Hello all: Introduce yourself in this thread or just read it to meet the members

[Matthew]

Nick,

No worries man .. we're not uptight about it

Matthew

[soni12]

hello everyone i am soni and new here hope i am in right community and i just want to tell you about
{removed}

[Matthew]

Hi soni,

You are in the right community to discuss your personal meditative experiences and share with fellow practitioners.

You are in the wrong community if you just want to advertise (spam) your local meditation centre or someone who is paying you to do that. I have therefore removed the link you posted.

If you wish to discuss your practice then a warm welcome to our community.

In the Dhamma,

Matthew

[sinkingthinking]

Hello everyone, I'm 21 and new to meditation. I learned of samatta and vipassana just a couple of weeks ago. I've already noticed improvements in my life. A taste of the quiet mind in particular is most welcome! My ADHD symptoms, very disabling in my case, are also vastly improved at the moment for some reason, but I'll make a separate thread to talk about that.

I practise yoga and enjoy walking although I'm only now beginning to practise staying present and use them for anything other than exercise and stimulation or satisfying the fidgets. I'd like a career in education or libraries, though a job and my own place are more immediate concerns, and I hope to publish poems, stories or essays one day, when I manage to finish a few. I'm weaving meditation and Buddhist philosophy into a science fiction/fantasy story at the moment. There's a bit of everything in it.

Thanks to everyone involved in creating and maintaining this site, it's really good.

[Matthew]

Welcome to the forums sinkingthinking,

Your ADHD symptoms will improve a lot with regular Shamatha practice.

Warmly, in the Dhamma,

Matthew

[ptroa]

I am very new to this literally an infant. Something happened to me recently that changed me. I'm not sure what it was but I felt the peace off mindfulness that has begun to awaken me. I have a lot of pain. I haven't been able to cry since I was 14. At 36 now when I meditate I sit comfortably and notice the present staying free of all thought. Not always successful, I do my best not to latch on to my thoughts allowing them to carry me away.
After a time I sense a lot of pain that feels like it wants to release in to tears. I have built up this defense mechanism where I will yawn whenever I'm about to cry a lot more frequent even when I am not meditating. Sometimes I am not even meditating just in the moment and it will come up.
Lately I've been clenching my jaw to prevent the yawn. My jaw trembles and there's some weird twitching in my face but no tears. I do fear that I will release this pain at an inconvenient time. I am a truck driver and I don't want to break down into tears while driving 40 tons down the highway.
 I am also concerned about a very effective way I have used to distract myself from what I am feeling. Sex. Mainly pornography. It totally captures me and keeps me from feeling pain until it's over. It's a form I'm attached to and don't know how to let it go. I think that form that image of a naked woman has become to represent the love of women that I have yearned for all my life. I've been abandoned by every woman I have ever loved starting with my mother. I began to believe with my first lover that If I could please her very well she would love me. It didn't work yet I still believed it. So I studied and learned and became really good at pleasing women in this way Yet that never made them love me. Does this make sense?
 I know something wonderful is happening but I'm not sure how to proceed. I have sought this all of my life. I have tried many things but Ifeel I have finally found the truth. I have considered myself and athiest for many years. I now believe it was merely the western notion of god as the individual patriarch I have rejected. But when I'm still I feel god inside me. Is that what I'm feeling? Is that how god is omnipotent because it is in everything Is that how we are all connected?

[Matthew]

What happened at 14 that stopped you crying?

Welcome to the forums,

Matthew

[China Diapers]

Hi,

My name is Adrian, 31 years old and live in London, UK. I attended a 10 day Vipassana course somewhere near Hereford in about 2006 (might even be longer). I have always been interested in meditation from a young age. Over the years I have had periods where I have made definite progress, but my problem is I am not very flexible in my routines and lifestyle and the slightest change in my life everything falls apart and the meditation goes out the window and when I get round to picking it up again I feel like I am starting from the beginning. I am starting a new job Monday where it looks like I will be reinstating some structure to my life so hopefully going to stick to the meditation this time and my thinking is joining a community like this might keep my focused.

I found Goenka's teachings really good and that's why I chose this forum, however I don't really follow particular school, I just focus on my breath for the moment.

So hello everybody, any thoughts/comments welcome.

Edit: just remembered one of the factors contributing to my renewed interest. On the last day of the 10 days course when you are allowed to actually speak to the people you have shared a room with for the past 9 days, I made friends with this guy from Bristol. We exchanged a few texts afterwards but lost touch. A few weeks ago (four years later)) I was on the train into the city and there this guy is on the same carriage as me, in London for the weekend for some festival, said he was meditating every day, made me realise I should be too. Small world.

[Matthew]

Hi Adrian,

It is a small world. Welcome to the forums. We're not all Goenka people - some of us are somewhat cynical about Goenka, however, you are most welcome - and will find people with whom you can share your experiences and questions who are Goenka practitioners.

We're all on the same path really though it's often manifested differently. I think that is one of the main things I learned from this forum and my experience here.

Warmly,

Matthew

[China Diapers]

Awesome, thanks.

[ptroa]

I was in a very physically abusive situation. My dad had raised me with my step mom but I had always wanted to live with my mom. My dad had a temper that scared me a lot he took it out on me. I wanted away. So I move hundreds of miles away to be with my mom who had this boy friend who was much worse than my dad. I ended up in the hospital a few times having lied to protect him because I was so afraid of him. I got to be afraid of going to sleep at night because he would wake me in the middle of the night to torment me. I ended up trying to kill myself. When I finally told people about what was going on, I wasn't believed by anyone. Social workers, shrinks, and family friends blew me off.

There had been a lot of tears in my life before this. I couldn't help but cry. He beat that out of me I think. When I've told people this story they are horrified but to me it's normal. Strange huh? Even more that when I was 17 I would go back for more and that time I was lucky to escape alive. Despite the pain this sob causes me he had the nerve to msg and add me as a friend on facebook.

I haven't been able to cry since. My pain is trapped inside me. When I meditate and focus on my pain it wants to come out but doesn't.

[Matthew]

ptroa,

There is nothing uncommon about your experiences or the ways in which you have reacted - not that I want to reduce the reality of your personal trauma and experiences, just to say that the ways you have coped are quite normal and many people have been though this and come out OK or more than OK.

The pain will come out in it's own time. There is no point chasing it and no special technique to be employed. My experience is that suffering of this kind is best relieved by simple breathing and calming meditation.

A growing child can not process the trauma and it gets locked away or repressed in some fashion. The feeling of being on the brink of something may well be related to the calm you are establishing in meditation. This will lead to an ability to cope with the suppressed past and you may recall or re-experience things and remember more about your childhood. The process is lead by the calm and stability of your mind - being able to accept what comes into it.

If you focus not on the pain, but on the calm of meditation, and develop this calm then you will develop the ability to cope with the pain when it comes.

Also work on developing basic self esteem and safety boundaries in your daily life, doing wholesome things as much as you can and using your discerning mind to see where your negative thinking habits are holding you locked in patterns of behaviour that hold you back.

Try and build a sense of safety and a sense of your own basic goodness through experiencing this in meditation. Just breathe and be and don't chase anything. Breathe and be. And let your mind and body relax. Learn to trust yourself for this area of your psyche will have been damaged. It will take time, yet for every drop of pain that you let go of you will find each moment of joy more real and every moment of life more real.

Warmly, in the Dhamma,

Matthew

[ptroa]

Thank you so much Mathew. I have been looking for this guidance for years. Believe it or not that experience wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me. I have a lot of fear when it comes to facing my pain. I have a lot of unforgiveness. I know I am on the right path thanks for your support.

[elliberto]

Hi I'm Elbert,

Am pretty new to practicing meditation, at least regulary (about a year). Started very gradually a few years ago with reading books and thinking about the (buddhist) philosopy, to actually sitting and culminated (so far) in a 10 day (Goenka) Vipassana retreat.
The retreat was a great experience. I want to say life changing, but since it's only a few months ago we'll have to see about that still
Even though I don't agree with quite a few things Goenka says, I learned a lot from it and for this reason am very grateful the oppurtunity was given to me to participate in a 10 days course.
Can't really define my style of practice because I'm still figuring it out.
At the moment the bulk of my practice consists of doing my best to follow the 8fold path off-cushion and trying to support this with samatha meditation on-cushion.
Also started to read to read the sutta part of the tipitaka. Was prompted to do so because some statements Goenka made in his discourses seemed (ironically) way to sectarian to me. Am also very grateful for this, because if I would have agreed with everything he said I would have never been motivated to actually read the suttas therefore never have been exposed to wealth of down-to-earth wisdom I discover when I read them.

By joining this forum I'm trying to expand my practice to the internet as well
So here's hoping we can help each other getting more skillful in our practice!

[Matthew]

Elbert,

Welcome to the forums. Your pragmatic approach is one that is shared by many here. Also many of us rely greatly on the Sutta's for our understanding of Dhamma. We're quite practice oriented and try to avoid pointless debate around imponderables.

Looking forward to your contributions.

Warmly,

Matthew

[LetEmFly]

Hey, My names Mike. I'm 18 and from California. I'm self employed got my own place and deep in California's biggest industry.

Back in the day my father, ex blackbelt, would meditate. He often told me stories about his experiences. The one I remember most had to be the his out of body experience. He had been counting his breath regularly for months and then one day while he was walking outside late at night it hit him. He was in an entirely different place. It was a light glowing blue he claimed and there was this strange shining bell. Understandably, it freaked him a bit and he snapped back to earth. I think he stopped meditating after that.

Anyways, so I guess that was to tell ya that I have had the thought of meditating passed onto me. So fast forward to 09. I got a few books from him. Namely this one real good one. I think it was called A meditator's guidebook written by Ram Das. It was a real good expansive book I enjoyed reading it. So not too much much later I ended up getting some real bad poison oak. So being stuck at home I ended up meditating for a solid week. I continued meditating on and off before and after that. So I will share with you a few experiences I had...I will try and tell them in order as well.

Well my first experience happened I think roughly after a week of on and off meditation and just getting the basics down. This session was a bit different I managed to meditate longer than normal - the sun was still up albeit starting to get low in the sky but plenty of light in the room. So I really was deep in my Self for the first time. Then all of a sudden I felt a sudden buildup of energy/excitement. It came surging up from I guess you would say my stomach and erupted into an uncontrollable and spontaneous laugh. The laugh was accompanied by an incredible just fulfillment and ease. It was probably the happiest moment in my life so far. Don't get me wrong I tried to stay focused and keep going but this energy was just too strong so after I realized I couldn't stop it I tried to hold onto it and the harder I tried to hold onto it the more it eluded me. This whole event was no more than 6-8 seconds. When I looked around though it was dark the sun was setting.

My second experience I was able to keep going though. I meditate with my eyes closed. After about 10 minutes I'm guessing I starting seeing visuals. I can only describe it like a swirling energy. Think of it like if you looked at a lightbulb and then closed your eyes. Except the afterimage didn't flash and it started to swirl and flow. I've had this happen twice to be precise. The flow is always yellow and always circles about. The more focused I am seemingly the more expansive and moving the flow is in my vision. Now the first time I had this happen I was trying to mediate with my eyes open in a very very dimly lit room. After focusing for about 10 minutes the flow started circling and passing through my center of view. The second time I was meditating in my bathroom with all doors closed and all lights off eyes shut like normal and it start happening as well.

My third experience was during the times when I had poison oak and was meditating for a week on regularly many times a day. I started trying to meditate laying down. I thought I could relax better although the literary sources said I shouldn't citing I might fall asleep. However, I find myself very focused while meditating. But It was before I was going to sleep so I planned on just meditating myself to sleep haha. The craziest thing happened to me then that really surprised me. I don't dream or well I don't remember my dreams. Like maybe I'll dream a dozen times a year maybe less. I used to dream more when I was a kid. Anyways, I started dreaming and I was asleep yet awake at the same time, I knew it too. I think the term is called lucid dreaming. It was great. Everything that I did in the dream I could feel while laying down. Like when I was running in the dream I felt my feet hitting the ground as if I really was running. The dreams were the most vivid and intense dreams I have ever had in my 18 years of life. I think this experience really made an imprint on me because it lasted for so long. I was dreaming for awhile. This happened a couple night in a row. Then all of a sudden it stopped happening but I started waking up at 2-4 am instead of the regular 6 am. When I woke up I felt great ready to kick some ass haha. At the time I was doing construction work so sleeping less and feeling more rejuvenated was a huge change.

I ended up stopping my regular meditation at the time. It was interupted by drinking, smoking, and some wild nights.

Fast forward to 2010 almost present. I was laying down trying to go to sleep. Started meditating because hey calms you down you can sleep easier too. Then all of a sudden I started getting a tingling in my hands. It felt kinda like the tingling you feel when your bones are growing, if anyone knows what I'm talking about. It started off like that. So I kept my focus because when I have new experiences I really like to see where they go. So as I kept focusing on my breath the tingling steady increased. So much so that it seemed to quadruple in effect and I could only describe it as if I had a thousand bees vibrating in my hands. It had started around my knuckles/palm but had quickly spread throughout my entire hand. My hands were also resting on my stomach so they were shaped around it almost like a r ya know? So it reached a point where I had to look at my hands. So I opened my eyes and brought my hands in to have a look see. I tried to straighten them and was actually having a hard time. It was like they didn't want to bend straight. Almost as they were stiff but I felt more like they were resisting me - especially my thumb it was the last finger to straighten. So by now I'm totally awake not meditating and it started subsiding quickly after doing some hand stretches. So that was pretty recent...

What else can I say about myself and meditation. Uhh...I find myself not meditating for much more than 30 minute periods. I feel though that if I did say like 2 hours or so. I don't even know what would happen probably nothing. but if I meditated 2 hours regularly I can't even predict what I would experience. When I meditate it is always with eyes closed and I focus on the feel of my breath passing through my nose. I can't sit lotus style or half lotus too uncomfortable. I feel sitting in a chair is just not good either. I try to sit indian style cross legged with my back propped against something. However, I like laying down on a bed and going at it the best because I think I can relax the most. Oh and everytime I always feel a pressure in between my eyes. My pops always used to talk about that third eye as well hah.

As for meditating as a whole it has increased my overall happiness and quieted my very troublesome overthinking mind.

Any advice, comments, similar experiences. Hope someone has somethin to say and I didn't just type all that for nothing I mean damn my hand is falling asleep haha...

Hey everyone else in the community

Mike

[Matthew]

Hi Mike,

Welcome to the forums. It's good you have been around meditation for a long time - a lot of 18 year-olds can benefit from it but it's not very cool.

With the practice the main things are that it should be awake and aware yet relaxed. Also don't chase after or try to recreate experiences. Just sit each time with an open mind without fabricating anything and be aware of what is - don't get attached to or reject anything.

The tinglings and lights and stuff can be down to many causes.

Regarding your posture have you tried sitting cross legged with a couple of thick firm blankets folded under your bum to lift it off the floor. You end up bearing the weight between your bum and knees making a nice tripod annd it tilts your pelvis a little forward helping the lumbar spine stay supported. This might make you able to meditate without back support.

Anywhoo ....

As I said wecome - if you have specific questions throw them out in the meditation board and you'll get a variety of responses to contemplate.

Warmly,

Matthew

[LetEmFly]

Thanks for the blanket tip. I will have to try it some time. As for fabricating - I don't, I have nothing to gain by it.

[Morning Dew]

Hi my name is Dusko!

I started meditatating approx 5 month ago. I am practising Ki-breathing by Koichi Tohei and Qigong (beginner).

Ki-breathing is based on japanese Misogi practice, long outbreath (through mouth) with sound 'haa' ... pause a few seconds ... long inbreath (through nose) ... pause ... and I go on like this for 25 minutes every morning sitting in Seiza. My mind did calm down a lot since 3 monnth ago. Still I see my self getting agitated easily at work and I feel another meditation aprach is needed.
I was thinking to try Samadhi and Vipassana.
Any tips? :-) Thanks!

Stay relaxed.

[Matthew]

Welcome Morning Dew.

Try this: http://www.vipassanaforum.net/forum/index.php/topic,688.msg5460.html#msg5460

There is a basic explanation of the beginning stages of Shamatha-Vipassana practice in that post. If you have more questions ask them in the meditation board.

Warmly, in the Dhamma,

Matthew

[mathieu]

Hello,

My name is Mathieu, I'm 18, I've been meditating for about two weeks and I've already got a lot of questions, so I think that joining a community of fellow practitioners may be a good idea.

I began meditating because of two events. Firstly, I read a page in "Your Money and your Mind", by Jason Zweig, which made a reference to a study that proved that rich people and poor people described themselves as "happy" in the same proportion. I quickly came to the conclusion that meditation would be the best practice to enhance one's "normal" happiness level, since money only makes you happy temporarily.

Secondly, as I woke up one morning after a wild marijuana trip (I was fired from a job for the first time in my life and dropped by my ex-girlfriend a few days before), I felt unusually relaxed and just pretty good overall, despite the fact that my life was quite a mess at the time. This event taught me quite a lesson about the impermanence of our fear and anger (they're only thoughts), and I thought that it would be awesome if I could learn how to reproduce that state in normal circumstances. Again, meditation seemed to be the answer.

Finally, I have a strong motivation to become a better person from a moral viewpoint and connect to others in a more meaningful way, and meditation seems to be the right tool to achieve this goal.

Well, I guess that will be all for now 

Mathieu

P-S : I *DO* *NOT* smoke pot, I just tried it a couple of times. I have nothing against those who do, though. I just had to mention it since it was important to my story.

[Matthew]

Hello Mathieu,

Welcome to the forums. Yes, for all the reasons you said meditation will be beneficial. It is a tool which when practiced correctly and often will change many aspects of ones being deeply from the inside out.

Don't be afraid to ask if you have questions.

Warmly,

Matthew

(aka Mathieu - quand je suis en France !)

[94LFJ0318sz]

Hello everyone, my name is Cole.

I've always been interested in meditation.  I used to do it whenever I had free time, which meant once every two months or so.  However, not long ago I became intensely interested in meditation, and that interest has only grown since; moving meditation from a secondary interest of mine to a primary one.  I suppose we'll see how long it lasts, but it seems to me, right now, that I'll be doing this my whole life.

Nice to meet all of you.  I hope I can contribute.

[Matthew]

Hi Cole,

Welcome to the forums. There is plenty to read but the main thing is to find the right way to practice and then try and do it every day for cumulative effect.

Warmly,

Matthew

[Need_Awareness]

Hello everyone

I just registered and found this is be a great forum to know about meditation. Thanks for sharing your knowledge. I am brand new to meditation. Hope someday to be able to meditate.

Thanks

Seth