't a necessary addition to my life. I'm still hoping it will dissipate, since I've only had it a bit over a week.

Vipassana is truly a powerful method, but I have to say as a medical practitioner I feel that Goenka's teaching of it is very irresponsible. Most people who learn vipassana through Goenka don't come away with permanent damage, and that's great. Yet, for those few cases that do go wrong, there should be some channel to hear them out. Instead, because of the theory of sankaras, Goenka and co. can just brush off any damage as being due to one's own deep-rooted sankaras. This is not an appropriate way to deal with risk. Personally, I want to continue exploring vipassana in a more collective, horizontal context, without an authoritarian teacher, but that will come another day.

Moacat, I would really like to know how you are dealing with the tinnitus now that a year has passed. Has it gotten any better? Have you found any successful coping mechanisms? Hope you're well!

[Quardamon]

Hello all,

Maybe maocat7 will not react to this message, since he is not a member any more. I googled on his name a few months after his post. He posted on a lot of forums in July 2010, when he posted here also. I have the impression that there is only one maocat7 - maybe the Chinese is an other person than Brian. I was reassured when I found this:
http://tinnitussupport92262.yuku.com/topic/14521/Over-a-year-now-It-gets-so-much-better#.TukJc3r2jIU
That was posted in July 2011, by a maocat7 who claims to have learned to live with it, now that he has had tinnitus for a bit more than a year.

I just thought you would like to know - especially you, member tinnitus.

Bye bye.

[jernej]

Hi tinnitus

Unfortunately, I literary feel your pain. Tinnitus sounds silly and harmless until you get it. Once you do, it's a living hell.

I got mine 5 or 6 years ago. Out of the blue, doing nothing special, a loud, constant sine wave beep in my left ear. The days were OK as the ambient noise would hide it a bit, but the nights... oh my... I was crying in my bed, being unable to sleep. The otorinolaringologist didn't find anyting specific. A bit of a hearing loss, but nothing mayor. Causes of tinnitus can be many and they can't do anything about most of them anyway.

My guess is I got mine with exposure to loud music and noise. I was a bass player in a teenage metal band and I stood right next to the drummer who was beating the drums like crazy. And my left ear was exposed to all those decibels. Later (actually at the time I got tinnitus) I was flying model airplanes, and those little engines (methanol powered, today they use electric which are more or less completely silent) generate terrible noise.

So anyway, the good news is it got better. I still hear some hiss, but I can live with that. Reduce coffee, tea or anything else that gets your blood pressure high. Interestingly, I still hear louder noise after body exercise (cycling, running...). Sometimes, out of the blue it gets louder, but goes back to normal quite fast.

So right now it's ok. But in a way i'm like a hostage, I never know when it comes back.
Also, I never noticed any connection between meditation and tinnitus.

Wish you all the best.

[Alexanderjohn]

Hey sorry I'm afraid I can't help with the tinnitus as I don't really know what it is. Is it a neurological thing (ie sound processing neurone over-firing) or a physical problem with the eardrum? I have a minor buzzing in mine that's like quiet television static but I've taken it to be more of a neurological thing, I use it sometimes to stay present in meditation and observe it changing. And thought that I would at that maocat7 could definitely be a Chinese Brian, where I live Brian is a very common Chinese name believe it or not.

Be well,
Alex

[mettajoey]

I have such bad tinnitus it can be deafening!  After years of music, construction, and firearms it's really quite bad.  In fact it's so loud I'm surprised I can hear normal sounds over it. Fortunately, I'm able to ignore it for the most part so it doesn't bother me much.  Years of aversion and escape can sometimes payoff! 

[Blue]

You are scaring me. I had thought to do a 10-days retreat on September in Spain but ...

Don't get too scared You gotta remember 90 year-old women and young teenagers are taking these courses as well.