I do not know how to react to being thanked. Maybe my motivation was like: 'I want to be where the action is'. I found in my life, that I have more interest in psychological processes than in individual people. So I also am not sure whether this attitude/ behaviour of mine deserves the word 'friendship'. I do not know. 'Friendship' to me sounds so much like something that will not end. I am glad, Che, that you are back in the Shanga again. Glad for you, but also glad for myself, because I can expect that I will be of less importance to you in the next months, compared to the last months. Well, there was an aspect in my attitude that could be voiced as: 'OK. You can lean on me. You need this now that you are banned. Temporarily. You needed some correction and you were banned as a correction. But you still need to walk on. You need a sense of continuity.'
SeclusionEvening zazen hours advance. Sleep hasn't come yet.More and more I realize mountain forests are good for efforts in the way.Sounds of the valley brook enter the ears, moonlight pierces the eyes.Outside this, not one further instant of thought.
QuoteI do not know how to react to being thanked. Maybe my motivation was like: 'I want to be where the action is'. I found in my life, that I have more interest in psychological processes than in individual people. So I also am not sure whether this attitude/ behaviour of mine deserves the word 'friendship'. I do not know. 'Friendship' to me sounds so much like something that will not end. I am glad, Che, that you are back in the Shanga again. Glad for you, but also glad for myself, because I can expect that I will be of less importance to you in the next months, compared to the last months. Well, there was an aspect in my attitude that could be voiced as: 'OK. You can lean on me. You need this now that you are banned. Temporarily. You needed some correction and you were banned as a correction. But you still need to walk on. You need a sense of continuity.'There is pain behind these words . . .
SotapannaClimbing upHigher and higherThe stairways to heavenLooking downClear panoramic view Like a flower blossomThe Path openingBefore the eye unfoldingDescending down From the lipsOf Gautama The BuddhaLetting go of the ladderReturning to the groundTo walk The ancient Way
<quote author="Nikolai">Hi Dusko,What happened in your practice and are you saying it may have been SE and if so what makes you think so?Nick</quote>Some kind of shift did happen, whether it is Stream Entry or not is to be investigated. From the little I have researched it might well be.I will try and describe as best as I can;Re-observation passed away and Equanimity was evident as a "all is good as it is" feeling. During the DN the only way I could practice at all was to count each exhalation and inhalation to ten, the Zazen style.In Equanimity the practice of Anapanasati could be resumed, but the practice itself remained a bit restless resulting in relative short sessions (20-30 mins). Off the cushion Noting practice in form of Satipatthana (also reflecting on death) seemed very easy to follow.There was no joy nor bliss nor happiness during this faze but some sort of friendliness there was.There was this clear comprehantion/reflection of unwholesome vs wholesome thoughts/actions, beneficial vs non-beneficial. One day I took the book in the Buddha's Words by Bhikhu Bodhi and started reading the Anapanasati Sutta and some other Suttas and suddenly I felt such great joy pervading my entire body-mind to the point of joyful tears starting to come out of the eyes. How was This was the first shift after the Equanimity. This was totally different than the A&P blissful stage which has more to do with the Faith in the sitting Meditation practice itself rather than the whole Noble Eightfold Path as it was in this case.Such Faith washed away even the tiniest speckle of Doubt which was so terrifying during the Re-observation stage.The First Noble Truth seems so clear now.The Second Noble Truth seems so clear now.The Third Noble Truth seems so clear now.The Fourth Noble Truth began to be very clear.... The second shift happened one day before I wrote this last poem and it also happened off the cushion as the first shift (the arising of faith and removal of doubt).It came out of a very disturbing encounter;My wife and I went out to a near by dog park with our dog and after walking around with him we decided to practice agility with him. One guy was already using the agility ramp and I could see him grabbing his dog for the neck and dragging him towards the ramp and forcing him upwards, the dog didn't want to go and was squeeling. He kept doing this again and again and I felt the dogs suffering and lots of agitation and anger started arising in the mind, I was not aware of it because I was so absorbed in the suffering of the dog. His dog being so frustrated attacked our dog but nothing serious happened because I took our dog away very fast. Any way I had such anger towards that guy and at soon after this anger turned into such a strong headacke.Later that day the second shift happened in relation to the arising and becoming sense of self (the selfing), seeing clearly how fatal this selfing can be if not recognised, if not clearly comprehanded, if not calmed, if let to become. This felt like a cold shower and the guarding of the sense doors taken seriously. The sense of the witness seems to be much lessened, I dare to say totaly gone. During the sitting practice there is only the sense doors, the sense conciousness with all the arising and passing but no witness watching all that (if this makes sense). As if there is no more me watching and over there phenomena arising and passing, but all is arising and passing.The joy pervades the body-mind often in sitting practice (and off the cushion), very different to the bliss felt in AP. This one is more subtle and reasuring. There is also no clinging to it, and Impermanence of it is seen clearly, very easy to let go of. Once let go of the joy it is replaced by a very happy feeling which off and on the cushion puts a smile on the face. Well, joy replaced by a very down to earth happiness has a feeling to it as if it was there all this time, feels like being drunk for some long time and then sobering up (if this makes sense).Dark Night feeling of slight dissolution can arise (hence me asking) and is manifested in the chest and as an unclear awareness, which is seen for the qualities it brings forth and is let go off.Something changed in the relation to the Hindrances as if they have no solid ground to stand on anymore, as the selfing process has been under constant observation by the Dhamma FBI LOLI will go now and feed the dog, he seems hungry.Tell me if you prefer a different explanation. If so try and lead me through specific questions. Thank you for readingBe well
"There is the case where a monk, having gone to the wilderness, to the shade of a tree, or to an empty building, sits down folding his legs crosswise, holding his body erect, and setting mindfulness to the fore.[1] Always mindful, he breathes in; mindful he breathes out."[1] Breathing in long, he discerns, 'I am breathing in long'; or breathing out long, he discerns, 'I am breathing out long.' [2] Or breathing in short, he discerns, 'I am breathing in short'; or breathing out short, he discerns, 'I am breathing out short.' [3] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in sensitive to the entire body.'[2] He trains himself, 'I will breathe out sensitive to the entire body.' [4] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in calming bodily fabrication.'[3] He trains himself, 'I will breathe out calming bodily fabrication.'"[5] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in sensitive to rapture.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out sensitive to rapture.' [6] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in sensitive to pleasure.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out sensitive to pleasure.' [7] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in sensitive to mental fabrication.'[4] He trains himself, 'I will breathe out sensitive to mental fabrication.' [8] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in calming mental fabrication.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out calming mental fabrication.'"[9] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in sensitive to the mind.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out sensitive to the mind.' [10] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in satisfying the mind.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out satisfying the mind.' [11] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in steadying the mind.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out steadying the mind.' [12] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in releasing the mind.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out releasing the mind.'[5]"[13] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in focusing on inconstancy.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out focusing on inconstancy.' [14] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in focusing on dispassion [literally, fading].' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out focusing on dispassion.' [15] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in focusing on cessation.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out focusing on cessation.' [16] He trains himself, 'I will breathe in focusing on relinquishment.' He trains himself, 'I will breathe out focusing on relinquishment.'"This is how mindfulness of in-&-out breathing is developed & pursued so as to be of great fruit, of great benefit.
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